# Question for the ladies: someone from the past contacts you... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 3, 2010, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-ladies-someone-from-the-past-contacts-you/527595 "2010-02-03T22:41:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![GESancMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gesancman/32/2923_2.png) [@GESancMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GESancMan)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2010, 9:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-ladies-someone-from-the-past-contacts-you/527595/21 "2010-02-05T09:16:53Z")
> [@mariposalabrown](#): > > I actually think this is the perfect way to go about it. I ignore those messages when I get them (telling me how cute I still am and junk), but have gone out with a couple guys when they pulled that tactic. Be patient. Okay, since this seems to be the consensus, _if_ I do it this’ll be the method. I’m just not sure about doing it at all, though. It’s been fun to think about, but I can’t help feeling it would be weird sending her a friend request considering I didn’t even know her. 'Course, that hasn’t stopped several people from friending _me_… And then too, **Markxxx** has a very good point… > [@Markxxx](#): > > If it was 20 years ago, you’re pushing 40 and you don’t have too much time to waste. So what if she doesn’t remember you or doesn’t answer or even say “Ew, no, what makes you think I’d want to talk to you ever.” So what? The world ain’t gonna end. > > As you go along in life, you’ll find your biggest regrets are not what you’ve done, but what you were too chicken to do. ---
**Author:** ![ColdPhoenix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6bbea6/32.png) [@ColdPhoenix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ColdPhoenix)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2010, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-ladies-someone-from-the-past-contacts-you/527595/22 "2010-02-05T12:49:00Z")
> [@Markxxx](#): > > As you go along in life, you’ll find your biggest regrets are not what you’ve done, but what you were too chicken to do. I’ve often heard this advice but it’s the other way around for me. :smack: That said, the best things I’ve got in life are when I’ve been brave and taken the risk. ---
**Author:** ![Sunglasses](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5fc32e/32.png) [@Sunglasses](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunglasses)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2010, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-ladies-someone-from-the-past-contacts-you/527595/23 "2010-02-05T15:24:40Z")
Seven months ago facebook suggested someone that I barely remembered from high school (he was a friend of a boy I dated and was 3 years younger than I). I passed on friending him the first time around. The second time he popped up, I thought “what the hell?” and sent him a friend request with a message that said nothing more than “Hi. Do you remember me?”. I had no romantic thoughts whatsoever toward him, but romance is exactly what I got. We chatted on fb for a few days before exchanging phone numbers. Two months later I flew to his state at the end of a business trip and that was all she wrote. I’m now in the best relationship I’ve ever had. It makes me a little sick to think about what I may have missed if I hadn’t said hi. So be brave and say hi. You may not find romance with her but then again you might! BTW, I’m 49 years old and he is 46. ---
**Author:** ![Serenata67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/serenata67/32/10646_2.png) [@Serenata67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Serenata67)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2010, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-ladies-someone-from-the-past-contacts-you/527595/24 "2010-02-05T15:36:29Z")
> [@thirdwarning](#): > > “I remember you from \_\_\_\_\_ class. Nice to “see” you again. How are things with you?” > > Then see what happens. She’ll likely let you know what she’s thinking before too long. If it turns into a real conversation, then is the time for “I thought you were cute.” Who knows, maybe she thought you were cute, too. I agree with those above and I’d go with this route. It’s not creepy and it’s not heavy-handed. It’s a way to ease into it. Who knows, maybe she’s a total dolt. I mean, you said you didn’t know her well in high school. Should could be totally incompatible for you and before you become “that guy I went to high school with who turned out to be a real jerk when he dumped me” get to know her a little better. If she still seems to be a great person after chatting for a while, ask her out then. ---
**Author:** ![Chessic\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7c8e57/32.png) [@Chessic\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chessic_Sense)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2010, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-ladies-someone-from-the-past-contacts-you/527595/25 "2010-02-05T15:37:47Z")
Bravery isn’t the same thing as charging in and wrecking the place. This situation calls for a more toned-down entrance. I say play hard to get for a few weeks. Keep up the conversations but don’t let it go to something romantic for a while. Better yet, put up that you’re in a relationship with someone. Then, in a few weeks, “break it off” and tell your interest about how it’s “for the best” and you’re ready to move on. Before you know it, she’ll be eating out of your hand. Avoiding “Hey you. You’re hot. What’s up?” isn’t cowardice. It’s a lack of tactical planning. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2010, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-ladies-someone-from-the-past-contacts-you/527595/26 "2010-02-05T15:42:34Z")
Okay, no, don’t play any stupid games. Just say something like “Hi, I remember you from high school,” and start a conversation. Do not immediately start in with the “You’re pretty!” or any other such nonsense that she is no doubt tired of, and do no turn this into some silly game of cat and mouse. Remember, you’re not in high school _anymore_. You should be able to gauge if she’s warm to you or not by the conversations. If she is, sneak in a compliment, then gauge her reaction. You should be able to figure it out from there. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2010, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-ladies-someone-from-the-past-contacts-you/527595/27 "2010-02-05T19:33:24Z")
And, as my kid’s basketball coach says, “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” Ask her things like whether she’s still living in the old hometown, what she’s doing nowadays, if she has kids, etc. Talk to her the way you would talk to a guy friend. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2010, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-ladies-someone-from-the-past-contacts-you/527595/28 "2010-02-05T21:16:59Z")
Mentioning “yowza” then or now in a first post (or even for a few weeks) would be creepy - I’m easily creeped out though (and for good reasons, but that isn’t uncommon in decent looking women 20 years past high school to have SOMETHING in their past that makes them easily creeped out.) Friend her. Drop her a “remember me?” note. Then watch her posts for a bit (if she posts) - you might find very good reasons not to go on a first date with her just from how many times she mentions either tequila or Jesus in her posts. ---
**Author:** ![Chicagojeff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b19c9b/32.png) [@Chicagojeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chicagojeff)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2010, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-ladies-someone-from-the-past-contacts-you/527595/29 "2010-02-05T22:12:13Z")
> [@Sunglasses](#): > > Seven months ago facebook suggested someone that I barely remembered from high school (he was a friend of a boy I dated and was 3 years younger than I). I passed on friending him the first time around. The second time he popped up, I thought “what the hell?” and sent him a friend request with a message that said nothing more than “Hi. Do you remember me?”. > > I had no romantic thoughts whatsoever toward him, but romance is exactly what I got. We chatted on fb for a few days before exchanging phone numbers. Two months later I flew to his state at the end of a business trip and that was all she wrote. I’m now in the best relationship I’ve ever had. It makes me a little sick to think about what I may have missed if I hadn’t said hi. > > So be brave and say hi. You may not find romance with her but then again you might! > > BTW, I’m 49 years old and he is 46. ooohh Hey Ms Robinson.. you’re kickin it with a freshman? LOL Thats a great story.. much luck to you.. it high time the good story visa vis internet meeting get out.. the media love the scary creepy dude stories soo much.. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-ladies-someone-from-the-past-contacts-you/527595.md?page=1)