# Question for unmarried gay Dopers: boyfriend vs. partner **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 19, 2014, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-unmarried-gay-dopers-boyfriend-vs-partner/681727 "2014-02-19T19:21:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![SanVito](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sanvito/32/2805_2.png) [@SanVito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanVito)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2014, 10:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-unmarried-gay-dopers-boyfriend-vs-partner/681727/21 "2014-02-21T10:57:21Z")
> [@DrumBum](#): > > Perhaps I have had good bosses but at work “Tom is at a funeral” is all that is required. When I return, they may inquire further and offer condolences. So you never ever meet strangers who don’t know that you even have a wife? ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2014, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-unmarried-gay-dopers-boyfriend-vs-partner/681727/22 "2014-02-21T15:07:37Z")
My wife’s father is in a long term relationship but they won’t get married for a variety of reasons. We always refer to her as his “Significant Other” and that seems to work. It’s a mouthful, but it conveys all the information needed. ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2014, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-unmarried-gay-dopers-boyfriend-vs-partner/681727/23 "2014-02-21T15:56:25Z")
People should start using “sweetie.” It’d be cute 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tastes_of_chocolate/32/3232_2.png) [@Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tastes_of_Chocolate)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2014, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-unmarried-gay-dopers-boyfriend-vs-partner/681727/24 "2014-02-21T23:00:58Z")
> [@SanVito](#): > > Because, unlike straight people, many gay people don’t feel like outing themselves every five minutes to total strangers. ‘Partner’ side steps having to stick a ‘hey look at the gay person over here’ sign on our heads. Sad that many of us still have to feel this way, but straight people don’t have to declare their sexual orientation every time they casually mention having to call their SO, or whatever. > > Sometimes we want casual acquaintances to recall meeting a really interesting designer/dog walker/woman at the gym, rather than ‘a lesbian’. As an unmarried straight person in a long term relationship, I use partner. We’re not married, husband/wife isn’t correct. We’re not boyfriend/girlfriend, we’ve been together for 20+ years, and we’re both creaping up on 50. Ain’t no boys or girls here. Significant other is to long, SO isn’t known by enough people. So partner it is. And as far as I’m concerned, it’s none of a strangers business what gender my partner is either. Although I will admit to using spouse some times, because it’s way easier than explaining to my grandmother’s friends that we aren’t married. ---
**Author:** ![Helena330](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helena330/32/531_2.png) [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2014, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-unmarried-gay-dopers-boyfriend-vs-partner/681727/25 "2014-02-21T23:38:53Z")
Did anyone else have to Google “U-Haul lesbian”? :x ---
**Author:** ![andygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2014, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-unmarried-gay-dopers-boyfriend-vs-partner/681727/26 "2014-02-22T00:14:39Z")
I always find it slightly confusion when straight couples use ‘partner’, if only one is present I tend to assume that they are gay. For me it would probably be the circumstances of the introduction and if we lived together, I think. ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2014, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-unmarried-gay-dopers-boyfriend-vs-partner/681727/27 "2014-02-22T01:28:44Z")
Still searching for a term, and we just legally got married. Before we were married, I used the term “partner” - at some age “boyfriend” is a bit silly as we have long since passed the “boy” age. I just don’t like “husband”…perhaps because “husband and wife” are like “salt and pepper”…you can’t have one without the other. I have tried “gusband” but it hasn’t stuck yet. So, I still use the term “partner” and, when pressed due to legal reasons, I simply say “we are legally married”. To me, “partner” means exactly what it should mean - someone who is there by your side, for the long haul, through thick or thin. If others don’t like it - well, tough. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2014, 6:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-unmarried-gay-dopers-boyfriend-vs-partner/681727/28 "2014-02-22T06:19:12Z")
> [@andygirl](#): > > I always find it slightly confusion when straight couples use ‘partner’, if only one is present I tend to assume that they are gay. The people I know who do that do it on purpose, as a test to see who makes which assumptions, who asks and who doesn’t say anything straightaway but files the information under “details unknown”. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-unmarried-gay-dopers-boyfriend-vs-partner/681727.md?page=1)