# Queer eye for the straight crotch: bad male pube styling decisions (TMI TMI TMI!) **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 1, 2003, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-for-the-straight-crotch-bad-male-pube-styling-decisions-tmi-tmi-tmi/210871 "2003-11-01T19:30:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![scott\_evil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@scott\_evil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scott_evil)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2003, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-for-the-straight-crotch-bad-male-pube-styling-decisions-tmi-tmi-tmi/210871/1 "2003-11-01T19:30:29Z")
I turned into a gym freak a few months ago, and go three times a week for intensive weight training sessions. I deliberately chose not to get a membership at a so-called “gay” gym because at the beginning, I had very little muscle tone and a lot of weight to lose, and I really didn’t want to be on display to muscle queens. I also didn’t want to have to buy a trendy workout outfit just in order to fit in. I wanted a “come as you are” (no puns, please) place where I could where whatever, and where no one would pay attention to me. (And even the YMCAs don’t fit that bill anymore, at least not downtown.) So I joined the gym at my alma mater, and got the alumni rate. It’s mostly straight; there are proportionally just as many gay guys there as there are on campus. Fine with me. One of the fringe benefits of being gay and belonging to the gym is the opportunity to see a lot of different kinds of men nekkid. (And I have just as much right to be in the lockerroom as they do. I don’t go there to cruise.) I really thought the pubic hair trimming/shaving/styling thing was only _beginning_ to make inroads into the hetero male population (and less so at the college age), what with the whole “metrosexual” movement. I was wrong. Fully half of the seemingly straight men there do some grooming down there - and you really can’t tell by the “type” of guy - that is, until he whips off his towel. Fine. Trim your pubes. Shave them off. If that’s what you and your girlfriend/boyfriend prefer, be my guest. It’s your body. Or leave them alone, and go for the classic look. (IMO, the way a full bush frames a package is very sexy. And I also believe if you’re getting hair in the back of your throat when performing fellatio, you’re not doing it quite right. I’ve never had a problem.) I truly believe that the explosion of the Internet - and with it, the hyper-availability of porn - is what’s behind this trend among straight men. Ten years ago, when I was still a student and worked out at the very same gym - and very few people knew what the Web was - _ **no one** _ but _ **no one** _ at the gym shaved or trimmed. That’s all changed now. But something needs to be addressed, and that is **bad male pubic hair styling decisions**. I see them all too frequently. And how can any guy - gay _or_ straight - think these look good, or sexy? Some examples: **The landing strip.** Obviously a take-off of the female equivalent: a vertical strip of well-groomed hair on the pubis, finger-width or wider. On a man, I can only think, “what for? Who’s going to land there?” And when the strip is more like a chunk - basically, just shaving off the left and right edges of the bush to transform it from triangular in shape to a square - I don’t see the point. Even worse is the **Hitler 'stache**. _Javol, mein Fuhrer_. :rolleyes: **The uneven trim job.** Dude, if you’re going to just trim, then buy a pair of clippers and get the length even. You have bush on one side and practically stubble on the other. **The “I have a hairy back and chest, but my crotch is bare”**. I shit you not. The Yeti himself came into the showers. He turned around and I took a quick glance: hair everywhere - _everywhere_ on his body, but a _crotch shorn bare_. I can’t even begin to describe how ridiculous this looked. Going for the primate look? I have Jane Goodall on the phone: she laughs at you. **The fringe.** You know what I’m talking about. A little horizontal line right at the base of the penis. Either short, or long. Now that is just creepy. _You look like a 12-year-old just beginning to sprout. Is your partner a pedophile?_ And, taking the cake: **The tiny triangle.** Women do this. Fine. But there’s this one guy I’ve seen maybe twice who has a perfectly-formed triangle about his dick, each side maybe one inch. (I wouldn’t be surprised if he measured it.) This looks like a professional job. I think this guy is gay. So, honey, if you want it to be a symbol of your pride, dye it pink. Now, having read this, you’d think I spent way too much time in the lockerroom. I admit, I don’t rush. But in maybe twenty minutes getting undressed, showering, getting dressed, and brushing my hair, I’ll see at least two of these horrible 'dos. The moral of the story? Guys, if you’re straight and going for the “metrosexual” look, consult some web sites. Ask the opinions of trusted lady friends, and close male friends, if you feel you can talk about this kind of thing with them. This must be stopped. ---
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2003, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-for-the-straight-crotch-bad-male-pube-styling-decisions-tmi-tmi-tmi/210871/2 "2003-11-01T20:37:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by scott evil \* > \*\*This must be stopped. \*\* If your pleading here doesn’t work, are you going to cruise from gym to gym with a bottle of ether and a hair clipper? If so, could you let us know how it goes? ---
**Author:** ![DeadlyAccurate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ac91a4/32.png) [@DeadlyAccurate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeadlyAccurate)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2003, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-for-the-straight-crotch-bad-male-pube-styling-decisions-tmi-tmi-tmi/210871/3 "2003-11-01T20:42:04Z")
But **Tapioca** , what about the guys who don’t have any in the right spots? Maybe he should add a bottle of Rogaine to his kit. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2003, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-for-the-straight-crotch-bad-male-pube-styling-decisions-tmi-tmi-tmi/210871/4 "2003-11-01T21:08:28Z")
> [@](#): > > And I also believe if you’re getting hair in the back of your throat when performing fellatio, you’re not doing it quite right. I’ve never had a problem.) How 'bout performing a “queer mouth for the straight girl”??? How does a person “not do it right” so that they end up getting hair in their mouth, as opposed to “doing it right” and not getting a hair in their mouth? This isn’t a sarcastic question. I’m always getting one or two hairs that I have to stop and remove. Sorry if that’s TMI ---
**Author:** ![Horrifying\_Howler\_Monkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/df788c/32.png) [@Horrifying\_Howler\_Monkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horrifying_Howler_Monkey)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2003, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-for-the-straight-crotch-bad-male-pube-styling-decisions-tmi-tmi-tmi/210871/5 "2003-11-01T21:24:18Z")
I love this message board. ---
**Author:** ![Tanaqui](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3bc359/32.png) [@Tanaqui](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tanaqui)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2003, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-for-the-straight-crotch-bad-male-pube-styling-decisions-tmi-tmi-tmi/210871/6 "2003-11-01T21:34:11Z")
What the heck is metrosexual? It makes me think of someone who’s sexually attracted to public transport. 😕 ---
**Author:** ![TVAA](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c57346/32.png) [@TVAA](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVAA)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2003, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-for-the-straight-crotch-bad-male-pube-styling-decisions-tmi-tmi-tmi/210871/7 "2003-11-01T21:36:56Z")
It’s a “hip”, “urban” heterosexual man who’s concerned about style and fashion. Man, I really hate that word. [sigh] ---
**Author:** ![kung\_fu\_lola](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f4b2a3/32.png) [@kung\_fu\_lola](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kung_fu_lola)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2003, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-for-the-straight-crotch-bad-male-pube-styling-decisions-tmi-tmi-tmi/210871/8 "2003-11-01T21:39:05Z")
“Metrosexuality” is the phenomenon of urban-dwelling straight men adopting fashion and grooming habits that are commonly percieved as being “gay” (ie, bathing regularly, not wearing a brown belt with black shoes, and not scratching themselves in the middle of 5-star restaurants 😉 ). It makes them more yummy to straight chickies (and me). ---
**Author:** ![schplebordnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@schplebordnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/schplebordnik)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2003, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-for-the-straight-crotch-bad-male-pube-styling-decisions-tmi-tmi-tmi/210871/9 "2003-11-01T22:36:35Z")
I’m a retrosexual, who scratches himself in the middle of my ass cheeks, thank you very much, as that is where it itches… ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2003, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-for-the-straight-crotch-bad-male-pube-styling-decisions-tmi-tmi-tmi/210871/10 "2003-11-01T23:29:21Z")
[continuing HJ] > [@](#): > > “Metrosexuality” is the phenomenon of urban-dwelling straight men adopting fashion and grooming habits that are commonly percieved as being “gay” (ie, bathing regularly, not wearing a brown belt with black shoes, and not scratching themselves in the middle of 5-star restaurants ). By this definition, James Bond has been a “metrosexual” since Fleming created him in the 1950s. When the heck did these habits become considered “gay” and not just classy and stylish? [/continuing HJ] ---
**Author:** ![Already\_in\_Use](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@Already\_in\_Use](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Already_in_Use)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2003, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-for-the-straight-crotch-bad-male-pube-styling-decisions-tmi-tmi-tmi/210871/11 "2003-11-01T23:43:08Z")
More guys should use moustache wax on it and curl it up on the sides. ---
**Author:** ![moriah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b2d939/32.png) [@moriah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/moriah)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2003, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-for-the-straight-crotch-bad-male-pube-styling-decisions-tmi-tmi-tmi/210871/12 "2003-11-02T00:16:18Z")
_ **perm** _ – it can never be curly enough. ---
**Author:** ![bojon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3da27b/32.png) [@bojon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bojon)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2003, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-for-the-straight-crotch-bad-male-pube-styling-decisions-tmi-tmi-tmi/210871/13 "2003-11-02T00:41:28Z")
Be kind, use conditioner, its like a Brillo pad… ---
**Author:** ![buttonjockey308](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bcef8e/32.png) [@buttonjockey308](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buttonjockey308)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2003, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-for-the-straight-crotch-bad-male-pube-styling-decisions-tmi-tmi-tmi/210871/14 "2003-11-02T02:18:40Z")
Personally, I spike mine and dye it blue. I enjoy the sport. Plus, carpet matches the drapes. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Cid\_Viscoso](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/41988e/32.png) [@El\_Cid\_Viscoso](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Cid_Viscoso)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2003, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-for-the-straight-crotch-bad-male-pube-styling-decisions-tmi-tmi-tmi/210871/15 "2003-11-02T02:39:57Z")
Wait. Let me see if I’m getting this right. When I go to the gym there may be a guy or two looking at my _cock_? What about if I move to a small town? ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2003, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-for-the-straight-crotch-bad-male-pube-styling-decisions-tmi-tmi-tmi/210871/16 "2003-11-02T03:43:00Z")
Then there will be a guy looking at your cock even more intensely because the Y is the only cruising spot in town, that’s what. > [@](#): > > What the heck is metrosexual? It makes me think of someone who’s sexually attracted to public transport. No comment. ---
**Author:** ![j\_kat\_251](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/71c47a/32.png) [@j\_kat\_251](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j_kat_251)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2003, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-for-the-straight-crotch-bad-male-pube-styling-decisions-tmi-tmi-tmi/210871/17 "2003-11-02T03:48:42Z")
So how is it supposed to be trimmed? ---
**Author:** ![El\_Cid\_Viscoso](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/41988e/32.png) [@El\_Cid\_Viscoso](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Cid_Viscoso)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2003, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-for-the-straight-crotch-bad-male-pube-styling-decisions-tmi-tmi-tmi/210871/18 "2003-11-02T05:30:30Z")
> [@](#): > > _by Mr. B_ > > Wait. Let me see if I’m getting this right. When I go to the gym there may be a guy or two looking at my _cock_? > > What about if I move to a small town? > > > [@](#): > > > > _by matt\_mcl_ > > > > Then there will be a guy looking at your cock even more intensely because the Y is the only cruising spot in town, that’s what. Is there any way to tell if a man at the gym is looking at me when I’m naked? I’ve never noticed a guy’s overt gaze before, except on two extreme occasions. Is it all peripheral vision? I shave my machinery bald except for two patches like eyebrows. ( **Mrs. B** has a thing for Jimmy Durante.) I keep getting free smoothies at the Juice Bar. Coincidence? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![scott\_evil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@scott\_evil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scott_evil)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2003, 8:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-for-the-straight-crotch-bad-male-pube-styling-decisions-tmi-tmi-tmi/210871/19 "2003-11-02T08:42:35Z")
Dude. Every guy checks every other guy out - straight, gay, whatever. Well, at least 98.5% of them. _I see the quick sideways glances, and often, double takes._ Deal with it. And it doesn’t take a long stare to realize a guy’s done a hack job on his pubes. I mean… a _triangle?_ An _equilateral, inverted triangle?!_ Each side one inch long? What the _fuck_ is that supposed to be? Who the fuck gets turned on by that? ---
**Author:** ![scott\_evil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@scott\_evil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scott_evil)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2003, 8:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-for-the-straight-crotch-bad-male-pube-styling-decisions-tmi-tmi-tmi/210871/20 "2003-11-02T08:49:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by j\_kat\_251 \* > \*\*So how is it supposed to be trimmed? \*\* [ul][li]Evenly, with an electric trimmer. Each hair maybe between 1/4 to 1/2 an inch, and therefore no longer curly. Even trimming to one inch would be sufficient to satisfy the squeamish fellator.[/li][li]Completely shaved bald, if you really must. But _not_ into a heart or a clover or a diamond. You may have some lucky charms down there, but skip the marshmallow bits, OK?[/li][li]More or less left alone, natural length, provided said length is not, like, four inches. Annoying strays trimmed back.[/li][li]Completely left alone, having embraced your masculinity, and not in some twisted denial of puberty.[/ul][/li] Just not into a Hitler or a tiny triangle or a fringe or anything that **fucking looks stoopid**. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/queer-eye-for-the-straight-crotch-bad-male-pube-styling-decisions-tmi-tmi-tmi/210871.md?page=2)