# Question for the married women **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 30, 2010, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-married-women/565865 "2010-12-30T20:24:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2010, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-married-women/565865/41 "2010-12-31T16:35:23Z")
> [@lisalan](#): > > Speaking of masturbation, I have asked my husband if he does this and he said no. I don’t believe him. Isn’t this something that all men do? It wouldn’t bother me if he did. He must think I’m pretty stupid LOL He said this because he believes you’d freak out if he told the truth. ---
**Author:** ![Lasciel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e79b87/32.png) [@Lasciel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lasciel)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2010, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-married-women/565865/42 "2010-12-31T18:25:38Z")
> [@Lemur866](#): > > He said this because he believes you’d freak out if he told the truth. Or he’s got hangups of his own about it re: “hairy palms,” “going to hell,” “diseases,” etc. He’s ashamed/worried about the concept for some reason, and he doesn’t want you to be in his private (yes I did that on purpose) business. I wouldn’t worry about it unless he seems to be upset by the idea. Not to get into your business either, but if you masturbate yourself, does he know that you do? If you told him that you did, how do you think he would react? Might be something you can encourage him to ease his hangups with. It’s funny that someone upthread mentioned seeing porn as ‘characters’ or ideas - my husband prefers animated porns because he feels bad about possible exploitation and victimization of real people, and because he doesn’t want to de-sensitize himself to seeing ‘real’ women doing (or having done to them) sometimes kinky and weird sex things. (This revelation took roughly 6 years and over 100 hours of in-car conversations to get out of him in bits and pieces. I think it’s totally sweet that he thinks about stuff like this, even in regards to porn (and no, I don’t think he was lying to me to make me feel better about him looking - I’ve never cared one way or the other).) I also agree that being disturbed by or not liking porn yourself isn’t always correlated to low self esteem, but I do worry about the idea that a person should have a say in their partner’s fantasies and personal sexual satisfaction - I don’t really want to watch porn myself, but it doesn’t bother me that my husband does. If he wanted to watch it \*\*with \*\*me, then we’d have to find some middle ground or work out a compromise or something. That’s different from feeling like less of a sensual and attractive woman myself because he likes to look at Chobits or WTFever he finds out there. I’m not in competition with the anime, so why should I feel upset by them? That type of feeling I would say is more likely based in insecurities or hangups, but that’s not an attack on anyone - it isn’t like anyone decides they \*\*want \*\*to have a hangup about something, you know? ---
**Author:** ![Dunkelheit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dunkelheit/32/248_2.png) [@Dunkelheit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunkelheit)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2010, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-married-women/565865/43 "2010-12-31T18:33:38Z")
> [@lisalan](#): > > I hope I’m posting this in the right forum. How would you feel if you found your husband looking at pics of naked women on line and he was trying to hide it from you? I’d be a bit upset at the deception, because he would know better than to hide such a thing from me. I’d also be interested in seeing what sorts of pictures he was interested in. ---
**Author:** ![Rushgeekgirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rushgeekgirl/32/3715_2.png) [@Rushgeekgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rushgeekgirl)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2010, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-married-women/565865/44 "2010-12-31T19:20:28Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Sounds like it’s probably harmless. If he ever figures out how to find tube porn, he’ll probably forget all about Facebook. 😉 Yeah I’m pretty sure too. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Rushgeekgirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rushgeekgirl/32/3715_2.png) [@Rushgeekgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rushgeekgirl)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2010, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-married-women/565865/45 "2010-12-31T19:21:58Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > There’s also a part of the male psyche that is conditioned to furtive secrecy from adolescence, when we had to hide it from our parents. I think it becomes reflexive. I don’t think it is at all exclusive to males. ---
**Author:** ![Rushgeekgirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rushgeekgirl/32/3715_2.png) [@Rushgeekgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rushgeekgirl)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2010, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-married-women/565865/46 "2010-12-31T19:25:38Z")
> [@lisalan](#): > > Speaking of masturbation, I have asked my husband if he does this and he said no. I don’t believe him. Isn’t this something that all men do? It wouldn’t bother me if he did. He must think I’m pretty stupid LOL My SO claimed this when we first got together. I don’t know who he was trying to fool! My ex-husband was so uptight he saw masturbation as cheating. That is messed up. I couldn’t even take a long bath without him knocking on the bathroom door asking what I was doing. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Flying\_Dutchman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9fc348/32.png) [@The\_Flying\_Dutchman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Flying_Dutchman)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2010, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-married-women/565865/47 "2010-12-31T19:40:47Z")
> [@Drain\_Bead](#): > > All men look at porn. > > Let me repeat this, because it’s important. ALL men look at porn. > > Now that I’ve said this, some guy is going to come in here and say that he never looks at porn. He’s lying. All men look at porn. When I was a teenager,and a young man and single I couldn’t get enough of porn. I jerked off to it at least twice a day. Now I have no interest in it whatsoever. There is no porn on my computer. There hasn’t been a Playboy,Penthouse, Hustler or anything like it in my home for over 30 years. Crotch shots are boring. What I do like and what will hold my attention is a picture of a well breasted lithe beauty wearing a brief bikini with a inadequately covering and straining top. A come on pose even better. Fortunately, these type of pictures pop up all over the place. But I don’t think they qualify as porn. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2010, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-married-women/565865/48 "2010-12-31T19:46:12Z")
Porn is in the eye of the beholder. Bare feet do nothing for me, but for some guys it’s the same as looking at boobies. ---
**Author:** ![lisalan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/0ea827/32.png) [@lisalan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lisalan)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2010, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-married-women/565865/49 "2010-12-31T19:57:38Z")
> [@Lemur866](#): > > He said this because he believes you’d freak out if he told the truth. Don’t assume. I would not freak out. I would just like him to admit it. I have 3 kids and could not have sex for the entire pregnancies as per Dr.'s orders. There is no way he was not doing something on his own for all that time. ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2010, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-married-women/565865/50 "2010-12-31T20:13:13Z")
> [@lisalan](#): > > Don’t assume. I would not freak out. I would just like him to admit it. I have 3 kids and could not have sex for the entire pregnancies as per Dr.'s orders. There is no way he was not doing something on his own for all that time. I didn’t say you’d freak out. I said he believes you’d freak out. Maybe his belief is justified, maybe it’s unjustified. And as for “No sex during pregnancy”, the doctor surely meant, “No vaginal intercourse”, not, “You’re not allowed to give your husband an orgasm for the next 9 months”. ---
**Author:** ![saje](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saje/32/3631_2.png) [@saje](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saje)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2010, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-married-women/565865/51 "2010-12-31T20:17:13Z")
The looking wouldn’t bother me. The hiding it would. ---
**Author:** ![Not\_a\_Platypus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/d26b3c/32.png) [@Not\_a\_Platypus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Not_a_Platypus)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2011, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-married-women/565865/52 "2011-01-01T00:09:28Z")
Is it porn? If so, I wouldn’t care and his hiding that from me wouldn’t bother me either, considering how normal that is. If he’s looking at naked pictures of women we know, we’ll need to have a conversation about whats going on and make sure appropriate boundaries are in place. ---
**Author:** ![Chessic\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7c8e57/32.png) [@Chessic\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chessic_Sense)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2011, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-married-women/565865/53 "2011-01-01T00:35:35Z")
What’s all this about “hiding” and “secrets” and “deception”? Am I the only one that likes my masturbatin’ like I like my poopin’ - discretely in the bathroom? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-married-women/565865.md?page=2)