# Question for the men: Would you consider taking your wife's last name and naming the kids after her? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 24, 2011, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-men-would-you-consider-taking-your-wifes-last-name-and-naming-the-kids-after-her/603999 "2011-11-24T20:43:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2011, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-men-would-you-consider-taking-your-wifes-last-name-and-naming-the-kids-after-her/603999/21 "2011-11-25T00:01:56Z")
> [@Max\_the\_Immortal](#): > > \ As for naming kids, I wonder if a “sons get the father’s last name, daughters get the mother’s last name” system would be practical. I think that’s a great idea - it would be another step at moving past our historically patriarchal society. “Revulsion” at the idea of taking your wife’s name? That’s a kind of…extreme reaction. I took my husband’s name when I married him because I didn’t like my last name and I preferred his, but it wasn’t a case of being forced to do it or else. I also like the idea of a couple creating a new last name together - it would be very symbolic of both of you leaving your birth families and creating a new family together. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2011, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-men-would-you-consider-taking-your-wifes-last-name-and-naming-the-kids-after-her/603999/22 "2011-11-25T00:17:50Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > I also like the idea of a couple creating a new last name together - it would be very symbolic of both of you leaving your birth families and creating a new family together. I know of two couples who did that. One was the “Heartsongs” or something corny like that. It was on a true crime show; one of them killed the other. The other was an even more nauseating (and nonsensical, but supposed to be deep) name. I wish I could say what it was, but I can’t, because I knew of them through the probation office where I was working. Mr. Stupidlastname molested his daughter and Mrs. Stupidlastname let it happen. So see? Only bad, corny people do that. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2011, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-men-would-you-consider-taking-your-wifes-last-name-and-naming-the-kids-after-her/603999/23 "2011-11-25T01:44:02Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > I know of two couples who did that. One was the “Heartsongs” or something corny like that. It was on a true crime show; one of them killed the other. > > The other was an even more nauseating (and nonsensical, but supposed to be deep) name. I wish I could say what it was, but I can’t, because I knew of them through the probation office where I was working. Mr. Stupidlastname molested his daughter and Mrs. Stupidlastname let it happen. > > So see? Only bad, corny people do that. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Erdosain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/erdosain/32/7284_2.png) [@Erdosain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Erdosain)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2011, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-men-would-you-consider-taking-your-wifes-last-name-and-naming-the-kids-after-her/603999/24 "2011-11-25T02:11:10Z")
The mayor of Los Angeles did this. His last name was Villar and his wife’s was Raigosa so they ended up as Mr. and Mrs. Villaraigosa. He cheated on Sra. Villaraigosa with a Telemundo reporter and they got divorced. They probably should’ve just kept their own names. I’ve never understood the compulsion in this society of 50% divorce rates to take someone else’s last name. It’s bizarre. ---
**Author:** ![Ashes\_Ashes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/db5fbb/32.png) [@Ashes\_Ashes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ashes_Ashes)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2011, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-men-would-you-consider-taking-your-wifes-last-name-and-naming-the-kids-after-her/603999/25 "2011-11-25T03:34:06Z")
My cousin thought to combine last names but it just didn’t work, no matter the method they tried. They ended up just keeping their own surnames. Their baby’s last name changes (not legally) according to whatever they’re doing at the time. Now that she’s older, they’re renewing their efforts. Looks like it’ll be a simple hyphen, even if it is laughably clunky. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2011, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-men-would-you-consider-taking-your-wifes-last-name-and-naming-the-kids-after-her/603999/26 "2011-11-25T03:38:39Z")
My husband did. I didn’t insist. Far from it. All I said is that I thought I would keep my last name when we got married. He said, “why don’t I change mine instead?” I said: :eek: And then I said, OK. So that’s what he did. ---
**Author:** ![Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ccd318/32.png) [@Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paul_in_Qatar)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2011, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-men-would-you-consider-taking-your-wifes-last-name-and-naming-the-kids-after-her/603999/27 "2011-11-25T03:45:24Z")
> [@Ludy](#): > > I didn’t change my name when I got married, and honestly it bothers me that kids automatically have the fathers last name. My kids have first name, middle name, my last name, husbands last name. I presume the OP cited the NYT article yesterday. The problem is when your daughter “Miss First Second Yours-His” marries someone named “Mr. First Second Mother-Father” what do they name _their_ children? (As for the question, such an arrangement might be a good idea to preserve an old, historic name that would otherwise die out.) ---
**Author:** ![foolsguinea](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foolsguinea/32/14751_2.png) [@foolsguinea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/foolsguinea)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2011, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-men-would-you-consider-taking-your-wifes-last-name-and-naming-the-kids-after-her/603999/28 "2011-11-25T03:48:31Z")
My last name is in fact my mother’s maiden name. Which is nice, because if it were my father’s it would be misspelled all the time. On the other hand, it’s common as mushrooms, which is why it’s rarely misspelled. So, no, I wouldn’t feel I was letting down the clan if I took my wife’s name. ---
**Author:** ![mnemosyne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c4cdca/32.png) [@mnemosyne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mnemosyne)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2011, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-men-would-you-consider-taking-your-wifes-last-name-and-naming-the-kids-after-her/603999/29 "2011-11-25T03:49:36Z")
> [@Paul\_in\_Qatar](#): > > I presume the OP cited the NYT article yesterday. > > The problem is when your daughter “Miss First Second Yours-His” marries someone named “Mr. First Second Mother-Father” what do they name _their_ children? Any combination of two of the four names seems reasonable to me, or they can create a new last name. Thing is, that’s an issue for the kids to decide; why would you choose your last name based on who your child might one day marry? Seems to be overthinking the issue, IMHO. Most of the people I know with hyphenated last names eventually choose one or the other to go by for convenience anyways. ---
**Author:** ![Argent\_Towers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e8c25b/32.png) [@Argent\_Towers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argent_Towers)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2011, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-men-would-you-consider-taking-your-wifes-last-name-and-naming-the-kids-after-her/603999/30 "2011-11-25T03:51:37Z")
The mother’s last name is still the last name of _her_ father, so you’ll still ultimately be taking the name from a man. If you want to strike back at eeeeeevil male chauvinistic sexist patriarchal sexist chauvinist misogynist patriarchy, you’ll have to find another way. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2011, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-men-would-you-consider-taking-your-wifes-last-name-and-naming-the-kids-after-her/603999/31 "2011-11-25T03:51:54Z")
> [@Ludy](#): > > Female here. > > I didn’t change my name when I got married, and honestly it bothers me that kids automatically have the fathers last name. My kids have first name, middle name, my last name, husbands last name. > > The only reason kids have their fathers name is tradition, and I am not big on doing things just because that’s the way we always do it. They actually automatically get the mother’s last name in the hospital. They’re only given the father’s last name by the parents when they file the birth certificate. You can give your baby any last name you want, it doesn’t even have to be the mother’s or the father’s. ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2011, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-men-would-you-consider-taking-your-wifes-last-name-and-naming-the-kids-after-her/603999/32 "2011-11-25T04:05:10Z")
> [@RogerDalien](#): > > I’m all for equality and all that No you aren’t. Delude yourself all you want, but you aren’t. Why did you only ask the opinion of men in your OP? ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2011, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-men-would-you-consider-taking-your-wifes-last-name-and-naming-the-kids-after-her/603999/33 "2011-11-25T04:13:38Z")
> [@CairoCarol](#): > > No you aren’t. Delude yourself all you want, but you aren’t. > > Why did you only ask the opinion of men in your OP? “Hello. You might know me from such misogynistic threads as [Does Madonna look more and more like an old whore?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=631932).” I blame [small-hand](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=630017) syndrome. ---
**Author:** ![Ludy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Ludy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludy)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2011, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-men-would-you-consider-taking-your-wifes-last-name-and-naming-the-kids-after-her/603999/34 "2011-11-25T04:20:51Z")
> [@Paul\_in\_Qatar](#): > > I presume the OP cited the NYT article yesterday. > > The problem is when your daughter “Miss First Second Yours-His” marries someone named “Mr. First Second Mother-Father” what do they name _their_ children? > > (As for the question, such an arrangement might be a good idea to preserve an old, historic name that would otherwise die out.) It’s not an issue. I know because my mother didn’t change her last name and my name follows the same pattern as my kids. And there is no hyphen. They are two separate names. ---
**Author:** ![appleciders](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85f322/32.png) [@appleciders](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/appleciders)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2011, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-men-would-you-consider-taking-your-wifes-last-name-and-naming-the-kids-after-her/603999/35 "2011-11-25T04:21:02Z")
Nope. I have an identity and a family history as a **Ciders** that I’m not interested in abandoning by changing my name. She can change her name or not; I don’t care much and besides, I shouldn’t really have any say in what her name is. But mine is not changing. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Drake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Dr.Drake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Drake)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2011, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-men-would-you-consider-taking-your-wifes-last-name-and-naming-the-kids-after-her/603999/36 "2011-11-25T04:33:26Z")
I think he only asked men because this is an issue women tend to think about as they grow up, and for men it’s an astounding revelation that changing surnames could even be considered. We (gay couple) talked about possibilities, but there was nothing good. I don’t know what we’d do if we had kids. Probably his surname, but I might try to get him to give the kid a true patronymic (ap Father’sname). We could make it “Ap Deuddyn” (“Son of Two Guys”) and start a dynasty. Of course, we’d have to promise him / her that we didn’t mind if he / she changed it by adulthood. ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2011, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-men-would-you-consider-taking-your-wifes-last-name-and-naming-the-kids-after-her/603999/37 "2011-11-25T04:34:07Z")
> [@Peeta\_Mellark](#): > > In the unlikely event that I married a woman… > > Sure, why not? If her last name was more appealing than mine, it makes sense. Having everybody in the family sharing the same surname seems sensible and there’s no intrinsic worth in my own last name. Indeed. Added to that, my last name is pronounced slightly differently from the spelling which leads to lowgrade frustration when even people you’ve known for years say it wrong. (Think Peterson but pronounced Petersohn.) So if my beloved had a name that was less of a trap or more mellifluous, sure. I have siblings who can carry on the name so I don’t have to. ---
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2011, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-men-would-you-consider-taking-your-wifes-last-name-and-naming-the-kids-after-her/603999/38 "2011-11-25T04:45:25Z")
An uncle of my grandmother’s has a long, uncommon surname of the amusing-to-schoolchildren variety. He also had 20 children :eek: A couple of his sons did take their wives surnames. I imagine with no leg to stand on with the old “But honey, I need to carry the family name on” argument (hard to pull off when you have 19 siblings), their wives declined to be Mrs Really-Ugly-Surname. I wonder how many of them were eager to shed the name, and how many were talked into it. ---
**Author:** ![drastic\_quench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e36b37/32.png) [@drastic\_quench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drastic_quench)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2011, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-men-would-you-consider-taking-your-wifes-last-name-and-naming-the-kids-after-her/603999/39 "2011-11-25T05:10:12Z")
I’d sooner geld myself. ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2011, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-men-would-you-consider-taking-your-wifes-last-name-and-naming-the-kids-after-her/603999/40 "2011-11-25T05:18:17Z")
I’d absolutely do it if my wife really wanted to. When you get married you’re part of one family now. So you pick one name. Either mine or hers, but you only get one. None of this hyphenated crap. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-men-would-you-consider-taking-your-wifes-last-name-and-naming-the-kids-after-her/603999.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-men-would-you-consider-taking-your-wifes-last-name-and-naming-the-kids-after-her/603999.md?page=3)