# Questionable Super-Powers **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 2, 2009, 7:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questionable-super-powers/479572 "2009-01-02T07:59:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2009, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questionable-super-powers/479572/21 "2009-01-04T06:08:31Z")
The ability to sweat profusely upon command. - to projectile vomit with great speed, distance, and accuracy - to make lists that have no third item - to fart rainbows - to sexually attract the most ugly, crude, and boorish people in the world - to be able to go to the deepest place on the ocean floor, but only once, for a very specific amount of time. - to use tired message board memes with incredible timing ---
**Author:** ![dtilque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d6d6ee/32.png) [@dtilque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dtilque)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2009, 11:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questionable-super-powers/479572/22 "2009-01-04T11:17:17Z")
> [@Autolycus](#): > > - to projectile vomit with great speed, distance, and accuracy Even better: [Bukkake for Justice](http://www.somethingpositive.net/sp06062003.shtml%22%5B/url) ---
**Author:** ![De\_La\_Rue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@De\_La\_Rue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/De_La_Rue)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2009, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questionable-super-powers/479572/23 "2009-01-04T18:53:03Z")
One of my favorite came from a list of worthless mutant powers. It was the ability to make other people mutants–but their mutant ability would be to make other people mutants, and so on… ---
**Author:** ![Napier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Napier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Napier)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2009, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questionable-super-powers/479572/24 "2009-01-04T21:11:11Z")
I want the ability to be able to cause somebody sudden and uncontrollably explosive diarrhea. I want to use it to influence politics for the better. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2009, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questionable-super-powers/479572/25 "2009-01-04T22:03:56Z")
I thought one of the random mutants from X-Men 3 had one of the most worthless powers. His arms grew back instantly after they were cut off. I mean how often do you get your arms pulled off? Of course, he probably thought those powers were useless up until the point where Wolverine cut off his arms like 5 times in a row. ---
**Author:** ![VarlosZ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d78d45/32.png) [@VarlosZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VarlosZ)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2009, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questionable-super-powers/479572/26 "2009-01-05T02:30:26Z")
> [@Napier](#): > > I want the ability to be able to cause somebody sudden and uncontrollably explosive diarrhea. I want to use it to influence politics for the better. Sure, sounds great, until you accidentally do it to someone who’s a little too beloved, at which point public opinion about the occurrence will turn and suffering from messy, uncontrollable bowel movements in public will become _de riguer_ for any politician on the campaign trail. Then we’ll just have a bunch of shit all over the place. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2009, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questionable-super-powers/479572/27 "2009-01-05T02:50:12Z")
> [@Flander](#): > > How about the ability to clog toilets with no hands? I have that power. ---
**Author:** ![Dragwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dragwyr/32/2855_2.png) [@Dragwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragwyr)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2009, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questionable-super-powers/479572/28 "2009-01-05T14:17:09Z")
I have the power to send psychic thoughts into my own head. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Carrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f0a364/32.png) [@Captain\_Carrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Carrot)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2009, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questionable-super-powers/479572/29 "2009-01-05T21:06:21Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > I thought one of the random mutants from X-Men 3 had one of the most worthless powers. His arms grew back instantly after they were cut off. I mean how often do you get your arms pulled off? Of course, he probably thought those powers were useless up until the point where Wolverine cut off his arms like 5 times in a row. I think that power would be very useful for many occupations. A lot of people have to have parts amputated, after all. ---
**Author:** ![ivan\_astikov](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@ivan\_astikov](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivan_astikov)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2009, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questionable-super-powers/479572/30 "2009-01-05T21:12:41Z")
I have now added being able to spontaneously combust at will to my powers, but need a fire extinguisher, or a nearby water source to put myself out again. p.s. And damn, it stings! ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2009, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questionable-super-powers/479572/31 "2009-01-05T21:43:29Z")
> [@dtilque](#): > > Even better: [Bukkake for Justice](http://www.somethingpositive.net/sp06062003.shtml) That’s just a questionable use of a valid superpower. For a genuinly questionable superpower, we have to look at [another comic by the same author.](http://www.superstupor.com/sust11262007.shtml) (Also, I fixed your link.) ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2009, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questionable-super-powers/479572/32 "2009-01-05T21:49:09Z")
The lamest superpower: Ear Hair Man. Has the ability to cause luxurious growth of ear hair in anyone within a fifty-metre radius. Can not cause ear hair to disappear. ---
**Author:** ![Napier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Napier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Napier)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2009, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questionable-super-powers/479572/33 "2009-01-06T17:33:14Z")
> [@VarlosZ](#): > > Sure, sounds great, until you accidentally do it to someone who’s a little too beloved, at which point public opinion about the occurrence will turn and suffering from messy, uncontrollable bowel movements in public will become _de riguer_ for any politician on the campaign trail. Then we’ll just have a bunch of shit all over the place. My god, you’re right. This is why I could never make it in a life of public service. ---
**Author:** ![Belrix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed655f/32.png) [@Belrix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Belrix)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2009, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questionable-super-powers/479572/34 "2009-01-06T19:29:02Z")
I have the ability to always get the last cup of coffee in the pot - necessitating that I make the next pot. I call myself “Good to the Last Drop Man”. Unfortunately, I can’t find a use for this power other than having a nemesis that’s caffeine powered (so that I might deny him). ---
**Author:** ![Illuminatiprimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/illuminatiprimus/32/11520_2.png) [@Illuminatiprimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Illuminatiprimus)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2009, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questionable-super-powers/479572/35 "2009-01-06T20:30:27Z")
The ability to give people STDs _without actually having sex with them_. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2009, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questionable-super-powers/479572/36 "2009-01-06T20:32:02Z")
I possess a super-powered delusion of grandeur. It has turned me into the _greatest human in history_! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questionable-super-powers/479572.md?page=1)