# Question and Answer thread **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 14, 2003, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722 "2003-04-14T20:17:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 43
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/841 "2003-07-14T01:59:57Z")
Q: Yes, I realize that your firm’s charges represent a significant savings compared to what we were paying, but why hasn’t the shoplifting been reduced? A: A scratched Kenny Rogers album, a melted Clark bar, and a nail. ---
**Author:** ![Governor\_Quinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d26b3c/32.png) [@Governor\_Quinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Governor_Quinn)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/842 "2003-07-14T16:37:57Z")
Q: So, what DID Dan Ludwig leave you in his will? A: We no longer want the funk. ---
**Author:** ![Aholibah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Aholibah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aholibah)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/843 "2003-07-14T16:53:51Z")
Q. How come you’re only bringing in the noise now? A. Up ahead about three miles, on the right. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/844 "2003-07-14T16:59:47Z")
Q: Where’s Ann Coulter? A: An extra crease in my pants. ---
**Author:** ![Governor\_Quinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d26b3c/32.png) [@Governor\_Quinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Governor_Quinn)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/845 "2003-07-14T17:19:05Z")
Q: What did you trade your soul for? A: This isn’t what I expected. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ea5d25/32.png) [@Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Scrappy_Hero_Pup)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/846 "2003-07-14T17:52:07Z")
Q: What did your date say when the ether wore off? A: It was a lot of fun until the ferret did the keg-stand. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/847 "2003-07-14T17:56:40Z")
Q: So how was Comic-Con? A: Approximately the size of France and Spain combined. ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/848 "2003-07-14T23:53:34Z")
Q: If we could herd all the terrorists into one big corral, how much space would we need? A: J Lo and Oprah both approve. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2003, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/849 "2003-07-15T01:10:43Z")
Q: How do we know when a story is going to be on the front page of the greater part of US newspapers and large-circulation magazines? A: In the left lane. ---
**Author:** ![Suse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@Suse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Suse)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2003, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/850 "2003-07-15T01:18:37Z")
Q. Where does Rush Limbaugh refuse to drive? A. Your mother’s army boots. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2003, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/851 "2003-07-15T01:49:12Z")
Q: What are my lucky shoes? A: Jesus said I only have to pay fifteen hundred. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2003, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/852 "2003-07-15T02:28:24Z")
Q: Why am I in litigation about a 2000-dollar debt? A: Sticks, wires, duct tape, insulation, tinfoil, an isolation transformer, rubber gloves, and a 25-kV power-supply. ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2003, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/853 "2003-07-15T03:15:34Z")
Q: What is a list of things I wouldn’t try to take to Grampa’s birthday party if traveling by air. A: He’s a seeing eye dog, for heaven’s sake! ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ea5d25/32.png) [@Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Scrappy_Hero_Pup)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2003, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/854 "2003-07-15T04:43:27Z")
Q: What was my girlfriend’s reaction to my leaving her for “someone else?” A: Three radical two. ---
**Author:** ![Governor\_Quinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d26b3c/32.png) [@Governor\_Quinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Governor_Quinn)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2003, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/855 "2003-07-15T14:34:56Z")
Q: What do you call your band? A: Vic Burma and his Swingettes. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2003, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/856 "2003-07-15T16:29:52Z")
Q: What was the last performing-monkey circus act to come out of South-East Asia before the Fall of Singapore? A: Either a crumpled piece of paper, or Pinky Blue. ---
**Author:** ![xvxdarkknightxvx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/34f0e0/32.png) [@xvxdarkknightxvx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xvxdarkknightxvx)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2003, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/857 "2003-07-15T18:43:21Z")
Q: What did the RIAA sue you for? A: So the mice don’t get out. ---
**Author:** ![Governor\_Quinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d26b3c/32.png) [@Governor\_Quinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Governor_Quinn)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2003, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/858 "2003-07-15T20:11:20Z")
Q: Good heavens, what do you need a moat that big for? A: Colonel Sanders became Brigader General Sanders after he successfully invaded Panama. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ea5d25/32.png) [@Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Scrappy_Hero_Pup)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2003, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/859 "2003-07-15T23:57:10Z")
Q: What do you hear when you play that old Van Halen song backwards? A. One pissed-off hippie. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2003, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/860 "2003-07-16T01:20:14Z")
Q: What did the aliens find in the middle of the road after they’d abducted all the Volkwagen Microbuses in the area? A: George W Bush, Jacques Chirac, Jean Chretien, Tony Blair, Paul Howard, and Yahoo Serious. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722.md?page=42) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722.md?page=44)