# Question for anti death ray people? Earth Invasion? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 13, 2019, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-anti-death-ray-people-earth-invasion/829478 "2019-02-13T17:27:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2019, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-anti-death-ray-people-earth-invasion/829478/21 "2019-02-13T20:07:47Z")
> [@Steve\_MB](#): > > I’d splash water on them. I saw that in a movie once. When water balloons are outlawed, only water balloons will have…Wait a minute… ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2019, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-anti-death-ray-people-earth-invasion/829478/22 "2019-02-13T20:10:31Z")
Play “Indian Love Call” over the PA system. Their heads will explode inside their helmets. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2019, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-anti-death-ray-people-earth-invasion/829478/23 "2019-02-13T20:12:26Z")
I don’t mind if they probe my cows, but stealing my anus is just a bit too far! ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2019, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-anti-death-ray-people-earth-invasion/829478/24 "2019-02-13T20:20:18Z")
> [@ElvisL1ves](#): > > Play “Indian Love Call” over the PA system. Their heads will explode inside their helmets. Note to self: buy PA system and ear plugs. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2019, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-anti-death-ray-people-earth-invasion/829478/25 "2019-02-13T20:28:56Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > Note to self: buy PA system and ear plugs. Oh. That reminds me. I have a bagpipe app on my phone. I’d need bigger speakers, though. ---
**Author:** ![andros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e480ec/32.png) [@andros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andros)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2019, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-anti-death-ray-people-earth-invasion/829478/26 "2019-02-13T20:32:04Z")
> [@ElvisL1ves](#): > > Play “Indian Love Call” over the PA system. Their heads will explode inside their helmets. “Puberty Love” will do in a pinch. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2019, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-anti-death-ray-people-earth-invasion/829478/27 "2019-02-13T20:43:10Z")
> [@Yllaria](#): > > Oh. That reminds me. I have a bagpipe app on my phone. I’d need bigger speakers, though. Do you have a license for that bagpipe app? :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2019, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-anti-death-ray-people-earth-invasion/829478/28 "2019-02-13T21:20:43Z")
> [@snfaulkner](#): > > As for the anus probing, I don’t imagine it would be fun, but then what? Then they find the ancient cosmic secrets you’ve hidden up there, and the multiverse is doomed. …everyone keeps their ancient cosmic secrets stashed in their rectum, right?? It’s not just me? Hypothetically, I mean. ---
**Author:** ![andros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e480ec/32.png) [@andros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andros)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2019, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-anti-death-ray-people-earth-invasion/829478/29 "2019-02-13T21:23:09Z")
No, I totally keep my ancient cosmic secrets stashed in your rectum. ---
**Author:** ![Frodo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/frodo/32/302_2.png) [@Frodo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frodo)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2019, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-anti-death-ray-people-earth-invasion/829478/30 "2019-02-13T21:26:11Z")
> [@Babale](#): > > I would pick up my phone and expect to hear: > > Then I would send out a team of four rookies who couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn to deal with the threat. If they want to probe cows they are probably the original XCOM’s (1993) sectoids, your rookies can win that battle with acceptable(3-4) losses (send eight to be sure). ---
**Author:** ![AngelSoft](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/angelsoft/32/440_2.png) [@AngelSoft](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngelSoft)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2019, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-anti-death-ray-people-earth-invasion/829478/31 "2019-02-13T21:30:33Z")
> [@jackdavinci](#): > > Hmm maybe try to deescalate with some calming phrases like “Klaatu barada nikto”. I hear “bah weep grana weep ninny bon” is more effective and less vague in its interpretation among alien life forms. ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2019, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-anti-death-ray-people-earth-invasion/829478/32 "2019-02-13T22:06:37Z")
> [@AngelSoft](#): > > I hear “bah weep grana weep ninny bon” is more effective and less vague in its interpretation among alien life forms. I think there might be more than meets the eye to this possibility. ---
**Author:** ![Fugazi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f08c70/32.png) [@Fugazi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fugazi)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2019, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-anti-death-ray-people-earth-invasion/829478/33 "2019-02-13T23:17:37Z")
Idiots. They’re not going to probe your anus. They’re going to probe Uranus. So since now all you have to do is defend some cows, you don’t need a terrawatt death ray. A 1920’s style death ray will do. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2019, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-anti-death-ray-people-earth-invasion/829478/34 "2019-02-13T23:23:11Z")
> [@AngelSoft](#): > > I hear “bah weep grana weep ninny bon” is more effective and less vague in its interpretation among alien life forms. Well, sure, if you think that’s a good idea, but it’s not a very nice thing to say about your sister. I’d say we just cough in their faces. We’ve all seen War of the Worlds, right? Or, if they’re in clown costumes, punch them in the nose. ---
**Author:** ![Apollyon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/apollyon/32/4238_2.png) [@Apollyon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Apollyon)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2019, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-anti-death-ray-people-earth-invasion/829478/35 "2019-02-14T00:22:08Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > Do you have a license for that bagpipe app? :dubious: Not considered a weapon of war since 1996. 🙂 OK, more complicated than that, but for these purposes… ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2019, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-anti-death-ray-people-earth-invasion/829478/36 "2019-02-14T03:11:39Z")
> [@Snarky\_Kong](#): > > Question: Lets say you’re at home and some alien comes flying to steal your cows and probe your anus. Yes, you can and should call the military (assuming your phone is working) but you need protection NOW. > > What would you do since you don’t a terrawatt death ray? Well I guess my gun is the next best option. ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2019, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-anti-death-ray-people-earth-invasion/829478/37 "2019-02-14T03:44:44Z")
Hey, Ztigork! Got another transmission we picked up from that weird-ass planet, Get this! They think we want to go there! I swear, I am not making this up!" ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2019, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-anti-death-ray-people-earth-invasion/829478/38 "2019-02-14T03:45:24Z")
> [@Snarky\_Kong](#): > > Question… What would you do since you don’t [own] a terrawatt death ray? You’re making quite the assumption there… about all of us. A bit insulting, to be candid. ETA: By the way, a terrawatt? Pffft! That might sound impressive to someone with a '20s style model, but things have progressed a titch since then… ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2019, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-anti-death-ray-people-earth-invasion/829478/39 "2019-02-14T04:11:11Z")
> [@Snarky\_Kong](#): > > Question: Lets say you’re at home and some alien comes flying to steal your cows and probe your anus. Yes, you can and should call the military (assuming your phone is working) but you need protection NOW. > > What would you do since you don’t a terrawatt death ray? I’d give him Czarcasm’s address along with assurances that, there, s/he could anal probe and cow rustle with absolutely no possibility of resistance. ---
**Author:** ![Isosleepy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/isosleepy/32/479_2.png) [@Isosleepy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isosleepy)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2019, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-anti-death-ray-people-earth-invasion/829478/40 "2019-02-14T05:07:23Z")
I will trade two of my cows for a deathray. With this deathray I will kill, kill, kill ‘till I’m knee-deep in alien guts. Then I will re-charge and repeat. The last two aliens I will employ as bouncers for the nightclub I will make their spaceship into. When I’m bored with being a nightclub owner, I will fire it up and visit their homeworld. Kill a bunch more aliens, and some of _their_ cows. See how they like it. I will find out what landmarks carry deep emotional meaning for them, and destroy all those which are irreplacable. After that point, I’ll probably give diplomacy a chance. I mean if I have to come up with something quickly. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-anti-death-ray-people-earth-invasion/829478.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-anti-death-ray-people-earth-invasion/829478.md?page=3)