# Q&A with the King of Pop **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 7, 2003, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/q-a-with-the-king-of-pop/153470 "2003-02-07T15:15:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Waverly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/57b2e6/32.png) [@Waverly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waverly)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/q-a-with-the-king-of-pop/153470/1 "2003-02-07T15:15:54Z")
**Well, folks, I’ve got the king of pop here in my office. Well, technically he’s hiding under my desk with a handkerchief over his face, but he’s here. He has graciously agreed to give a statement and answer questions.** “I don’t really consider myself a king, or royalty of any kind. I mean, I’m special, but I don’t think I lord it over anyone. I _did_ name two of my children Prince, but that was just for fun. I’m just like everyone else. I don’t know why people are mean to me. They know I’ve got this terrible skin condition, so why do they insist on altering photo’s and making fun of me? No, I’m not sure of the name of the condition, but I’ve got it. I think I caught it from a public toilet or something. Is it any wonder I’m concerned about germs now? These things people say about the children are the most hurtful of all. I love children. I went through a great deal of trouble to get a few of my own. I’m not sure what I’ll feel when they are older, but right now we enjoy sleeping together, and cuddling, and playing “what’s in my pants…” It’s all very innocent. My favorite activity is bath time. What could be more harmless than that? I feel sorry for people who don’t experience the joy of children the way I do. And I have a special message for Paul: I told you I would buy your songs for you. I love them so much. I feel bad that you don’t want to be friends anymore, so I want to offer you one of yours songs back as a peace offering. Please have your lawyers call mine, so we can arrange it!” ---
**Author:** ![Kantalooppi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/a5b964/32.png) [@Kantalooppi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kantalooppi)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/q-a-with-the-king-of-pop/153470/2 "2003-02-07T15:17:18Z")
When you gave warm milk to children, how much Rohypnol did you mix in? ---
**Author:** ![Waverly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/57b2e6/32.png) [@Waverly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waverly)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/q-a-with-the-king-of-pop/153470/3 "2003-02-07T15:22:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kantalooppi \* > \*\*When you gave warm milk to children, how much Rohypnol did you mix in? \*\* “You have to remember that they are small, so you can’t give them too much of anything. Except love. This is all part of understanding what children need and caring for them. That is why I feel I make such a great parent.” ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/q-a-with-the-king-of-pop/153470/4 "2003-02-07T15:41:50Z")
Lets get this straight, you are worried about your children being kidnapped, so you make them wear masks to hide their identity. Do you realize that all they have to do is kidnap the kid with a feather mask on? ---
**Author:** ![Waverly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/57b2e6/32.png) [@Waverly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waverly)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/q-a-with-the-king-of-pop/153470/5 "2003-02-07T16:21:26Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by World Eater \* > Lets get this straight, you are worried about your children being kidnapped, so you make them wear masks to hide their identity. Do you realize that all they have to do is kidnap the kid with a feather mask on? “No one knows better than me how obsessed someone can become once they have fallen in love with a child. I hope that if a crazy person doesn’t see how beautiful my children are, that they won’t decide to take them away. Is that so wrong? I don’t even let Tito see the children without at least Groucho glasses on. Just between you and me, I’m not sure how much I trust him." ---
**Author:** ![Waverly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/57b2e6/32.png) [@Waverly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waverly)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/q-a-with-the-king-of-pop/153470/6 "2003-02-07T16:25:44Z")
“You know those sequined shirts and tight, tight pants I used to wear? Tito’s idea. I was only seven. Kind of makes you think, doesn’t it?” ---
**Author:** ![light\_strand](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a6a055/32.png) [@light\_strand](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/light_strand)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/q-a-with-the-king-of-pop/153470/7 "2003-02-07T17:09:37Z")
You say you’ve only had surgery on your nose, however you now have a cleft in your chin that was non-existent when you were in your twenties. Is this the story you’re sticking to? Can you define ignorant? You don’t seem to have a very good grasp on the meaning of that word. BTW your nose looks like shit, and due to the other surgery you’ve had, your entire face looks like a skull. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/q-a-with-the-king-of-pop/153470/8 "2003-02-07T17:17:52Z")
Have you ever hd sex with a woman? If so, what did you have to think about to get it up? ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/q-a-with-the-king-of-pop/153470/9 "2003-02-07T17:29:39Z")
“But Daddy, I don’t WANT to watch _ET_ again! ET is CREEPY!” “No, Daddy, don’t bleach my hair-it burns my scalp. And there’s blood in my hair brush, Daddy!” ---
**Author:** ![Waverly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/57b2e6/32.png) [@Waverly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waverly)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/q-a-with-the-king-of-pop/153470/10 "2003-02-07T18:02:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by light strand \* > You say you’ve only had surgery on your nose, however you now have a cleft in your chin that was non-existent when you were in your twenties. Is this the story you’re sticking to? > > Can you define ignorant? You don’t seem to have a very good grasp on the meaning of that word. > > BTW your nose looks like shit, and due to the other surgery you’ve had, your entire face looks like a skull. ”Do you see what I mean? This is so hurtful. I had a very bad deviated septum, and it was affecting my singing. The thing I love to do most in the world. I asked the doctor, “just make it so I can breath easier, though I wouldn’t wouldn’t mind looking a bit like Sidney Poitier, but don’t go through too much trouble.” And that is exactly what he did. When I look in the mirror, I see a loving, misunderstood man with hints of Sidney Poitier, not a skull. I’m going to have to cry for a bit now.” > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Diogenes the Cynic \* > Have you ever hd sex with a woman? If so, what did you have to think about to get it up? ”Of course, silly. But I don’t like to kiss and tell. If you check court records, you will see that I’m described as having a very nice penis, thankyouverymuch. You can also ask my wifey, she has a legal obligation to describe me as a stud.” “Guin, you are so sweet. You remind me of Liz. Seriously. You wouldn’t happen to have any children that take after you, would you? I’d love to have them out to Neverland to frolic.” ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/q-a-with-the-king-of-pop/153470/11 "2003-02-07T18:53:51Z")
“Macauley and Kieran Culkins father let them share a bed with me, and we all know that he wasn’t the type who’d do anything to get his kids name in the press. And why is it that when a rabbi is born of a virgin Jewish woman, people say it’s our Lord and Savior!, but when blonde blue eyed white children are born of a vifgin who used to be a black man, people say it’s sick and they can’t possibly be his!” ---
**Author:** ![Waverly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/57b2e6/32.png) [@Waverly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waverly)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/q-a-with-the-king-of-pop/153470/12 "2003-02-07T19:02:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sampiro \* > \*\*“Macauley and Kieran Culkins father let them share a bed with me, and we all know that he wasn’t the type who’d do anything to get his kids name in the press. And why is it that when a rabbi is born of a virgin Jewish woman, people say it’s our Lord and Savior!, but when blonde blue eyed white children are born of a vifgin who used to be a black man, people say it’s sick and they can’t possibly be his!” \*\* “Err, pay no attention to Janet. I’m not sure what she is doing here anyway. She’s just jealous of my success and my delicate features.” ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/q-a-with-the-king-of-pop/153470/13 "2003-02-07T19:15:09Z")
What’s wrong with natural hair, Michael? Why you gotta go there with the dark-and-lovely weave? I know people go through changes when they reach puberty, but I’ve heard nothing about your face changing into Crypt Keeper once you reach 20. What kind of syndrome causes such metamorphosis? And is it catching? I’ve heard of interracial relationships producing light-skinned people. Shoot, I know they sometimes produce white-looking people. But come on! All of your children are as white as you! Why, Michael, WHY?! Do you not like black people? Do you think we don’t like you? ---
**Author:** ![Aleq](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/54ee81/32.png) [@Aleq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aleq)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/q-a-with-the-king-of-pop/153470/14 "2003-02-07T19:19:07Z")
“Mr. Whacko, what do you think of Lysenkoism?” ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/q-a-with-the-king-of-pop/153470/15 "2003-02-07T19:25:02Z")
No kids, only cats. And no, you can’t have my cats sleep with you. My cats only sleep with me. Michael, why do you dye your kid’s hair? I mean, like, isn’t that bad for a kid that young? And aren’t you afraid Blanket will puke on you from bouncing him around like that? My dad learned that the hard way when I was an infant… ---
**Author:** ![Kantalooppi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/a5b964/32.png) [@Kantalooppi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kantalooppi)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/q-a-with-the-king-of-pop/153470/16 "2003-02-07T19:30:44Z")
What is your reason of existence? ---
**Author:** ![jack\_ss](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c77e96/32.png) [@jack\_ss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jack_ss)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/q-a-with-the-king-of-pop/153470/17 "2003-02-07T19:40:31Z")
If puberty brought on the changes to your face, why did most of the changes happen in your late 20s & 30s? Are you seriously going to try to tell us that you didn’t hit puberty until 1983, when you were 24 years old? And it lasted until 3 months ago? But you had the beginnings of facial hair in your cover photo for _Off The Wall_, which was released early in 1979. Come on, Mike, you’ve had more cosmetic surgery than Cher! Has anyone ever tried to talk to you about just how creepy your life looks from the outside? You must admit that Neverland, being all full of toys & amusement park rides, looks like the world’s most irresistible piece of kid-bait. You have to admit that it looks very suspicious for you to live in kid-bait land and like sleeping with boys. And they’re all _pretty_ little boys, right around 9-13 years old. You never have any girls or fat boys over. Mike, it sure does look to the impartial observer like you’re a creepy pedophile. And you get away with it because you’re a celebrity. ---
**Author:** ![Intaglio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/71e660/32.png) [@Intaglio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intaglio)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/q-a-with-the-king-of-pop/153470/18 "2003-02-07T20:55:34Z")
You are such a freak, How much did it cost you to buy your three children from their mothers. I use to like you, your music, and your stage presence. Off the Wall, Thriller, even Bad, but after you just turned me off. Janet is much better singer/performer, she looks alot better than you. You keep spending money like you do, and you are going to have to get a job at the Circus as the Freak. ---
**Author:** ![Waverly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/57b2e6/32.png) [@Waverly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waverly)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/q-a-with-the-king-of-pop/153470/19 "2003-02-07T22:39:04Z")
> [@](#): > > What’s wrong with natural hair, Michael? Why you gotta go there with the dark-and-lovely weave? > > I know people go through changes when they reach puberty, but I’ve heard nothing about your face changing into Crypt Keeper once you reach 20. What kind of syndrome causes such metamorphosis? And is it catching? > > I’ve heard of interracial relationships producing light-skinned people. Shoot, I know they sometimes produce white-looking people. But come on! All of your children are as white as you! Why, Michael, WHY?! Do you not like black people? Do you think we don’t like you? ”I’m very proud of my black heritage and seek to be a role model. It just so happens that one of my great grand parents was Icelandic, and I can’t help it if those traits show through. My children must have those genes too. Please don’t hate us because we aren’t black enough, I’m just like you only with prettier features, and my heart is as black as anyone’s!” > [@](#): > > “Mr. Whacko, what do you think of Lysenkoism?” ”I feel bad for anyone that thinks they are a werewolf. Speaking of which, I urge you to purchase Thriller.” > [@](#): > > No kids, only cats. And no, you can’t have my cats sleep with you. My cats only sleep with me. > > Michael, why do you dye your kid’s hair? I mean, like, isn’t that bad for a kid that young? > > And aren’t you afraid Blanket will puke on you from bouncing him around like that? My dad learned that the hard way when I was an infant… ”Silly Guin. You should know that I’m not interested in pussies. And I don’t dye my kid’s hair. I pay someone to do that.” > [@](#): > > If puberty brought on the changes to your face, why did most of the changes happen in your late 20s & 30s? Are you seriously going to try to tell us that you didn’t hit puberty until 1983, when you were 24 years old? And it lasted until 3 months ago? But you had the beginnings of facial hair in your cover photo for Off The Wall, which was released early in 1979. Come on, Mike, you’ve had more cosmetic surgery than Cher! > > Has anyone ever tried to talk to you about just how creepy your life looks from the outside? You must admit that Neverland, being all full of toys & amusement park rides, looks like the world’s most irresistible piece of kid-bait. You have to admit that it looks very suspicious for you to live in kid-bait land and like sleeping with boys. And they’re all pretty little boys, right around 9-13 years old. You never have any girls or fat boys over. Mike, it sure does look to the impartial observer like you’re a creepy pedophile. And you get away with it because you’re a celebrity. **Just a minute, Michael saw a school bus and got distracted, let me get him back here…** “Oh, those sound like real good questions, but I’m afraid I didn’t quite hear them. Sorry!” > [@](#): > > You are such a freak, How much did it cost you to buy your three children from their mothers. > > I use to like you, your music, and your stage presence. Off the Wall, Thriller, even Bad, but after you just turned me off. > > Janet is much better singer/performer, she looks alot better than you. > > You keep spending money like you do, and you are going to have to get a job at the Circus as the Freak. ”I’m glad you like my music. I hope you bought lots of my albums, and maybe some of Paul’s, and those other nice boys from England, whose songs I own. Do you know what I’m going to do with that money? Buy a pony. I Looove ponies, and so do the kids. I like the petting.” ---
**Author:** ![light\_strand](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a6a055/32.png) [@light\_strand](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/light_strand)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/q-a-with-the-king-of-pop/153470/20 "2003-02-07T22:47:13Z")
I’m sorry I hurt your feelings there Mike. Why do you carry a big-ass umbrella everywhere? Do adoring crowds make you orgasm? You sure looked liked you did at the zoo. Did that interviewer hurt your feelings? Is he ignorant? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/q-a-with-the-king-of-pop/153470.md?page=2)