# Question of a Sexual Nature **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 18, 2005, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-of-a-sexual-nature/326743 "2005-10-18T14:06:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Tibby](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tibby/32/17030_2.png) [@Tibby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tibby)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2005, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-of-a-sexual-nature/326743/1 "2005-10-18T14:06:47Z")
Is there anything that you would like to engage in sexually with your spouse that you are simply too embarrassed to ask for? (No details are necessary, but if you feel like sharing, don’t let me stop you). If yes, do you wish that you could overcome your embarrassment and ask, or do you think that your embarrassment is founded on reasonable grounds and asking would indeed result in a negative response, possibly damaging your relationship in some way? Mr. Tibbs ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2005, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-of-a-sexual-nature/326743/2 "2005-10-18T14:13:57Z")
I would think, for me personally, that I wouldn’t want to be married to anyone that I had to be that reserved around. Hubby and I get into some, well, off the vanilla path stuff sometimes, but I think the time to address any individual kinks is _before_ you’re married. Of course, something might occur to you after marriage that sounds like fun, but I can’t think of a single thing of a sexual nature that I’d be embarrassed to address with mr. new. This is not to say that either of us is game for anything else the other might toss out. Just that we have an open enough relationship to _discuss_ it. I wouldn’t have it any other way. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2005, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-of-a-sexual-nature/326743/3 "2005-10-18T14:20:41Z")
I’ve never had a problem bringing up suggestions to my lovers. It’s actually finding the lover is the hard part. Well actually the hard part is… ---
**Author:** ![Rushgeekgirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rushgeekgirl/32/3715_2.png) [@Rushgeekgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rushgeekgirl)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2005, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-of-a-sexual-nature/326743/4 "2005-10-18T14:30:52Z")
Nope. Everything’s great here. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![LurkMeister](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3da27b/32.png) [@LurkMeister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkMeister)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2005, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-of-a-sexual-nature/326743/5 "2005-10-18T16:32:56Z")
There were a number of sexual activities which I would have liked to have experimented with when I was married but for various reasons (most of which boiled down to “what if she finds it too strange and/or repulsive”). I’m not making that mistake now…my girlfriend and I have agreed that we are each free to suggest any sexual activity, whether it’s something we know we like or something we’re curious about, with the understanding that there will be no judgments or obligations by either of us. So far it’s working out quite well. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2005, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-of-a-sexual-nature/326743/6 "2005-10-18T17:00:27Z")
> [@norinew](#): > > Hubby and I get into some, well, off the vanilla path stuff. :eek: Which path do you take? ---
**Author:** ![Caricci](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Caricci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caricci)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2005, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-of-a-sexual-nature/326743/7 "2005-10-18T17:09:40Z")
I am more reserved with my husband of 10 years than I was with several boyfriends beforehand and, yes, there are some things that I haven’t really felt comfortable suggesting, even if we’ve tried them before. I don’t really mind though. My experience is, once you’ve suggested certain kinky stuff to men, they get all addicted to it and won’t leave you alone about it. ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2005, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-of-a-sexual-nature/326743/8 "2005-10-18T17:25:34Z")
> [@Joey P](#): > > :eek: Which path do you take? Well, sometimes vanilla. But there are lots of other flavors, too. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/51bf81/32.png) [@TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2005, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-of-a-sexual-nature/326743/9 "2005-10-18T17:59:27Z")
Just like my freakout in [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=340085), I can’t imagine someone being afraid to talk to their spouse about these things, or _anything_. It’s why they’re your spouse. If you’re not completely comfortable around them in any circumstance, then _with whom_ and **when** are you comfortable? It’s mindblowing to think that someone may be uncomfortable doing or saying anything around their spouse. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2005, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-of-a-sexual-nature/326743/10 "2005-10-18T18:33:15Z")
I never hesitate to ask my wife to do _anything_ If she ever actually agreed to do any of it, I would faint. ---
**Author:** ![Caricci](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Caricci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caricci)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2005, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-of-a-sexual-nature/326743/11 "2005-10-18T18:38:43Z")
> [@VCO3](#): > > Just like my freakout in [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=340085), I can’t imagine someone being afraid to talk to their spouse about these things, or _anything_. It’s why they’re your spouse. If you’re not completely comfortable around them in any circumstance, then _with whom_ and **when** are you comfortable? It’s mindblowing to think that someone may be uncomfortable doing or saying anything around their spouse. I must be the most mindblowing person you’d ever meet, except, I guess, for my husband. That’s what makes us such a well-suited couple - after 10 years we’re BOTH shy in the sack. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2005, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-of-a-sexual-nature/326743/12 "2005-10-18T18:43:13Z")
Well, here’s another mindblowing poster. I am waaaay more shy around people I know well than around others. See, it doesn’t matter to me if strangers or aquaintances think badly or oddly of me–but the people I care about? Ye gods, how awful if they were to reject me on some level. It’s not that complicated. ---
**Author:** ![Rashak\_Mani](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ea666f/32.png) [@Rashak\_Mani](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rashak_Mani)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2005, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-of-a-sexual-nature/326743/13 "2005-10-18T19:38:18Z")
I’ve been able to slowly suggest and do much of my sexual fantasies with my long term girlfriends… I do find that women are shy about trying out their fantasies though. ---
**Author:** ![FaerieBeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e95f7d/32.png) [@FaerieBeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FaerieBeth)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2005, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-of-a-sexual-nature/326743/14 "2005-10-19T03:36:57Z")
I’ve sat and watched this thread for most of the day, hemming and hawing about chiming in without saying too much, and blowing my cover as a model of propriety. Stonebow and I have a very communicative relationship. Have we wandered off the vanilla path? Hell, we’ve been base jumping from the cliffs you can see in the distance from the vanilla path. There is, however, one little fantasy that throws us for a loop every time. It’s my fantasy, and he just can’t buy into it. Not because it’s gross or anything. It’s just something he _can’t_ do. When I bring it up, the vague feeling that he thinks I’m some sort of weirdo does kind of kill the mood. It will never change how we feel about one another, so I just sigh and keep that particular fantasy in my head. ---
**Author:** ![lorinada](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b5e925/32.png) [@lorinada](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorinada)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2005, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-of-a-sexual-nature/326743/15 "2005-10-19T03:58:20Z")
So, then, you communicate so well that you’re willing to ask your lover if you can have a threesome - one of the three being a child? Of course not. Although that’s undoubtedly the worst of the worst, and illegal to boot, there are some kinks that are just plain too weird for “normal” people to handle. They may be perfectly legal, and fairly well-known, but the people who engage in those activities are the butts of dirty jokes, rolling eyes, nervous giggles, etc. Anyone who enjoys one of THOSE kinks? I can see how they’d be reluctant to broach the subject, no matter HOW “open” their communication is. Think tub girl. You ready to tell your boyfriend/girlfriend that you get off on that stuff? ---
**Author:** ![InternetLegend](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/internetlegend/32/13154_2.png) [@InternetLegend](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/InternetLegend)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2005, 5:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-of-a-sexual-nature/326743/16 "2005-10-19T05:52:38Z")
> [@lorinada](#): > > Anyone who enjoys one of THOSE kinks? I can see how they’d be reluctant to broach the subject, no matter HOW “open” their communication is. I agree with Dan Savage about this topic. If you really, truly get off on one of THOSE kinks, it’s probably such a deep part of your psyche that you are not ever going to be truly happy with someone who won’t indulge it. If your particular kink is illegal, then it would probably be best to seek therapy rather than fulfillment, but if it’s not, it may make more sense to find someone to love who can meet your sexual needs than it does to try to make your desires fit into someone else’s template. And this is why it’s so important to be able to talk about these things with the person you love _before_ you make a lifetime commitment as well as after. ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2005, 11:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-of-a-sexual-nature/326743/17 "2005-10-19T11:36:20Z")
> [@Joey P](#): > > :eek: Which path do you take? The rocky road. ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2005, 11:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-of-a-sexual-nature/326743/18 "2005-10-19T11:45:55Z")
> [@lorinada](#): > > Think tub girl. You ready to tell your boyfriend/girlfriend that you get off on that stuff? Well yes. I mean no…I mean I don’t get off on tub girl (no, nor goatse neither though by your smile you seem to say so). But then we went into the relationship with the understanding that everything other than shit, children and pets is open to consideration. ---
**Author:** ![Tibby](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tibby/32/17030_2.png) [@Tibby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tibby)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2005, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-of-a-sexual-nature/326743/19 "2005-10-19T15:02:22Z")
The real reason for my OP was to find someone with enough moxie enough to ask my wife if she would, perhaps, be interested in joining her husband in a tiny, innocuous…ah, how should I say…intimate whim of his. Ask her to meet me in the sleeping chambers wearing a floral scent and soft bedclothes. The lighting will be soft and muted; rose petals will adorn the bedspread. I will take her hands into mine, and as our bodies draw closer, from out of the armoire will pop a toilet-auger yielding zaftig midget with a big nose… :dubious: Naw, just joshing y’all. Peccadilloes of such a nature, I have none. No, really… Mr. Tibbs ---
**Author:** ![Stonebow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Stonebow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stonebow)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2005, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-of-a-sexual-nature/326743/20 "2005-10-19T15:10:13Z")
> [@FaerieBeth](#): > > I’ve sat and watched this thread for most of the day, hemming and hawing about chiming in without saying too much, and blowing my cover as a model of propriety. _snort_ Sorry. Couldn’t help myself. As the Lady says, we are in a very communicative relationship. We both have kinks that the other is not strictly comfortable with…but I’ve noticed that we have edged closer to sharing them during the time we’ve been together. Does that make sense? I don’t know that we get off on all of the same stuff, but I am happy to at least attempt exploration of pretty much anything with her, and she reciprocates fully. After all, that’s part of the reason she’s my soul mate. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/question-of-a-sexual-nature/326743.md?page=2)