# Question about blacks using the N-word. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 27, 2017, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-about-blacks-using-the-n-word/792274 "2017-07-27T16:47:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2017, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-about-blacks-using-the-n-word/792274/1 "2017-07-27T16:47:31Z")
Standing with a group of people having a conversation (I’m the only white guy). One guy (Jokingly) pokes another girl in the ribs. To which she responds; “Nigga! I’m gonna…” [she then proceeds to give him the crazy eye] Immediately after that though, she looked straight at me, and became really embarrassed. she told me “sorry”, which was strange because I didn’t feel I was owed an apology. So anyway, among black folks who do use that word, is there (typically) an unwritten rule not to use that word in front of white people? When I was younger, I had lots of black friends that never hesitated to use that word. But unlike the girl previously mentioned, we were close. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2017, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-about-blacks-using-the-n-word/792274/2 "2017-07-27T16:54:13Z")
I do not know the answer, but I cannot help but note the incredible irony of worrying about offending a white person with that word. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2017, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-about-blacks-using-the-n-word/792274/3 "2017-07-27T16:58:59Z")
> [@Spice\_Weasel](#): > > I do not know the answer, but I cannot help but note the incredible irony of worrying about offending a white person with that word. That’s exactly what I was thinking! ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Bravo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_bravo/32/493_2.png) [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2017, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-about-blacks-using-the-n-word/792274/4 "2017-07-27T17:03:53Z")
There is no monolithic group of “black folks” who make rules about that word, but I’ve never in my life encountered that sort of situation - and I’ve known lots of people on every conceivable point of the N-word spectrum. I have known black folks who are vehemently opposed to the word and view it as a synonym for “slave.” I could imagine one of them apologizing if they used it without meaning to, but that wouldn’t be out of a specific worry that a white person was offended. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2017, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-about-blacks-using-the-n-word/792274/5 "2017-07-27T17:04:50Z")
Many ethnic groups use pejorative terms to describe themselves in a jocular or self-deprecating way. I’ve heard Italian-Americans refer to themselves as “guineas” and Polish-American refer to themselves as “Polacks.” If someone outside the group used the term, it would cause outrage. It’s the same for Blacks. They’re using the word in a humorous/ironic fashion within their group. Anyone outside the group using it will get into trouble. The concept is not a new one. In the novel _The Virginian_ from 1902, the same thing happens: The narrator is shocked when hears someone call the Virginian a seriously nasty name in a lighthearted fashion (from the evidence, it was probably “son of a bitch”). The Virginian just laughs it off. Later, someone uses the same term, and the Virginian grabs his gun in implied threat and says “When you call me that, _smile_!” ---
**Author:** ![Fotheringay-Phipps](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/d9b06d/32.png) [@Fotheringay-Phipps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fotheringay-Phipps)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2017, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-about-blacks-using-the-n-word/792274/6 "2017-07-27T17:04:59Z")
Also, another question: is there really a distinction between “Nigga” and “Nigger”, in that the same person might use both with the former being less offensive? Or is it just that black people tend to say “Nigga” and white people tend to say “Nigger” and the term is (naturally) less offensive when used by a black person? (Possibly - if the latter is correct - a black person might say “nigger” and have it be more offensive, not because the word itself has a different connotation but because by deliberately using the “white” pronunciation he’s communicating that he means to convey the offensiveness associated with that usage.) ---
**Author:** ![DPRK](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4491bb/32.png) [@DPRK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DPRK)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2017, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-about-blacks-using-the-n-word/792274/7 "2017-07-27T17:17:25Z")
> [@Fotheringay-Phipps](#): > > Also, another question: is there really a distinction between “Nigga” and “Nigger”, in that the same person might use both with the former being less offensive? Or is it just that black people tend to say “Nigga” and white people tend to say “Nigger” and the term is (naturally) less offensive when used by a black person? (Possibly - if the latter is correct - a black person might say “nigger” and have it be more offensive, not because the word itself has a different connotation but because by deliberately using the “white” pronunciation he’s communicating that he means to convey the offensiveness associated with that usage.) It’s just “eye dialect,” as in Mark Twain. From [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2016/01/04/how-a-white-australian-rapper-mastered-her-blaccent/](https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2016/01/04/how-a-white-australian-rapper-mastered-her-blaccent/) : > [@](#): > > Speakers of AAE often drop their “r’s” — saying mista instead of “mister,” for instance. They also harden up their “th” sounds — mouf instead of “mouth,” dough instead of “though,” wit instead of “with.” ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2017, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-about-blacks-using-the-n-word/792274/8 "2017-07-27T18:21:04Z")
> [@Grrr](#): > > Immediately after that though, she looked straight at me, and became really embarrassed. she told me “sorry”, which was strange because I didn’t feel I was owed an apology. Her embarrassment probably stems from using a word in your presence that is completely off limits to you due to your race. It’s like throwing in your face that you’re an outsider. Alternatively, she may have been embarrassed because she realized how uncouth you may have sounded to an outsider. That’s my guess. The word is not in my casual lexicon, so I’m not speaking from direct experience. ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2017, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-about-blacks-using-the-n-word/792274/9 "2017-07-27T18:34:30Z")
Was this a work setting? Or a group outside of work just talking? ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2017, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-about-blacks-using-the-n-word/792274/10 "2017-07-27T18:42:52Z")
> [@ywtf](#): > > Alternatively, she may have been embarrassed because she realized how uncouth **you** may have sounded to an outsider. Replace with “she”. ---
**Author:** ![peedin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peedin/32/14095_2.png) [@peedin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/peedin)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2017, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-about-blacks-using-the-n-word/792274/11 "2017-07-27T19:24:44Z")
Question: is it not o.k. to spell out the word nigger when using it as an example, or in context like the OP? Or must “the n-word” always be used? ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2017, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-about-blacks-using-the-n-word/792274/12 "2017-07-27T19:32:47Z")
> [@peedin](#): > > Question: is it not o.k. to spell out the word nigger when using it as an example, or in context like the OP? Or must “the n-word” always be used? I think it all depends how you want to come across. Kind of like if someone said: “What do I care if a couple of faggots want to get married? They got as much a right as anyone else.” I mean, it’s great this guy is all for equal rights. But… damn. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2017, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-about-blacks-using-the-n-word/792274/13 "2017-07-27T19:35:52Z")
> [@peedin](#): > > Question: is it not o.k. to spell out the word nigger when using it as an example, or in context like the OP? Or must “the n-word” always be used? I think it’s best not to use it in a thread title as it is very NSFW. The answer to your question is basically the rest of the thread. ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2017, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-about-blacks-using-the-n-word/792274/14 "2017-07-27T19:36:14Z")
I think it is an offensive word period, that is offensive to anyone. If I was raisng kids and I was black I would try and teach my kids not to use the word in any context. Not that they would pay any attention but I would at least plant the seed. I would encourage my kids to do everything they could to break that stereo type. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2017, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-about-blacks-using-the-n-word/792274/15 "2017-07-27T19:40:28Z")
> [@HoneyBadgerDC](#): > > I think it is an offensive word period, that is offensive to anyone. If I was raisng kids and I was black I would try and teach my kids not to use the word in any context. Not that they would pay any attention but I would at least plant the seed. I would encourage my kids to do everything they could to break that stereo type. One reaction I had to the OP was maybe she wasn’t apologizing because he was white per se, but because her mother has always told her not to use that word and she just got caught using it in front of a stranger. ---
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2017, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-about-blacks-using-the-n-word/792274/16 "2017-07-27T20:27:17Z")
> [@Grrr](#): > > Kind of like if someone said: “What do I care if a couple of faggots want to get married? They got as much a right as anyone else.” > I mean, it’s great this guy is all for equal rights. But… damn. Sounds like [The Almost Politically Correct Redneck.](http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/almost-politically-correct-redneck) ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2017, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-about-blacks-using-the-n-word/792274/17 "2017-07-27T21:23:20Z")
> [@Spice\_Weasel](#): > > One reaction I had to the OP was maybe she wasn’t apologizing because he was white per se, but because her mother has always told her not to use that word and she just got caught using it in front of a stranger. Was he, the white guy, also the only stranger in the group? Otherwise, why single out the white guy to apologize to? ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2017, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-about-blacks-using-the-n-word/792274/18 "2017-07-27T21:39:30Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Was he, the white guy, also the only stranger in the group? Otherwise, why single out the white guy to apologize to? I’m not sure if he was the only stranger, but he made it sound like this person was not someone he knew well. We don’t have much demographic info to work with, or even a context. I’ve never seen or heard about anything similar before, so I don’t know how common it is and am mostly pulling things out of my ass. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2017, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-about-blacks-using-the-n-word/792274/19 "2017-07-27T22:25:07Z")
It was at work. But I work in manufacturing. So the language and decorum tends to be a little more salty than your typical cubical farm. She’s not a total stranger, but it’s not like we hang out on weekends either. Also, I’m old enough to be this girl’s dad. Perhaps that had something to do with it. (I cuss like a sailor myself though) ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2017, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-about-blacks-using-the-n-word/792274/20 "2017-07-27T22:32:15Z")
> [@Grrr](#): > > It was at work. But I work in manufacturing. So the language and decorum tends to be a little more salty than your typical cubical farm. > > She’s not a total stranger, but it’s not like we hang out on weekends either. Also, I’m old enough to be this girl’s dad. Perhaps that had something to do with it. (I cuss like a sailor myself though) Yup, I’d place bets on it being more about your age, and maybe the thought that you might report her or something. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-about-blacks-using-the-n-word/792274.md?page=2)