# Question and Answer thread **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 14, 2003, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722 "2003-04-14T20:17:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 55
**Author:** ![peritrochoid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@peritrochoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/peritrochoid)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2003, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/1081 "2003-09-17T04:21:11Z")
Q: Do you have any advice for an aspiring tight-rope walker? A: OOPS! Y’know, you don’t usually see them just pop like that … ---
**Author:** ![SanguineSpider](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SanguineSpider](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanguineSpider)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2003, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/1082 "2003-09-17T04:23:38Z")
Q: What do you never want to hear your eye doctor say? A: Because it was dead! ---
**Author:** ![peritrochoid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@peritrochoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/peritrochoid)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2003, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/1083 "2003-09-17T04:57:32Z")
Q: Hey, you little brat! Why’d you put my hamster in the wood chipper? A: Truthfully, it’s because you look a bit stressed out … shark attacks can do that to some people. ---
**Author:** ![quiltguy154](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/ad7895/32.png) [@quiltguy154](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/quiltguy154)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2003, 9:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/1084 "2003-09-17T09:46:55Z")
Q: Is there a good reason you’re smearing me with DW-30 AND mashed eggplant? A:It used to be painted blue and white, now they’re going earth tones. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2003, 10:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/1085 "2003-09-17T10:09:19Z")
Q: What’s the reason the US military is now having greater success in Iraq? A: Orange peel and/or Bill Gates. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ea5d25/32.png) [@Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Scrappy_Hero_Pup)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2003, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/1086 "2003-09-17T15:50:19Z")
Q: What would I have to throw in for you to take this Apple IIe off my hands? A: We’re short one oar, dammit! ---
**Author:** ![Svt4Him](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7feea3/32.png) [@Svt4Him](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Svt4Him)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2003, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/1087 "2003-09-17T16:57:39Z")
Q. So if you didn’t say she was one short prostitute, what did you say? A. It was taken out of context, and it wasn’t meant that way. ---
**Author:** ![hocow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hocow/32/4112_2.png) [@hocow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hocow)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2003, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/1088 "2003-09-17T17:14:17Z")
Q: Why did everyone laugh at your report on the Big Top? A: Slim Jims and applesauce. ---
**Author:** ![verbenabeast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/c4cdca/32.png) [@verbenabeast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/verbenabeast)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2003, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/1089 "2003-09-17T18:00:35Z")
Q: What did you bring to the orgy, **Krys92gp**? A: a shot and a beer ---
**Author:** ![Monstre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@Monstre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monstre)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2003, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/1090 "2003-09-17T20:51:16Z")
Q: What did you say your doctor gave you for your vaccination? A: a dusty chalkboard ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ea5d25/32.png) [@Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Scrappy_Hero_Pup)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2003, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/1091 "2003-09-17T21:14:26Z")
Q: What did your Amish nanny replace your XBox with? A: Only the damn seeds. ---
**Author:** ![peritrochoid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@peritrochoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/peritrochoid)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2003, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/1092 "2003-09-17T23:17:14Z")
Q: But aren’t you supposed to smoke the whole thing? A: So there I was, naked, in the refrigerator, smoking a cigarette with a potroast on my knees. That’s when things got REALLY weird. source unknown (seen in a variety of places with different folks taking credit), but I’d **really** like to see the question to provoke _that_ answer. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2003, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/1093 "2003-09-18T02:16:44Z")
Q: And what about you waking up at your sister’s surprise party? A: Mom, Dad, and Boris just got married. ---
**Author:** ![quiltguy154](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/ad7895/32.png) [@quiltguy154](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/quiltguy154)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2003, 10:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/1094 "2003-09-18T10:17:56Z")
Q: What was the title of the winner on "America’s Funniest Home Videos? A:All my life, it’s been “Pick up the stuff, before more of it settles.” ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2003, 12:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/1095 "2003-09-18T12:22:07Z")
Q: What guiding principles inform _your_ existence? A: Money, donuts, and massage oil. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ea5d25/32.png) [@Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Scrappy_Hero_Pup)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2003, 12:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/1096 "2003-09-18T12:27:36Z")
Q: What did you find stolen from your house after the “Large Lovin’” party you threw? A: A bust of Nolan Ryan and a roll of Canadian quarters. ---
**Author:** ![Svt4Him](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7feea3/32.png) [@Svt4Him](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Svt4Him)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2003, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/1097 "2003-09-18T15:05:26Z")
Q. What will you give me for this one American quarter? A. Three of them, but one stayed back to wait for his mom. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2003, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/1098 "2003-09-18T17:56:00Z")
Q: How many hijackers were on the fifth plane? A: A rampant moose and crossed golf clubs. ---
**Author:** ![quiltguy154](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/ad7895/32.png) [@quiltguy154](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/quiltguy154)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2003, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/1099 "2003-09-18T19:44:48Z")
Q: Describe the logo for the new Bullwinkle and Tiger Woods chain of massage parlors. A: With much more vigor than I can usually muster. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2003, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/1100 "2003-09-18T20:37:32Z")
Q: How did I forcibly eject Bill Clinton? A: Definitely. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722.md?page=54) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722.md?page=56)