# Question for straight men regarding homophobia. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 15, 2010, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-straight-men-regarding-homophobia/532602 "2010-03-15T23:51:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Illuminatiprimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/illuminatiprimus/32/11520_2.png) [@Illuminatiprimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Illuminatiprimus)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2010, 11:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-straight-men-regarding-homophobia/532602/81 "2010-03-18T11:25:04Z")
> [@Martini\_Enfield](#): > > The point I’m making is that if you choose to go against what society considers “normal” then you really shouldn’t be surprised or indignant about general people’s negative reaction towards you for doing so. Well the logical conclusion of that is that anyone and everyone who is in a minority deserves whatever they get. The issue of effiminacy is a bit of a tricky one, I divide overtly gay behaviour into camp and effiminate. Effeminate is not forced or pretended, it is simply mannerisms that are not typical masculine, and I’ve known both gay and straight men who fall into that category (although strangely enough more gay men than straight). Personally I don’t think you can control whether you’re effiminate or not. Camp, on the other hand, is what I think most people consider to be the “flaming” homosexual - exagerated and outlandish behaviour, forced mannerisms (no-one naturally feels the need to twirl around and say “go girlfrieeeeeeeeeeeeeeend” as a form of expressing agreement, for example). Indeed, such behaviour does lend itself to drama-queenery as well. Whilst I think it’s perfectly justifiable to find camp behaviour irritating because it _is_ affected and therefore unnecessary (god knows I do), saying that people who are effeminate, probably through no fault of their own, and therefore not within the norm should expect to be given a hard time, is a bit unfair and I think possibly what other people are taking issue with. Do you not see the distinction being made? ---
**Author:** ![Pushkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ee59a6/32.png) [@Pushkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pushkin)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2010, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-straight-men-regarding-homophobia/532602/82 "2010-03-18T19:45:13Z")
> [@Illuminatiprimus](#): > > Well the logical conclusion of that is that anyone and everyone who is in a minority deserves whatever they get It’s only IMHO, but surely that’s still a bit of a stretch from what ME said. > [@Illuminatiprimus](#): > > Do you not see the distinction being made? Even knowing men who might be considered a little effeminate, a little camp, I’m not sure I can. ---
**Author:** ![Illuminatiprimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/illuminatiprimus/32/11520_2.png) [@Illuminatiprimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Illuminatiprimus)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2010, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-straight-men-regarding-homophobia/532602/83 "2010-03-18T21:12:45Z")
> [@Pushkin](#): > > Even knowing men who might be considered a little effeminate, a little camp, I’m not sure I can. I’m confused - my point is that they’re not the same thing. What point are you making here? ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2010, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-straight-men-regarding-homophobia/532602/84 "2010-03-18T22:18:29Z")
_No, and I think my reaction is typical of straight men._ I chose that option because I suspect most straight men are around gay men far, far more often than they suspect, and never even know it to get uncomfortable about it. ---
**Author:** ![Mosier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ea924/32.png) [@Mosier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mosier)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2010, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-straight-men-regarding-homophobia/532602/85 "2010-03-18T22:50:00Z")
I am not uncomfortable around gay men, unless they hit on me or make passes at people we both know are straight. I’ve noticed that some gay men will do this just to make the recipient uncomfortable, and it triggers the “sexual harassment” warning in me, in the same way a greasy guy whistling and hollering at a young girl in a dress walking by would. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2010, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-straight-men-regarding-homophobia/532602/86 "2010-03-18T23:00:21Z")
At the time of this post, 87.82% of respondents said that they’re comfortable around gays. That seems to point that, at least among the internet-using population, being comfortable around gays is typical. But of course, polls rarely produce useful data. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![control-z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@control-z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/control-z)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2010, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-straight-men-regarding-homophobia/532602/87 "2010-03-19T19:27:51Z")
My view would be if they’re a stranger or casual acquantiance, I shouldn’t need to know whether they banged their wife or banged their husband last night, it’s TMI either way. So if I know you’re gay, then you’ve already crossed a line. ---
**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2010, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-straight-men-regarding-homophobia/532602/88 "2010-03-19T19:31:28Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > At the time of this post, 87.82% of respondents said that they’re comfortable around gays. That seems to point that, at least among the internet-using population, being comfortable around gays is typical. I am also very interested in this result! I wonder if the straight men of the SDMB who consider this to be unusual really _are_ so unusual, or if they are underestimating their peers. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2010, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-straight-men-regarding-homophobia/532602/89 "2010-03-19T20:01:49Z")
> [@control-z](#): > > My view would be if they’re a stranger or casual acquantiance, I shouldn’t need to know whether they banged their wife or banged their husband last night, it’s TMI either way. So if I know you’re gay, then you’ve already crossed a line. So no kissing spouses on the cheek in front of you? No display of family pictures on the desk at work? ---
**Author:** ![control-z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@control-z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/control-z)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2010, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-straight-men-regarding-homophobia/532602/90 "2010-03-19T20:09:42Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > So no kissing spouses on the cheek in front of you? > > No display of family pictures on the desk at work? I guess that would fall in the area between full knowledge and no knowledge. Man kissing woman is fine within reason, man kissing man would squick me out. Not rational, not fair, but that’s how I feel. ---
**Author:** ![mhendo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mhendo/32/3159_2.png) [@mhendo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mhendo)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2010, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-straight-men-regarding-homophobia/532602/91 "2010-03-19T20:58:55Z")
> [@control-z](#): > > So if I know you’re gay, then you’ve already crossed a line. What if the water-cooler talk was something like: “My partner and i went to see _Avatar_ last night. I loved it, but he thought that it was awful.” You’d then know that he was gay. Was he crossing the line telling you that? The problem is that many people not only don’t want to be “squicked out” by gay people kissing one another; they also expect gay people to keep every aspect of their personal life a closely-guarded secret. If you can’t handle a gay person making casual mention of his orientation, in a situation where you wouldn’t blink an eye if the person was straight, then you’re a homophobe. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2010, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-straight-men-regarding-homophobia/532602/92 "2010-03-19T21:17:55Z")
> [@mhendo](#): > > What if the water-cooler talk was something like: “My partner and i went to see _Avatar_ last night. I loved it, but he thought that it was awful.” > > You’d then know that he was gay. Was he crossing the line telling you that? > > The problem is that many people not only don’t want to be “squicked out” by gay people kissing one another; they also expect gay people to keep every aspect of their personal life a closely-guarded secret. If you can’t handle a gay person making casual mention of his orientation, in a situation where you wouldn’t blink an eye if the person was straight, then you’re a homophobe. I’ll admit that man-on-man displays of physical affection squick me. I think it has to do with them being _men_. Lesbian displays of affection don’t bother me at all. I’m not bothered when a gay man mentions that he’s gay, talks about he and his partner, or anything like that. I’ve had gay friends talk to their SOs about how cute they thought the other was and all that jazz and it didn’t bother me. Well, maybe I laughed. 😛 But kissing conjures an uncontrollable squick reflex in me. I know it’s not fair, but I really can’t control. I just do my best to minimize my reaction. ---
**Author:** ![11811](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/1/9d8465/32.png) [@11811](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/11811)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2010, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-straight-men-regarding-homophobia/532602/93 "2010-03-19T23:20:03Z")
I’m comfortable around men that I know/assume are gay. One gay man I knew invited me over for a beer, which I accepted. And then proceeded to tell me about his sex life (not interested) including his experience with a man who insisted he was straight. Not really interested in this line of conversation. Not interested in a subscription to your literature, don’t want a free 10-day membership. Briefly lived one floor above a gay man and would occasionally hear a manly moan on Saturday mornings, which I assume was related to some hot gay sex. It was weird the first time I heard it. Not really uncomfortable. Disappointing because the hot lesbian couple across the hall never made enough noise for me to notice. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2010, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-straight-men-regarding-homophobia/532602/94 "2010-03-19T23:29:30Z")
> [@control-z](#): > > My view would be if they’re a stranger or casual acquantiance, I shouldn’t need to know whether they banged their wife or banged their husband last night, it’s TMI either way. So if I know you’re gay, then you’ve already crossed a line. Well, if you specifically mention that you had sex last night, that’s TMI. Simply mentioning the person you are romantically involved with is not, and the idea that a gay man is providing TMI when he says “my boyfriend” is absurd, unless a straight woman who says “my boyfriend” is ALSO providing TMI. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2010, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-straight-men-regarding-homophobia/532602/95 "2010-03-20T00:32:16Z")
> [@AHunter3](#): > > I’m not sexually attracted to male people and yet all my life I’ve been subjec to folks saying I act “like a girl”, effeminate, not like a man / boy, etc etc. > > And yes it has nearly always been with the attitude & assumption that I am somehow DOING something, ON PURPOSE. (And that I know damn well what I’m doing and that I damn well ought to STOP IT. Some people have been almost apoplectically furious about it). And I bet those same people are just as critical of women who aren’t “feminine” enough for them. We all fall somewhere on the straight-gay continuum, and also on the butch-femme continuum, and there’s no relation between the two. But society insists that the two are identical, in spite of the glaring fact that they’re not. Just be yourself. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2010, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-straight-men-regarding-homophobia/532602/96 "2010-03-20T01:29:50Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > I’ll admit that man-on-man displays of physical affection squick me. I think it has to do with them being _men_. Lesbian displays of affection don’t bother me at all. I’m not bothered when a gay man mentions that he’s gay, talks about he and his partner, or anything like that. I’ve had gay friends talk to their SOs about how cute they thought the other was and all that jazz and it didn’t bother me. Well, maybe I laughed. 😛 But kissing conjures an uncontrollable squick reflex in me. I know it’s not fair, but I really can’t control. I just do my best to minimize my reaction. I feel the same way about man/woman displays of affection, so we can call it even. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2010, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-straight-men-regarding-homophobia/532602/97 "2010-03-20T03:48:42Z")
> [@Antinor01](#): > > I feel the same way about man/woman displays of affection, so we can call it even. 😉 You, you, **homosexist**! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2010, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-straight-men-regarding-homophobia/532602/98 "2010-03-20T04:11:58Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > You, you, **homosexist**! 😛 To be honest, yea a little bit. Straight men usually weird me out a touch. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2010, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-straight-men-regarding-homophobia/532602/99 "2010-03-20T04:17:31Z")
> [@Antinor01](#): > > To be honest, yea a little bit. Straight men usually weird me out a touch. I can hardly blame you. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2010, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-straight-men-regarding-homophobia/532602/100 "2010-03-20T04:34:19Z")
I voted comfortable but not typical. However I don’t think a huge majority of males are uncomfortable and would probably be more comfortable if they had more expierence. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-straight-men-regarding-homophobia/532602.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-straight-men-regarding-homophobia/532602.md?page=6)