# Question for anti death ray people? Earth Invasion? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 13, 2019, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-anti-death-ray-people-earth-invasion/829478 "2019-02-13T17:27:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Snarky\_Kong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a183cd/32.png) [@Snarky\_Kong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snarky_Kong)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2019, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-anti-death-ray-people-earth-invasion/829478/1 "2019-02-13T17:27:24Z")
Question: Lets say you’re at home and some alien comes flying to steal your cows and probe your anus. Yes, you can and should call the military (assuming your phone is working) but you need protection NOW. What would you do since you don’t a terrawatt death ray? ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2019, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-anti-death-ray-people-earth-invasion/829478/2 "2019-02-13T17:29:34Z")
Generally, I believe the “run/hide/fight” model of dealing with alien invaders is wisest, no matter how one is armed – flee (with fellow members of your species) when possible; if fleeing is impossible, then hide (while preparing to fight if found); if hiding is impossible (or if one is found), then fight. Aside from my fellow homo sapiens, there’s nothing on my planet that I wouldn’t gladly trade away to avoid the chance of having to commit genocide (or, obviously, being genocided). ---
**Author:** ![Arcite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/67e7ee/32.png) [@Arcite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arcite)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2019, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-anti-death-ray-people-earth-invasion/829478/3 "2019-02-13T17:31:04Z")
Aren’t parody posts supposed to go in the BBQ Pit? ---
**Author:** ![Bone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bone/32/407_2.png) [@Bone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bone)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2019, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-anti-death-ray-people-earth-invasion/829478/4 "2019-02-13T17:32:24Z")
Parody threads go in the Pit. I’ve moved it from GD to the Pit. [Link to original thread.](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=870700) [/moderating] ---
**Author:** ![Babale](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/babale/32/15666_2.png) [@Babale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Babale)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2019, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-anti-death-ray-people-earth-invasion/829478/5 "2019-02-13T18:09:52Z")
> [@Snarky\_Kong](#): > > Question: Lets say you’re at home and some alien comes flying to steal your cows and probe your anus. Yes, you can and should call the military (assuming your phone is working) but you need protection NOW. > > What would you do since you don’t a terrawatt death ray? I would pick up my phone and expect to hear: > [@](#): > > Hello, Commander. > > In light of the recent extraterrestrial incursion, this Council of Nations has convened to approve the activation of the X-COM Project. You have been chosen to lead this initiative. To oversee our first – and last – line of defense. > > Your efforts will have considerable influence on this planet’s future. We urge you to keep that in mind as you proceed. > > Good luck, Commander. Then I would send out a team of four rookies who couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn to deal with the threat. ---
**Author:** ![Babale](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/babale/32/15666_2.png) [@Babale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Babale)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2019, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-anti-death-ray-people-earth-invasion/829478/6 "2019-02-13T18:12:59Z")
Also, I’m not anti death ray, but I do believe you should research alien alloy armor before laser guns, because the lives of your soldiers matter, and a highly trained operative with a ballistic rifle is worth two rookies with plasma guns. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2019, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-anti-death-ray-people-earth-invasion/829478/7 "2019-02-13T18:26:30Z")
I would try diplomacy. I figure I would ill-equipped to fight beings who have masted interplanetary travel. Not sure why they would want to steal my cows or probe my anus… ---
**Author:** ![Trion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ccd318/32.png) [@Trion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trion)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2019, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-anti-death-ray-people-earth-invasion/829478/8 "2019-02-13T18:28:16Z")
Isn’t this why we have Space Force? ---
**Author:** ![jackdavinci](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackdavinci/32/3259_2.png) [@jackdavinci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackdavinci)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2019, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-anti-death-ray-people-earth-invasion/829478/9 "2019-02-13T18:32:12Z")
Hmm maybe try to deescalate with some calming phrases like “Klaatu barada nikto”. Anyway if we were meant to have death rays, God wouldn’t have killed Tesla. ---
**Author:** ![jasg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f0a364/32.png) [@jasg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jasg)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2019, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-anti-death-ray-people-earth-invasion/829478/10 "2019-02-13T18:32:37Z")
I would take comfort that they were here to serve man. ---
**Author:** ![snfaulkner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snfaulkner/32/433_2.png) [@snfaulkner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snfaulkner)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2019, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-anti-death-ray-people-earth-invasion/829478/11 "2019-02-13T18:32:38Z")
I dont have cows, so no big deal there. As for the anus probing, I don’t imagine it would be fun, but then what? Then they go away or…what? Maybe I just let em probe and get on with my life. Or maybe I’d join them. It’d be more interesting than getting on with my boring shitty life. ---
**Author:** ![xenophon41](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xenophon41/32/253_2.png) [@xenophon41](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xenophon41)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2019, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-anti-death-ray-people-earth-invasion/829478/12 "2019-02-13T18:35:30Z")
> [@Trion](#): > > Isn’t this why we have Space Force? This is why we need a space wall _now_! (Paging [Dr. Dyson](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Freeman_Dyson#Dyson_sphere).) ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2019, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-anti-death-ray-people-earth-invasion/829478/13 "2019-02-13T18:35:53Z")
What thread are you parodying? Context is always good. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2019, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-anti-death-ray-people-earth-invasion/829478/14 "2019-02-13T18:36:53Z")
> [@Trion](#): > > Isn’t this why we have Space Force? No, it’s to protect us from [Space ISIS.](https://www.thedailybeast.com/daily-show-exposes-how-trump-fans-have-no-idea-what-space-force-is) ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2019, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-anti-death-ray-people-earth-invasion/829478/15 "2019-02-13T19:25:48Z")
> [@Knowed\_Out](#): > > What thread are you parodying? > > Context is always good. **Bone** linked to it in post #4 when he moved the thread out of GD. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2019, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-anti-death-ray-people-earth-invasion/829478/16 "2019-02-13T19:40:02Z")
When death rays are outlawed, only aliens will have death rays. ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2019, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-anti-death-ray-people-earth-invasion/829478/17 "2019-02-13T19:46:47Z")
Why don’t they invent life rays instead of wasting their time building bigger stronger death rays? ---
**Author:** ![Steve\_MB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steve_mb/32/5339_2.png) [@Steve\_MB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_MB)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2019, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-anti-death-ray-people-earth-invasion/829478/18 "2019-02-13T19:50:49Z")
I’d splash water on them. I saw that in a movie once. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2019, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-anti-death-ray-people-earth-invasion/829478/19 "2019-02-13T20:00:33Z")
I assume they’re not knocking on my door, so that it’s a surprise when I open it. I assume that I just heard them land either in my back yard or in the street. Either way, that’s a small space ship. So - - call 911, grab the machete, and head for the basement. Might call PG&E, too. Odds are the ship took out a line on the way in. ---
**Author:** ![Ravenman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ravenman/32/2929_2.png) [@Ravenman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ravenman)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2019, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-anti-death-ray-people-earth-invasion/829478/20 "2019-02-13T20:04:24Z")
[It would be better if everyone had training on what to do and not do if they came across a terawatt death ray, either in their home or on the street,](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=21486499&postcount=76) [but it’s not like anyone should actually lift a finger to provide such training…](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=21486529&postcount=84) unless any alien cyborgs want to donate a little time on the weekend to indoctrinate third graders into thinking that happiness is a warm phaser. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-anti-death-ray-people-earth-invasion/829478.md?page=2)