# Queer Eye 8/19 - John V **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 19, 2003, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-8-19-john-v/196270 "2003-08-19T20:09:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2003, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-8-19-john-v/196270/1 "2003-08-19T20:09:25Z")
Starting this thread a little early because the board’s been so temperamental for me today… > [@](#): > > Name: John V. > Age: 29 > Height: 5’11" > Weight: 190 lbs > Status: Long-term Relationship > Occupation: Port Authority Cop > Category: Polyester Policeman > Location: Staten Island, NY > Event: A Romantic Garden Picnic > > The Fab Five drive out of the city on a suburban safari and discover a prime specimen, Staten Island straight guy John V. John and his beautiful girlfriend Ayana have a long-term relationship that’s been in a bit of a rut. Comfortable in their cozy apartment, their social life consists of more evenings on the couch than romantic nights out on the town - and that’s when John isn’t busy working as a policeman for the NY/NJ Port Authority. Worse still, John confesses that he doesn’t even know “what sexy is”. The Fab Five’s mission: redress the man and rekindle the couples’ romance. > > PROBLEM AREAS > …his uneven tan has left behind unflattering strap lines and ghostly pale feet. > …when out of uniform, he tends to favor unflattering terrycloth shirts. > …seldom cooks because he doesn’t know how to prepare food for Ayana’s vegetarian tastes. > …his apartment is a feng shui nightmare. > > “Anything past chicken cutlets or boiling water, I don’t think he can do.” — John’s Sister I’m really looking forward to seeing what Ted puts together for vegetarian cuisine. The meat-heavy fare of other eps has been kind of gross for me. I assume it will fall to Jai to “rekindle the romance” again this week, and… Oh who are we kidding? There’s one reason and one reason only to tune in tonight, and that’s to see my sweet sweet Kyan in his tiny black briefs. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2003, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-8-19-john-v/196270/2 "2003-08-19T20:14:29Z")
You can lust after Kyan all you want. My interest is pure- I just want to be his friend… I can honestly say that I’d still love him even if he took off those bikini briefs… On a hijack (i.e. it’s not about QE but is still about gay related Bravo programming), I hope they finally do tell Jamie that “some of 'em are into chicks” tonight on BOY MEETS BOY. They’ve been implying they’re going to tell him for weeks, then the actual revelation is usually along the lines of “we’re using store brand dishwashing detergent” or whatever. At least he finally got rid of Dan. ---
**Author:** ![rocking\_chair](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rocking_chair/32/2918_2.png) [@rocking\_chair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rocking_chair)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2003, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-8-19-john-v/196270/3 "2003-08-19T23:05:51Z")
i like qe soooo much i get up at 6 am on sunday morning to see it. of course i go back to sleep after. i’ll check in later for the preview. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2003, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-8-19-john-v/196270/4 "2003-08-20T01:43:23Z")
Here’s a cool interview with the guys from ADVOCATE. They’re being syndicated to the UK and Europe, but Tulsa’s NBC affiliate refused to air them. (BTW, for those who don’t know [i.e. straight people], Falcon and Bel Ami are two upscale gay porn studios in the U.S. and Europe respectively). [http://www.advocate.com/html/stories/897/897\_queereye.asp](http://www.advocate.com/html/stories/897/897_queereye.asp) ---
**Author:** ![MrVisible](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/46a35a/32.png) [@MrVisible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrVisible)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2003, 7:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-8-19-john-v/196270/5 "2003-08-20T07:57:21Z")
I thought the poor straight guy was going to melt down during the tanning scene. I can just imagine the crap he took from his buddies at the police station after this aired. It was strange watching his transformation after the Fab5 left. He’d been doing the ‘gruff insensitive man’ thing the whole episode, and when his girlfriend got there, he turned into a big goofy kid. And went from being blah, despite the makeover, to being sexy as hell. ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2003, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-8-19-john-v/196270/6 "2003-08-20T13:02:03Z")
Carson has now raised the bar even higher for filthiest comment ever on TV. We all thought he couldn’t take it beyond the “pearl necklace” remark but the bit about “in our community we gid rid of big brown globs on our fingertips” sets a new standard. Straight women, help me out here. Why do the hottest among you get together with these pigs? With the exception of John B the urban cowboy, every man on this show has been gross from the outset and almost every one of them has this amazingly hot girlfriend/wife. I wonder if my sweet sweet Kyan knows how much those disposable briefs of his would fetch on eBay… ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2003, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-8-19-john-v/196270/7 "2003-08-20T13:23:48Z")
There’s no nudity like gratuitous nudity! Found out my friend David used to know Kyan, about ten years ago in New Orleans, when he was still “Douglas Kyan.” He was a waiter at a coffee shop, and everyone used to gather there, _Friends_-like, to flirt with cute little Coffee Boy. ---
**Author:** ![UrbanChic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9dc877/32.png) [@UrbanChic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UrbanChic)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2003, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-8-19-john-v/196270/8 "2003-08-20T13:24:28Z")
Wow…you thought the cop was a pig (ha!)? I thought he was adorable. ---
**Author:** ![elf6c](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c57346/32.png) [@elf6c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elf6c)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2003, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-8-19-john-v/196270/9 "2003-08-20T13:43:55Z")
Great episode. The wardrobe and apartment changes were well done. The food section was rather underwelming. Coaching him to choose the lobster was a major mistake. “Manscaping” heh. Great turn of phrase. Downsides: 1. A few of the Fab Five seem to play extensively to the camera and talk over the other hosts at will. I thought it was the Fab 5, not the Fab 2, and 3 poor bastards who cannot get a word in edgewise. 2. That girl has one foot out the door, you could see it the whole episode (especially in the garden- she was mortified he might be proposing). I given them a year before she moves on. 3. Yeesh, what’s with the same two booze ads over and over again. ---
**Author:** ![MeanJoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanjoe/32/5693_2.png) [@MeanJoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanJoe)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2003, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-8-19-john-v/196270/10 "2003-08-20T13:57:09Z")
**elf6c** - Run faster, you are still a bit behind the crowd! 😉 I totally see why the girlfriend (hot, hot, **HOT** ) says he is completely immature. Jesus, that was like a date with a 10 year old. I thought the worst comment was “Blow job baby!” by Jai, I think. That made me laugh and groan at the same time, resulting in severe abdominal distress! I didn’t care for most of the wardrobe choices this time, except for the outfit he used for his “date”. The rest was too hip-hop for my tastes but he seemed to like it all. I’m still not sure that Thad(?), the cook, is in stride at this point. It just doesn’t seem to work very well. I assume there is more involved than they show, they must leave detailed directions, but to give a man who by everyone’s admission cannot cook a meal like the “Man Quiche” to prepare seemed just… well, a disaster waiting to happen. Perhaps it makes for more interesting t.v. but it doesn’t seem to provide any real help. I want to be on this show! MeanJoe ---
**Author:** ![UrbanChic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9dc877/32.png) [@UrbanChic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UrbanChic)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2003, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-8-19-john-v/196270/11 "2003-08-20T14:00:27Z")
I agree with you re the wardrobe choices, MeanJoe. A backwards Kangol hat just _screams_ you’re trying to hard to be hip. ---
**Author:** ![Lyllyan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b2d939/32.png) [@Lyllyan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lyllyan)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2003, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-8-19-john-v/196270/12 "2003-08-20T14:01:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by elf6c \* > \*\* > > 1. That girl has one foot out the door, you could see it the whole episode (especially in the garden- she was mortified he might be proposing). I given them a year before she moves on. > > \*\* I noticed that right away as well. She was much more comfortable and friendly with the Fab 5 than with her boyfriend. There was alot of cringing after the “reveal” with all the “Baby, look!”, Baby, come over here", Baby this and baby that. ---
**Author:** ![Trion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ccd318/32.png) [@Trion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trion)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2003, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-8-19-john-v/196270/13 "2003-08-20T14:07:41Z")
Maybe it’s me, but I’m starting to wonder about Carson. First I see him touting large belt buckles, now he’s going for jeans with patches on them. What the hell? ---
**Author:** ![Judith\_Prietht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b19c9b/32.png) [@Judith\_Prietht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Judith_Prietht)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2003, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-8-19-john-v/196270/14 "2003-08-20T14:09:19Z")
During the tanning scene I was distracted by the large black cancerous-looking mole on John’s chest. And Kyan seemed to have some kind of dark blotch on his chestal area as well. Not that I was checking out his chesticles or anything. Kyan had a sexy body; not too muscular, but taut. And nice feet! I can’t speak on behalf of the hottest of the straight women out there, but I didn’t think all the guys were that gross as far as looks are concerned. But I don’t think that’s what you mean, right? Andrew L.'s bathtub, bedroom, and copy of Barely Legal would have squicked me out, and he’s the one I’d be most attracted to. Butch’s apartment looked like he sublet it from a serial killer. Tom’s house was one giant health code violation, as was Vinnie’s. I personally wouldn’t want to live in any of their “before” places, except Cowboy John. I guess I have no actual insight into why some of the guys have such lovely ladyfriends; does personality override crumpled bedsheets and dishes rotting in the sink? Jai’s “I saw some ass” comment is still cracking me up. The guy for next week? Whoa. I can’t wait to see what Kyan does with his hair. ---
**Author:** ![UrbanChic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9dc877/32.png) [@UrbanChic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UrbanChic)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2003, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-8-19-john-v/196270/15 "2003-08-20T14:13:05Z")
Oh, I forgot to list my favorite verbal exchange! The girlfriend (nice rack) said something along the lines that the vagina was leaving the nest. One of the Queers said, “No, Jai’s still here.” ---
**Author:** ![MeanJoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanjoe/32/5693_2.png) [@MeanJoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanJoe)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2003, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-8-19-john-v/196270/16 "2003-08-20T14:16:23Z")
I did actually like the patches on the jeans. I got thinking of doing that myself except for one problem…all my jeans are Levi’s 550 relaxed fit, tapered leg and are just not _cough_ hip enough. They’d end up looking white-trash with the patches I think. I’ve tried, really, but I can’t wear mens low-rise wide-leg jeans. I just look **ridiculous**! MeanJoe ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2003, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-8-19-john-v/196270/17 "2003-08-20T14:33:14Z")
Loved the “proposal” moment, though. ---
**Author:** ![UrbanChic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9dc877/32.png) [@UrbanChic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UrbanChic)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2003, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-8-19-john-v/196270/18 "2003-08-20T14:35:47Z")
Sorry, MeanJoe, your tapered leg jeans have _got_ to go. You don’t have to opt for a wide leg jean. There are plenty of straight-leg and boot cut leg jean options available. ---
**Author:** ![jeevmon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/87869e/32.png) [@jeevmon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jeevmon)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2003, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-8-19-john-v/196270/19 "2003-08-20T14:46:19Z")
My favorite moment was actually in the beginning when Thom walks into the bedroom looks around and says “This room is stupid” and walks out. ---
**Author:** ![MeanJoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanjoe/32/5693_2.png) [@MeanJoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanJoe)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2003, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-8-19-john-v/196270/20 "2003-08-20T14:54:23Z")
**JuanitaTech** _sigh_ I know, my wife keeps telling me the same thing. However, anytime I put on a pair, of even straight or boot cut, she just shakes her head and gives up… for a couple weeks. Then she tries again to convince me (and her?) that I can wear more fashionable jeans. They just do not hang right on me. Perhaps I’ll go shopping today and try again… **jeevmon** - That was freakin hysterical! MeanJoe [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-8-19-john-v/196270.md?page=2)