# Question for you Dangerosa **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 27, 2017, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-you-dangerosa/780990 "2017-02-27T22:49:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2017, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-you-dangerosa/780990/181 "2017-03-03T13:00:06Z")
> [@Banquet\_Bear](#): > > …hello random person number six to address me! > > I’ve asked the other people a very simple question. Would you care to give it a go? Do you see this pattern the other people are talking about? Can you provide some cites? What’s your obsession with this? Why are you so interested in playing white knight? ---
**Author:** ![Banquet\_Bear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/banquet_bear/32/373_2.png) [@Banquet\_Bear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Banquet_Bear)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2017, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-you-dangerosa/780990/182 "2017-03-03T13:20:13Z")
> [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#): > > Post #172? …what about it? His first link was to the exact same fucking thread we’ve been discussing since post 21. A single thread does not show a pattern. Especially over something that is nearly three years old. I have no idea if the second cited thread mentions the son or not. But Azeotrope doesn’t mention it. And I’m not going on a wild goose chase to see if it does or not. So no: post 172 doesn’t show jack shit. But hey, since your here, maybe you can give it a go. ---
**Author:** ![Banquet\_Bear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/banquet_bear/32/373_2.png) [@Banquet\_Bear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Banquet_Bear)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2017, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-you-dangerosa/780990/183 "2017-03-03T13:23:51Z")
> [@cochrane](#): > > What’s your obsession with this? Why are you so interested in playing white knight? …obsessed? This is the Straight Dope. Fighting ignorance and all that. This is a fucking message board and we are in the fucking pit. We talk about things here. What is your obsession with this? Why the fuck are you posting here? Do we need to get permission before we are allowed to post? And White Knight? seriously? [I’m a male SJW](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=20038918&postcount=53). This isn’t the first time I’ve been called a white knight. It was a pathetic insult the first time it was used, and it is just as pathetic now. So rather than using lame, pathetic, tired insults, why don’t you just answer the question I asked you? ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2017, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-you-dangerosa/780990/184 "2017-03-03T13:49:06Z")
> [@Banquet\_Bear](#): > > …obsessed? > > This is the Straight Dope. Fighting ignorance and all that. This is a fucking message board and we are in the fucking pit. We talk about things here. What is your obsession with this? Why the fuck are you posting here? Do we need to get permission before we are allowed to post? > > And White Knight? seriously? [I’m a male SJW](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=20038918&postcount=53). This isn’t the first time I’ve been called a white knight. It was a pathetic insult the first time it was used, and it is just as pathetic now. > > So rather than using lame, pathetic, tired insults, why don’t you just answer the question I asked you? I don’t give a shit either way. I’m just amused by your and **BigT’s** manufactured outrage. “Oh, noes! Some random person I don’t even know is being mocked on the internet! How horrible! How will I ever get to sleep tonight?” I think **Dangerosa** is doing herself a bigger favor by staying away from this thread than you are doing for her. You’re a tedious douchebag. ---
**Author:** ![Banquet\_Bear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/banquet_bear/32/373_2.png) [@Banquet\_Bear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Banquet_Bear)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2017, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-you-dangerosa/780990/185 "2017-03-03T14:00:50Z")
> [@cochrane](#): > > I don’t give a shit either way. I’m just amused by your and **BigT’s** manufactured outrage. > > “Oh, noes! Some random person I don’t even know is being mocked on the internet! How horrible! How will I ever get to sleep tonight?” > > I think **Dangerosa** is doing herself a bigger favor by staying away from this thread than you are doing for her. You’re a tedious douchebag. …you are a fucking riot. Read my fucking posts you idiot. I’m literally asking for cites. This thread is built on hot air. People are recalling a pattern of posts that doesn’t appear to exist. You can keep on insulting me or you can show that I am wrong. Why the fuck are you being so evasive? How hard is it for you guys to pony up this pattern of posts? Why are you guys not answering the question “which posts concern you?” ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2017, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-you-dangerosa/780990/186 "2017-03-03T14:02:07Z")
Women, amirite? ---
**Author:** ![xenophon41](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xenophon41/32/253_2.png) [@xenophon41](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xenophon41)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2017, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-you-dangerosa/780990/187 "2017-03-03T14:08:10Z")
This thread is being presented, by those questioning **Dangerosa** ’s actions and motivations as a parent, as a sort of intervention. But it’s an intervention being staged in the internet equivalent of a rowdy food court in front of random passersby, on the basis of a non-sequitur observation from **Green Bean** , supported so far by one cited thread from over 30 months ago. That’s not how you do an intervention folks. If you’re assuming the responsibility to help someone recognize and deal with a problem, which is a good and proper thing, it’s incumbent on you to establish the reasons you believe the problem exists and to marshal both the evidence and your argument in order to _confront the person you’re purportedly helping_. So far this reads like the resurrection of an unfinished argument from 2014. As a previously unaffected observer here, I don’t blame anyone else for being unconvinced and for pushing back in this very public forum against what so far seems to be a beef between a group of some indeterminant size in concert against one individual. But more importantly, I can’t see any reason anyone’s given why **Dangerosa** should even ‘acknowledge’ the existence of a problem. Weak pittings are one thing; they’re frequently amusing and sometimes instructive. Anyone who gets bent out of shape by poor pittings should probably get a more productive hobby. But weak, amateurish or unfocused “interventions” in a forum like this should anger everyone who cares about helping people. Because to anyone casually reading it, this sort of therapy is indistinguishable from the public pillory. And to the recipient, it’s indistinguishable from bullying. ---
**Author:** ![Paranoid\_Randroid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/paranoid_randroid/32/18_2.png) [@Paranoid\_Randroid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paranoid_Randroid)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2017, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-you-dangerosa/780990/188 "2017-03-03T14:08:27Z")
Absolutely no dog in this hunt, but I’m somehow inexplicably amused by **Banquet Bear** ’s habit of starting posts with ellipses. As if he were continuing a prior thought each time. Well, I _do_ think **BigT** is a boorish, preachy asshole, but he doesn’t deserve the level of abuse he gets. Perhaps it’s similar for **Dangerosa**. I don’t know, I’m just here for the extraneous post-starting ellipses. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2017, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-you-dangerosa/780990/189 "2017-03-03T14:24:58Z")
> [@Banquet\_Bear](#): > > …you are a fucking riot. Read my fucking posts you idiot. I’m literally asking for cites. This thread is built on hot air. People are recalling a pattern of posts that doesn’t appear to exist. You do know your insistence on having this pattern spelled out for you is probably extending the life of this thread longer than need be, right? If you really cared about **Dangerosa’s** feelings, you could let this thing quickly die a quiet little death. But no, you’re keeping it going with your demand to see all of **Dangerosa’s** cringe-worthy posts put on display. ---
**Author:** ![Maurie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df788c/32.png) [@Maurie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maurie)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2017, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-you-dangerosa/780990/190 "2017-03-03T14:34:49Z")
I have a daughter with significant behavioural and emotional issues who makes me crazy, and a son who is easygoing and sweet. I love them both passionately and think they are both incredible human beings. However, a couple of years ago I went on a weekend getaway with a couple of girlfriends I don’t see often. As we got caught up over wine, one of them gently mentioned how when I talked about my daughter I was defensive and tense, and when I talked about my son I glowed. I had always been careful of how I spoke about them - conscious of not comparing them, and of not seeming to brag about their achievements or put them down when they stumbled, so I scoffed at the idea and asked for examples. They both really tried to think of what exactly it was, but eventually said they couldn’t quite put their finger on it, but just both had gotten the same overall impression. It was absolutely a revelation, and it broke my heart, but I am truly grateful for that conversation to this day. I had always been wholly aware of my daughter’s strengths and successes, and also aware of my son’s flaws and weaknesses, but had no idea that when I spoke of them, I was only showing my frustration with her and my pride in him. The realization not only changed my awareness of how I spoke of them, but also how I spoke _to_ them, and actually ultimately how I saw them, and I think it added a new depth not only in my relationship with them, but in their relationship with each other as well. I don’t know that I agree that this thread was the best method of bringing this issue up with **Dangerosa** , but if so many people are getting that impression then maybe there is some value in letting her know that she can come across that way. If she doesn’t see any value in their opinion, then really, it’s just a bunch of strangers on the internet and she can choose to ignore it. ---
**Author:** ![Azeotrope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/0ea827/32.png) [@Azeotrope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Azeotrope)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2017, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-you-dangerosa/780990/191 "2017-03-03T15:03:28Z")
> [@Banquet\_Bear](#): > > …what about it? > > His first link … HER first link, thanks. Girls can do chemistry and carry on pointless internet arguments too, you know, Mr. SJW 😛 It was an attempt to show, in Dangerosa’s own words, how she speaks about the son and daughter using very different language on the same exact topic, since some people don’t want to read long threads. Anyway, here’s some from the past year. In the interest of fairness I’m only posting quotes from when she mentions both the son and daughter on the same topic, though there are an abundance of threads where she posts about the brilliant, accomplished, beautiful daughter on her own. Since we can’t search for 3 letter words it’s harder to find references to the son. [Posted 12-9-16](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=19884699&postcount=26) > [@](#): > > My son works, my daughter doesn’t. My daughter is in four AP or CIS courses and doing a play - she doesn’t have the extra capacity for a job. My son has a grueling load of non college prep senior slide electives including study hall. There is a difference in the expectations at home due to the load at school. [posted 12-19-16](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=19862930&postcount=25) > [@](#): > > My asexual daughter (really, not my fantasy - its her identification - at least currently) is on birth control. Evens out moods, she doesn’t worry about a period anymore - and the crampy feelings that go with it, and clears up acne. Plus, if she would have sex - with someone with a penis - she’d be protected against pregnancy. > > (snip) > > I’m more worried about my son. He doesn’t like to tell us what is going on in his life. I’ve met one girlfriend - I don’t know if he has had others. He could end up getting a girl pregnant and we might not find out about it for a long time. If he penis turned green, I’m not sure he’d tell me - much less tell me about something more subtle [posted 2-3-16](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=19072050&postcount=27) > [@](#): > > My son doesn’t get good grades and doesn’t want to participate in the high school experience (except baseball in the Spring), so he has to pay for his insurance and gas via a job. > > My daughter does and uses her time productively (well, there is the Tumblr habit, but since her current reading material is The Federalist Papers, we are letting her slack a little), so we frank her as long as she employs her time more productively than working a minimum wage job. I’m sure there are more in the past few years, but I haven’t got all day to spend on this. I hope this puts paid to the notion that this is just “carrying on an argument from 3 years ago” over one incident. ---
**Author:** ![Sarahfeena](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sarahfeena/32/519_2.png) [@Sarahfeena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sarahfeena)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2017, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-you-dangerosa/780990/192 "2017-03-03T15:19:21Z")
> [@you\_with\_the\_face](#): > > You do know your insistence on having this pattern spelled out for you is probably extending the life of this thread longer than need be, right? > > If you really cared about **Dangerosa’s** feelings, you could let this thing quickly die a quiet little death. But no, you’re keeping it going with your demand to see all of **Dangerosa’s** cringe-worthy posts put on display. This is what I keep thinking too…really, **BanquetBear** , give it a rest. ---
**Author:** ![Calatin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/439d5e/32.png) [@Calatin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Calatin)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2017, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-you-dangerosa/780990/193 "2017-03-03T15:34:41Z")
> [@Azeotrope](#): > > HER first link, thanks. Girls can do chemistry and carry on pointless internet arguments too, you know, Mr. SJW 😛 > > It was an attempt to show, in Dangerosa’s own words, how she speaks about the son and daughter using very different language on the same exact topic, since some people don’t want to read long threads. > > Anyway, here’s some from the past year. In the interest of fairness I’m only posting quotes from when she mentions both the son and daughter on the same topic, though there are an abundance of threads where she posts about the brilliant, accomplished, beautiful daughter on her own. Since we can’t search for 3 letter words it’s harder to find references to the son. > > [Posted 12-9-16](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=19884699&postcount=26) > [posted 12-19-16](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=19862930&postcount=25) > [posted 2-3-16](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=19072050&postcount=27) > I’m sure there are more in the past few years, but I haven’t got all day to spend on this. I hope this puts paid to the notion that this is just “carrying on an argument from 3 years ago” over one incident. Thank you. Hopefully that will meet **BanquetBear’s** quota of cites. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2017, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-you-dangerosa/780990/194 "2017-03-03T15:38:32Z")
> [@Banquet\_Bear](#): > > I actually think that **Sarahfeena** is trying to help. > > But **Sarahfeena** started this pit thread. **IvoryTower** has made claims about another poster here in this pit thread. Asking them to back up their claims is not unreasonable in the slightest. Well, Sarahfeena declined so maybe you could pit her. > [@](#): > > BigT stood up for Dangerosa and look what happened to him. This is the pit. Don’t start something here if you want to run away from the consequences. I get the impression that BigT dishes it out all the time. I don’t really read his posts because the tone generally turns me off but he’s not getting shit here in this thread just because of his actions here. > [@](#): > > Can you show me the posts that lead you to believe **Dangerosa** ’s family has a “golden child?” Did you know that you can’t actually search for only “son”? It would take hours and hours to find the actual cites, but as someone pointed out, that wouldn’t satisfy you anyway. However, it’s not just one thread. > [@"Enjoy Your Kids While They're Young" - bah!](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enjoy-your-kids-while-theyre-young-bah/616113/32): > > As to ages, I liked my son, who is now thirteen, best when he was three and four. He was really a good natured, easy kid. He was a little too independent, wandering off by himself. My daughter at that age was a demon possessed child who threw incredible tantrums and needed her own way on EVERYTHING. He is now an uncooperative, uncommunicative sullen teenager pushing boundaries who I’m tempted to sell into child slavery - well, maybe not since we don’t actually ever SEE him unless he needs money or a ride - he is out with friends or hangs in his room and as far as I can tell, only talks in monosyllables when we do see him, she is now a lovely, considerate twelve year old. I suspect they will both turn out fine in the end, but he’s going to be a challenging teenager, something I would have never expected when he was four. She is going to hit hormonal here and enter the non-human stage, but I think compared to her toddler and pre-school years, she’ll be easy. Obviously she is far too good of a mother to actually believe this, it’s hyperbole, but that is so jarring to read these things contrasted to the praise she – justifiable – lavishes on her incredible daughter. Her daughter wanted to go into girl scouting. She couldn’t find a troop so she lead it herself. Her son wanted to join boy scouts and she wouldn’t let him because he’s an agnostic and for her that was more important to stand up to that then let him join. She and her husband missed the meeting for football and decided, without asking the coach about it, that the policies didn’t match their family family based on what another parent’s reports. She and her husband regularly go and fight with the school for her daughter’s rights. She didn’t sign her son up for hockey because it “takes commitment.” She thinks her son dresses “thugish.” Those are hard words, IMHO for a child and even if she doesn’t use them with him – which I presume that she doesn’t – thinking them could have an influence. You can easily find a lot of praise for her daughter. > [@](#): > > My daughter is “gifted” and needs gifted education. Not in order to become a cancer curing researcher, but because she requires the challenges and social stimulation provided in a gifted classroom. Gifted education is just a different type of special education - or as they call it in my kids school “intervention.” She – understandable – values education and sounds disappointed that her son is likely headed for trade school. It’s all small stuff and if there were just a few of them then I don’t think people would have paid attention. It’s just that the difference between the praise for her daughter and the lack of it for the son is noticeable. > [@](#): > > The reality is that you have no clue what she is going through. You’ve read a handful of her posts on a messageboard. Did you miss all of the “if’s” in my post? There are a bunch of people here certain of what is happening, but I’ve clearly stated that I don’t know. > [@](#): > > We all go through shit. If, one day, (and I hope it doesn’t) when your kids are no longer young and they start having problems: I hope that you don’t slip up, say something that maybe you shouldn’t have on a messageboard and then three years later people start to lecture you on how to be a parent. If **IvoryTower** , **Sarahfeene** or a few other posters whom I really respect tell me that they think I need to reflect on what I post, then I will. ---
**Author:** ![Sarahfeena](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sarahfeena/32/519_2.png) [@Sarahfeena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sarahfeena)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2017, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-you-dangerosa/780990/195 "2017-03-03T16:19:21Z")
These are great examples. One of the things that bothers me in particular is when she talks about her child not sharing her “values.” While this word can mean a lot of things, I feel like in this case what it means is that he cares less about academics than she would like, and isn’t a hard worker. I think it’s a mistake, though, to be unsupportive of the things that the kid does value (like sports) and then complain that he doesn’t want to do anything. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2017, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-you-dangerosa/780990/196 "2017-03-03T16:46:45Z")
> [@Sarahfeena](#): > > These are great examples. One of the things that bothers me in particular is when she talks about her child not sharing her “values.” While this word can mean a lot of things, I feel like in this case what it means is that he cares less about academics than she would like, and isn’t a hard worker. I think it’s a mistake, though, to be unsupportive of the things that the kid does value (like sports) and then complain that he doesn’t want to do anything. The dress code thing was like that as well. She and her husband fight tooth and nail with the school for her because it reflects her values, but she wants the school to back her on her fights with her son because the choices he makes go against her “morals.” That’s harder for me to understand, and it would seem easy for the son to look at that as being unfair. It’s _got_ to be tough when you have children so different. I totally get that. It’s really easy to love children who mirror you. Even as babies they were different. My daughter and I “connected” easier. Same sort of sense of humor. Same sort of appreciation of things, even when she was two. But as **IvyTower** pointed out, her son needed her to back him up and appreciate what he did, even if it wasn’t something she liked or valued. Here’s another example, concerning homework. > [@Non-teachers: do you expect teachers to work during off-hours?](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-teachers-do-you-expect-teachers-to-work-during-off-hours/670298/39): > > Which, if you are my son, you do as fast as you can (because right answers don’t make any difference) and put it in the basket as you leave. (shortened) > > My daughter has now been in school five weeks. There have been no gradable events showing up in Science or Band or PE as of today - after five weeks, I don’t know if in PE she is getting dressed and participating or not (I’d guess she is, she is the type). Her Algebra teacher has lost three assignments - that he found when I called him to say “can you check through your pile, she tells me she turned them in” and the Spanish teacher has lost two - both graded to someone else in the gradebook. **I’m not worried about her like I am about him, she is flightly - but she is bright.** (my bolding) Yes, this isn’t a big deal in and of itself. In fact, it’s not remarkable at all that kids are different and that she would be worried more about one than another. However, it’s just the same pattern. She – understandably – values hard work and academic achievements so we hear all the good stories about her daughter. It’s really wonderful that she is very supportive of her daughter and the gender identity changes she has had. That’s really cool but it also is something which she was supportive of before having her daughter. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2017, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-you-dangerosa/780990/197 "2017-03-03T17:05:00Z")
In the school dress code, I couldn’t keep my eyes from rolling over **Dangerosa’s** apparent inability to apply the same rules to both kids. Daughter should get to wear what she wants to wear. The fact that some people may think she’s a slut whore for her clothing choices isn’t her problem, but theirs. OK, I totally agree with this. But her son wants to wear what he wants to wear too, and yet **Dangerosa** has a problem with this because she thinks what he wants to wear makes him look like a thug. The fact that he’s non-white only enhances this image. For some reason, it is not society’s responsibility to get over its racism like it should its sexism. It’s her son’s responsibility to dress non-thuggish. Daughter will suffer from anxiety attacks if you monitor what she wears, so the poor thing should be left alone. After all, she’s fighting for women’s rights! But the son is just being willful and rebellious for no good reason. Can’t he see that if only he stopped dressing like a thug, he’d fit in better? It was that thread that made me understand why transracial adoptions are fraught with special concerns. It’s one thing to have to give “the talk” to children of color–every parent of color knows this all to well. But you don’t give “the talk” to the nonwhite child and then let the white child flaunt her privilege. Either both kids get their own version of “the talk” or you let both of them do whatever the hell they want to do and let them face the consequences, so they’ll learn on their own which battles to fight. I think both kids have had way too much of their personal lives exposed on the board. ---
**Author:** ![Sarahfeena](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sarahfeena/32/519_2.png) [@Sarahfeena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sarahfeena)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2017, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-you-dangerosa/780990/198 "2017-03-03T17:26:18Z")
Very well said, You With The Face. I will add that a huge part of her daughter’s privilege is having a white, upper-middle-class educated parent who will come in to fight battles for you. Ironically, this is a privilege that her son also should have but for some reason doesn’t. ---
**Author:** ![AK84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85e7bf/32.png) [@AK84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AK84)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2017, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-you-dangerosa/780990/199 "2017-03-03T18:07:05Z")
So Banquet Bear, happy now? As you wanted. Got Dangerosa’s posts over years posted and analysed. Makes her feel sooooo much better now I am sure. ---
**Author:** ![Charlie\_Tan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/charlie_tan/32/12582_2.png) [@Charlie\_Tan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Charlie_Tan)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2017, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-you-dangerosa/780990/200 "2017-03-03T18:56:09Z")
> [@Banquet\_Bear](#): > > …you haven’t shown a pattern of comments. If it existed you could point to some examples. I simply don’t believe you. I’ve asked several other people to show me this pattern in this thread and they can’t show anything either. You started this pit thread. Don’t give me the excuse that you can’t show a fucking pattern because its too fucking hard. You started this pile-on. Take ownership of it. Compiled for your evaluation. None of the posts have been snipped. Some are quite old, others are more recent. > [@The birds and the bees, teaching kids about sex](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-birds-and-the-bees-teaching-kids-about-sex/778009/16): > > This does depend on the kid. My daughter will bring up anything with me or her father. And she’ll answer questions. Open and honest communication all the time. > > My son is not the great communicator and anything to do with sex and his parents makes him squicky - even though we’ve been open all along, these discussions are far outside his comfort zone. > [@How do you deal with your teenager drinking?](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-do-you-deal-with-your-teenager-drinking/529097/18): > > We’ve had that discussion with both our kids - although with my son who is adopted we have no idea what his genetic tendencies might be. We do know that depression and alcoholism gallop through my family like Secretariat on Derby Day - so since they were little they got the “it is something to be careful of” speech. They are currently ten and eleven. > [@Parenting Question](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/parenting-question/775035/25): > > My asexual daughter (really, not my fantasy - its her identification - at least currently) is on birth control. Evens out moods, she doesn’t worry about a period anymore - and the crampy feelings that go with it, and clears up acne. Plus, if she would have sex - with someone with a penis - she’d be protected against pregnancy. > > Pregnancy is a big concern for parents. As are STDS. As is sexual violence. As is having your heart broken at sixteen. The last happens if you are straight or not. Sex adds a layer of complications to teenage relationships - which are hormone heavy and drama prone to start with. I think most parents would like to delay their kids having any kind of sex for as long as possible - sensible parents recognize there is little they can do. Sensible parents realize that you still worry. > > I’m more worried about my son. He doesn’t like to tell us what is going on in his life. I’ve met one girlfriend - I don’t know if he has had others. He could end up getting a girl pregnant and we might not find out about it for a long time. If he penis turned green, I’m not sure he’d tell me - much less tell me about something more subtle. > [@Anyone find out they were adopted as a teen?](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anyone-find-out-they-were-adopted-as-a-teen/515606/12): > > My son was adopted as an infant. He knows all about it. He’s Korean, its pretty darn obvious he isn’t our bio child. He never talks about it. Never really wants to talk about it. It just isn’t his thing. We talk about it around him from time to time (and his sister does - she’s fascinated by the whole story). So I think its possible he does sort of remember it enough to have pieced together parts, but its not a big enough deal to talk about it or he isn’t comfortable with it. And if that is the case, its probably important to talk about it with him, because kids tend to fill in the blanks by making shit up - and he might believe a lot of stuff that aren’t true. [QUOTE=Dangerosa] Trust me, they don’t work with a normal fifteen year old all the time either. Don’t ask how I know, except my son is living with grandma to keep him away from his peer group. And he doesn’t have ODD. Short of locking him up, grounding him didn’t work because he would slip out when we took our eyes off him. With two adults working full time, our eyes weren’t always on him. So now, my retired father has a new hobby… [/QUOTE] [Link.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=15796458#post15796458) > [@Would someone please explain the adult onesie to me?](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-someone-please-explain-the-adult-onesie-to-me/707463/17): > > I’m getting myself and my fifteen year old daughter a set for Christmas. > > She was a HUGE footie pajama girl and outgrew them a few years ago - as in they were difficult to find in adult sizes. > > For Christmas for maybe the past ten years, her and I get matching jammies - we usually don’t have a lot of choice since finding something in size 10 kids and size 10 adults that match - unless you visit one of those matching jammies websites that seem…run by the Stepford Wives. > > This year she wears adult sizes, and Target had footie jammies. So we get footie jammies - for the nostalgia. I’ll probably wear mine a few times when its cold, but really won’t wear them much. Pain in the butt to visit the bathroom. I’ll see how comfy they are. (Its possible it will become the Saturday hang around the house uniform if its warm and comfy enough, but I sort of doubt it). > [@Thoughts on Redshirting - Kindergarten](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thoughts-on-redshirting-kindergarten/728885/12): > > Our cutoff is September first. My son’s birthday is August 28th, so we held him - on the theory that he was a little short for his age (still is), of pretty average intelligence (still is) and that a year wouldn’t hurt. I’d do it again (although he’s going into his Junior year and sometimes I think that he’d be graduating this year and I’d be done with him in high school!). He is one of the oldest kids in his class - redshirting being uncommon here. > > My daughter’s birthday is September 20th, so she is one of the oldest in her class as well. > > I have a friend who has a master’s in remedial English - so she’s dealt with kids trying to catch up her whole career. She says she’s never seen anyone regret “redshirting” - she’s seen a lot of kids who would have benefited from not being the youngest. > > But me, I’d be cautious - even with the three days the fact that he is supposed to be a grade above carries a little stigma among the kids - like he wasn’t bright enough to start, or was held back. I wouldn’t do it if it were months. Oh, and FFS, stop posting ellipses at the start of every post you make. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-you-dangerosa/780990.md?page=9) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-you-dangerosa/780990.md?page=11)