# Question and Answer thread **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 14, 2003, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722 "2003-04-14T20:17:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2003, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/161 "2003-04-18T05:40:19Z")
Q: What are we bribing Iraqi informants with? A: The swelling is gone but it’s still bright purple. ---
**Author:** ![nogginhead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5e9695/32.png) [@nogginhead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nogginhead)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2003, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/162 "2003-04-18T13:05:53Z")
Q: How’s your new purple tattoo healing up? A: And then the rabbi says “Holy smokes!” ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2003, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/163 "2003-04-18T14:44:05Z")
Q: What is the new advertising slogan for Kosher Tobacco Products[sup]TM[/sup]. – Please, you can’t really start an answer with ‘And’, nitpick. A: Much more spicy Guacamole. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2003, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/164 "2003-04-18T15:12:26Z")
Q: What do you have when you vomit guacamole? A: Two turntables and a cellular phone. ---
**Author:** ![brianjedi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@brianjedi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brianjedi)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2003, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/165 "2003-04-18T15:21:38Z")
Q: What’s the tagline for Beck’s new Cingular Wireless commercial? A: A vat of nacho cheese. ---
**Author:** ![carrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de0a6/32.png) [@carrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carrot)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2003, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/166 "2003-04-18T15:40:26Z")
Q: What did you _eat_? A: Marshmallow peeps and a half-pound of olive loaf. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2003, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/167 "2003-04-18T15:44:49Z")
Q: What do y’all use for communion? A: Air guitar with a pickle. ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2003, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/168 "2003-04-18T16:44:30Z")
Q: How do smurf’s entertain themselves at a Metallica concert? A: Saddam Hussein, brussel sprouts, and a large spoon. ---
**Author:** ![carrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de0a6/32.png) [@carrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carrot)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2003, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/169 "2003-04-18T17:06:07Z")
Q: What is George Bush’s idea of a good time? A: Bill O’Reilly in a négligée. ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2003, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/170 "2003-04-18T17:08:58Z")
Q: What is the best defense against erotic thoughts in the world? A: Only her hairdresser knows for sure! ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2003, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/171 "2003-04-18T17:35:47Z")
Q: Does **His4Ever** have little horns on her head? A: Cooties. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2003, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/172 "2003-04-18T17:42:37Z")
Q: What sounds does a baby make? A: Parsley, Sage, Bea Arthur and Thyme. ---
**Author:** ![carrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de0a6/32.png) [@carrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carrot)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2003, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/173 "2003-04-18T17:52:03Z")
Q: Are you going to Golden Girls’ Fair? A: Because of the smell. ---
**Author:** ![cainxinth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7bcc69/32.png) [@cainxinth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cainxinth)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2003, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/174 "2003-04-18T18:01:41Z")
Q: Why won’t you come with me to the Golden Girls Fair? A: 36 metric tons of fluffernutter ---
**Author:** ![nogginhead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5e9695/32.png) [@nogginhead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nogginhead)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2003, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/175 "2003-04-18T18:09:49Z")
Q: What did you _eat_ after having kinky sex in it? A: Well, well, well, you can never tell. [sorry about the ‘and the rabbi’ thing.] ---
**Author:** ![El\_Marko](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/58956e/32.png) [@El\_Marko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Marko)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2003, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/176 "2003-04-18T18:23:10Z")
Q: What was overheard from the well inspector as he went from hole to hole? A: These are eggplants, you fool! I wanted bananas!!! ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2003, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/177 "2003-04-18T18:38:33Z")
Q: Are you as turned on as I am by this? A: It only hurts when I laugh. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2003, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/178 "2003-04-18T19:27:43Z")
Q: Was that caused by excessive masturbation? A: I used to, but the neighbors objected. ---
**Author:** ![lightingtool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/57b2e6/32.png) [@lightingtool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lightingtool)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2003, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/179 "2003-04-18T20:01:41Z")
Q: Do you still have those kinky sex parties? A: Three feet of snow and maple syrup. ---
**Author:** ![NurseCarmen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5daacb/32.png) [@NurseCarmen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NurseCarmen)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2003, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722/180 "2003-04-18T20:10:21Z")
Q: How do I stop the burning of this hemerroidal itch? A: The fish came last. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722.md?page=8) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-and-answer-thread/168722.md?page=10)