# Qadgop in prison **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 30, 2002, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/qadgop-in-prison/100950 "2002-03-30T20:00:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2002, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/qadgop-in-prison/100950/1 "2002-03-30T20:00:06Z")
Well, I finished my first week at the prison. Very interesting. So far, I’ve been lied to, threatened, and had inmates try to scam me. It’s definitely reminiscent of my former private practice. Except here I can use two extremely useful words to deal with my patients. “No” and “Go”. And, if at the end of my working day, the waiting room is still filled with inmates waiting for their intake physicals, which we didn’t get to because we were dealing with more imperative things, I can just tell the secretary to reschedule them all. Then _I_ get to leave. One prisoner was brought to me because he had body jewelry, a post thru his penis, and one thru his tongue. That is not allowed in prison, but he claimed they were permanent piercings and could not be removed. After I successfully unscrewed the penis post, he claimed that the tongue post was a ‘custom-made’ piece of jewelry and did not unscrew. It was placed in his tongue only after gentle stretching by a custom-made tool over two months time. He said he’d need a similar tool and two months of gradual dilation of the hole to get it out. This however, was not an option. I informed him we’d remove it today, and that we would inject his tongue and enlarge the hole enough with a scalpel to get it out. I warned that bleeding might be an issue, so we’d do this at the ER. Then I told him to sit in the waiting room, and not mess with his piercing, while we made arrangements. In the waiting area, he promptly unscrewed the post and presented it to the nurse. ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2002, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/qadgop-in-prison/100950/2 "2002-03-30T20:21:09Z")
I don’t know why, but this thread title made me think of Humphrey the Good Magician under his castle in a dank dungeon with strange looking “instruments” hanging on bare rock walls. And then I read the O.P. and the vision was confirmed. P.S., If you ever open a private practice again can I be one of your patients? I promise not to threaten you or make you remove a post from my penis. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2002, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/qadgop-in-prison/100950/3 "2002-03-30T20:27:06Z")
My man **Qadgop** ’s so cool, when sheep sleep, they count \*him. ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2002, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/qadgop-in-prison/100950/4 "2002-03-30T20:30:24Z")
Nothing quite like a scalpel to make people cooperative, eh? 😉 Glad it’s going well–the type of work you’re doing is admirable, and I’d hate to see anything mess it up. And now that I’ve got you sufficiently buttered up, would you mind taking a look at [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=106649)? I’d really appreciate it. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2002, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/qadgop-in-prison/100950/5 "2002-03-30T20:52:34Z")
I think it would be interesting to make a “piercings file” – what, how big a hole, etc. Photos too, for sick giggles. 😛 Though if you come across (ir create) any stats of piercing/tattooing related medical treatment for inmate populations, I’d be interested. Though I can’t imagine why. ---
**Author:** ![Truth\_Seeker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/5fc32e/32.png) [@Truth\_Seeker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Truth_Seeker)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2002, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/qadgop-in-prison/100950/6 "2002-03-30T20:54:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\*After I successfully unscrewed the penis post . . . \*\* Now _that’s_ a visual! **Qadgop** , you have _ **got** _ to keep a diary. We all know you can write and with material like this, you’ve got at least a book and probably a movie. Please note the total absence of smilies in this post. ---
**Author:** ![Una\_Persson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/una_persson/32/346_2.png) [@Una\_Persson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Una_Persson)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2002, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/qadgop-in-prison/100950/7 "2002-03-30T21:42:01Z")
All I have to say is: :eek: ---
**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2002, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/qadgop-in-prison/100950/8 "2002-03-30T23:47:00Z")
Thanks for writing back doctor dude, i think we wondered what happened to you in prison & were expecting you to write about shivs in the butt sort of thing. But I guess not. PS: Do they have guards in the room with you when you are with a patient? ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2002, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/qadgop-in-prison/100950/9 "2002-03-31T00:56:34Z")
Doc, it is imperative that you keep a journal of the people you meet and the stories you will be experiencing. One day you will have a) one hell of a bio for your kids b) the basis of a screenplay c) that you can sell the rights to to pay off your daughter’s edjumacation. Also, I want to buy this book that could be entitled: My life behind bars…Con’s, scams, murdererers and penis rings. ---
**Author:** ![pesch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pesch/32/4925_2.png) [@pesch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pesch)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2002, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/qadgop-in-prison/100950/10 "2002-03-31T01:08:57Z")
This story would be a dandy way to start of a week of posts to [Slate.com](http://Slate.com)’s “Diary” section. But I definitely like this line: > [@](#): > > So far, I’ve been lied to, threatened, and had inmates try to scam me. It’s definitely reminiscent of my former private practice. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Lao](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/2bfe46/32.png) [@Dr.Lao](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Lao)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2002, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/qadgop-in-prison/100950/11 "2002-03-31T01:46:53Z")
There is something a little unnerving about seeing the phrase, “a post through his penis.” No matter how small it actually it, it sounds huge (the post, not the penis). ---
**Author:** ![Fredge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/258eb7/32.png) [@Fredge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fredge)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2002, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/qadgop-in-prison/100950/12 "2002-03-31T03:22:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Qadgop the Mercotan \* > \*\*After I successfully unscrewed the penis post, he claimed that the tongue post was a ‘custom-made’ piece of jewelry and did not unscrew. > … > In the waiting area, he promptly unscrewed the post and presented it to the nurse. \*\* You can tell **Qadgop** is a real doctor; anyone else would have unscrewed the patient’s tongue post and let the inmate take out his own penis post. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Ruby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/13edae/32.png) [@Ruby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruby)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2002, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/qadgop-in-prison/100950/13 "2002-03-31T04:03:04Z")
**Quadgop** , I have only one thing to say… ewwwwww. I think this story is one to keep in the Why I Deserve a Raise file. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2002, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/qadgop-in-prison/100950/14 "2002-03-31T04:17:34Z")
I don’t have guards with me while I see patients. What I have is a “man-down button”, an electronic signalling device which I wear at work. When it is pushed, 8 burly guards immediately rush to wherever I am to lend whatever assistance is necessary. I was told to try really hard to not set it off accidentally while I’m in the bathroom. And **Fredge** , the mouth is by far and away the dirtiest orifice (in terms of harmful bacteria) on the human body. A little hole thru the underside of some con’s schlong? It’s just skin. His tongue and teeth? Eeeeeeuuuuuuwwwww! Does this thread now constitute a penis post about penis posts? Further bulletins as events warrant. ---
**Author:** ![Marley](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Marley](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2002, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/qadgop-in-prison/100950/15 "2002-03-31T04:40:06Z")
**Qadgop** , take care, please. And keep writing! ---
**Author:** ![ladyfoxfyre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ad7895/32.png) [@ladyfoxfyre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ladyfoxfyre)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2002, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/qadgop-in-prison/100950/16 "2002-03-31T05:13:36Z")
Eh, he doesn’t need another diary. This board _is_ his diary. After a few months let’s dredge up all his prison-practice posts and make it into a book for him to give on his retirement. We’ll read the especially good ones to his parents and young relatives. ---
**Author:** ![galen\_ubal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/galen_ubal/32/4440_2.png) [@galen\_ubal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/galen_ubal)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2002, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/qadgop-in-prison/100950/17 "2002-03-31T15:00:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Shirley Ujest \* > \*\*Doc, > > it is imperative that you keep a journal of the people you meet and the stories you will be experiencing. One day you will have a) one hell of a bio for your kids b) the basis of a screenplay c) that you can sell the rights to to pay off your daughter’s edjumacation. > > Also, I want to buy this book that could be entitled: My life behind bars…Con’s, scams, murdererers and penis rings. \*\* “The continuing stooorry of a **Quag** who’s gone to the cons…” ---
**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2002, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/qadgop-in-prison/100950/18 "2002-03-31T16:44:59Z")
“it is imperative that you keep a journal of the people you meet and the stories you will be experiencing.” Yes, I would be nice to know what really happens there as opposed to what films show. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2002, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/qadgop-in-prison/100950/19 "2002-03-31T16:49:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by galen ubal \* > \*\* > > “The continuing stooorry of a **Quag** who’s gone to the cons…” \*\* Woo-Hoo-Hoo! Wha-Hah-Ha! 😃😃 Truly, you have mastered the Force, young Jedi! Best I’ve seen in a while! Very 🆒 ! ---
**Author:** ![galen\_ubal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/galen_ubal/32/4440_2.png) [@galen\_ubal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/galen_ubal)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2002, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/qadgop-in-prison/100950/20 "2002-03-31T16:57:25Z")
_Bows grandiosely_ I’d like to thank (insert thirty minutes of blither blather here). Back to the OP, I’d like to hear more of **Doc Qagdop’s** adventures in the _Valley of the Cons_. This sort of thing is fascinating to me. BTW, **Doc Qagdop** , does the prison you’re at do executions? And if so, would you be expected to participate? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/qadgop-in-prison/100950.md?page=2)