# Question for the men: Would you consider taking your wife's last name and naming the kids after her? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 24, 2011, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-men-would-you-consider-taking-your-wifes-last-name-and-naming-the-kids-after-her/603999 "2011-11-24T20:43:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![mhendo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mhendo/32/3159_2.png) [@mhendo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mhendo)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2011, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-men-would-you-consider-taking-your-wifes-last-name-and-naming-the-kids-after-her/603999/81 "2011-11-25T22:53:07Z")
> [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](#): > > Both of us had female relatives who’d found it bothersome to constantly have to explain that, although they kept their maiden names, they were, in fact, married, and their kid(s) really _were_ their kids. I sometimes wonder if i’m living in some sort of alternate universe. The idea that this would require an explanation in the second decade of the twenty-first century is something i find hard to comprehend. I mean, do people _really_ press, and say things like, “But you don’t have the same same. Are you sure these are really your kids?” It could be just that i’ve been lucky enough to avoid such clueless people, but it does beggar belief. ---
**Author:** ![alphaboi867](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alphaboi867/32/3898_2.png) [@alphaboi867](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alphaboi867)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2011, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-men-would-you-consider-taking-your-wifes-last-name-and-naming-the-kids-after-her/603999/82 "2011-11-25T23:31:38Z")
> [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](#): > > Or [royalty](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/House_of_Windsor). > > Although some might argue that they’re one and the same. > > Stranger Even Prince Phillip kept his own recently made-up surname that he only used once rather than take his wife’s recently made-up surname that she only used once. Charles & Anne were born Mountbattens, didn’t become Windsors until his wife became Queen and his uncle pissed off his mother-in-law by bragging about the “House of Mountbatten” being on the throne. In the ended they compromised by creating a double-barreled name, Mountbatten-Windsor, that none of their descendants have used outside of marriage banns. I’m a gay man. If I get married it’ll be to another man. I’m not changing my name or hypenating it (& would be slightly weirded out if he wanted to change his). My middle name his my mother’s maiden name, if I add anything else to mine I’ll sound like a law firm. I have no desire to ever have children, but If I did they’d probally ended up with hyphenated surnames out of convenience. Gay male couples already have enought trouble convinving random people they’re their children’s parents even without not sharing part of their surname into the issue. ---
**Author:** ![Tamerlane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tamerlane/32/7602_2.png) [@Tamerlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tamerlane)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2011, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-men-would-you-consider-taking-your-wifes-last-name-and-naming-the-kids-after-her/603999/83 "2011-11-26T00:13:08Z")
> [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](#): > > Or [royalty](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/House_of_Windsor). An even better example is the latter house of Habsburg. The last actual male Habsburg died in 1740. His daughter [Maria Theresa](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maria_Theresa) inherited from him and instead of the new dynasty taking the name of her husband [Francis Stephen of Lorraine](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Francis_I,_Holy_Roman_Emperor), as would have been typical, they stuck with the Habsburg moniker for prestige reasons. Technically they were the hyphenated house of Habsburg-Lorraine, but everybody continued to refer to them generically as Habsburgs. As for myself, I most likely wouldn’t change MY last name, simply because my name is a bit unusual ( very south Slavic ). It wouldn’t really go well in some other combinations. But otherwise I could give a crap. My mother took my father’s last name, but my step-mother did not and I really don’t see the one being preferable to the other. Kids? Eh, whatever sounds better. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2011, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-men-would-you-consider-taking-your-wifes-last-name-and-naming-the-kids-after-her/603999/84 "2011-11-26T01:40:43Z")
> [@mhendo](#): > > I sometimes wonder if i’m living in some sort of alternate universe… Well, it certainly requires less explanation nowadays. But we got married in 1990. ---
**Author:** ![lavenderviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/cdc98d/32.png) [@lavenderviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lavenderviolet)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2011, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-men-would-you-consider-taking-your-wifes-last-name-and-naming-the-kids-after-her/603999/85 "2011-11-26T02:02:20Z")
> [@mhendo](#): > > I sometimes wonder if i’m living in some sort of alternate universe. > > The idea that this would require an explanation in the second decade of the twenty-first century is something i find hard to comprehend. I mean, do people _really_ press, and say things like, “But you don’t have the same same. Are you sure these are really your kids?” It could be just that i’ve been lucky enough to avoid such clueless people, but it does beggar belief. I am hoping things are better now, but when I was a kid in the early 1990s, I recall one of my elementary school teachers taking me aside to ask if my mom was a stepmom because she went by her maiden name. (Not that it was the teacher’s business, in my opinion) I am planning to keep my maiden name and have my kids use a hyphenated name. My maiden name is quite unique and I want to keep it alive. I’ve also had a lot of professional accomplishments with this name. I would be okay with being known in informal social settings as “Mrs. Husband’s Last Name” but I don’t think a guy who insisted on me legally changing my name to his would be the kind of guy for me. ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2011, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-men-would-you-consider-taking-your-wifes-last-name-and-naming-the-kids-after-her/603999/86 "2011-11-26T02:23:58Z")
[It’s not unknown in Japan](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mukoy%C5%8Dshi), where a marriage still has a lot of its traditional overtones of being a union of families rather than individuals. Generally a woman joins her husband’s household and takes his family name, but it can also operate in reverse, particularly if she has a storied lineage that needs a male heir. ---
**Author:** ![Hari\_Seldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hari_seldon/32/5173_2.png) [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2011, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-men-would-you-consider-taking-your-wifes-last-name-and-naming-the-kids-after-her/603999/87 "2011-11-26T03:04:43Z")
I have no attachment to my last name (it is not even the name on my birth certificate). But, as Menmosyne indicated, Quebec will not allow either spouse to change their name. (When I fill out provincial forms that specify nom a la naissance (name at birth) I cheerfully ignore those instructions.) As for kids, you can give them either last name or a hyphenated last name. If two such marry, they can choose any one or two out of the four to brand their kids. ---
**Author:** ![Horseface](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/4af34b/32.png) [@Horseface](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseface)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2011, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-men-would-you-consider-taking-your-wifes-last-name-and-naming-the-kids-after-her/603999/88 "2011-11-26T03:56:07Z")
> [@Dr.Drake](#): > > I take it you still sacrifice animals to the gods, as well? And beat your children? After all, tradition is tradition is tradition. If you sacrifice animals and beat your children that is your business. I am sure you know what I am talking about despite your snarky remark. Women have taken their husband’s last name for centuries in most of the civilized world. With the exception of liberal strongholds and California. ---
**Author:** ![ProbablyProcrastinating](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/57b2e6/32.png) [@ProbablyProcrastinating](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ProbablyProcrastinating)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2011, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-men-would-you-consider-taking-your-wifes-last-name-and-naming-the-kids-after-her/603999/89 "2011-11-26T04:09:54Z")
I didn’t change my own last name, thank god. Kids have a last name derived from their dad’s last name (in his country of origin, they are changing the last name structure in general, so it wasn’t like, creative or anything). However, I have my mom’s last name because dad said he didn’t care (they were not married… broken condom, meet poorly formulated pill). I think people should keep their own names, and the kids should take the last name of the parent of their own sex. That would be fair. > [@Horseface](#): > > If you sacrifice animals and beat your children that is your business. I am sure you know what I am talking about despite your snarky remark. Women have taken their husband’s last name for centuries in most of the civilized world. With the exception of liberal strongholds and California. Persia was a civilization (gone now) and they never took their husbands’ last names. Things change. Get over it. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Drake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Dr.Drake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Drake)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2011, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-men-would-you-consider-taking-your-wifes-last-name-and-naming-the-kids-after-her/603999/90 "2011-11-26T04:30:51Z")
> [@Horseface](#): > > If you sacrifice animals and beat your children that is your business. I am sure you know what I am talking about despite your snarky remark. Women have taken their husband’s last name for centuries in most of the civilized world. With the exception of liberal strongholds and California. What I meant is that if “tradition” is your main justification for a practice, you would still be doing the things as your ancestors did them X thousand years ago. Just because something is traditional doesn’t say anything about the merits of an idea. Personally, I think that changing your surname a couple of decades into your life is a stupid and pointless practice. I don’t see any merit to it. Naming children is a different issue. Italian women (for example) do not change their name upon marriage. Hardly a liberal stronghold. You might want to think about why the very idea is so threatening. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2011, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-men-would-you-consider-taking-your-wifes-last-name-and-naming-the-kids-after-her/603999/91 "2011-11-26T04:57:42Z")
As my Taiwanese wife is in academia, there was no question of her taking my last name when we got married. Our kids have my last name for their legal names in both the US and Japan (which doesn’t recognize dual citizenship for foreigners, so we picked the US) and her last name in Taiwan. We had to make up a last name for me when I got married, as Taiwanese law requires names to be written in Chinese. We considered using her last name, but used my middle name to create both the family and given names. Taiwanese women do not take their husband’s name when they get married, but the children will have the same last name as the father. > [@Scissorjack](#): > > [It’s not unknown in Japan](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mukoy%C5%8Dshi), where a marriage still has a lot of its traditional overtones of being a union of families rather than individuals. Generally a woman joins her husband’s household and takes his family name, but it can also operate in reverse, particularly if she has a storied lineage that needs a male heir. I know someone who did it, and his wife’s family wasn’t particularly prestigious. Many of the traditions are less observed these days, although some families still continue them. ---
**Author:** ![Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/f04885/32.png) [@Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qin_Shi_Huangdi)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2011, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-men-would-you-consider-taking-your-wifes-last-name-and-naming-the-kids-after-her/603999/92 "2011-11-26T05:03:34Z")
> [@RogerDalien](#): > > My feelings are that of… revulsion, frankly speaking. I would _NEVER_ take a woman’s last name and the kids would absolutely have to bear my surname. I’m all for equality and all that, but this is one area where there can be no compromise. > > Frankly, I would be very suspicious of any woman who would even consider the possibility. > > How about you? While I wouldn’t really consider it as a possibility (unless her last name was von something) this may be a bit overreacting IMO… ---
**Author:** ![Feyrat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/fbc32d/32.png) [@Feyrat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feyrat)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2011, 5:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-men-would-you-consider-taking-your-wifes-last-name-and-naming-the-kids-after-her/603999/93 "2011-11-26T05:32:12Z")
I didn’t take my first husband’s name because I didn’t like it. It was as generic and blah as my father’s last name, it wasn’t trading up at all. I changed my first name when I was 20 because I didn’t like it, it was a giant hassle for people to pronounce and spell. Now, it doesn’t even feel like “my” name anymore. When I married my current husband 13 years later, I took his last name because I like it better. I think it sounds pretty, and is more euphonious with my (chosen and birth, actually) first name. Neither of us care about his family, his mother has since remarried and divorced twice since his father, and his father’s been out of the picture since he was like 5. Two friends of mine (who are neither all that weird, nor bad people) took a mutual last name when they married that had not been either of their surnames before they married. Their children also have that shared surname. Emasculating? REALLY? :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Farmer\_Jane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Farmer\_Jane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmer_Jane)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2011, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-men-would-you-consider-taking-your-wifes-last-name-and-naming-the-kids-after-her/603999/94 "2011-11-26T05:41:00Z")
I didn’t say that tradition is the sole reason someone should want to change things. I said you were being hard on someone who had opinions and feelings based on his upbringing and cultural norms. I wouldn’t change my last name, but I can see where he was coming from. ---
**Author:** ![Cicero](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cicero/32/3594_2.png) [@Cicero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cicero)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2011, 7:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-men-would-you-consider-taking-your-wifes-last-name-and-naming-the-kids-after-her/603999/95 "2011-11-26T07:05:45Z")
One of the guys at work did. Mind you his last name was “Dick” so I fully understand. ---
**Author:** ![Chipacabra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e19b73/32.png) [@Chipacabra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chipacabra)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2011, 8:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-men-would-you-consider-taking-your-wifes-last-name-and-naming-the-kids-after-her/603999/96 "2011-11-26T08:34:09Z")
Purely hypothetical for the foreseeable future, but… I think I would do it if I felt I was joining her family. Which would be entirely plausible, since I don’t really have a family of my own. I wouldn’t expect her to take my name, and would be somewhat dismayed if she did, for the same reason. I could go for sharing a made-up surname. On the same token, I would encourage any kids, upon reaching the age of 18, to decide if they want to keep the surname we gave them, or change it to whatever they want. Your name is part of your identity, and I don’t believe anyone has the right to tell you what your identity is. Not your spouse, not your parents, not the government. ---
**Author:** ![Naxos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/50afbb/32.png) [@Naxos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Naxos)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2011, 8:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-men-would-you-consider-taking-your-wifes-last-name-and-naming-the-kids-after-her/603999/97 "2011-11-26T08:42:27Z")
> [@RogerDalien](#): > > I would _NEVER_ take a woman’s last name and the kids would absolutely have to bear my surname. I’m all for equality and all that, but this is one area where there can be no compromise. Thank religion for that. ---
**Author:** ![jackdavinci](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackdavinci/32/3259_2.png) [@jackdavinci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackdavinci)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2011, 9:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-men-would-you-consider-taking-your-wifes-last-name-and-naming-the-kids-after-her/603999/98 "2011-11-26T09:14:56Z")
My friends both changed their last names before they married to something unrelated to either of their married names. I also like the “boys get Dads name / girls get Moms name” but I’m not sure how that’d work with gay couples. ---
**Author:** ![Butterscotch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/dc4da7/32.png) [@Butterscotch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Butterscotch)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2011, 10:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-men-would-you-consider-taking-your-wifes-last-name-and-naming-the-kids-after-her/603999/99 "2011-11-26T10:40:58Z")
Well, here in Italy, women keep their own name when they get married. Children are automatically given the father’s surname, but I think you can ask for the mother’s if you want. It’s really no big deal here, the women keeping their name. ---
**Author:** ![An\_Gadai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@An\_Gadai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Gadai)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2011, 10:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-men-would-you-consider-taking-your-wifes-last-name-and-naming-the-kids-after-her/603999/100 "2011-11-26T10:52:09Z")
Yeah why not. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-men-would-you-consider-taking-your-wifes-last-name-and-naming-the-kids-after-her/603999.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-men-would-you-consider-taking-your-wifes-last-name-and-naming-the-kids-after-her/603999.md?page=6)