# Quaint expressions you heard once or twice but use yourself regularly

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quaint-expressions-you-heard-once-or-twice-but-use-yourself-regularly/444595>\
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion\
**Created:** [April 9, 2008, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quaint-expressions-you-heard-once-or-twice-but-use-yourself-regularly/444595 "2008-04-09T13:03:46Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 20\
**Page:** 9

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**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\
**Post date:** [January 16, 2016, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quaint-expressions-you-heard-once-or-twice-but-use-yourself-regularly/444595/161 "2016-01-16T20:25:19Z")

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Just a friendly bump for the benefit of those who may have missed their chance before now. This was one of the more fun threads I ever started and it seems to have amused quite a few of us over time.

Add some more, if you think of them! 😃

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**Author:** ![sunstone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunstone/32/3372_2.png) [@sunstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sunstone)\
**Post date:** [January 16, 2016, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quaint-expressions-you-heard-once-or-twice-but-use-yourself-regularly/444595/162 "2016-01-16T22:30:45Z")

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I’ve never heard it before, but when my wife talks to me while I am in the bathroom, I yell back “I can’t hear you over the thunder of my piss” It cracks her up.

The things we reveal over the internet…

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**Author:** ![Sangahyando](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f14d63/32.png) [@Sangahyando](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sangahyando)\
**Post date:** [January 16, 2016, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quaint-expressions-you-heard-once-or-twice-but-use-yourself-regularly/444595/163 "2016-01-16T23:33:26Z")

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An expression coined by a university friend, and subsequently borrowed by me – referring to someone going away / ceasing to be on the scene: as “de-featuring”.

> [@jsc1953](#):
>
> It’s actually attributable to a real live person, during the Albigensian Crusade. His instructions on how to tell the heretics from the true believers.

To be precise: the Papal Legate Arnaud-Amary, one of the Catholic commanders at the siege of the city of Beziers in 1209. “Kill them all; God will know His own.”

> [@minor7flat5](#):
>
> Whenever folks ask how I’m doing, like on a conference call at work, I answer “I’m just as fine as frogs’ hair!”  
> Some people respond with “but… frogs don’t have hair.”, to which I answer “see? it’s mighty fine stuff.”
> 
> Being in IT, we are an international crowd, so my frogs’ hair comment flies right on by many people.

A thing which I came across as a kid, reading a Western novel – a character was asked what condition his horse was in: and he replied (or so I remember it) “Fine as _frong_ hair, and full of ginger”. I really do think that the word was “frong”, not “frog” – though I might have misread it. At the time, I just thought it – in an “oh, those wacky cowboys” way – a nonsensical but splendidly descriptive expression.

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**Author:** ![SCAdian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scadian/32/3292_2.png) [@SCAdian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SCAdian)\
**Post date:** [January 17, 2016, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quaint-expressions-you-heard-once-or-twice-but-use-yourself-regularly/444595/164 "2016-01-17T00:25:38Z")

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> [@dactylic\_hexameter](#):
>
> (Only, not shooting. I haven’t figured out spoiler windows yet, and I think my posts are doomed to be G-rated for the rest of my life.)

Put {spoiler} in front of the first word you want hidden, and {/spoiler} right after the last word, but use square brackets - - instead of the curly brackets I used.

(If you “Quote” any message that includes a spoiler block you can see how it’s done.)

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**Author:** ![P-man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/p-man/32/3606_2.png) [@P-man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/P-man)\
**Post date:** [January 17, 2016, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quaint-expressions-you-heard-once-or-twice-but-use-yourself-regularly/444595/165 "2016-01-17T01:05:24Z")

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"I wouldn’t pay that much to see a pissant eat a bale of hay (or see the Statue of Liberty take a dump).  
“My teeth are floating” (when I really need to pee).  
“X is a household name, but so is garbage.”  
“You’ve got about as much of a chance as a one legged man in a butt kicking contest.”

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**Author:** ![Graymalkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/35a633/32.png) [@Graymalkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Graymalkin)\
**Post date:** [January 17, 2016, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quaint-expressions-you-heard-once-or-twice-but-use-yourself-regularly/444595/166 "2016-01-17T03:24:27Z")

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I’ve always liked: “If I were 30 years younger, I’d be all over her like a cheap suit!”  
My mother: “Heavens to Murgatroid!” and “Godfrey diamonds!” and “I don’t care if you were with the Queen of Sheba…” and my grandmother: “He’s as deaf as a haddock.” More will come to me later I’m sure.

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**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\
**Post date:** [January 17, 2016, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quaint-expressions-you-heard-once-or-twice-but-use-yourself-regularly/444595/167 "2016-01-17T05:16:46Z")

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> [@Graymalkin](#):
>
> I’ve always liked: “If I were 30 years younger, I’d be all over her like a cheap suit!”  
> My mother: “Heavens to Murgatroid!” and “Godfrey diamonds!” and “I don’t care if you were with the Queen of Sheba…” and my grandmother: “He’s as deaf as a haddock.” More will come to me later I’m sure.

WC Fields had a similar Godfrey, except his was [Daniels.](http://www.amazon.com/Godfrey-Daniels-W-C-Fields-Richard-Anobile/dp/B001MSJJPQ)

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**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\
**Post date:** [January 17, 2016, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quaint-expressions-you-heard-once-or-twice-but-use-yourself-regularly/444595/168 "2016-01-17T06:26:54Z")

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W.C. Fields also, when startled, would say “Mother of Pearl !”

Along that line, there’s “Oh, my Duck !” (Firesign Theater), and the ancient sailor’s “Shiver me timbers!” for when heavy wind would make the rigging hum.

“They knew not their holes from an ass on the ground,” from Firesign, which I suspect also spawned, “He knew not sh#t from Shinola, and his shoes showed the strain.”

There’s a few that are better with a step removed, “Raining like a flat rock”, “Your mama’s boots have instructions written on the heels.” …Or bent, “If beggars were choosers, then horses could ride.” “Cold as a bitch’s wit.” “Oh, I made a fox’s paw!”

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**Author:** ![botsgotme](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@botsgotme](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/botsgotme)\
**Post date:** [January 17, 2016, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quaint-expressions-you-heard-once-or-twice-but-use-yourself-regularly/444595/169 "2016-01-17T13:38:58Z")

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Anachronistic expletives I like:  
-zounds!  
-gadzooks  
-23 skidoo  
-by hell and maria  
Unfortunately, most of my peers don’t appreciate them.

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**Author:** ![Queen\_Tonya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/4491bb/32.png) [@Queen\_Tonya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Queen_Tonya)\
**Post date:** [January 17, 2016, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quaint-expressions-you-heard-once-or-twice-but-use-yourself-regularly/444595/170 "2016-01-17T20:33:04Z")

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“His mouth’s writing checks that his ass can’t cash.” Or as a warning “don’t let your mouth write checks that your ass can’t cash.”

When I was young, I misunderstood a coworker who said “Let go of my ears; I know my job.” I figured it meant something like quit bending my ear/needlessly nagging at me since I already know how to do/about the thing. I had quite the retroactive embarrassment when I finally got it.

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**Author:** ![Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/son_of_a_rich/32/5439_2.png) [@Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Son_of_a_Rich)\
**Post date:** [January 18, 2016, 6:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quaint-expressions-you-heard-once-or-twice-but-use-yourself-regularly/444595/171 "2016-01-18T06:51:32Z")

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Something I picked up from my yesterjob. When failing to catch what someone says: “your what hurts?” Don’t really know the origin of it.

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**Author:** ![movingfinger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@movingfinger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/movingfinger)\
**Post date:** [January 18, 2016, 7:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quaint-expressions-you-heard-once-or-twice-but-use-yourself-regularly/444595/172 "2016-01-18T07:33:08Z")

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He’s so dishonest, if you shake hands with him, count your fingers afterward.

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**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\
**Post date:** [January 18, 2016, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quaint-expressions-you-heard-once-or-twice-but-use-yourself-regularly/444595/173 "2016-01-18T12:55:40Z")

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After a good meal, I may profess myself well-gruntled.

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**Author:** ![stillownedbysetters](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/41988e/32.png) [@stillownedbysetters](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stillownedbysetters)\
**Post date:** [January 18, 2016, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quaint-expressions-you-heard-once-or-twice-but-use-yourself-regularly/444595/174 "2016-01-18T19:34:14Z")

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Expressing suprise: “Well butter my buns and call me a biscuit.”

When referring to the usual household junk drawer: “Nothing in there but knick knacks and turkey turds”

Economic woes: “They’re so poor they don’t have a pot to pee in or a window to toss it out of.”

Expending a lot of effort: “He’s working harder than a three-legged dog in a forest of fire hydrants.”

All of the above courtesy of my southern-born husband.

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**Author:** ![74westy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/74westy/32/3950_2.png) [@74westy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/74westy)\
**Post date:** [January 18, 2016, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quaint-expressions-you-heard-once-or-twice-but-use-yourself-regularly/444595/175 "2016-01-18T21:12:35Z")

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The plural of son of a bitch is son of a bitches.

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**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\
**Post date:** [January 18, 2016, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quaint-expressions-you-heard-once-or-twice-but-use-yourself-regularly/444595/176 "2016-01-18T21:46:04Z")

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“Necessity is the mother of strange bedfellows.”

Said of a horndog acquaintance who was none too discriminating in his choice of bedmates:

“He’d fuck a snake if he could get someone to hold its head.”

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**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\
**Post date:** [January 18, 2016, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quaint-expressions-you-heard-once-or-twice-but-use-yourself-regularly/444595/177 "2016-01-18T21:49:50Z")

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When asked for my opinion and I don’t have one:

“Don’t make me no never mind, so long as you’ve got kitchen kleen potatoes”

When I want someone to stop dreaming and apply themselves to the situation at hand:

“If wishes were horses, beggars would ride”

When I’m exasperated but not angry:

“Oh for the love of the little baby jesus and all his little cheeses!”

I didn’t think this was a particularly unusual expression but I’ve since learned it’s unfamiliar to some people. I’m wont to say biffed to mean tripped or fell or just made a mistake. He biffed it!

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**Author:** ![usedtobe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ec9cab/32.png) [@usedtobe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/usedtobe)\
**Post date:** [January 18, 2016, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quaint-expressions-you-heard-once-or-twice-but-use-yourself-regularly/444595/178 "2016-01-18T21:55:34Z")

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When writing to a group of mixed sexes:  
instead of “Dear Sirs/Mesdames”

“Gentlepersons”

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**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\
**Post date:** [January 18, 2016, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quaint-expressions-you-heard-once-or-twice-but-use-yourself-regularly/444595/179 "2016-01-18T22:58:57Z")

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> [@usedtobe](#):
>
> “Gentlepersons”

Not “Gentlefolk”?

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**Author:** ![usedtobe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ec9cab/32.png) [@usedtobe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/usedtobe)\
**Post date:** [January 19, 2016, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quaint-expressions-you-heard-once-or-twice-but-use-yourself-regularly/444595/180 "2016-01-19T00:00:09Z")

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Nope. “Gentlepersons” it is so simple and refined.

May be ‘too cool for the room’ around here.

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