# Questions about movies you certainly have no intention of seeing **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [May 18, 2011, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-about-movies-you-certainly-have-no-intention-of-seeing/582323 "2011-05-18T14:48:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![panamajack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/47e85d/32.png) [@panamajack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panamajack)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2011, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-about-movies-you-certainly-have-no-intention-of-seeing/582323/61 "2011-05-19T05:06:16Z")
> [@Zsofia](#): > > Oh, thanks for asking this, I LOVE LOVE LOVE Queen Latifah but my god is she in some awful movies and I always want to know if there’s any worth seeing. (Beautyshop was not a good movie but at least tolerable.) Speaking of Ms. Owens, does she actually die in _Last Holiday_? (I think that was the title of the one where she’s notified she has X weeks/months/minutes to live). By the way, if you read the description of Saving Private Ryan upthread as an actual description of “Shaving Ryan’s Privates” (which I have not seen), it comes off as pretty funny. “Bring him back to the rear area …” ---
**Author:** ![Taomist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@Taomist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taomist)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2011, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-about-movies-you-certainly-have-no-intention-of-seeing/582323/62 "2011-05-19T05:41:36Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > It has a couple of good non-SM moments. One that comes to mind is Mary watching Jesus stumbling as he carries his cross and having a flashback to watching him learn to walk as a child, and there’s even a comic relief moment of him explaining the concept of a chair to her. But mostly it’s torture and beatings (including a couple of non-Biblical ones, such as when he’s thrown over a bridge in his chains and pulled back up like the world’s worst bungee jump), more beatings, finally the crucifixion, followed by a two second resurrection scene. Herod Antipas (a man who even the Bible recounts stole his brother’s wife and lusted for his stepdaughter [who from non Biblical accounts we know was also his niece and grandniece since wife Herodias was his niece as well as sister-in-law] is portrayed as flamingly effeminate for no apparent reason and rather than God tearing the curtain to the Holy of Holies in a symbolic “I am now among you” message he basically takes a sledgehammer to the temple floor. Awesome; thank you! I might forward through the gross to get to the good. ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@Silver\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Fire)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2011, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-about-movies-you-certainly-have-no-intention-of-seeing/582323/63 "2011-05-19T06:08:42Z")
> [@blue\_infinity](#): > > Just on the last bit: Gibson’s character is a minister who’s lost his faith after his wife got squished in a car accident. The ordeal with the aliens restores that faith (don’t ask me why). 1. The son’s asthma attack saved him from the alien’s deadly finger vapors because he wasn’t breathing at the time of the attack + 2. His dead wife’s last words to Mel (“Tell [Joaquin’s character] to swing away”) inspired the bat attack against the alien + 3. The daughter’s annoying habit of leaving half-full glasses of water lying around the house because they “taste funny” = GOD HAS A PLAN, ALWAYS. What an absolute crapfest that movie was. ---
**Author:** ![Double\_Foolscap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/85e7bf/32.png) [@Double\_Foolscap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Double_Foolscap)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2011, 8:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-about-movies-you-certainly-have-no-intention-of-seeing/582323/64 "2011-05-19T08:32:51Z")
> [@Steophan](#): > > **Twilight** - is there any reason for a non-teenage non-girl to watch it? Maybe the reason I watched it - you’ve heard so much snark about it that you want to take the piss out of it yourself in a more social setting than reading the book. Or because you’re trying to get to second base with a teenage girl, but that’s only an acceptable reason if you’re a teenage boy. ---
**Author:** ![amanset](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8dc957/32.png) [@amanset](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amanset)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2011, 9:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-about-movies-you-certainly-have-no-intention-of-seeing/582323/65 "2011-05-19T09:15:30Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > I enjoyed it, along with about 95% of the other folks who have seen it. But everyone seems to agree that the 2D is better than the 3D, so don’t pay the extra money. And this is why I haven’t seen it. Here in merry ol’ Stockholm town I don’t seem to have the option. So well done guys, you lost out. I wonder how many others are like me. ---
**Author:** ![Smapti](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smapti/32/17938_2.png) [@Smapti](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smapti)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2011, 9:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-about-movies-you-certainly-have-no-intention-of-seeing/582323/66 "2011-05-19T09:25:39Z")
_Avatar_ - Is the environmentalist message really as ham-handed and anvilicious as i’ve gotten the impression it is? Is it _really_ just “Dances With Wolves” meets “Ferngully” with CGI? I didn’t see it when it came out because the trailers I saw were 100% focused on CGI and didn’t mention the story at all, and when I read the plot reviews I decided i’d made the right decision. ---
**Author:** ![EvilTOJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee59a6/32.png) [@EvilTOJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EvilTOJ)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2011, 10:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-about-movies-you-certainly-have-no-intention-of-seeing/582323/67 "2011-05-19T10:02:24Z")
It’s more like [Pocahontas](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n2lF5xD-K94) because it has more earth-rape involved. ---
**Author:** ![Alka\_Seltzer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c89c15/32.png) [@Alka\_Seltzer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alka_Seltzer)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2011, 12:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-about-movies-you-certainly-have-no-intention-of-seeing/582323/68 "2011-05-19T12:27:25Z")
> [@RealityChuck](#): > > Also, politics aside, it’s still a textbook for filmmakers. Griffith showed them what sort of effects and storytelling methods would work. It developed deep focus, jump cuts, cross-cutting, close-ups of faces and the basic vocabulary of film used today. Thanks, that answers my question. > [@drastic\_quench](#): > > This is incorrect. In the third act Ripley mates with an alien queen. The white alien is the offspring of that coupling. Rather than the queen laying the standard batch of facehugger eggs, mating with the mostly human Ripley enabled a live birth of that white hybrid. I don’t think that is correct. The alien queen grew inside the cloned Ripley, and thus gained a womb. In the alien-verse, it appears the aliens take on some of the characteristics of their host, such as the dog-like alien in Alien 3. It’s probably more accurate to think of the human-alien as Ripley’s grandson. I don’t remember anything about Ripley “mating” with an alien. In any case, it’s not a great film… > [@Smapti](#): > > _Avatar_ - Is the environmentalist message really as ham-handed and anvilicious as i’ve gotten the impression it is? It’s certainly not subtle, but it’s more of a plot device to drive the film along rather than the point of it. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2011, 12:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-about-movies-you-certainly-have-no-intention-of-seeing/582323/69 "2011-05-19T12:39:41Z")
> [@Ellen\_Cherry](#): > > spoiled the big secret of _The Village_, Uh oh - so what’s the big secret of _The Village_? ---
**Author:** ![Dietrich\_K](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@Dietrich\_K](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dietrich_K)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2011, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-about-movies-you-certainly-have-no-intention-of-seeing/582323/70 "2011-05-19T12:53:47Z")
> [@blue\_infinity](#): > > Just on the last bit: Gibson’s character is a minister who’s lost his faith after his wife got squished in a car accident. The ordeal with the aliens restores that faith (don’t ask me why). Oh … okay. Makes _perfect_ sense to me! /sarcasm ---
**Author:** ![Dietrich\_K](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@Dietrich\_K](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dietrich_K)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2011, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-about-movies-you-certainly-have-no-intention-of-seeing/582323/71 "2011-05-19T12:56:48Z")
> [@Silver\_Fire](#): > > 1. The son’s asthma attack saved him from the alien’s deadly finger vapors because he wasn’t breathing at the time of the attack + > > 2. His dead wife’s last words to Mel (“Tell [Joaquin’s character] to swing away”) inspired the bat attack against the alien + > > 3. The daughter’s annoying habit of leaving half-full glasses of water lying around the house because they “taste funny” = > > GOD HAS A PLAN, ALWAYS. > > What an absolute crapfest that movie was. Oy gevaldt! ---
**Author:** ![bouv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc8723/32.png) [@bouv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bouv)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2011, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-about-movies-you-certainly-have-no-intention-of-seeing/582323/72 "2011-05-19T12:57:22Z")
> [@alice\_in\_wonderland](#): > > Uh oh - so what’s the big secret of _The Village_? There’s this quaint little 19th (18th?) century village with a blind chick, elders, and monsters in the woods that come into the village and terrorize/kill people. So they have to all stay in the village to not piss them off. Eventually, they decide they have to send someone for help for some reason (they need food or supplies maybe?) so they send the blind girl, so she won’t be scarfed by the horrors of the monsters in the woods, or something. Well, long story short, it’s really present-day, the village was started by some weird cultish group of people years and years ago (I’m guessing the elders?) and they dressed up as monsters to keep everyone in the village and pretending it was ye olden days. Bear in mind I’ve never seen it, this is just going off of what I’ve heard/seen parodied. ---
**Author:** ![Dietrich\_K](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@Dietrich\_K](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dietrich_K)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2011, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-about-movies-you-certainly-have-no-intention-of-seeing/582323/73 "2011-05-19T13:00:48Z")
> [@alice\_in\_wonderland](#): > > Uh oh - so what’s the big secret of _The Village_? They live in a secluded, anachronistic village in modern times. The “monsters” are just the village elders trying to scare the young folks’ curiosity about the outside world away. In a related, mighty incredulous, aside, why is this man still allowed to make movies? ETA: **bouv** , I see we posted at the same time. Further, I also have not seen the movie, not even a second of it. I blessedly read a spoiler-filled review of it the day after it came out, and needless to say, I was totes glad that I did. ---
**Author:** ![Snickers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@Snickers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snickers)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2011, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-about-movies-you-certainly-have-no-intention-of-seeing/582323/74 "2011-05-19T13:12:36Z")
> [@panamajack](#): > > Speaking of Ms. Owens, does she actually die in _Last Holiday_? (I think that was the title of the one where she’s notified she has X weeks/months/minutes to live). No, she doesn’t. There was a mixup at the doctor’s office (I think), so she doesn’t really have a death sentence. She hooks up with LL Cool J (who’s totally, obviously over the moon for her, but she doesn’t see it because she’s clueless and/or dying, a kind of fun reversal of the usual woman mooning/man clueless dynamic) and starts her own restaurant at the end. This was just on television sort of recently-ish, but El Hubbo and I saw it in the theater. This is one of Latifah’s good ones. There’s silly and stupid parts, to be sure, but overall it’s pretty good. Definitely worse ways to spend a couple of hours. If you have a free evening and want something lighthearted, I’d recommend it. ---
**Author:** ![Bakhesh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3da27b/32.png) [@Bakhesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bakhesh)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2011, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-about-movies-you-certainly-have-no-intention-of-seeing/582323/75 "2011-05-19T13:12:38Z")
> [@Smapti](#): > > _Avatar_ - Is the environmentalist message really as ham-handed and anvilicious as i’ve gotten the impression it is? Is it _really_ just “Dances With Wolves” meets “Ferngully” with CGI? I didn’t see it when it came out because the trailers I saw were 100% focused on CGI and didn’t mention the story at all, and when I read the plot reviews I decided i’d made the right decision. To be honest, people slag off Avatar way more than than was justified. The plot was derivative and pedestrian sure, but so are a LOT of action movies. Avatar’s plot is probably about average for films of this type. The visuals easily justified the cost of admission. The level of detail you could see on the Imax was jaw dropping (might look a lot less impressive on DVD). Yeah sure, it wasn’t Citizen Kane, but I’ve checked, and Citizen Kane doesn’t have a single combat exoskeleton or six legged horse thing, and that’s supposed to be the best film ever? ---
**Author:** ![wintertime](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c68b51/32.png) [@wintertime](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wintertime)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2011, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-about-movies-you-certainly-have-no-intention-of-seeing/582323/76 "2011-05-19T14:07:43Z")
> [@Bakhesh](#): > > Yeah sure, it wasn’t Citizen Kane, but I’ve checked, and Citizen Kane doesn’t have a single combat exoskeleton or six legged horse thing, and that’s supposed to be the best film ever? And now everyone knows that you have never watched the director’s cut. My question: My wife and I were in Cannes during the film festival when “Irréversible” was shown for the first time. Anyone who has seen it, won’t be shocked to hear that I accompanied my wife out of the theatre after the first ten minutes. I wanted to know if my impression was correct, that the movie was told backwards, i.e. latest events first? And would you say that the brutality shown was required to tell the story or was it brutality for shock’s sake? ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2011, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-about-movies-you-certainly-have-no-intention-of-seeing/582323/77 "2011-05-19T14:21:49Z")
The movie, _Blue Valentine_, initially got an NC-17 rating which was then changed to an R without any cuts after some lobbying by the studio. What was shown in the particular scene in question? The movie looks like a deadly, crushing bore, but is there anything particularly interesting or spankworthy about the scene which got the X at first? Does it show penetration or something? lippage? Wood? What? ---
**Author:** ![Gedd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gedd/32/4938_2.png) [@Gedd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gedd)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2011, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-about-movies-you-certainly-have-no-intention-of-seeing/582323/78 "2011-05-19T16:29:11Z")
How the heck was there a _Jurassic Park III_? All the dinosaurs are dying at the end of the second book. I remember they screwed up the second movie horribly, but I don’t recall enough of it to know if they left it open ended for a third one. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Excellent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f19dbf/32.png) [@Mr.Excellent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Excellent)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2011, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-about-movies-you-certainly-have-no-intention-of-seeing/582323/79 "2011-05-19T16:44:35Z")
> [@drastic\_quench](#): > > This is incorrect. In the third act Ripley mates with an alien queen. The white alien is the offspring of that coupling. Rather than the queen laying the standard batch of facehugger eggs, mating with the mostly human Ripley enabled a live birth of that white hybrid. Wait, what? It’s been a while since I saw this movie, so I suppose I could be mistaken, but I thought that 1.) The white larval thing was the Queen’s offspring, delivered via live birth, but: 2.) Not the product of an alien-Ripley mating. Rather, the alien queen (which was partly human) had developed a novel (for aliens) parthenogenetic reproductive system allowing for live birth of “cloned” offspring. 3.) I really, really don’t want to think about Ripley mating with the alien queen. That just isn’t right. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2011, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-about-movies-you-certainly-have-no-intention-of-seeing/582323/80 "2011-05-19T16:48:26Z")
> [@Gedd](#): > > How the heck was there a _Jurassic Park III_? All the dinosaurs are dying at the end of the second book. I remember they screwed up the second movie horribly, but I don’t recall enough of it to know if they left it open ended for a third one. Remember how they came up with Isla Sorna, “Site B”, for the second movie? It happens there. The plot is, some rich guy’s jackass kid goes paragliding with his uncle right by Site B, contrary to local law, and ends up getting stranded there. So, the rich guy (who turns out not to be very rich) hires Dr. Grant and some mercenaries to go to the island and find his kid. Dinosaurlarity ensues. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-about-movies-you-certainly-have-no-intention-of-seeing/582323.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-about-movies-you-certainly-have-no-intention-of-seeing/582323.md?page=5)