# Question for the men: Would you consider taking your wife's last name and naming the kids after her? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 24, 2011, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-men-would-you-consider-taking-your-wifes-last-name-and-naming-the-kids-after-her/603999 "2011-11-24T20:43:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![jackdavinci](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackdavinci/32/3259_2.png) [@jackdavinci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackdavinci)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2011, 9:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-men-would-you-consider-taking-your-wifes-last-name-and-naming-the-kids-after-her/603999/121 "2011-11-29T09:48:21Z")
I think it’s ultimately a pragmatic issue. There’s no real reason for either spouse to change their name nowadays. The real issue here, and the OP probably should have concentrated on it instead, is the issue of what last name our kids should have. I’ve seen several options: 1. Traditional, male, but seems patriarchal. 2. Boys take Dads, Girls take Moms, clever but can be confusing, and doesn’t help gay couples. 3. Hyphenated. Short term solution at best. Unless we want all kids to eventually have the same thousand word long hyphenated last name. 4. Make up new last name. Nice but, begs the question of, why bother having a family name at all? 5. Shippers! Create a hybrid last name. This could work, but it’s hard to formalize. 6. Spanish names. Supposedly these are all inclusive. How does that work exactly? 7. Old style. “Mac” and “O” mean “son of”. How did that work? “da” meant “from”. Like “da Vinci”. How did that work? ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2011, 11:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-men-would-you-consider-taking-your-wifes-last-name-and-naming-the-kids-after-her/603999/122 "2011-11-29T11:58:05Z")
Then there is Zapatero’s proposal. One item which is very important to him is gender equality; considering that it’s chauvinistic to have the paternal lastname first by default, he proposed (and as far as anybody can tell, he was serious) to have the default be alphabetical order. The two fastest jokes to crop up were “how many generations will it take until everybody in Spain is called ‘Abad Abad’?” and “does he realize that ‘Aznar’ goes before both ‘Rodríguez’ and ‘Zapatero’?” It doesn’t look like there will be a move in that direction any time soon. The way the Spanish system works (1) is that people’s “full name” includes “firstname” (which may have several words in one name, or more than one name) plus two lastnames. Traditionally, the first lastname is from the father, the second one from the mother. Let’s invent a family: Tomás Caballero Abad - Marisa Santana Ariza; their son Santiago was Santiago Caballero Santana Ernesto Martínez Urriza - Alejandra Blasco Ibáñez; their daughter Ana was Ana Martínez Blasco Santiago and Ana’s childrens are [whatever] Caballero Martínez So, the patrilineal lastnames still end up taking precedence and lasting longer in use. People from places where there is a strong interest in genealogy may be able to provide you quite a long list of lastnames, though: my father could recite his first 32 by rote (my mother only knows 7 of her first 8, so for me the bucket stops at 8; as you don’t give part of a generation, it’s always powers of 2). 1: the Portuguese system is similar, but with the mother’s lastname before the paternal one; I suspect this may have inspired the Anglo custom of using the mother’s lastname as a middle name. As for your 7s, patronimics and toponimics are still in use, but “in olden times” they were individual. The patronimics still work like that in Russia or in Iceland; as for toponimics, well, where are you from? Let’s say my Dad’s name was Diego; “in olden times” and in Spanish my name could have been something like Nava Díaz de Pamplona: Díaz “child of Diego” and “from Pamplona” because that’s where I was born. ---
**Author:** ![Lust4Life](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ecc23a/32.png) [@Lust4Life](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lust4Life)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2011, 12:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-men-would-you-consider-taking-your-wifes-last-name-and-naming-the-kids-after-her/603999/123 "2011-11-30T12:18:36Z")
As the custom generally is to take the fathers surname for children, would there not be a possibility in the future of people unwittingly committing incest because of the genealogical confusion ? Personally I have no dog in this fight, just wondered . ---
**Author:** ![SanVito](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sanvito/32/2805_2.png) [@SanVito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanVito)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2011, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-men-would-you-consider-taking-your-wifes-last-name-and-naming-the-kids-after-her/603999/124 "2011-11-30T12:52:51Z")
> [@Lust4Life](#): > > As the custom generally is to take the fathers surname for children, would there not be a possibility in the future of people unwittingly committing incest because of the genealogical confusion ? > > Personally I have no dog in this fight, just wondered . Eh?? How does THAT work?? ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2011, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-men-would-you-consider-taking-your-wifes-last-name-and-naming-the-kids-after-her/603999/125 "2011-11-30T14:02:21Z")
> [@Lust4Life](#): > > As the custom generally is to take the fathers surname for children, would there not be a possibility in the future of people unwittingly committing incest because of the genealogical confusion ? > > Personally I have no dog in this fight, just wondered . :dubious: So you’re saying that a guy taking his wife’s name is somehow going to mean his kids don’t know who their close relatives are? I mean, that’s the only way you could unwittingly commit incest–beyond 1st or 2nd cousins, it’s really not considered incest. I suppose if a family were to shun the infidels and cut all ties with a son who took his wife’s last name, the kids wouldn’t grow up seeing their cousins at Christmas and family reunions and all that, but that seems far more an indictment of this “his name no matter what” mindset than any individual family’s naming choices. ---
**Author:** ![Zeriel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/58956e/32.png) [@Zeriel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeriel)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2011, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-men-would-you-consider-taking-your-wifes-last-name-and-naming-the-kids-after-her/603999/126 "2011-11-30T15:20:30Z")
> [@Lust4Life](#): > > As the custom generally is to take the fathers surname for children, would there not be a possibility in the future of people unwittingly committing incest because of the genealogical confusion ? Not any more than usual. Consider the fact that none of my cousins share my last name. Yet somehow, we manage to not have sex. Meanwhile, the closest relation to me not in my immediate family who DOES share my last name is at least five times removed. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Excellent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f19dbf/32.png) [@Mr.Excellent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Excellent)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2011, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-men-would-you-consider-taking-your-wifes-last-name-and-naming-the-kids-after-her/603999/127 "2011-11-30T15:26:56Z")
I’m keeping my family name; **Excellents** have been soldiers, engineers, healers, scholars and scoundrels for generations, and I’ll not ditch the name for some random other. Nor would I expect my wife to change her name; in fact, while it’s certainly her call, I’d recommend against it if she asked my opinion. Barring exceedingly icky incest, I’m an _Excellent_ and my hypothetical wife isn’t; it’s just that simple. As for the kids; eh, we could hyphenate, flipping a coin to see which name came first. Or they could take my wife’s name, if she really preferred it; I figure if she has to give birth to the spawn, she deserves a greater voice in naming them. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Scud](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f08c70/32.png) [@Tom\_Scud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Scud)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2011, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-men-would-you-consider-taking-your-wifes-last-name-and-naming-the-kids-after-her/603999/128 "2011-11-30T15:27:57Z")
> [@mhendo](#): > > Actually, these days that can be a good thing. > > My wife has an unusual last name, and a very unusual first-last combination. She likes her name, but one thing that sometimes annoys her is how easy it is to find her on the internet with simple search. > > My name, by contrast, is very common, and Googling it without adding some specific terms will give you hundreds of results before you come across one related to me. I quite like that level of anonymity. However, if your name is TOO common, the odds of your sharing a name with someone on the no-fly list goes way up. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Scud](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f08c70/32.png) [@Tom\_Scud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Scud)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2011, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-men-would-you-consider-taking-your-wifes-last-name-and-naming-the-kids-after-her/603999/129 "2011-11-30T15:32:54Z")
On the OP, I would do it, but we aren’t having kids, so it’s irrelevant. The only thing that would give me pause is that I’d end up mostly sharing a name with a celebrity I’d rather not be identified with. ---
**Author:** ![mhendo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mhendo/32/3159_2.png) [@mhendo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mhendo)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2011, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-men-would-you-consider-taking-your-wifes-last-name-and-naming-the-kids-after-her/603999/130 "2011-11-30T19:33:37Z")
> [@Lust4Life](#): > > As the custom generally is to take the fathers surname for children, would there not be a possibility in the future of people unwittingly committing incest because of the genealogical confusion ? Ask yourself this question: If your sister or your first cousin had a different name, would that suddenly confuse you and cause you to develop a desire to fuck them? if the answer is “no,” then you’ve answered your own question. If the answer if yes, you have bigger problems to worry about than who gets what name in your family. > [@Lust4Life](#): > > Personally I have no dog in this fight, just wondered . And on-one even mentioned bestiality. ---
**Author:** ![alphaboi867](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alphaboi867/32/3898_2.png) [@alphaboi867](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alphaboi867)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2011, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-men-would-you-consider-taking-your-wifes-last-name-and-naming-the-kids-after-her/603999/131 "2011-12-01T01:50:41Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > Then there is Zapatero’s proposal. One item which is very important to him is gender equality; considering that it’s chauvinistic to have the paternal lastname first by default, he proposed (and as far as anybody can tell, he was serious) to have the default be alphabetical order. The two fastest jokes to crop up were “how many generations will it take until everybody in Spain is called ‘Abad Abad’?” and “does he realize that ‘Aznar’ goes before both ‘Rodríguez’ and ‘Zapatero’?” It doesn’t look like there will be a move in that direction any time soon… Wouldn’t it be easier to just start passing on the mother’s maternal surname rather than her paternal one? Can couples actually choose which surnames get passed on in Spain, or does each parent have to pass on the one they got from their father? ---
**Author:** ![Stately\_Greek\_Automaton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aca169/32.png) [@Stately\_Greek\_Automaton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stately_Greek_Automaton)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2011, 11:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-men-would-you-consider-taking-your-wifes-last-name-and-naming-the-kids-after-her/603999/132 "2011-12-01T11:53:07Z")
> [@Max\_the\_Immortal](#): > > I wouldn’t take my wife’s last name, and I would prefer if she keep hers. As for naming kids, I wonder if a “sons get the father’s last name, daughters get the mother’s last name” system would be practical. Having done something along those lines, I think it’s a pretty good way to go about things. School officials are always perplexed though. ---
**Author:** ![Ruken](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f475e1/32.png) [@Ruken](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruken)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2011, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-men-would-you-consider-taking-your-wifes-last-name-and-naming-the-kids-after-her/603999/133 "2011-12-01T13:05:42Z")
No cite on hand (maybe it was a nytimes magazine article? not sure), but I recall reading that it’s actually _less_ common now for women to keep their original surname after marriage than it was ~20 years ago. I got the sense that the attitude has shifted away from needing to make a statement to more of a “you should do what you want and who are we to question it.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-the-men-would-you-consider-taking-your-wifes-last-name-and-naming-the-kids-after-her/603999.md?page=6)