# Queer Eye 03/09 - John Z **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 9, 2004, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-03-09-john-z/233346 "2004-03-09T20:57:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2004, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-03-09-john-z/233346/1 "2004-03-09T20:57:19Z")
Tonight on a Very Special Queer Eye, the Fab Five make over the only known straight male figure skater in captivity… Just a joke, I know all about the other one. > [@](#): > > Name: John Z. > Age: 30 > Height: 6’ > Weight: 183 lbs > Status: Married > Occupation: Figure Skater > Category: Hunk On Ice Straight Guy > Location: Hackensack, New York > Event: Romantic Evening for Two > > John is tall and handsome, an internationally ranked athlete who has skated in the Olympics. He has graced the covers of magazines and the pages of fashion catalogs. Watching him glide across the ice, you might at first think that this is one guy with no need for a queer eye. But that’s only on the rink; at home, it’s a different story. There, what you will find is not much different from other straight guys we’ve met: poorly furnished apartment, clueless in the kitchen, a closet full of “wrong answers” and a dearth of decent skin and hair products. (See, even the hunky ones need help!) > > Recently, John married Silvia, his girlfriend of eight years, herself a figure skater from Italy. Silvia has worked hard to adapt to John’s culture — speaking English, leaving her family in Italy and moving with him to New Jersey. Now John would like to return the favor by showing Silvia how much he appreciates her and values the life they’re building together. The Fab Five’s Mission: give John a more stylish look and abode, and help him pull off the perfect romantic evening. > > PROBLEM AREAS > …is concerned that his Alabama ways are out of step with her European sensibilities. > …while trying to mesh his wife’s love of bright colors with his fondness for earth tones, ended up with a home decor that delivers the worst of both. > …the couple spends so much time on tour and in training that they still haven’t unpacked their wedding presents. > …adores his wife and tells her so, but is searching for ways he can demonstrate it, too. > …generally wears the same things — sweats and track suits — whether he’s working out at the rink or taking Silvia out to a nice restaurant. > …wants to prepare a special meal, but lacks confidence in the kitchen. > …his feet are in pretty bad shape from years on the ice; he has a bad case of what his wife calls “country toes.” > > “He likes to wear what’s comfortable…and what’s available.” — Kyoko, his pairs partner. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2004, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-03-09-john-z/233346/2 "2004-03-09T21:10:40Z")
Hackensack’s in Joisey, not New Yawk. ---
**Author:** ![jeevwoman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de053/32.png) [@jeevwoman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jeevwoman)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2004, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-03-09-john-z/233346/3 "2004-03-09T21:33:27Z")
Eve, you beat me to it. (My mom’s hometown; she’d cry if she thought it was in NY.) The only John Z I can think of in the skating world is John Zimmerman, whose partner is I believe Kyoko Ino. (Something like that.) It will be cool to see someone I ‘know!’ Seems weird that in the skating world, he needs to use 5 gay STRANGERS. I mean, can’t he just call up the US National team for advice? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2004, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-03-09-john-z/233346/4 "2004-03-09T21:46:24Z")
A straight ice skater from Alabama?! That’s gotta be like the Last Dodo In Captivity or something… ---
**Author:** ![InTransit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e47774/32.png) [@InTransit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/InTransit)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2004, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-03-09-john-z/233346/5 "2004-03-09T21:50:50Z")
> [@jeevwoman](#): > > Eve, you beat me to it. (My mom’s hometown; she’d cry if she thought it was in NY.) > > The only John Z I can think of in the skating world is John Zimmerman, whose partner is I believe Kyoko Ino. (Something like that.) It will be cool to see someone I ‘know!’ Seems weird that in the skating world, he needs to use 5 gay STRANGERS. I mean, can’t he just call up the US National team for advice? 😃 I’m cracking up over your comment, **jeevwoman**. So true! Apparently not all gay guys are fashionable and domestically savvy. That’s _got_ to be John Zimmerman and Kyoko Ino (unless she’s mellowed out, shudder). I’m an on/off viewer of Queer Eye, but I think I will need to tune in to this episode. ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2004, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-03-09-john-z/233346/6 "2004-03-09T22:48:25Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > Hackensack’s in Joisey, not New Yawk. I know that, and toyed with the idea of changing it, but ultimately decided not to adulterate the source material. ---
**Author:** ![Morgyn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morgyn/32/3041_2.png) [@Morgyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgyn)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2004, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-03-09-john-z/233346/7 "2004-03-09T23:19:23Z")
I watched my first 3 episodes of Queer Eye last night. I’m sorry I missed the earlier ones–these guys are fun. And yummy. I wonder how they’d feel about cuddling with the opposite sex? So far my favourite lines are from Carson (?)–heavily paraphrased, because my memory for spoken words usually sucks. _Anything that shows your nipples is probably not a good answer._ _My favourite musical–the Pirates of Mens Pants._ ---
**Author:** ![Patty\_O\_Furniture](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/96bed5/32.png) [@Patty\_O\_Furniture](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patty_O_Furniture)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2004, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-03-09-john-z/233346/8 "2004-03-10T03:21:07Z")
That Armani store was bizarre. Looked like an auditorium with maybe a half dozen racks of clothes scattered about. ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2004, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-03-09-john-z/233346/9 "2004-03-10T04:01:50Z")
Aw…isn’t he just the _sweetest_ thing ever? I think the opening segment must be about the raunchiest one so far, culminating in Carson’s little spurting issue. Loved the house, loved the clothes (but while I think the wife-beater with the torn neck is really hot it seems like an odd choice for a romantic date), loved that the dinner was vegetarian! I wasn’t that enthused by any of the art they showed but if it means something to them that’s what’s important. But please. Out of five homos was there not _one_ who knew that skating is scored on a scale of six, not 10? ---
**Author:** ![easy\_e](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/eb8c5e/32.png) [@easy\_e](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/easy_e)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2004, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-03-09-john-z/233346/10 "2004-03-10T05:06:17Z")
I just want them to go back to ordinary schlubs, not people in the entertainment biz (or wanna-be entertainment types). A stand-up comedian, a guy who writes musicals, and now a figure skater? Give me more guys who stash old plates under their couches or who cut their lips when they try to bite shoe tags off! ---
**Author:** ![\_ceQueen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/_/b9bd4f/32.png) [@\_ceQueen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/_ceQueen)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2004, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-03-09-john-z/233346/11 "2004-03-10T05:09:55Z")
Note to self (on apt decoration). Big objects should be in neutral colors, small – in brights. I also liked: cream walls, hardwood floors and grey rugs. ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2004, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-03-09-john-z/233346/12 "2004-03-10T05:22:57Z")
I think Kyan found hisself a man to pine over. ---
**Author:** ![jeevwoman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de053/32.png) [@jeevwoman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jeevwoman)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2004, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-03-09-john-z/233346/13 "2004-03-10T16:07:30Z")
I am all for copping a feel, and John was just adorable, but did anyone else catch how many times Carson ran his hand over John’s crotch to smooth out the pants he was trying on? ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2004, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-03-09-john-z/233346/14 "2004-03-10T16:17:21Z")
> [@Otto](#): > > Tonight on a Very Special Queer Eye, the Fab Five make over the only known straight male figure skater in captivity… > > Just a joke, I know all about the other one. Actually quite a few skaters are straight. It’s just a sterotype. I thought, instead of trying to cook Italian food for his wife he should have learned to make some US Southern dish for her. Other than that the show was a pretty good one. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2004, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-03-09-john-z/233346/15 "2004-03-10T16:20:36Z")
A minor irritant: at the beginning of the show it was announced that John Z is from Birmingham, Alabama, to which Thom and Kyan responded with comments like “ooh, a country boy!” and “Yee-haw!”. I’m always irked at how so many NYCers seem to be far more provincial than most provincials. Birmingham is **literally** as far removed as you can possibly get from being “country” and still be in Alabama. While there are definitely rednecks in B’ham, there are also thriving gay, Vietnamese, Italian and Jewish communities there. It’s a very modern post-bellum metropolis that was founded for steel production (B’ham is one of the few areas in the world in which all of the components necessary for steelmaking occur naturally within a very small radius) and has evolved basically into a lesser Atlanta. It has a metro area of over 1 million people and has generally more in common with Pittsburgh (another metropolis founded by the steel industry) than with Smut Eye, Slapout, Eclectic and Fleahop (all actual Alabama towns btw). Add to this that Zimmerman clearly grew up in an area with ice-rinks and a family that was able to financially and emotionally support his participation in an urban sport associated with gays and it would seem to all coalesce to imply that we’re really not talking _In the Heat of the Night_ here. I would never assume that because somebody’s from Omaha or Indianapolis that they’re corn farming hicks and it’s a sore point when the word “Alabama” leads to presumptions. (OTOH, I grew up in rural Alabama in a place with a population of 18 where literally everybody had my last name [in some cases both before and after marriage] and I have no Southern accent [never have had] and certainly grew up aware that there were things to do other than cattle farming.) ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2004, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-03-09-john-z/233346/16 "2004-03-10T16:31:58Z")
> [@Zebra](#): > > Actually quite a few skaters are straight. It’s just a sterotype. Really? Thanks for clearing that up. > [@](#): > > I thought, instead of trying to cook Italian food for his wife he should have learned to make some US Southern dish for her. Other than that the show was a pretty good one. But the point was that she had given up her culture, her country, her life to be with him. Cooking her a Southern dish would just have been one more assimilation. The idea was for him to learn and express _her_ culture. Did you miss the little speech that the cheese man gave about how food is the last piece of culture that people lose? They lose the language and the clothing and the customs but keep the food. By preparing a meal from her culture, and by making his own speech about the cheese man’s speech, John is letting her know that he understands the importance of the things that she has sacrificed for him and he is going to start working to help her bring them back into her life. ---
**Author:** ![Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bad_News_Baboon)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2004, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-03-09-john-z/233346/17 "2004-03-10T16:35:22Z")
I have some questions about queer eye. How does the money work? What I mean to say is, why does person X get stuff from Ikea and person Y gets high end furniture? Do the people themselves fund part of it (a figure skater akes more $ than an upcoming musical guy) or do they put in furnishings that they feel that the people will be able to upkeep and perhaps do the rest of the place in? Also, how long does this take? Sometimes they make it seem like it’s all in a day’s work, but others there is NO WAY it is possible (I’m thinking of the comedian where you had to wallow through all the crap on the floor). Does Thom do all the work himself? And lastly, I think Kyan has the best job there. Ever notice how when poor ol’ Thom is busting his ass getting the place clean, Kyan is there with the straight guy getting a massage, too? 🙂 I love this show! ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2004, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-03-09-john-z/233346/18 "2004-03-10T17:00:56Z")
Yes **Otto** I saw the speech. I saw the whole episode. But \*I feel \* that he should give of himself. He is not Italian and the cooking of Italian food should probably be left to her. She may be living in the NYC area but he is not from there either. The area is alien to both of them and I didn’t see much of a guy from Alabama in that apartment from before or after. **BNB** The money works by nobody pays for anything except for any ‘gifts’ like the artwork in this show. The items are given for promotional consideration. I have noticed that name of items seem to be thrown about in conversation more and more on the show. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2004, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-03-09-john-z/233346/19 "2004-03-10T17:13:48Z")
> [@Bad News Baboon](#): > > I have some questions about queer eye. > > Also, how long does this take? Sometimes they make it seem like it’s all in a day’s work, but others there is NO WAY it is possible (I’m thinking of the comedian where you had to wallow through all the crap on the floor). Does Thom do all the work himself? It usually takes about 4 days, though it’s edited to make it look like one. The straight guy and any roommates/significant others are treated to a hotel by the show, so the first time they see the new apartment is actually genuine. Thom has a team (he was a very successful decorator before the show was ever even pitched) and I seriously doubt that Jai helps him even though he’s sometimes seen doing so in the speed-motion shots. As for money, the show supposedly uses a formula based on the income of the SG and what they could realistically afford to spend on clothes and decoration. Lots of product placement, of course, since they get either free-stuff or huge discounts for mentioning _Rooms by Us_, _Ikea_ (why aren’t there more Ikea stores in America, incidentally?) and the other shops on a hit show, and I’m guessing the same is true with Carson and wardrobe. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2004, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-03-09-john-z/233346/20 "2004-03-10T17:17:51Z")
BTW, I disagreed with Jai about something on this episode. Personally I would **never** give somebody a work of (visual) art as a gift unless I knew for a fact that they really liked/wanted a specific piece or collected a specific style by a specific artist. Art is expensive and subjective and proper manners dictates that if you’re given a piece of art (particularly by somebody you live with) you should display it; I always flashback in my mind to the painting Grady gave his daughter on _Sanford & Son_ and think “this could happen to you” (and might I add “good goobledy goo”). [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-03-09-john-z/233346.md?page=2)