Question for atheists: your online persona vs. real life

In My Humble Opinion
21

This is my experience, and I’m well outside the Bible Belt.

My mother taught me the old-style conversation rules, so it makes me a little uncomfortable to talk about money, sex, religion and politics face-to-face. I’m much more likely to discuss my beliefs (or lack thereof) online because it’s much more likely to be a topic of conversation and it somehow doesn’t feel as transgressive to talk about it here. I hope I’m not “strident” in either venue, and I do try to be respectful of other people’s viewpoints. It can be difficult for me to keep my mouth shut when I hear Christians moaning about how persecuted they are, given how thoroughly Christianity pervades American culture, but I do my best.

22

I don’t bring it up in real life because all of my friends already know each others beliefs and none of us seem to find it much of a topic of conversation.
I’m not particularly strident about it here, either, and I suspect there are a lot like me on the Board who are not invested in the religious threads, so I question your premise that all the atheists on the Dope tend to be vociferous about it.

23

As far as I know, no one at my company practices Christianity. No one goes to church, and the only observance is during Christmas week, as it is an additional day or two off depending on how the calendar flows, and the week after Christmas when many of our clients’ offices are closed, to coordinate days off among our staff to ensure there’s coverage.

We have a few Jewish folks who observe some of the high holy days, but that’s about it, and even they’re not all that serious about it, blowing them off if necessity warrants.

We are all pretty like-minded at my company, so there could never be a heated debate on religion or atheism between me and my colleagues. Other than the very few review articles that mention the impact of theistic belief, not solely Christianity, on subjects in certain clinical trials, religion is simply not a part of anything we do, nor care about.

My friends are my colleagues and clients so, again, no conflicts and nothing to discuss.

So the answer is no, I don’t express my atheism, or discuss it, in real life. If someone were to ask me about it I’d engage but, other than my mother, I can’t remember the last time I discussed it with anyone outside of online forums such as this one.

24

On here, I mention it if it happens to matter in context. But that’s not very often, since I don’t hang out in religious threads, and the non-religious ones tend to be, well, non-religious in nature.

In real life - if I’m among my close friends, it comes up occasionally…but we’re all atheists. In the wider audience of real life, it only comes up around Christmas time, when all my co-workers ask me what I’m doing for Christmas. I usually answer with something about celebrating my sister’s birthday, and that I might end up working over the holiday break.
I do have one friend who I’ll exchange “say a prayer for me!” e-mails whenever we’re going to do something hard or scary. She’s also as atheist as they come. But it’s more of an inside joke to us there.
ETA: I was raised Jewish, and some people I deal with professionally assume I practice that religious. The first time or two, I don’t bother to correct them, because I don’t feel that it matters. If they keep pressing the issue - asking where I’m going for the first Seder, or something like that - I’ll tell them that I don’t observe.

25

I present the same on-line and in-person. Why should I feel the need to hide my candle under a bush if another does not?

The difference is that most religious people don’t feel the need to be so strident and abrasive in-person as they do on-line, so there’s no need to respond. When they do, however, I feel no need to pull my punches.

26

In my corner of the world, religion doesn’t come up as a conversation topic very often. When it does I will usually only respond if I can be articulate enough to really express myself clearly. I’m not confrontational in real life, but can be (very slightly) more aggressive if I have the time to organise my thoughts in written form online.

I try to be open minded and respect other people’s beliefs, but some of their notions are so blatantly frustratingly stupid it’s hard not to grab them by their figurative lapels and try to shake the ignorance out of them.

27

I’m the same person IRL as I am here, and not just regarding my atheism. However, the big difference is that I don’t usually interact with people IRL for the purpose of fighting their ignorance . . . more likely my own.

28

Heh, just today, I had a dream I was hanging out with Jesus christ. We were bar hopping. Over a glass of whiskey, I asked JC how many how many Twitter followers does he have. His response: “Who cares, those guy are assholes.”

I woke up with a smile on my face, because there’s so much wrong with the above mentioned dream.

Anyway, there are a select handful of people I’ll debate religion with in real life. And yes, we do bust each others balls over it. But ‘ball busting’ is par for the course in my circle of friends. So I don’t see religion as any different.

That said, debating with Christians I don’t know isn’t going to happen. Too much emotion wrapped up in it. OL, you have better control as to whether you want to participate in said conversation or not.

And yes, I do have a proclivity towards snarky-ness, but I’m trying to work on that.

29

I’m much quieter about it. Don’t have the energy to explain this sort of thing all day.

30

It really, really depends on how the subject comes up, and who I’m talking to. If I go to a little lunch place, and my server chirps “Have a BLESSED day!!!” at me when I get up to leave, I’m not going to engage her/him in a discussion of religion. I’m probably not going to see that person again. I’m certainly not going to spend half an hour telling him/her that not everyone is a believer. If every single server says some variant of that, I might ask the manager what’s up with it. If someone says “I’ll pray for you” when I’m clearly having a health problem in public, I’ll usually mutter something like “thanks for the thought”, but again, I won’t enter a discussion of my beliefs, or rather, my non-beliefs.

If I’m likely to interact with people on a regular basis, whether online or offline, I’ll usually say that I’m an atheist. I don’t insist that people change their greeting or departure messages to me, but I won’t usually give a religious response, either. You’ll get a “Happy Holidays” from me and you’ll LIKE it, because the alternative is “Bah Humbug”. I also will not pray for people, and I’d vastly prefer that people not pray for me.

31

I’m about the same online and IRL. I generally don’t bring it up, but will discuss it if asked.

I find it usually ends up being similar to discussions about reality TV. Someone will ask me if I saw, say, DWTS, I say I don’t watch it, they ask what I do watch, and I say I don’t watch reality TV. Then they get defensive about watching it and I say I really don’t care what they watch as long as nobody comes to my house and forces me to watch it. Or they will try to convince me I would really like it if I watched it and then it starts getting annoying.

32

Depends…People (friends) that really know me know what I believe. I respect everyone’s right to believe what is real for them.

My older son “came out” to me about his lack of belief in a deity. It was a truly bonding experience.

33

I generally don’t talk about religion. If someone repeatedly tries to get into a religious discussion with me I’ll generally tell them I’d prefer not to because they can say they believe Jesus Christ is the son of god and died for their sins and I don’t care one way or the other, but if I say the imaginary skyfairy is imaginary then I’m by extension saying they’re wasting their life chasing approval from an imaginary father figure and they’ll take great offense and never think of me the same way again. Then they take great offense and never think of me the same way again.

34

It comes up much more often on message boards than off. People who’ve been friends with me for a long time already know what I think about these issues, and that’s the biggest difference. They don’t just start debating this stuff out of the blue and neither do I. It’ll come up once in a while if we’re discussing some current event, but that’s about it. And the thing I object to the most isn’t faith, it’s the absolute certainty that you only find on message boards: “Atheists are just in denial!” “Nothing makes sense without God!” “History proves everything in the Bible really happened!” Blah blah blah. If it were that obvious there wouldn’t be anything to talk about.

35

I don’t really have any IRL interactions that are like a message board. I never sit down with a group of strangers and discuss interesting topics in depth. If I did, I’d be just as open about being an atheist as I am here.

I tend to assume everyone’s an atheist until it’s revealed that they aren’t, so I wouldn’t pull any punches if the topic came up in the real world.

36

Most of my loved ones know I’m atheist. I struggled with being a Christian for a long time and I think it bothered them more when I was questioning everything. Now we just don’t talk about it anymore. I don’t post atheist rants or paste memes mocking people’s religion because I don’t want to cause problems with my loved ones in real life.

When I’m on a board like this I’m a lot more open and willing to criticize religion, especially when really outspoken doom-and-gloomer folks give me the hell speech. I can be an angry atheist when I don’t have to worry about hurt feelings.

37

I used to be militantly atheist to the point where my bumper stickers kept getting torn off. Sadly I keep getting duped into religion nowadays. But in real life I have been more militant and blatant about it.

38

I tend to avoid participating in religious v. atheist discussions online, and I don’t think I’ve ever precisely “debated” the issue online. There are a few times, here or there, where I’ve chimed in on a particular question or hypothetical exercise, and I’ve not been shy about my atheism, nor about the questions I have for people who have religious worldviews.

In real life I… tend to forget. I forget that people get all twisted about such things. I don’t forget that religion is important to many people, but somehow I forget just how intolerantly upset people can be. I think that comes from my environment growing up, where I can point to having had friends and neighbors who were Jewish, Catholic, Protestant (various flavors), Jehovah’s Witness, Jews for Jesus, Muslim, Buddhist, Hindu, Wiccan, Baha’i and atheist (and BTW, I can name the names I’m thinking of for each of those categories - it’s not just a list for listing’s sake), and never was I made aware of any conflict around the issue of differing religious beliefs (although I do recall a few scowls here and there from the Catholics, but no one was rude enough to make a real issue of it).

So, I blurt it out. If the conversation warrants, I’ll mention that I’m an atheist. In my adult life, I’ve been treated to glares, gasps, interrogations, and worse. It catches me off guard every time. I’ll be talking with a nice older lady, weather, hobbies, blah blah blah, and suddenly she’s angry with me, and I have to rewind a minute to realize she’s actually angry and threatened that I’m not a Presbyterian like she is.

So, from the point of view of the religious, and I mean only in particular the insulated religious who have not had the benefit of a cosmopolitan upbringing, I probably come across as a strident atheist in real life. When it comes up, that is.

In reading the OP, a few things come to mind for me. One is that there is a burgeoning atheist presence online (due to many factors, including the “New Atheists”, and /r atheism, the FFRF, etc). With increasing popularity comes increasing numbers of the lowest common denominator, i.e., assholes. My view on that is, it’s your turn. For years, decades, centuries, the non-Christians have had to put up with the lowest common denominator Christians spewing their lowest common denominator bullshit in the common square, and you’ll just have to get over the fact that you no longer have a monopoly on crappy people.

Also, something I especially note in regards to /r atheism (and other atheist forums)… it’s a club. You encounter a group of guys, and you’re bound to encounter some saucy language about women. Likewise, a group of women about men. Similarly, a group of atheists, speaking in a forum that is “theirs”, is likely to be a bit fast and loose with how they express themselves. For people who’ve been in primarily (their own) religious environments, this is shocking, and it feels rude and threatening. Time and time again, for instance, I have seen comments on how abrasive and, well, crappy /r atheism is, when, from my view, it’s just a bunch of guys like me talking about stuff from their point of view. It’s not usually profound or brilliant, mind, but it’s certainly not offensive… unless you expect it to be.

39

I probably should have worded the question better. When I wrote about “vociferous atheists,” I was characterizing behavior I’ve seen in other message boards and chat rooms, and not necessarily what I’ve observed here on SD.

What intrigues me are atheists in online forums who insist that they show absolutely no mercy to religious people they encounter in real life. Given how intense they are online, I found myself wondering, “how they are they getting away with that?” My theory is that, for the most part, they aren’t. I figured that they were either far more restrained in real life than they cared to admit, or they were college students who hadn’t yet been in situations (i.e., workplaces) where they were expected to get along with strangers.

40

I don’t like talking about it in real life since I know most people are believers and I don’t want to take the time to explain my views to them. It is so painfully obvious to me that religion is made up that It almost seems like people are being willfully ignorant in regards to the subject. So, in other words, I think they are being stupid and that usually doesn’t go over well.

One very good explanation I heard before was that believers have a personal relationship with their god. So, for me to say that I don’t believe in him, or that I think it’s preposterous or evil, is like a slap in the face to them. It’s as if I would be saying something bad about their mother. Except, atheists don’t see it this way so there is a disconnection taking place in the conversation.