# Question about 'bad boy' psychology **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 11, 2005, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-about-bad-boy-psychology/311982 "2005-07-11T13:10:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Angel\_of\_the\_Lord](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/angel_of_the_lord/32/2949_2.png) [@Angel\_of\_the\_Lord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angel_of_the_Lord)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-about-bad-boy-psychology/311982/21 "2005-07-12T03:42:36Z")
Because I honestly thought no one else on the planet would ever date me. Nuh-uh, no way, not in a million years. Then I realized that not ever having a boy/girlfriend was better than dealing with an asshole each and every day. In terms of the attraction I have to, say, Spike or Angel…well, it’s mostly because I think smiling looks goofy on most people, and a certain amount of danger is…well…thrilling. In fantasy, at least. ---
**Author:** ![devilsknew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4da419/32.png) [@devilsknew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/devilsknew)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-about-bad-boy-psychology/311982/22 "2005-07-12T05:53:42Z")
> [@Angel of the Lord](#): > > In terms of the attraction I have to, say, Spike or Angel…well, it’s mostly because I think smiling looks goofy on most people, and a certain amount of danger is…well…thrilling. In fantasy, at least. How about an evil smile? ;j ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 7:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-about-bad-boy-psychology/311982/23 "2005-07-12T07:38:48Z")
I’m a generally “nice guy,” but I drive around with a pro-nuclear power bumper sticker, just to piss off hippies. Is that "bad’ enough? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Harborwolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Harborwolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harborwolf)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 8:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-about-bad-boy-psychology/311982/24 "2005-07-12T08:23:02Z")
> [@Ranchoth](#): > > I’m a generally “nice guy,” but I drive around with a pro-nuclear power bumper sticker, just to piss off hippies. Is that "bad’ enough? 😉 That’s nothin. Gots me a tattoo. Howsat for bad? ---
**Author:** ![An\_Arky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/87869e/32.png) [@An\_Arky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Arky)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 9:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-about-bad-boy-psychology/311982/25 "2005-07-12T09:11:23Z")
I think it’s what attracted my wife to me. I’ve got kind of a bad boy attitude/swagger, but I’m not bad like lawbreaking, just kind of a maverick, in some ways. But she fell in _love_ with me because I’m a good guy, when it comes down to it. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2005, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-about-bad-boy-psychology/311982/26 "2005-07-16T17:00:06Z")
> [@delphica](#): > > I dated three guys (one after the other, not at the same time) in my early years that I thought of as bad boys – not so much with the criminal record (although the one got so weird by the end that I wouldn’t be that surprised to read about him in the news), but more along the lines of the “last guy standing at the party” type. You know, up for anything, any time, any place. Wild, I guess. I don’t really consider that being a “bad boy”. I consider that being a guy between the age of about 18-35. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2005, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-about-bad-boy-psychology/311982/27 "2005-07-16T17:34:11Z")
I think of a bad boy as someone who does all the stuff I don’t: he drinks, does drugs (even if it is just weed), parties, tattoos, etc. Someone criminal–well that’s just TOO bad for lil ol me :). I like bad boys (in fact, my most recent ex was one) because they are what I am not. I don’t drink, I don’t do drugs, I don’t like partying- but it is almost like I can live vicariously through him. Although, my ex turnd me a little bad: I liked is tattoos so much that I got a couple :). ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2005, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-about-bad-boy-psychology/311982/28 "2005-07-16T19:14:30Z")
I can understand the maverick attraction of the the “good-bad boy or girl,” but regarding the “bad-bad boy or girl”…feh. When you deal with felons every single day for a living, the romance wears off muy, muy pronto. I’m more than satisfied to leave drama like that at the office. ---
**Author:** ![lavenderviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/cdc98d/32.png) [@lavenderviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lavenderviolet)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2005, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-about-bad-boy-psychology/311982/29 "2005-07-16T19:17:58Z")
I don’t like TRUE “bad boys”. I am a fairly “nice girl” myself and turned off by violent thugs, criminals, drug addicts, promiscuous guys etc. However, I do tend to be drawn to guys who are a _little_ bit edgy in some way…I am far more likely to be attracted to a guy who is sarcastic, unconventional, a wandering spirit, a bit of a daredevil or non-conformist than someone who is blandly nice and “normal”. I think my rationale for finding that stuff appealing is similar to what draws other women to more hardcore badboys…just a difference in degree. Being with someone who is a little unpredictable and daring just stirs up those giddy, passionate feelings…a little bit of adrenaline helps ignite that “spark”. Sometimes I feel guilty because I dont feel anything for certain male friends who are so “nice”, safe, and stable. I KNOW they would treat me well and try to make me happy…but I just dont feel any spark for them. It doesn’t seem like either of us would be happy if we ended up going through the motions in a passionless relationship. I realize you can’t stay in a constant state of infatuation euphoria after 20 years of marriage, but I do think you should feel _some_ excitement for your partner! I have also experienced the appeal of the “Fixer Upper” factor. I’ve tried in the past to “fix” men who had emotional problems…“My love and support will be enough to help him believe in himself and stop being so moody”. Partially due to a concern for the man, and partially because, frankly, it’s sort of fun to have a “project” to work on. I have to admit that a part of me secretly hoped that someday he would look back and realize I was The One Who Didn’t Give Up On Him, thus earning his gratitude and loyalty when he finally healed from his problems. Of course, now I see that it’s not really healthy to try to change someone else, and for me it ALWAYS blew up in my face when I tried to “fix” a man. I _think_ I have learned now that there’s no point in dating someone if you cant accept them the way they are. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2005, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-about-bad-boy-psychology/311982/30 "2005-07-16T21:48:29Z")
Loner. Musical. Prone to bitter, caustic depression. Looks good in black. Drinks. Never returns phone calls, but only because he hates phones. Enough here to build an image on, or do I need biceps, tatoos and a fondness for edged weapons? ---
**Author:** ![FaerieBeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e95f7d/32.png) [@FaerieBeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FaerieBeth)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2005, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-about-bad-boy-psychology/311982/31 "2005-07-16T22:43:00Z")
> [@Beware of Doug](#): > > Enough here to build an image on, or do I need biceps, tatoos and a fondness for edged weapons? Hmm. Do you wear black motorcycle boots? Those go a long way toward a badboy image, with or without the accompanying motorcycle. You will also need sunglasses, and be sure to squint without them. A perpetual five o’clock shadow will help, too. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-about-bad-boy-psychology/311982.md?page=1)