# Question about homosexual encounter thread
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-about-homosexual-encounter-thread/312658
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [July 15, 2005, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-about-homosexual-encounter-thread/312658 "2005-07-15T15:21:12Z")
**Posts on this page:** 13
**Page:** 2
### Author:  [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)
#### Post date: [July 15, 2005, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-about-homosexual-encounter-thread/312658/21 "2005-07-15T18:55:07Z")
…and another thought.
If I’m a heterosexual unable or unwilling to form a romantic bond with the opposite sex, am I any less a heterosexual?
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### Author:  [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)
#### Post date: [July 15, 2005, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-about-homosexual-encounter-thread/312658/22 "2005-07-15T19:48:54Z")
> [@SisterCoyote](#):
>
> I don’t think bisexual is a bad thing - I’d better not, seeing as I am bisexual! What I think is a bad thing is applying any label to someone who doesn’t want to accept it.
My ex is an adultress. Despite the concrete proof I have of her being an adultress she continues to deny this fact to this very day. The fact actually moved in with her last December, but I digress…
My point is, people have lots of reasons for not wanting to accept a label. Some of them quite compelling. But there’s some witty line that talks about the characteristics of a water fowl. I’m sure you know it. 🙂
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### Author:  [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)
#### Post date: [July 15, 2005, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-about-homosexual-encounter-thread/312658/23 "2005-07-15T20:00:59Z")
But see, these aren’t scientific, technical labels, these are social labels: they serve a purpose in the rather complicated mating dance of the human animal. Someone who likes looking at pretty ladies–and it goes beyond an aesthetic appriciation of beauty, even if I am not moved to act–is sending out dishonest social signals if they indentify as bisexual: it’s like someone who is 1/16 Irish or American Indian identifying as Irish or American Indian. There may be some truth to the claim, but it comes across as fatuous to claim that status in public. At some point, it’s there, but it’s not signifigant enough to make a big deal about. Where is that point? I don’t know, but I feel it does exist.
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### Author:  [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)
#### Post date: [July 15, 2005, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-about-homosexual-encounter-thread/312658/24 "2005-07-15T20:07:20Z")
I think we are finding the divide.
For some people bisexual = about 50/50 interest in each gender
For others bisexual = any amount of interest in both genders.
For those who say bisexuality has to be about 50/50 what about those in the grey areas. What do those “Proud to be grey” get to call there sexuality?
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### Author:  [@Draelin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Draelin)
#### Post date: [July 15, 2005, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-about-homosexual-encounter-thread/312658/25 "2005-07-15T20:09:49Z")
> [@Miller](#):
>
> As a bisexual, it would bother me a little bit. I’d like to see the term reserved for people who can form romantic attachments to either gender, not just to people who can get off with either gender. Orientation should be a little deeper than simple friction.
I agree on this. I have had sex with women in my time, but have never wanted a relationship with one. I don’t think of myself as bisexual. I think of myself as experimental. I’d do it again, but I have never wanted anything more from another woman than sex.
Wow, that sounded awful. _sigh_
My best friend actually _is_ bisexual, and she agrees with me on my labeling technique.
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### Author:  [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)
#### Post date: [July 15, 2005, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-about-homosexual-encounter-thread/312658/26 "2005-07-15T20:14:18Z")
I’d agree with you as far as someone who is only 1/16 bisexual (How would one measure that? 🙂 Based on sexual activity, I suppose…) were trying to represent themselves as gay.
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### Author:  [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)
#### Post date: [July 15, 2005, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-about-homosexual-encounter-thread/312658/27 "2005-07-15T20:21:00Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#):
>
> I’d agree with you as far as someone who is only 1/16 bisexual (How would one measure that? 🙂 Based on sexual activity, I suppose…) were trying to represent themselves as gay.
Even bisexual seems pretentious when the leaning is that slight: someone who is 1/16th or 1/8 American Indian presenting themselves as even “part Indian” seems ridiculous and pretentious to me. Why should bisexuality be any different?
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### Author:  [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)
#### Post date: [July 15, 2005, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-about-homosexual-encounter-thread/312658/28 "2005-07-15T20:21:59Z")
> [@Draelin](#):
>
> I agree on this. I have had sex with women in my time, but have never wanted a relationship with one. I don’t think of myself as bisexual. I think of myself as experimental. I’d do it again, but I have never wanted anything more from another woman than sex.
>
> Wow, that sounded awful. _sigh_
>
> My best friend actually _is_ bisexual, and she agrees with me on my labeling technique.
Again, if we were to use this as a lithmus test, we would not be able to call a heterosexual a heterosexual if he/she was primarily interested in sex and not in any kind of romantic attachement.
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### Author:  [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)
#### Post date: [July 15, 2005, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-about-homosexual-encounter-thread/312658/29 "2005-07-15T20:25:59Z")
> [@Manda JO](#):
>
> Even bisexual seems pretentious when the leaning is that slight: someone who is 1/16th or 1/8 American Indian presenting themselves as even “part Indian” seems ridiculous and pretentious to me. Why should bisexuality be any different?
I don’t know. Personal snobbery. Too fine a personal filter. 😛
Incidentally, and I’m not 100% positive, but 1/16 American Indian is considered enough to be viewed as having enough Native blood to benefit from whatever gov’t assistance is offered by the US gov’t (for American residents, natch).
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### Author:  [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)
#### Post date: [July 15, 2005, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-about-homosexual-encounter-thread/312658/30 "2005-07-15T20:37:41Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#):
>
> I don’t know. Personal snobbery. Too fine a personal filter. 😛
Does this mean you agree with me? I am easily confused.
> [@](#):
>
> Incidentally, and I’m not 100% positive, but 1/16 American Indian is considered enough to be viewed as having enough Native blood to benefit from whatever gov’t assistance is offered by the US gov’t (for American residents, natch).
Right, but we are talking about social definitions, not legal ones.
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### Author:  [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)
#### Post date: [July 18, 2005, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-about-homosexual-encounter-thread/312658/31 "2005-07-18T12:56:49Z")
Sorry… took the weekend off… 🙂
> [@Manda JO](#):
>
> Does this mean you agree with me? I am easily confused.
I believe that having (voluntary) sex with your own gender plants you solidly into the bi camp, doesn’t matter if it was in college and you were just experimenting. You may never do it again because you choose not to but I think that’s just a matter of either growing out of that phase or not having somebody (of the same gender) that you are attracted to.
> [@Manda JO](#):
>
> Right, but we are talking about social definitions, not legal ones.
I agree and that’s why I can’t provide a cite for you. I’m just stating my opinion.
I can certainly appreciate people wanting to eschew labels. Particularly those that have a social stigma attached. I’m simply arguing that not wanting to be identified as a bisexual doesn’t necessarily mean you aren’t one.
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### Author:  [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)
#### Post date: [July 18, 2005, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-about-homosexual-encounter-thread/312658/32 "2005-07-18T13:42:28Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#):
>
> Sorry… took the weekend off… 🙂
>
> I believe that having (voluntary) sex with your own gender plants you solidly into the bi camp, doesn’t matter if it was in college and you were just experimenting. You may never do it again because you choose not to but I think that’s just a matter of either growing out of that phase or not having somebody (of the same gender) that you are attracted to.
Do you agree that a person who goes around claiming to be “part American Indian” or “part Irish” when they are 1/16 American Indian or Irish is being pretentious? How is that different from someone claiming to be “bisexual” when they had one homosexual experience thirty years ago?
> [@](#):
>
> I agree and that’s why I can’t provide a cite for you. I’m just stating my opinion.
>
> I can certainly appreciate people wanting to eschew labels. Particularly those that have a social stigma attached. I’m simply arguing that not wanting to be identified as a bisexual doesn’t necessarily mean you aren’t one.
And I am arguing that wanting to be indentified as a bisexual–and having a token homosexual experience–doesn’t mean you are.
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### Author:  [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)
#### Post date: [July 18, 2005, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-about-homosexual-encounter-thread/312658/33 "2005-07-18T14:09:47Z")
> [@Manda JO](#):
>
> Do you agree that a person who goes around claiming to be “part American Indian” or “part Irish” when they are 1/16 American Indian or Irish is being pretentious? How is that different from someone claiming to be “bisexual” when they had one homosexual experience thirty years ago?
It depends, in large part, on their delivery of the information and the context. Overall, I’d have to say no, I don’t really mind. Should I?
> [@Manda JO](#):
>
> And I am arguing that wanting to be indentified as a bisexual–and having a token homosexual experience–doesn’t mean you are.
Okay, but going back to the OP, the conditions set forth are that:
a) it’s voluntary
b) one enjoys it
I’m willing to concede that a one time drunken grope which you later regret does not make you a bisexual. But if you continue to entertain the idea or consider pursuing it under the right circumstances, then you very much are. Even if the right circumstances never present themselves or you ultimately chicken out for fear of discovery or judgement or presonal religious convictions.
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