# Question for fathers **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 8, 2009, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-fathers/480413 "2009-01-08T20:15:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 4\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-fathers/480413/61 "2009-01-12T16:08:56Z")
> [@Aesiron](#): > > He was born in April '08 and I found out he wasn’t mine in July. > > Up to that point, I’d visited two or three times every week, on average, but once I got the paternity results, I threw a copy on her desk (we work together), called my former best friend to tell him he has a second child, called his ex-wife to tell her the same, and then cut contact with all of them. Just out of nosiness, why’d you call the ex-wife? ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-fathers/480413/62 "2009-01-12T19:31:51Z")
I was friends with them both, and thought she deserved to know, especially since he wasn’t helping out with his daughter by her. Also, to be a dick. ---
**Author:** ![Markxxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5daacb/32.png) [@Markxxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Markxxx)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2009, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-fathers/480413/63 "2009-01-13T04:44:34Z")
I’ve known two people who were stepfathers for over 10 years, the actual father was living and there were no real problems in the families. Then the birth mother dies and the kids go to live with their actual father. Neither man I knew seemed to be very upset over it. I thought they would especially since, the biological fathers were not around, other than to pay money or maybe to spend a holiday with the kids now and then. I remember asking them if it was hard to have a kid more for more than ten years then all of a sudden lose your wife to death and then the kids. They were upset about their wives but not really the kids. So I think it depends on how you view the relationship. If you never view the kids as actually yours you can seperate a lot easier ---
**Author:** ![BlinkingDuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eada6e/32.png) [@BlinkingDuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlinkingDuck)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-fathers/480413/64 "2009-01-14T15:47:49Z")
> [@Markxxx](#): > > I’ve known two people who were stepfathers for over 10 years, the actual father was living and there were no real problems in the families. Then the birth mother dies and the kids go to live with their actual father. > > Neither man I knew seemed to be very upset over it. I thought they would especially since, the biological fathers were not around, other than to pay money or maybe to spend a holiday with the kids now and then. > > I remember asking them if it was hard to have a kid more for more than ten years then all of a sudden lose your wife to death and then the kids. They were upset about their wives but not really the kids. > > So I think it depends on how you view the relationship. If you never view the kids as actually yours you can seperate a lot easier That is because the step father is not actually the father. The kids HAVE a father. It is natural for them to go live with him rather than stay with the widowed step-father. This would be different if the father was not around/dead/whatever. I think you all overestimate the normal child’s acceptance of the step dad as ‘dad’ when their real father is still around. Also, if you are not treated as a ‘dad’…it’s hard to act/feel like a dad. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-fathers/480413.md?page=3)