# Question and Answer thread **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 14, 2003, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722 "2003-04-14T20:17:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![TheOtherOne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dbc845/32.png) [@TheOtherOne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheOtherOne)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2003, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/41 "2003-04-15T06:08:05Z")
Q: How many drunks does it take to screw in some sort of illumination device? A: Where in the hell did that come from? ---
**Author:** ![Pixiesnix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/898d66/32.png) [@Pixiesnix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pixiesnix)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2003, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/42 "2003-04-15T06:27:47Z")
Q: Anyone mind if I park my llama here? A: It only works if you jiggle it. ---
**Author:** ![Phelan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a183cd/32.png) [@Phelan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phelan)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2003, 7:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/43 "2003-04-15T07:15:18Z")
Q: How do you get that llama to go? A: Because my back hurts!! ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2003, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/44 "2003-04-15T12:42:49Z")
Q. Winona, what do you need all those pain killers for? A. Goooooooooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaal! ---
**Author:** ![lost4life](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c4cdca/32.png) [@lost4life](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lost4life)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2003, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/45 "2003-04-15T14:12:56Z")
Q: Do you say anything when you orgasm? A: Your mom. ---
**Author:** ![blanx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f04885/32.png) [@blanx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blanx)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2003, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/46 "2003-04-15T14:30:30Z")
Q: who do you orgasm with? A: earwax and a stapler. ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2003, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/47 "2003-04-15T14:36:14Z")
Q: How do you repair a split condom? A: The sum of all earthly pleasures. ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2003, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/48 "2003-04-15T14:52:05Z")
Q: What, according to Jerry Falwell, does St. Paul forbid? A: Love, death, and the American novel. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2003, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/49 "2003-04-15T15:34:33Z")
Q. What is the title of Ukelele Ike’s upcoming memoirs? A. The moose says you’re closed, I say you’re open. ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2003, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/50 "2003-04-15T16:15:27Z")
Q: What was the title of 1978’s least successful country song? A: Fairies wear boots. ---
**Author:** ![hocow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hocow/32/4112_2.png) [@hocow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hocow)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2003, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/51 "2003-04-15T16:24:14Z")
Q: Why didn’t Liberace track mud on his kitchen floor? A: Anti-Bacterial Hand Gel. ---
**Author:** ![MonkeyMensch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@MonkeyMensch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MonkeyMensch)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2003, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/52 "2003-04-15T16:25:13Z")
Q: How do you differentiate wood folk on camping trips? A: Bamboo and tall ladders. ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2003, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/53 "2003-04-15T16:27:11Z")
Q: Okay, jokester, how do elephants get into trees in the first place? A: With a pencil and a pad he figured it out. ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2003, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/54 "2003-04-15T16:36:06Z")
Q: How does an Engineer knowm that he exists? A: With a hay and a ho and a hay-diddle-doe. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2003, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/55 "2003-04-15T16:50:37Z")
Q: How do you court a Shakespearean heroine? A: Quaaludes and a fifth of bourbon. ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2003, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/56 "2003-04-15T17:05:12Z")
– sorry to interupt, but I’ve been dropping letters for a while now. Suddenly today an extra m turns up. I think my keyboard is connected to the sock-dimension – Q: How does one get to sleep arround here? A: a bump on the head would do wonders. ---
**Author:** ![lightingtool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/57b2e6/32.png) [@lightingtool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lightingtool)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2003, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/57 "2003-04-15T17:07:36Z")
Q: How can we get Bush to re-think his tax plan? A: I don’t know, but I sure am gassy today ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2003, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/58 "2003-04-15T17:14:29Z")
Q: What happened to that pot of bean stew on the stove, and by the way, did you realize you were sleepwalking again? A: Because giraffes can’t fly, that’s why! ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2003, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/59 "2003-04-15T17:14:29Z")
Q: Did someone just say “a hot water bottle wattle”? A: Three miles across the water, wearing nothing but ski pants. ---
**Author:** ![lightingtool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/57b2e6/32.png) [@lightingtool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lightingtool)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2003, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/60 "2003-04-15T17:27:07Z")
Q: Hey, where did **jjimm** go? A: It’s right next to Uranus [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722.md?page=4)