# Question for you Dangerosa **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 27, 2017, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-you-dangerosa/780990 "2017-02-27T22:49:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![AK84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85e7bf/32.png) [@AK84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AK84)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2017, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-you-dangerosa/780990/141 "2017-03-02T17:59:56Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > The kind of mother that **AHunter3** mentions is also a recipe for raising future MRAs. I dunno, **Dangerosa** seems to have problems with men as a gender, from her other posts. Not the only one here and nowhere near like **ZPG Zealot** but certainly something that has struck me. ---
**Author:** ![Calatin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/439d5e/32.png) [@Calatin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Calatin)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2017, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-you-dangerosa/780990/142 "2017-03-02T18:03:32Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > See what I mean? These are the evil shits you are defending. They harass me because I once revealed that I was agoraphobic. Just like **Dangerosa** is being attacked for revealing her parenting. > > It has absolutely nothing to do with what I said. It’s just harassment. > > And, BTW, thanks for taking the bait. I knew you BYBers were here. I never knew you are agoraphobic. I do know you’re a self-important, bloviating asshole though. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2017, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-you-dangerosa/780990/143 "2017-03-02T18:24:16Z")
> [@octopus](#): > > Some disingenuously describe the pit as a safety valve. It’s not. The Pit is a safety valve— but then, so is an anal sphincter. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2017, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-you-dangerosa/780990/144 "2017-03-02T18:30:25Z")
> [@AK84](#): > > I dunno, **Dangerosa** seems to have problems with men as a gender, from her other posts. Not the only one here and nowhere near like **ZPG Zealot** but certainly something that has struck me. I noticed that too. It was a post, I think around a year ago, where she said something to the effect that raising a son didn’t make her any more sympathetic or understanding of boy’s issues/plights, but that raising a daughter made her more acutely aware of and vested in girl’s issues/plights yet. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2017, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-you-dangerosa/780990/145 "2017-03-02T18:40:12Z")
> [@Tee](#): > > Great job. Very informative, entertaining as hell. Just wanted to say that before it’s locked up here. I think that’s what BigT is trying to do: get the thread closed. And I hope the mods don’t give into him. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2017, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-you-dangerosa/780990/146 "2017-03-02T18:49:21Z")
I thought fomenting a board war was against the rules, anyway. I know that wasn’t **Sarahfeena’s** intent in starting this thread. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2017, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-you-dangerosa/780990/147 "2017-03-02T18:57:47Z")
> [@cochrane](#): > > Hey, **kayaker**! > > [https://pbs.twimg.com/profile\_images/1566759280/moe.jpg](https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/1566759280/moe.jpg) > > Feeling triggered? 😃 😃 So, I’m at work and everyone is wondering why I’m laughing. I’m not even going to try explaining. ---
**Author:** ![Sarahfeena](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sarahfeena/32/519_2.png) [@Sarahfeena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sarahfeena)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2017, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-you-dangerosa/780990/148 "2017-03-02T19:07:40Z")
> [@cochrane](#): > > I thought fomenting a board war was against the rules, anyway. I know that wasn’t **Sarahfeena’s** intent in starting this thread. You are right on both counts. BigT or anyone else who wants to comment on my motives is free to do so, but I’ve stated what they are and that’s all I’m going to say about it. I have not been a regular around here for a while (raising my own kids who have their own issues), but I’m a long-standing poster who at one time was very active and who certainly does not have a reputation as a shit-stirrer. Anyone who uses my OP to create drama is the one who is causing the problem, not me. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2017, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-you-dangerosa/780990/149 "2017-03-02T19:29:14Z")
> [@raventhief](#): > > I really dont see this thread as an attempt to tell anyone they suck (though it looks a bit like it might veer into that direction re BigT) - rather I see some people pointing out that she can come across as Daughter can do no wrong, and Son can do no right. It’s an intervention of sorts. Not a flaming, but a wake up call. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2017, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-you-dangerosa/780990/150 "2017-03-02T19:42:01Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > **Guin** is very well aware of the BYB forum. She’s mocking people for having a problem with it, just like many other posters in the thread. > > It’s not that bad when they keep to themselves, but, every once in a while, one of them gets bored and wants to stir up shit over here. And, of course, many Dopers eat it up, including mods who can’t see obvious trolling, or the obvious pattern. > > I’ve been on the receiving end, and it sucks. So I try to warn people when it’s happening, and try to stop it. I only got mad because Dopers I thought highly of are falling for it. > > They even basically admitted it this time. But no one cares. That \*\*Dangerosa \*\*is just some shitty person for some shit she said about her kid years ago. Who cares if people attack her, right? [Moderating] Alright, that’s enough. If you’ve got someone you want to say about the posters on the Giraffe Board, say it over there. Leave it off the SDMB. That goes for everyone else, too. Let’s keep this conversation to things that have happened on this board, not on other boards. [/Moderating] ---
**Author:** ![Sarahfeena](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sarahfeena/32/519_2.png) [@Sarahfeena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sarahfeena)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2017, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-you-dangerosa/780990/151 "2017-03-02T20:12:00Z")
> [@you\_with\_the\_face](#): > > It’s an intervention of sorts. Not a flaming, but a wake up call. Exactly. ---
**Author:** ![Missy2U](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3bc359/32.png) [@Missy2U](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Missy2U)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2017, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-you-dangerosa/780990/152 "2017-03-02T20:44:18Z")
As **Sarahfeena** has said, my comments were not intended to attack anyone or anything. I too am a long time member, and used to post here far more often, but have been dealing with my own pretty serious health issues as well as work issues and just haven’t had the time. All I was saying is that **Dangerosa** may be unaware of how her comments APPEAR to others. Not that it’s the case, not that she’s done anything wrong - just that she’s creating that impression in people. ---
**Author:** ![Banquet\_Bear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/banquet_bear/32/373_2.png) [@Banquet\_Bear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Banquet_Bear)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2017, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-you-dangerosa/780990/153 "2017-03-02T22:49:53Z")
> [@Missy2U](#): > > All I was saying is that **Dangerosa** may be unaware of how her comments APPEAR to others. …which comments are you talking about? We’ve had four pages so far, and no-one has shown what they find problematic. Can you be specific and point out which comments you are talking about, and how they APPEAR to you? > [@kambuckta](#): > > I have no idea what BYB stands for. > > I don’t understand why the hyenas are ripping **BigT** ’s throat out. > > I don’t get why those same hyenas are baying for **Dangerosa’s** blood > > Maybe I don’t really ‘get’ the SDMB, even after all these years. Because if this is what the SDMB has been reduced to, then I don’t really WANT to get it. There is a group of snarkers who rip BigT at every opportunity. They are simply a bunch of bullies who have nothing better to do with their lives. He doesn’t deserve the crap they give him. There are much better targets than him. But BigT is an easy target: which is why they go after him. As for why they are targeting Dangerosa: I think BigT has got it right. But as per the recent moderation: I don’t think we are allowed to talk about that any more. ---
**Author:** ![Sarahfeena](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sarahfeena/32/519_2.png) [@Sarahfeena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sarahfeena)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2017, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-you-dangerosa/780990/154 "2017-03-02T22:57:59Z")
> [@Banquet\_Bear](#): > > …which comments are you talking about? We’ve had four pages so far, and no-one has shown what they find problematic. Can you be specific and point out which comments you are talking about, and how they APPEAR to you? > > There is a group of snarkers who rip BigT at every opportunity. They are simply a bunch of bullies who have nothing better to do with their lives. He doesn’t deserve the crap they give him. There are much better targets than him. But BigT is an easy target: which is why they go after him. As for why they are targeting Dangerosa: I think BigT has got it right. But as per the recent moderation: I don’t think we are allowed to talk about that any more. You are MORE than welcome to try to find an example of me snarking BigT either here or anywhere else. You won’t find one. Don’t think I’ve ever said anything about Dangerosa before this, either. It’s possible that I’ve questioned this tendency of hers in the past, but I don’t think so. So, whatever, as I said you can question my motives but you’ll likely be wrong in any of your assumptions so I wouldn’t bother. ---
**Author:** ![Banquet\_Bear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/banquet_bear/32/373_2.png) [@Banquet\_Bear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Banquet_Bear)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2017, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-you-dangerosa/780990/155 "2017-03-02T23:00:39Z")
> [@Sarahfeena](#): > > You are MORE than welcome to try to find an example of me snarking BigT either here or anywhere else. You won’t find one. Don’t think I’ve ever said anything about Dangerosa before this, either. It’s possible that I’ve questioned this tendency of hers in the past, but I don’t think so. So, whatever, as I said you can question my motives but you’ll likely be wrong in any of your assumptions so I wouldn’t bother. …thank you for choosing to respond. Now are you going to finally choose to show us some examples of the posts you find problematic? ---
**Author:** ![Sarahfeena](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sarahfeena/32/519_2.png) [@Sarahfeena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sarahfeena)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2017, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-you-dangerosa/780990/156 "2017-03-02T23:21:50Z")
Sure, Green Bean posted [this](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=725622) link. One thing you have to understand that it’s a pattern that you can’t necessarily glean from just one post out of context. The entire thread deals with the fact that she fights tooth and nail with the school to defend her daughter’s personal style against the school dress code, but punishes her son for his personal style because one of them aligns with her “values” and the other doesn’t. You have to read it through…posting one or two quotes doesn’t paint a the picture that some of us have. But one quote in particular really highlights the dispassionate way she tends to speak about her son and his place in the family: > [@](#): > > Perhaps because he is a different person and my daughter is a lot like me. Not at all that she has a vagina - but rather that my husband, daughter and I share interests, and my son is the odd duck out. We are readers, he is an athlete. We like smart media consumption, to him, the height of cinema is The Hangover Two. He’s musical, we have tin ears. He is just a different person - not bad or good - just different. > > Have I done self reflection - well, he’s adopted - yes, fifteen years of self reflection on nature vs. nurture and whether I should have forced him to go to Sunday school or if allowing him to develop his own values was a good decision. There are several issues I see in this post: 1. yet another reference to the fact that he’s adopted and in many ways doesn’t fit into their family 2. listing his interests and accomplishments as if they are nothing much to be excited about because they aren’t things she’s interested in (like, this is weird to me, aren’t most people excited if their children have a natural talent? I mean music and athletics…I would be tickled pink if one of my kids had such a talent, and I’m neither musician nor athlete. My younger one is great at chess, which I have zero interest in myself. Still think it’s awesome that he loves it and is good at it and I go to all his tournaments and brag about it. When she says _not bad or good, just different_…how is it NOT good that he has musical and athletic talent? It’s a bizarre characterization of her child, and I’m saying that as a parent.) 3. stating that he doesn’t share her “values,” which somehow has to do with how he expresses himself with his clothing. I actually _think_ it has to do with being into the urban/hip-hop culture and being a bit of a stoner which…yeah as far as that last part goes I wouldn’t be thrilled as a parent either, but it isn’t necessarily something that should make a parent lose respect for a person who after all is still a child, nor displace him from the family. ---
**Author:** ![Banquet\_Bear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/banquet_bear/32/373_2.png) [@Banquet\_Bear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Banquet_Bear)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2017, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-you-dangerosa/780990/157 "2017-03-02T23:41:26Z")
> [@Sarahfeena](#): > > Sure, Green Bean posted [this](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=725622) link. One thing you have to understand that it’s a pattern that you can’t necessarily glean from just one post out of context. > > The entire thread deals with the fact that she fights tooth and nail with the school to defend her daughter’s personal style against the school dress code, but punishes her son for his personal style because one of them aligns with her “values” and the other doesn’t. You have to read it through…posting one or two quotes doesn’t paint a the picture that some of us have. > > But one quote in particular really highlights the dispassionate way she tends to speak about her son and his place in the family: > > There are several issues I see in this post: > > 1. yet another reference to the fact that he’s adopted and in many ways doesn’t fit into their family > 2. listing his interests and accomplishments as if they are nothing much to be excited about because they aren’t things she’s interested in (like, this is weird to me, aren’t most people excited if their children have a natural talent? I mean music and athletics…I would be tickled pink if one of my kids had such a talent, and I’m neither musician nor athlete. My younger one is great at chess, which I have zero interest in myself. Still think it’s awesome that he loves it and is good at it and I go to all his tournaments and brag about it. When she says _not bad or good, just different_…how is it NOT good that he has musical and athletic talent? It’s a bizarre characterization of her child, and I’m saying that as a parent.) > 3. stating that he doesn’t share her “values,” which somehow has to do with how he expresses himself with his clothing. I actually _think_ it has to do with being into the urban/hip-hop culture and being a bit of a stoner which…yeah as far as that last part goes I wouldn’t be thrilled as a parent either, but it isn’t necessarily something that should make a parent lose respect for a person who after all is still a child, nor displace him from the family. …I think **don’t ask** has already said it best: > [@don\_t\_ask](#): > > You would have to be kidding yourself if you think **Green Bean** is airing a sincere “disagreement.” I know nothing about the back story to this, in fact I don’t know why I even opened the thread, but the linked thread in the quoted post doesn’t in any way support the idea that **Dangerosa** is arbitrarily exhibiting differing attitudes to her children. Rather it indicates that she is a mindful and sensible parent of two children whose personalities she seems very in touch with. Posts 147, 165 and 166 will do me as evidence of **Dangerosa** ’s attitude. Are you really pitting Dangerosa over the way she phrased something in 2014? You don’t have anything more recent that you found problematic? If this is a pattern: why did someone else have to provide you with the cite? This all looks incredibly petty. Its been nearly three years since that post. People don’t have an obligation to share every aspect of their personal lives here. We’ve all fucked up in our lives. We all struggle through life: we all make decisions that may or may not be the right one. I don’t judge people based on a few paragraphs on a messageboard. You’ve claimed Dangerosa has “shared her son’s troubles” many many times on this board. If that were true, then you wouldn’t have any trouble coming up with more examples than a single thread from nearly three years ago. ---
**Author:** ![Sarahfeena](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sarahfeena/32/519_2.png) [@Sarahfeena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sarahfeena)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2017, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-you-dangerosa/780990/158 "2017-03-02T23:56:24Z")
> [@Banquet\_Bear](#): > > …I think **don’t ask** has already said it best: > > Are you really pitting Dangerosa over the way she phrased something in 2014? You don’t have anything more recent that you found problematic? If this is a pattern: why did someone else have to provide you with the cite? > > This all looks incredibly petty. Its been nearly three years since that post. People don’t have an obligation to share every aspect of their personal lives here. We’ve all fucked up in our lives. We all struggle through life: we all make decisions that may or may not be the right one. I don’t judge people based on a few paragraphs on a messageboard. You’ve claimed Dangerosa has “shared her son’s troubles” many many times on this board. If that were true, then you wouldn’t have any trouble coming up with more examples than a single thread from nearly three years ago. Whatever, you don’t have to let it concern you if you don’t want it to. I’m asking Dangerosa if she knows she does this, and asking her why. I’m not the only one who has noticed this as a pattern, but I haven’t been stockpiling examples as I never thought I would get to this point of asking her in a pit thread. The original post of Green Bean’s addresses a more recent example, which spurred all of this. So, it’s not just one from 2014, it’s as I said a pattern of comments…often small…that add up to a bigger picture. I can’t possibly paint it for you but it’s something many of us have noticed. ---
**Author:** ![Banquet\_Bear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/banquet_bear/32/373_2.png) [@Banquet\_Bear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Banquet_Bear)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2017, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-you-dangerosa/780990/159 "2017-03-03T00:16:25Z")
> [@Sarahfeena](#): > > Whatever, you don’t have to let it concern you if you don’t want it to. I’m asking Dangerosa if she knows she does this, and asking her why. I’m not the only one who has noticed this as a pattern, but I haven’t been stockpiling examples as I never thought I would get to this point of asking her in a pit thread. The original post of Green Bean’s addresses a more recent example, which spurred all of this. So, it’s not just one from 2014, it’s as I said a pattern of comments…often small…that add up to a bigger picture. I can’t possibly paint it for you but it’s something many of us have noticed. …you haven’t shown a pattern of comments. If it existed you could point to some examples. I simply don’t believe you. I’ve asked several other people to show me this pattern in this thread and they can’t show anything either. You started this pit thread. Don’t give me the excuse that you can’t show a fucking pattern because its too fucking hard. You started this pile-on. Take ownership of it. This was the comment that prompted Green Bean’s question in the other thread: > [@re: the Myth of Gender-Neutral Parenting (letter to the editor)](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-the-myth-of-gender-neutral-parenting-letter-to-the-editor/780640/25): > > Timely. > > My daughter is currently doing a paper on “why the gender binary needs to go” where she argues similar things to the letter writer. I’ll forward this on to her - paper is due Monday so it might not get in. > > And, there is hope for the future. Part of the paper was a presentation. What was supposed to be five minutes of presentation and a few question went for most of the hour because the discussion and questions were so very good. And respectful. For a lot of the students this was the first time they were introduced to the concept in a broad and yet detailed way - something bigger than bathrooms. Why the fuck would this comment prompt Green Bean to ask about Dangerosa’s son? It wasn’t fawning praise of her daughter. It wasn’t a condemnation of her son. This doesn’t fit your pattern of “sharing his troubles many many times” that you claim in the OP. She only commented on it when she was asked about it. You aren’t asking Dangerosa a question. You’ve pitted her. She isn’t going to respond to you here. There isn’t enough nuance in the world to be able to respond properly to incredibly personal questions in an environment like the pit. If you really cared you would have ignored the moderators suggestions to open a pit thread and taken it to PM’s instead. But I don’t think you actually care at all. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2017, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-you-dangerosa/780990/160 "2017-03-03T00:49:17Z")
Just because you don’t see a pattern doesn’t mean it’s not there. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-you-dangerosa/780990.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-for-you-dangerosa/780990.md?page=9)