# Question for gay, male dopers (mainly) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 3, 2005, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-gay-male-dopers-mainly/292701 "2005-03-03T04:01:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![chaoticbear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f07891/32.png) [@chaoticbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chaoticbear)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2005, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-gay-male-dopers-mainly/292701/1 "2005-03-03T04:01:41Z")
I have come to the conclusion that almost every single straight guy finds homosexuality and gay sex utterly repulsive. At least, this has been my observations of my floormates here in the dorms. My question for the gay dopers is do you find heterosexual sex to be disgusting? I don’t, personally. It’s not something that I would do, but it doesn’t make me retch violently to hear about vaginas. I don’t throw up when people mention :eek: heterosexual intercourse, or even _gasp_a guy and girl kissing _faint_. So I have 3 possible explanations for this. Maybe 4 or 5. 1)I don’t want to admit that I’m actually bisexual. (Probably not.) 2)I’m more openminded than some of the other people that I meet. (Maybe) 3)It doesn’t actually repulse the other straight guys; they just follow suit. 4)Since heterosexuality is the norm, I’ve been conditioned to be OK with it. 5)Everyone on my floor is really gay and wants me, but won’t say so. (hah!) Opinions? ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2005, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-gay-male-dopers-mainly/292701/2 "2005-03-03T04:24:41Z")
I’m not gay, but I have been a college student, and If you’re expecting some reasoned response from a group of young men who are (to a large degree) still quite childish emotionally, I think you have unreasonable expectations. Most grown, adult, reasonably sophisticated heterosexual men aren’t going to get themselves too worked up about two gay men doing whatever they wish to each other. Having said this the _prospect_ of gay male sex (as a participant) is decidedly unappealing on a fairly visceral level. I consider myself gay friendly, but I have no wish to get fucked in the ass or to suck a man’s penis. It’s not so much “repulsive” as it is simply unappealing and not part of my sexual attraction reality, if I can make that distinction. ---
**Author:** ![TJdude825](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dec6dc/32.png) [@TJdude825](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TJdude825)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2005, 5:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-gay-male-dopers-mainly/292701/3 "2005-03-03T05:19:59Z")
I really like to crack my knuckles. You know when they just need to be cracked and you can’t help it? I used to do it in public all the time, but cringed when anyone else did it. I realized that it was only fair to allow others to do it, if I was going to do it myself. And now, I can honestly say I don’t have a problem with it. So, there’s an analogy in there somewhere. ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2005, 5:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-gay-male-dopers-mainly/292701/4 "2005-03-03T05:52:42Z")
I generally don’t find the idea of mating with a female to be of the slightest interest but the idea of it certainly doesn’t fill me with repulsion. Heck, I even have “I’d switch for her” moments. I don’t really understand the “boy-boy sex is icky I feel unclean merely thinking of it” noise I hear from some straight men. Of the items on your list I’d say 4 is the most likely reason. We all grow up ingrained to be used to the idea of hetero-sex so we’re able to make the distinction that it seems like a lot of straight men can’t make, specifically that "it’s not right _for me_ does not automatically translate into “it’s not right.” ---
**Author:** ![Bambi\_Hassenpfeffer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Bambi\_Hassenpfeffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bambi_Hassenpfeffer)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2005, 6:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-gay-male-dopers-mainly/292701/5 "2005-03-03T06:47:35Z")
> [@Otto](#): > > I don’t really understand the “boy-boy sex is icky I feel unclean merely thinking of it” noise I hear from some straight men. I do, because I feel the same thing about hetero sex. I have a feeling similar to **astro** ’s “decidedly unappealing on a fairly visceral level” in re a man and a woman naked and on top of each other. Kinda gives me the screaming heebies, to be honest. A necessary evil, but something I really don’t think about. And as you said, “not right for me” \<\> “not right”. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2005, 7:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-gay-male-dopers-mainly/292701/6 "2005-03-03T07:04:36Z")
To be quite honest I find it repulsive. But it doesn’t bother me that other people are doing it. But you know some of my best firends like raw onions on there hamburgers whcih I also find repulsive. I still love’m anyway. To each his own I guess. ---
**Author:** ![IGJoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/igjoe/32/5420_2.png) [@IGJoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IGJoe)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2005, 7:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-gay-male-dopers-mainly/292701/7 "2005-03-03T07:14:03Z")
I don’t find hetero-sex to be repulsive at all. In fact, like **Otto** , there are a few women out there that I doubt I’d kick out of bed. Having said that though, I generally don’t have _any_ desire whatsoever to have sex with a woman. I’d have to agree that reason #4 seems to be the right on the mark. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2005, 7:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-gay-male-dopers-mainly/292701/8 "2005-03-03T07:34:38Z")
I don’t really find the idea of going to bed with a woman gross… just not boner-making. Though I will have to express reservations at the idea of cunnilingus. Here’s a question for any straight guys who may have wandered in: Do you find the idea of topping (being the insertive partner in anal sex, receiving a blow job) to be less gross than bottoming (receiving anal sex, giving a blow job)? ---
**Author:** ![EllisDee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellisdee/32/4531_2.png) [@EllisDee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EllisDee)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2005, 8:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-gay-male-dopers-mainly/292701/9 "2005-03-03T08:26:34Z")
> [@matt\_mcl](#): > > Here’s a question for any straight guys who may have wandered in: Do you find the idea of topping (being the insertive partner in anal sex, receiving a blow job) to be less gross than bottoming (receiving anal sex, giving a blow job)? It’s all equally off-putting. Honestly speaking, I find the gay _romance_ equally disturbing. On the scale of how much something squiks me out, there is very little difference between cuddling with another man and being a power bottom. Excellent poll, OP. This is a question I’ve wondered about myself, due to the fact that my distaste for male-male interaction seems to me to be a bit over the top. I’ve wondered on occasion whether the feeling was mutual. ---
**Author:** ![EllisDee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellisdee/32/4531_2.png) [@EllisDee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EllisDee)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2005, 8:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-gay-male-dopers-mainly/292701/10 "2005-03-03T08:28:26Z")
> [@Ellis Dee](#): > > I find **the** gay _romance_ Sorry for the extra “the”. I edited that sentence several times, and left it hanging. ---
**Author:** ![nocturnal\_tick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3d9bf3/32.png) [@nocturnal\_tick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nocturnal_tick)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2005, 8:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-gay-male-dopers-mainly/292701/11 "2005-03-03T08:31:15Z")
I think this’ll be a great little somthing to discuss when I go visit some friends this weekend. Thanks **chaoticdonkey** BTW, Bi doper chipping in. I’m obviously not going to be saying “_eeeurrggh!_” to either persuasion but I would like to support **donkey** ’s idea that straight people don’t like gay sex. My flatmates talk a lot about their own (hetero) “escapades”. But all they want to know from me is that I like guys. If I ever saying anything more than that they pull a face like I’m describing an ingrown toenail. It’s also the same, if not worse, with my family. which is why i never told them. But straight people aren’t all like that, which is why I’m going down to see friends this weekend. ---
**Author:** ![Harmonix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Harmonix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonix)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2005, 8:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-gay-male-dopers-mainly/292701/12 "2005-03-03T08:31:30Z")
> [@](#): > > Here’s a question for any straight guys who may have wandered in: Do you find the idea of topping (being the insertive partner in anal sex, receiving a blow job) to be less gross than bottoming (receiving anal sex, giving a blow job)? Straight. Definitely. I think i’ve even had a few fantasies about it. But bottoming as you put it still gives me a visceral reaction. ---
**Author:** ![Hamish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a5b964/32.png) [@Hamish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamish)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2005, 9:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-gay-male-dopers-mainly/292701/13 "2005-03-03T09:33:26Z")
Gay here. I do find it a bit disgusting, but only when I actually see it, on porn etc. Normally I don’t think about it. What surprises me is not the straight guys who find gay sex gross – those I can understand. It’s the ones who can’t help thinking about it when it’s mentioned. In those cases it’s just an abstract concept for me. ---
**Author:** ![SolGrundy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbce88/32.png) [@SolGrundy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SolGrundy)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2005, 9:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-gay-male-dopers-mainly/292701/14 "2005-03-03T09:49:30Z")
The question came up in [this recent Pit thread about “hetero guilt”](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=303961&page=1&pp=50). And my answer is no, I don’t find hetero sex repulsive, it just has never held any interest for me, even when I was a horny teenager. When I’ve seen it (in the motion pictures and such), it’s just seemed more clinical than provocative. Kind of a “all right, I guess, but why would anyone want to do that?” And if I had a theory as to why it’s so repulsive to straight guys, I’d guess your number (4). We’ve been taught all our lives that that’s what normal people do, so any repulsion has been conditioned out of us. Really, _all_ sex is weird and gross to children, and when the switch flips and the hormones start kicking in, you have to unlearn than and learn what’s the “right” thing to do about these urges you’re feeling. I think that’s why you see such strong aversion to the gay stuff among teenagers – it’s a combination of the fact that all sex is still new to them, and an eagerness to convince other people and themselves that they’re wired the “right” way, even if they might not have “proven” it yet. A lot of people grow out of it, to some degree. Plus, I think (I could be way off base here) that men are still subject to a lot more rigid social conditioning than women are. Both men and women are socialized a _lot_, but with men it’s more explicit and more structured, what it means to “be a man” and prove that you’re a man. With women, the socialization is a lot more subtle, and you’re given more leeway to do what you want (“tomboy” = okay but not ideal, “sissy” = shameful abomination). Homosexuality is seen as one of the worst violations of what it means to be a man – you still see people saying that homosexual men are inherently not masculine – so guys are repulsed by it and avoid it. Which is why two girls kissing = sexy experimentation, two guys kissing = gross. ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2005, 12:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-gay-male-dopers-mainly/292701/15 "2005-03-03T12:02:38Z")
Being bi, I don’t have anything to add to the conversation but I’m curious: **SHAKES** , when did you catch the gay? ---
**Author:** ![MrFantsyPants](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ba0ec/32.png) [@MrFantsyPants](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrFantsyPants)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2005, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-gay-male-dopers-mainly/292701/16 "2005-03-03T12:40:07Z")
Straight guy here. nothing mentioned so far repulses me, and most things that can be done between a man and a woman and a toy, we’ve tried, and usually enjoyed. Gay sex certainly doesn’t instill a visceral reaction in me, just doesn’t turn my crank. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2005, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-gay-male-dopers-mainly/292701/17 "2005-03-03T13:15:58Z")
> [@Aesiron](#): > > Being bi, I don’t have anything to add to the conversation but I’m curious: **SHAKES** , when did you catch the gay? I don’t think SHAKES is gay. He was answering as a hetero. As a side note I’d be interested in having women answer the (female) gay sex = repulsion (or not) question. ---
**Author:** ![Rashak\_Mani](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ea666f/32.png) [@Rashak\_Mani](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rashak_Mani)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2005, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-gay-male-dopers-mainly/292701/18 "2005-03-03T14:28:47Z")
Straight guy here… if I had to chose I certainly would find “Tops/active” less icky… but still icky. When gay sex is mentioned… being a very visual person that brings “images” that aren’t appealing to me. Its not so much that I’m anti-gay… but visualizing comes easy. If a girl were to mention something that might bring an image… I get horny quite quick. Even reading stuff gets me “seeing” stuff fast. I’d be surprised with gay men finding hetero sex disgusting… but then a few might have gotten themselves into hetero relationships that turned out quite bad. Would this be a reason to view hetero sex as “icky” ? Those that have found out their homosexuality early might be less prone to finding hetero sex icky ? ---
**Author:** ![badbadrubberpiggy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/57b2e6/32.png) [@badbadrubberpiggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/badbadrubberpiggy)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2005, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-gay-male-dopers-mainly/292701/19 "2005-03-03T14:41:15Z")
> [@astro](#): > > I don’t think SHAKES is gay. He was answering as a hetero. > > As a side note I’d be interested in having women answer the (female) gay sex = repulsion (or not) question. As a straight female, I find the idea of sex with another woman just kind of meh…not really interested in doing it, but I’m not repulsed by it either. It’s not something I really think about much. I don’t mind it in porn, but then again, most “lesbian” porn is a straight woman licking the air about an inch above another straight woman’s vagina. Even if I was a lesbian, that wouldn’t be all that appealing. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2005, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-gay-male-dopers-mainly/292701/20 "2005-03-03T14:46:25Z")
> [@Aesiron](#): > > Being bi, I don’t have anything to add to the conversation but I’m curious: **SHAKES** , when did you catch the gay? Yeah, I was wondering this myself. I think he means he’s hetero but he didn’t state it very clearly. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-gay-male-dopers-mainly/292701.md?page=2)