# Pwecious Woyalty follows me to my new job **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 29, 2011, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pwecious-woyalty-follows-me-to-my-new-job/598046 "2011-09-29T18:51:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2011, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pwecious-woyalty-follows-me-to-my-new-job/598046/21 "2011-09-30T02:02:23Z")
Try to imagine her singing _Climb Everey Mountain_ from _the Sound of Music_. It won’t stop her, but maybe it’ll help make her funnier. \*Cwimb Ev-wy ,mountain Fowd ev’wy stweam Fowwow ev’wy wainbow Tiww you find youw dweam\* ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2011, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pwecious-woyalty-follows-me-to-my-new-job/598046/22 "2011-09-30T13:13:59Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > Try to imagine her singing _Climb Everey Mountain_ from _the Sound of Music_. You joke–but she \*sings \*to herself in the ladies room. Every few months she goes off on some kind of New Age hippie retreat: “It’s a silent retreat,” she tells us, “no talking at all.” “That’s just what they tell _her_,” was my guess. ---
**Author:** ![Mollie\_Magill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mollie_magill/32/20882_2.png) [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2011, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pwecious-woyalty-follows-me-to-my-new-job/598046/23 "2011-09-30T13:42:37Z")
> [@eclectic\_wench](#): > > One guy went all dreamy-eyed and said, ‘Actually, I think it’s kind of cute.’ It’s cute when a duckling in a biggle cap talks like that. “This is Sewious!” > [@Duckster](#): > > Have you considered aversion therapy? You know, as in _A Clockwork Orange_? Maybe listen to Betty Boop endlessly with your iPod to desensitize? Or would that accidentally cause you to hate Apple products? > > 😃 Be careful with that approach. My brother had a girlfriend who had given him a Spice Girls album for Christmas one year. In order to prevent the involuntary wincing whenever it was on, he forced himself to listen to it three hours a day while she out out of town. By New Years Day, he had checked his sanity at the door, and declared himself the King Of Raleigh. ---
**Author:** ![6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/6/e19adc/32.png) [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2011, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pwecious-woyalty-follows-me-to-my-new-job/598046/24 "2011-09-30T14:04:21Z")
> [@eclectic\_wench](#): > > One guy went all dreamy-eyed and said, ‘Actually, I think it’s kind of cute.’’ Yeah, I kinda get that. When I hear a woman of any age using estrogen Elmer Fudd talk, it makes me want to squeeze them. Well, not squeeze them exactly; kick them. Hard. In the cunt. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2011, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pwecious-woyalty-follows-me-to-my-new-job/598046/25 "2011-09-30T14:26:20Z")
> [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](#): > > Well, not squeeze them exactly; kick them. Hard. In the cunt. I actually find myself grinding my teeth and digging my fingernails into my palm when she starts talking. But I am proud to say I can chat with her in a friendly and professional manner! My mother always told me, “It doesn’t matter if you like your coworkers–as long as they \*think \*you do.” ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2011, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pwecious-woyalty-follows-me-to-my-new-job/598046/26 "2011-09-30T14:46:34Z")
If you want a real solution stop thinking that she should behave in a manner of which you approve. A bunch of us at work used to park in a lot up the street. Everyone used to complain about the guy who ran the place. For obvious reasons - he is a very angry man. He would make life difficult for them but when I turned up, far later, he would find me a premium spot to park. Why? Because I knew what he was like. I didn’t want to argue or make his day more miserable, so I would pull up and have a chat, listen to his complaints, and take whatever the result was. Mind you, I don’t treat anyone as if they are beneath me. Anyhow two women at work, after talking to me, started treating him better and soon were getting the same pleasant results as me. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2011, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pwecious-woyalty-follows-me-to-my-new-job/598046/27 "2011-09-30T15:28:07Z")
Did you read the post _directly above_ yours? ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2011, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pwecious-woyalty-follows-me-to-my-new-job/598046/28 "2011-09-30T15:54:51Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > . . . > Mind you, this woman is 60-ish and a dead ringer for Koo-Koo the Bird Girl in _Freaks_. . . So, a Ross Perot look-alike? 😉 Yeah, women like that gag me too. But it is useful to watch them operate, as you can get enormous insight into the character of the men in the vicinity. ---
**Author:** ![Azeotrope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/0ea827/32.png) [@Azeotrope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Azeotrope)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2011, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pwecious-woyalty-follows-me-to-my-new-job/598046/29 "2011-09-30T16:55:37Z")
> [@CrazyCatLady](#): > > The one woman like this I’ve met, I honestly thought she had a legitimate speech impediment at first. I mean, r’s and th’s are sounds people with palate defects often have trouble with, and she had kind a scar down her upper lip like you get with cleft palate surgery, so I was trying to be civilized and not take any notice. And then as soon as there were no males in the vicinity, she suddenly **started enunciating like Rex fucking Harrison**. (bolding mine) I now have “My Fair Lady” done in pwecious pwincess voices running through my head. “Why can’t the Engwish teach theiw chiwdwen how to speak? De Awmenians wearn Awmenian and da Gweeks awe tawt deiw Gweek!” ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2011, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pwecious-woyalty-follows-me-to-my-new-job/598046/30 "2011-09-30T16:56:17Z")
> [@Duckster](#): > > Well, winter is coming so you could pick up a 50 pound bag of bird seed rather cheaply now and … Better yet, set a trap for her, Wile E. Coyote style. Some bird seed piled on the floor, a “Free bird seed” sign, and an anvil. Sit back and wait for the hilarity. Caution: If the anvil does not fall, DO NOT walk directly under it and look up at it trying to spot the problem. ---
**Author:** ![Azeotrope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/0ea827/32.png) [@Azeotrope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Azeotrope)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2011, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pwecious-woyalty-follows-me-to-my-new-job/598046/31 "2011-09-30T16:57:49Z")
Yeah but… that’d mean Eve would go plummeting over the edge of a cliff and Empwess Woad Wunnew gets to continue her weign of tewwow! ---
**Author:** ![miss\_elizabeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/838e76/32.png) [@miss\_elizabeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/miss_elizabeth)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2011, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pwecious-woyalty-follows-me-to-my-new-job/598046/32 "2011-09-30T16:58:59Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > Did you read the post _directly above_ yours? No, it would have interfered with his condescension. ---
**Author:** ![Quercus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/7ab992/32.png) [@Quercus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quercus)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2011, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pwecious-woyalty-follows-me-to-my-new-job/598046/33 "2011-09-30T17:00:30Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > The older among you might remember that at my last job, a woman one cubicle over from me (dubbed “The Pwincess Pwecious”) drove me stark staring mad by speaking in an oopsy-boopsy baby-talk voice. Bilingually, and no less annoying in either language.. Although, if I could turn it off when I wanted to, I’d almost pay to hear oopsy-boopsy baby talk in an assortment of foreign languages. (Is it even possible in German? Would Castilian’s listhp even more? Would Porteguese even sound any different?) Anyway, here’s how you can tell if it’s acceptable to baby-talk - Are you are talking to an actual baby? - Are you talking to a kitten or puppy, but NOT to an adult dog or cat (if it is no longer nursing, it is no longer a puppy or kitten)? - Are you intentionally using it sarcastically/amusingly? - Are you Marilyn Monroe, or possibly a young Jennifer Tilly? - Have you been explicitly asked by your lover to, in private, perform a Marilyn Monroe impression? If the answers to all of these questions is “No”, then do not baby talk. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2011, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pwecious-woyalty-follows-me-to-my-new-job/598046/34 "2011-09-30T17:03:36Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > Thank goodness for my blessed iPod. When I see her approaching, I put on my headphones and crank up Spike Jones or Ethel Merman till my ears bleed. Deafness is preferable to jail, where I would surely land after picking the Empwess up by the thwoat and hurling her out the window. I hope you don’t have **Bubble Gum** or **All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth** in your Spike playlist. Maybe you can do her voice back to her? “Wovely Day.” “It twuly is.” One summer I worked for someone who sounded just like Elmer Fudd. He answered the phone “Kwamer Jewelry.” Fortunately we could hit back amongst the shelves, and being young, we could snicker all we wanted. ---
**Author:** ![Norse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a9adbd/32.png) [@Norse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Norse)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2011, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pwecious-woyalty-follows-me-to-my-new-job/598046/35 "2011-09-30T17:06:24Z")
> [@eclectic\_wench](#): > > > [@CrazyCatLady](#): > > > > Does any guy, anywhere, _ever_ find that sowt of fing attwactive? > > Scarily, yeah. And that’s something I just can’t wrap my mind around. Seriously, just the **thought** of that _sowt of fing_ makes my penis shrink to ice-bathing dimensions :eek: ---
**Author:** ![koeeoaddi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/koeeoaddi/32/408_2.png) [@koeeoaddi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/koeeoaddi)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2011, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pwecious-woyalty-follows-me-to-my-new-job/598046/36 "2011-09-30T17:43:08Z")
Howwible for you, …but so vewy vewy good for us! ---
**Author:** ![Stormcrow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/0ea827/32.png) [@Stormcrow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stormcrow)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2011, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pwecious-woyalty-follows-me-to-my-new-job/598046/37 "2011-09-30T17:54:16Z")
> [@Quercus](#): > > - Are you Marilyn Monroe, or possibly a young Jennifer Tilly? > > - Have you been explicitly asked by your lover to, in private, perform a Marilyn Monroe impression? > > If the answers to all of these questions is “No”, then do not baby talk. What if I ask my lover to perform a young Jennifer Tilly impersonation? Hubba hubba. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2011, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pwecious-woyalty-follows-me-to-my-new-job/598046/38 "2011-09-30T18:36:22Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > The Empwess’ primary victim seems to. I had thought of him as a generally smart, together guy (also 60-ish), but he seems to \*thrive \*on that oopsy-boopsy cwap. He actually walks over to her desk to chat with her–_voluntarily_. > > While I am thinking of Groucho’s line to Thelma Todd: “If ickle baby doesn’t stop talking wike dat, big mean pwofessor’s gonna kick \*aww \*her teef down her fwoat!” It’s a conspiracy between the two to piss you off. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2011, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pwecious-woyalty-follows-me-to-my-new-job/598046/39 "2011-09-30T18:49:43Z")
> [@der trihs](#): > > don’t be mad. It’s because she wuvs you. :d This concept of “wuv” confuses and enrages us! ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2011, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pwecious-woyalty-follows-me-to-my-new-job/598046/40 "2011-09-30T19:07:51Z")
> [@Clothahump](#): > > It’s a conspiracy between the two to piss you off. I am beginning to suspect the entire \*world \*is in a conspiracy to piss me off. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pwecious-woyalty-follows-me-to-my-new-job/598046.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pwecious-woyalty-follows-me-to-my-new-job/598046.md?page=3)