# Question for the ladies: Miss, Mrs., or Ms? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 12, 2016, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-ladies-miss-mrs-or-ms/752035 "2016-04-12T19:32:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![kathmandu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kathmandu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kathmandu)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2016, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-ladies-miss-mrs-or-ms/752035/21 "2016-04-13T16:06:35Z")
Either Ms. or Mrs. is fine. I really don’t care. It’s surprising how often retail workers, waiters, etc. call 45 year old me Miss though - I suspect it’s a self defence mechanism engendered by people being stupidly offended at being identified as older than voting age :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2016, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-ladies-miss-mrs-or-ms/752035/22 "2016-04-13T16:07:55Z")
I don’t care for Mrs. because I am also chronically single and what bothers me about that is the default assumption that anyone my age IS married. It’s a reasonable assumption because most women my age are married, but a lot are divorced. You really shouldn’t make assumptions, so it seems to me that Ms. should just be the default and then you don’t have to look for a ring or any other physical clues that someone might be married. Typically, if the situation is so formal that someone uses a title and my last name, it’s also probably not terribly appropriate to correct that person. Hell, I don’t even correct the plumber if he calls me “Mrs. Zilla.” Whatever. It’s not that big a thing to me. I’ll spend 0.00003 seconds being slightly annoyed at the default assumption (that of course I’m married, because everyone is, right?) and then will go about my day. Bigger fish to fry. Gave my last fuck at the office. ---
**Author:** ![SanVito](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sanvito/32/2805_2.png) [@SanVito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanVito)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2016, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-ladies-miss-mrs-or-ms/752035/23 "2016-04-13T16:12:23Z")
Ms. Always. I am unmarried, but in my 40s and in a long term, live-in relationship, neither Miss or Mrs are appropriate. It drives me crazy how often I’m asked ‘is it Mrs or Miss’, and I have to correct them with a third option. Come on people, it’s 2016! ---
**Author:** ![DaphneBlack](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daphneblack/32/5389_2.png) [@DaphneBlack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DaphneBlack)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2016, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-ladies-miss-mrs-or-ms/752035/24 "2016-04-13T16:12:28Z")
Dr., please, if its in a professional or formal context. Ms., otherwise. Mrs. is inappropriate because I didn’t change my name when I got married. ‘Miss’ is ridiculous for anyone over 10. ---
**Author:** ![WOOKINPANUB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wookinpanub/32/132_2.png) [@WOOKINPANUB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WOOKINPANUB)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2016, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-ladies-miss-mrs-or-ms/752035/25 "2016-04-13T16:13:16Z")
Doesn’t matter to me, though being called “Mrs.” makes me giggle because when I was a bratty adolescent I used to refer to my mom as “Mrs.(our last name)” so now all I can think of is her laughing from The Beyond and saying “\*who’s \*Mrs.\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_now!” ---
**Author:** ![MoonMoon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moonmoon/32/2959_2.png) [@MoonMoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MoonMoon)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2016, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-ladies-miss-mrs-or-ms/752035/26 "2016-04-13T16:33:13Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > I knew one woman whom I asked this and she said Mrs. because she had so and so many years invested in her marriage and was damn proud of it. What about her husband? I assume he was equally proud, yet was left with no way to be labeled as ‘husband’. Tragic. I’m with **Nava** - I’d prefer not to choose one at all, but I’ll go with Ms. if I must. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2016, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-ladies-miss-mrs-or-ms/752035/27 "2016-04-13T16:42:27Z")
> [@DaphneBlack](#): > > Dr., please, if its in a professional or formal context. > > Ms., otherwise. Mrs. is inappropriate because I didn’t change my name when I got married. > > ‘Miss’ is ridiculous for anyone over 10. Or spinster daughters of the Confederacy, and then used with their first names, but I think they are all dead now. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2016, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-ladies-miss-mrs-or-ms/752035/28 "2016-04-13T16:45:21Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > Or spinster daughters of the Confederacy, and then used with their first names, but I think they are all dead now. Right–the ones that would have transitioned to “Mrs. Harvey Brown,” had they married. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2016, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-ladies-miss-mrs-or-ms/752035/29 "2016-04-13T16:49:51Z")
I voted (Ms.) on my wife’s behalf. We see eye to eye on this. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2016, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-ladies-miss-mrs-or-ms/752035/30 "2016-04-13T18:09:17Z")
When queried, my female associate reported preferring to be addressed as Dr. for situations requiring a title. ---
**Author:** ![Fretful\_Porpentine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fretful_porpentine/32/2873_2.png) [@Fretful\_Porpentine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fretful_Porpentine)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2016, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-ladies-miss-mrs-or-ms/752035/31 "2016-04-13T19:49:07Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > Or spinster daughters of the Confederacy, and then used with their first names, but I think they are all dead now. You’d be surprised. I get a ridiculous number of (college!) students who address me as “Miss Firstname” and a few who, at least, manage to get my professional title right and call me “Dr. Firstname.” (And honestly, I would be fine with my students calling me by my first name and no title, but that’s not the culture here, and the weird alternatives they come up with drive me up the wall.) ---
**Author:** ![KarlGrenze](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/dbc845/32.png) [@KarlGrenze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KarlGrenze)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2016, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-ladies-miss-mrs-or-ms/752035/32 "2016-04-13T20:17:27Z")
The default was to be called ma’am when I was in the south, and now I live in a place where the default is “Miss”. I’m ok with either, or with Ms, unless you know my title and it is a professional/adult setting, then use my title. Also, no Mrs. ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2016, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-ladies-miss-mrs-or-ms/752035/33 "2016-04-13T20:19:29Z")
Voted Ms. Didn’t take my husband’s name when we married. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2016, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-ladies-miss-mrs-or-ms/752035/34 "2016-04-13T21:08:24Z")
> [@Fretful\_Porpentine](#): > > You’d be surprised. I get a ridiculous number of (college!) students who address me as “Miss Firstname” and a few who, at least, manage to get my professional title right and call me “Dr. Firstname.” (And honestly, I would be fine with my students calling me by my first name and no title, but that’s not the culture here, and the weird alternatives they come up with drive me up the wall.) Yeah, I know - grew up in the South. Its still surprisingly common in places. But it does seem like a spinster daughter of the Confederacy thing to me. ---
**Author:** ![eenerms](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cdc98d/32.png) [@eenerms](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eenerms)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2016, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-ladies-miss-mrs-or-ms/752035/35 "2016-04-13T21:43:16Z")
> [@ddsun](#): > > Voted Ms. Didn’t take my husband’s name when we married. Me too. ---
**Author:** ![Elemenopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b5e925/32.png) [@Elemenopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elemenopy)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2016, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-ladies-miss-mrs-or-ms/752035/36 "2016-04-13T21:54:11Z")
I don’t mind Miss Firstname from younger people or service workers. I grew up using that form of address, I teach my children to do so with adults they’ll be somewhat familiar with (unless Dr. or M/r/s. Lastname is proffered or preferred, and so forth), and it’s a common thing most places I’ve lived. As for the others, basically, you can call me anything that isn’t a rude word. Except a certain diminutive of my first name, because I hate it with a passion. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2016, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-ladies-miss-mrs-or-ms/752035/37 "2016-04-14T13:35:24Z")
Nice to meet you, **Elem**. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Infovore](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/infovore/32/420_2.png) [@Infovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Infovore)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2016, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-ladies-miss-mrs-or-ms/752035/38 "2016-04-14T19:18:53Z")
I’d prefer no title at all, but if I’m forced, it’s gotta be Ms. As long as men don’t have to reveal their marital status by their title, then I’m damn sure not going to either. Also, I kept my own last name. I get annoyed when people (especially spammers) call and say, “Is this Mrs. \?” This is even worse due to the fact that _nobody_ pronounces it correctly. I’m not kidding. It’s not that tough–if they’d look at it for five seconds, they’d at least get a mispronunciation that got all the letters in the right order, which I’d be fine with. But the combination of the lazy mispronunciation and the “Mrs.” means they get hung up on faster than I would do normally to a spammer. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2016, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-ladies-miss-mrs-or-ms/752035/39 "2016-04-16T18:40:45Z")
I don’t like titles. Why are they even necessary? ---
**Author:** ![spamforbrains](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@spamforbrains](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spamforbrains)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2016, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-ladies-miss-mrs-or-ms/752035/40 "2016-04-16T19:55:23Z")
> [@](#): > > Quote: > Originally Posted by Anaamika View Post > I thought about it, and while I don’t really care, I think we should all just go to “Ms.” We don’t bother differentiating in men’s marital status, it shouldn’t matter about women’s either. Young men are also called Mr., so call young women Ms., too, if you must. > > Ms./Mr. is perfect and simple. > What she said. ^ Why do we even need Ms./Mr.? Unless you’re interested in a very personal relationship with someone, in which case you presumably are fully aware of their gender and sex, there is no need to label people as to their gender or speak to people differently because of their gender. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-ladies-miss-mrs-or-ms/752035.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-ladies-miss-mrs-or-ms/752035.md?page=3)