# Question for the ladies: someone from the past contacts you... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 3, 2010, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-ladies-someone-from-the-past-contacts-you/527595 "2010-02-03T22:41:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![GESancMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gesancman/32/2923_2.png) [@GESancMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GESancMan)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2010, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-ladies-someone-from-the-past-contacts-you/527595/1 "2010-02-03T22:41:33Z")
There’s this woman Facebook keeps suggesting I friend, someone I went to high school with; we have a bunch of mutual FB friends. We had several classes together, but we didn’t really know each other back then - in fact, I can’t recall if we ever actually spoke. But I always thought she was cute. So, out of curiosity I took a look at her profile, and… yowza. Twenty years later, and she’s cuter than ever. And according to her profile, she’s single, and interested in men. I’m kind of tempted to write her, saying something like what I’ve written here - “we didn’t know each other, I thought you were cute, you’re even more beautiful now, just wanted to share that with you” type of thing - just to see what happens. Not that I expect anything would, but you never know. So here’s my question for the ladies: would getting a message like this, from someone you might only vaguely remember, creep you out? ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2010, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-ladies-someone-from-the-past-contacts-you/527595/2 "2010-02-03T22:47:41Z")
I don’t think I’d find it creepy unless it was along the lines of “We never met but I used to sit in my window by your bus stop and watch you every day…” \*That \*would be creepy! I think if someone wrote what you said to me, I’d be flattered. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2010, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-ladies-someone-from-the-past-contacts-you/527595/3 "2010-02-03T23:35:42Z")
> [@GESancMan](#): > > “yowza” Throw in a few other Chachi from Happy Days colloquialisms, like “sit on it, Potsie”, and your message will be gold! ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2010, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-ladies-someone-from-the-past-contacts-you/527595/4 "2010-02-03T23:47:56Z")
Wouldn’t necessarily creep me out, but it would probably keep me from messaging them anything but ‘Thanks’ (or maybe ‘Thanks, that’s an old picture’). But really that’s what Facebook is all about – seeing who got hot, married or fat. If you just want to compliment her and move on, that should be fine. If you want to find out if she had a crush on you in school, or you both work in the same industry and she’d be a useful contact, it might not be best to lead with that. No huge deal either way, I don’t think. ---
**Author:** ![GESancMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gesancman/32/2923_2.png) [@GESancMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GESancMan)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2010, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-ladies-someone-from-the-past-contacts-you/527595/5 "2010-02-04T00:13:02Z")
> [@FairyChatMom](#): > > I don’t think I’d find it creepy unless it was along the lines of “We never met but I used to sit in my window by your bus stop and watch you every day…” \*That \*would be creepy! 🙂 No, no, nothing like that. I thought she was cute, but I thought that about a lot of girls; she wasn’t one I ever had a crush on or anything like that. If not for Facebook, I probably never would have remembered she exists. > [@Cat\_Fight](#): > > Wouldn’t necessarily creep me out, but it would probably keep me from messaging them anything but ‘Thanks’ (or maybe ‘Thanks, that’s an old picture’). But really that’s what Facebook is all about – seeing who got hot, married or fat. If you just want to compliment her and move on, that should be fine. If you want to find out if she had a crush on you in school, or you both work in the same industry and she’d be a useful contact, it might not be best to lead with that. No huge deal either way, I don’t think. Ok, good point. I’m at a loss as to what else I’d say, though, since we weren’t friends back in the day… oh well. ---
**Author:** ![GESancMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gesancman/32/2923_2.png) [@GESancMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GESancMan)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2010, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-ladies-someone-from-the-past-contacts-you/527595/6 "2010-02-04T00:14:38Z")
> [@Wilbo523](#): > > Throw in a few other Chachi from Happy Days colloquialisms, like “sit on it, Potsie”, and your message will be gold! Did Chachi ever say that? I thought it was more Richie’s thing. ---
**Author:** ![thirdwarning](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecccb3/32.png) [@thirdwarning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thirdwarning)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2010, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-ladies-someone-from-the-past-contacts-you/527595/7 "2010-02-04T00:17:21Z")
“I remember you from \_\_\_\_\_ class. Nice to “see” you again. How are things with you?” Then see what happens. She’ll likely let you know what she’s thinking before too long. If it turns into a real conversation, then is the time for “I thought you were cute.” Who knows, maybe she thought you were cute, too. ---
**Author:** ![capybara](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/capybara/32/202_2.png) [@capybara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capybara)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2010, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-ladies-someone-from-the-past-contacts-you/527595/8 "2010-02-04T00:18:46Z")
I’d probably take the timid route- friend her (“we had classes together, remember?!”) and then play it cool and post clever comments for a while and later ‘have an epiphany’ about what an awesome adult she is. But I’m chickenshit. ---
**Author:** ![Ruminator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Ruminator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruminator)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2010, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-ladies-someone-from-the-past-contacts-you/527595/9 "2010-02-04T00:28:02Z")
> [@GESancMan](#): > > So here’s my question for the ladies: would getting a message like this, from someone you might only vaguely remember, creep you out? If you’re good looking it won’t creep her out. Otherwise, you’re a stalker. There’s a comic that illustrates this but I can’t seem to put it in the right keywords to find it on google. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2010, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-ladies-someone-from-the-past-contacts-you/527595/10 "2010-02-04T01:56:26Z")
> [@Ruminator](#): > > If you’re good looking it won’t creep her out. > > Otherwise, you’re a stalker. > > There’s a comic that illustrates this but I can’t seem to put it in the right keywords to find it on google. How about an [SNL skit](http://www.videosift.com/video/SNL-Sexual-Harassment-Training-Video)? Also, keep in mind that it’s the internet. Unless the OP can see photos of her posted by other people, she may have carefully edited her personal pics. ---
**Author:** ![dangermom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e274bd/32.png) [@dangermom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dangermom)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2010, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-ladies-someone-from-the-past-contacts-you/527595/11 "2010-02-04T02:21:39Z")
> [@thirdwarning](#): > > “I remember you from \_\_\_\_\_ class. Nice to “see” you again. How are things with you?” > > Then see what happens. She’ll likely let you know what she’s thinking before too long. If it turns into a real conversation, then is the time for “I thought you were cute.” Who knows, maybe she thought you were cute, too. This. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2010, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-ladies-someone-from-the-past-contacts-you/527595/12 "2010-02-04T18:45:50Z")
“we didn’t know each other, I thought you were cute, you’re even more beautiful now, just wanted to share that with you” - That’s all wrong. Don’t do it. Just say you thought she seemed like an interesting person then. Telling someone you don’t really know that you think they’re cute or beautiful is not good. It’s like saying you are only interested in someone because they meet your definition of fantasy good-lookingness, and it’s a poor reason to want to go out with someone. I would be creeped out by it, definitely. ---
**Author:** ![breaking-reality](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a8b319/32.png) [@breaking-reality](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/breaking-reality)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2010, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-ladies-someone-from-the-past-contacts-you/527595/13 "2010-02-04T19:04:28Z")
Maybe just something like, “Hi \_\_\_\_\_, not sure if you remember me or not, we had a few mutual friends at \_\_\_\_\_ highschool. Always thought you were cute (and still do). How have things been?” or something to that effect? I would definitely ask a question of some sort if you actually want a response. Also, it might not be a bad idea to say what you’ve been up to since high school and then ask how things with her have been. It gives a jumping off point for a conversation. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2010, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-ladies-someone-from-the-past-contacts-you/527595/14 "2010-02-04T19:13:41Z")
I wouldn’t mind the “I always thought you were cute” thing. The “still do” is implied, otherwise the person would have said, “I used to think you were cute.” :eek: I don’t think telling someone that you thought they were cute in high school implies that you’re only messaging them because you want to get into their pants. It could be a nice retroactive self-esteem boost for someone who didn’t feel like that many people thought she was attractive in high school. Personally, I’d just use the excuse that Facebook keeps suggesting that you friend her as your reason for writing. Just keep it light. ---
**Author:** ![GESancMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gesancman/32/2923_2.png) [@GESancMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GESancMan)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2010, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-ladies-someone-from-the-past-contacts-you/527595/15 "2010-02-04T20:00:33Z")
> [@breaking-reality](#): > > I would definitely ask a question of some sort if you actually want a response. Also, it might not be a bad idea to say what you’ve been up to since high school and then ask how things with her have been. It gives a jumping off point for a conversation. > [@Green\_Bean](#): > > Personally, I’d just use the excuse that Facebook keeps suggesting that you friend her as your reason for writing. Just keep it light. Hmmmm… “FB keeps suggesting you as a friend, and we have like ten mutual friends, but I must confess I don’t remember you all that well. Could you refresh my memory?” ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2010, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-ladies-someone-from-the-past-contacts-you/527595/16 "2010-02-04T20:03:51Z")
> [@GESancMan](#): > > I’m kind of tempted to write her, saying something like what I’ve written here - “we didn’t know each other, I thought you were cute, you’re even more beautiful now, just wanted to share that with you” type of thing - just to see what happens. Please don’t do this. If I got a similar message (and I have), I would ignore it entirely. > [@thirdwarning](#): > > “I remember you from \_\_\_\_\_ class. Nice to “see” you again. How are things with you?” > > Then see what happens. She’ll likely let you know what she’s thinking before too long. If it turns into a real conversation, then is the time for “I thought you were cute.” Who knows, maybe she thought you were cute, too. This is good advice. ---
**Author:** ![breaking-reality](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a8b319/32.png) [@breaking-reality](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/breaking-reality)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2010, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-ladies-someone-from-the-past-contacts-you/527595/17 "2010-02-04T20:30:56Z")
> [@GESancMan](#): > > Hmmmm… > > “FB keeps suggesting you as a friend, and we have like ten mutual friends, but I must confess I don’t remember you all that well. Could you refresh my memory?” “Haven’t seen you since highschool, but FB keeps suggesting you as a friend and we seem to have a lot of friends in common, so I thought I’d messaged to see how you’ve been since highschool” Something more like that maybe. If someone messaged me what you wrote and I didn’t remember them all that well either, I’d probably just ignore it. ---
**Author:** ![BetsQ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/fbc32d/32.png) [@BetsQ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BetsQ)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2010, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-ladies-someone-from-the-past-contacts-you/527595/18 "2010-02-04T20:39:28Z")
I’ve gotten a few weird e-mails from guys I knew vaguely in high school and they always freak me out a little. If you want to contact her, fine, but I’d definitely recommend a very casual approach with no mention of your thoughts on her looks. ---
**Author:** ![mariposalabrown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ad7895/32.png) [@mariposalabrown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mariposalabrown)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2010, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-ladies-someone-from-the-past-contacts-you/527595/19 "2010-02-04T22:22:08Z")
> [@capybara](#): > > I’d probably take the timid route- friend her (“we had classes together, remember?!”) and then play it cool and post clever comments for a while and later ‘have an epiphany’ about what an awesome adult she is. But I’m chickenshit. I actually think this is the perfect way to go about it. I ignore those messages when I get them (telling me how cute I still am and junk), but have gone out with a couple guys when they pulled that tactic. Be patient. ---
**Author:** ![Markxxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5daacb/32.png) [@Markxxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Markxxx)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2010, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-ladies-someone-from-the-past-contacts-you/527595/20 "2010-02-04T23:33:30Z")
> [@GESancMan](#): > > So, out of curiosity I took a look at her profile, and… yowza. Twenty years later, and she’s cuter than ever. And according to her profile, she’s single, and interested in men. I’m kind of tempted to write her, saying something like what I’ve written here - “we didn’t know each other, I thought you were cute, you’re even more beautiful now, just wanted to share that with you” type of thing - just to see what happens. Not that I expect anything would, but you never know. That was 20 years ago, dude, I’m gonna be frank with you and by frank I mean, very rude. Don’t be such a wuss just do it. OK I’d tone down the language and say “Hi,” first. Then see if she answers back, then you can profess your love. If it was 20 years ago, you’re pushing 40 and you don’t have too much time to waste. So what if she doesn’t remember you or doesn’t answer or even say “Ew, no, what makes you think I’d want to talk to you ever.” So what? The world ain’t gonna end. As you go along in life, you’ll find your biggest regrets are not what you’ve done, but what you were too chicken to do. So go ahead write her and then let the rest of us know what happened? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-ladies-someone-from-the-past-contacts-you/527595.md?page=2)