# Questions about sex and Judaism

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-about-sex-and-judaism/274301>\
**Category:** Factual Questions\
**Created:** [November 12, 2004, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-about-sex-and-judaism/274301 "2004-11-12T00:03:57Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 20\
**Page:** 1

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**Author:** ![aleph1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3e96dc/32.png) [@aleph1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aleph1)\
**Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-about-sex-and-judaism/274301/1 "2004-11-12T00:03:57Z")

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Specific question: if you are an observant Jew, is it OK to have sex on the Sabbath?

General question: my perception, as a religious ignoramus, is that the Jewish religion is less uptight about sex than the Christian religion. It seems that many Christians believe sex is something dirty, something to be ashamed of. I have never detected that in Judaism. Am I accurate in this assessment? Just curious to hear opinions.

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**Author:** ![bizzwire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/958977/32.png) [@bizzwire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bizzwire)\
**Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-about-sex-and-judaism/274301/2 "2004-11-12T00:12:27Z")

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Is it just me, or do you smell an impending avalanche of Jewish sex jokes?

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**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\
**Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-about-sex-and-judaism/274301/3 "2004-11-12T00:15:11Z")

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> [@aleph1](#):
>
> Specific question: if you are an observant Jew, is it OK to have sex on the Sabbath?

Yes, as long as you are married and having sex with your spouse. In fact, tradition encourages you to do so.

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**Author:** ![mangeorge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d78d45/32.png) [@mangeorge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mangeorge)\
**Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-about-sex-and-judaism/274301/4 "2004-11-12T00:16:29Z")

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> [@aleph1](#):
>
> Specific question: if you are an observant Jew, is it OK to have sex on the Sabbath?
> 
> General question: my perception, as a religious ignoramus, is that the Jewish religion is less uptight about sex than the Christian religion. It seems that many Christians believe sex is something dirty, something to be ashamed of. I have never detected that in Judaism. Am I accurate in this assessment? Just curious to hear opinions.

Yeah, opinions. 😉 This’ll likely get moved to IMHO.  
But yeah, Jews are allowed to have sex on the Sabbath. So I’ve been told.  
And to the opinion part of your question;  
A Jewish woman gets to kick the hubby to the curb if he doesn’t satisfy her sexually. Whether or not that’s uptight, I don’t know. Prolly not. There _are_ some aspects of sex considered by jews to be dirty. Being naked is one. Homosexuality. Certain positions.  
Enjoy your visit. 🙂  
Peace,  
mangeorge

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**Author:** ![Hadrian0117](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Hadrian0117](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hadrian0117)\
**Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-about-sex-and-judaism/274301/5 "2004-11-12T00:55:38Z")

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So did Monica violate Jewish dietary law?

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**Author:** ![bizzwire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/958977/32.png) [@bizzwire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bizzwire)\
**Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-about-sex-and-judaism/274301/6 "2004-11-12T01:06:52Z")

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From [Heeb Magazine’s](http://www.heebmagazine.com) “Guilt” Issue (Summer, 2004)- a sidebar entitled "Guilt through the ages:

> [@](#):
>
> **1795:** Concerned his followers are preoccupied with pleasures of the flesh, the Nishtemesdikker Rebbe orders them to have intercourse only through a hole in a sheet. This eventually becomes standard for most Hassidim, and leads to the standard Hassidic form of birth control: the hole-less sheet

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**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\
**Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-about-sex-and-judaism/274301/7 "2004-11-12T01:57:06Z")

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aleph:

> [@](#):
>
> Specific question: if you are an observant Jew, is it OK to have sex on the Sabbath?

Not only is it “OK”, it’s optimal. One is supposed to make the Sabbath pleasurable, in food, in comfort and in sex as well.

> [@](#):
>
> General question: my perception, as a religious ignoramus, is that the Jewish religion is less uptight about sex than the Christian religion. It seems that many Christians believe sex is something dirty, something to be ashamed of. I have never detected that in Judaism. Am I accurate in this assessment? Just curious to hear opinions.

Yes, you’re accurate. Judaism doesn’t consider sex to be dirty, they consider it to be _holy_. But importantly, holy things outside their proper place and time are sinful. Anyone who ate of a sacrificial offering outside the Temple (or the city of Jerusalem, for lesser offerings), or ate of it after its appointed time, or ate of it while in a state of ritual impurity, and similar offenses, was punished quite severely. So Judaism is indeed strict about sex in many ways, but not from a “dirty” angle.

Hadrian0017:

> [@](#):
>
> So did Monica violate Jewish dietary law?

Well, Bill certainly _acted_ like a pig…

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**Author:** ![mangeorge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d78d45/32.png) [@mangeorge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mangeorge)\
**Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-about-sex-and-judaism/274301/8 "2004-11-12T02:57:57Z")

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**cmkeller** , please address the issue of the “hole in the blanket”, or as it was told to me, Jews must leave their clothes on even while making love.  
Peace,  
mangeorge

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**Author:** ![adirondack\_mike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b5a626/32.png) [@adirondack\_mike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/adirondack_mike)\
**Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-about-sex-and-judaism/274301/9 "2004-11-12T03:25:09Z")

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> [@mangeorge](#):
>
> **cmkeller** , please address the issue of the “hole in the blanket”, or as it was told to me, Jews must leave their clothes on even while making love.  
> Peace,  
> mangeorge

[Snopes.](http://www.snopes.com/religion/sheet.htm)

I had heard this years ago and it smelled kind of fishy.

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**Author:** ![zev\_steinhardt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/97f17d/32.png) [@zev\_steinhardt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zev_steinhardt)\
**Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-about-sex-and-judaism/274301/10 "2004-11-12T04:19:00Z")

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> [@mangeorge](#):
>
> **cmkeller** , please address the issue of the “hole in the blanket”, or as it was told to me, Jews must leave their clothes on even while making love.

I’m not **Chaim** , but I can answer this one anyway.

It’s a myth.

We make love nude just like everyone else. As for the origin of the myth, I had always believed it to be related to the _tallis katan_, as the Snopes link mentioned.

Zev Steinhardt

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**Author:** ![jgroub](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b77776/32.png) [@jgroub](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jgroub)\
**Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-about-sex-and-judaism/274301/11 "2004-11-12T04:27:55Z")

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> [@Anne Neville](#):
>
> Yes, as long as you are married and having sex with your spouse. In fact, tradition encourages you to do so.

Tradition encourages you to have sex with your spouse? Who woulda thunk it? 😉

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**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\
**Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-about-sex-and-judaism/274301/12 "2004-11-12T05:01:27Z")

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> [@mangeorge](#):
>
> A Jewish woman gets to kick the hubby to the curb if he doesn’t satisfy her sexually.

True. There’s actually (in the Talmud, I think) something saying how many times a week men in certain professions are required to sleep with their wives. A camel driver is required to sleep with his wife once every thirty days, an ass driver is required to sleep with her once a week (several other professions are mentioned, too). If he doesn’t live up to his obligation, it’s grounds for divorce. If a man wants to change jobs to one where he’s required to sleep with his wife less often, she has veto power over the decision.

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**Author:** ![Captain\_Amazing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@Captain\_Amazing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Amazing)\
**Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-about-sex-and-judaism/274301/13 "2004-11-12T05:07:10Z")

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By the way, in case anyone is interested, “Nishtemesdikker” is Yiddish for “something not true”.

nisht-not  
emes-truth  
dik-having the trait of

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**Author:** ![NinjaChick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/71c47a/32.png) [@NinjaChick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinjaChick)\
**Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 6:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-about-sex-and-judaism/274301/14 "2004-11-12T06:47:04Z")

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According to my rabbi from Hebrew school (which means he could’ve just pulled this out of his ass), a Jewish man and woman are not technically married until they excuse themselves after the ceremony and, as he tactfully put it, “Achieve a new level of intimacy.”

Also…c’mon, was I the only one who giggled at being told how often an “ass driver” has to sleep with his wife?

'cuz I’m mature…

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**Author:** ![Huerta88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/82dd89/32.png) [@Huerta88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Huerta88)\
**Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 7:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-about-sex-and-judaism/274301/15 "2004-11-12T07:27:36Z")

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> [@aleph1](#):
>
> my perception, as a religious ignoramus, is that the Jewish religion is less uptight about sex than the Christian religion. It seems that many Christians believe sex is something dirty, something to be ashamed of. I have never detected that in Judaism. Am I accurate in this assessment? Just curious to hear opinions.

Hmm. As a brief aside, I have the contrary impression: viz., that orthodox Christians (at least the brand I’ve met) get in trouble for being too pro sex.

Orthodox Jews and conservative Christians (I mostly know R.C. types) have similar ethos-es (is that a valid plural)? Don’t do it before marriage. Do it, lots, after marriage.

This is actually where the controversial Catholic prohibition on birth control comes from: to grossly paraphrase _Humanae Vitae_, sex is good, because G\_d (in deference to our Jewish readers) gave it to us, for having kids); you should have lots and lots of it; but it’s so good, you shouldn’t waste it on “empty” sex unrelated to your procreative project as a couple; so, as fulfilling as sex can be, you should voluntarily abstain from those acts that aren’t open to procreation.

Similar to the Catholic attitude toward many other things they deprive themselves of: “Why don’t we eat meat on Fridays during Lent? Because it’s unclean? Hell no! Because it’s so good! – and we’re trying to discipline our indulgence in the Good Things!”

Fact is, I’d wager Christian doctrine has even fewer “taboos” or anti-sex rules than orthodox Judaism. Catholocism, for instance, just doesn’t have a concept of ritual uncleanliness. A Catholic can shake hands with a female stranger without fear of being polluted because she’s “off the sports list” this week. An orthodox Jew (as with several of my colleagues) – no.

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**Author:** ![Coil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Coil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coil)\
**Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 9:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-about-sex-and-judaism/274301/16 "2004-11-12T09:54:28Z")

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> [@Anne Neville](#):
>
> True. There’s actually (in the Talmud, I think) something saying how many times a week men in certain professions are required to sleep with their wives. A camel driver is required to sleep with his wife once every thirty days, an ass driver is required to sleep with her once a week (several other professions are mentioned, too). If he doesn’t live up to his obligation, it’s grounds for divorce. If a man wants to change jobs to one where he’s required to sleep with his wife less often, she has veto power over the decision.

Is there a list somewhere of the requirements for different professions? I’m not jewish but it could be useful to know anyway.

I doubt that modern professions like economists are on the list but it should be possible to come up with equivalents. Economist=Ass Driver?

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**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\
**Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 10:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-about-sex-and-judaism/274301/17 "2004-11-12T10:13:56Z")

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> [@Coil](#):
>
> Is there a list somewhere of the requirements for different professions? I’m not jewish but it could be useful to know anyway.
> 
> I doubt that modern professions like economists are on the list but it should be possible to come up with equivalents. Economist=Ass Driver?

Make sure you look in a proper Torah, because the “Old Testament” version prepared by Protestants tend to have all the “dirty” bits censored out. Plus they replace all references to “wine” with “grape juice”.

Okay, I’m kidding. A little.

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**Author:** ![C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b2d939/32.png) [@C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C_K_Dexter_Haven)\
**Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-about-sex-and-judaism/274301/18 "2004-11-12T13:45:06Z")

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Assuming Catholicism says that sex should only be used for procreation (as **Huerta** comments), I should add that traditional Judaism says no such thing. Sex is there for fun and enjoyment, too.

Catholicism reads the story of Onan and concludes that masturbation is a deadly sin. Judaism reads the story of Onan and concludes that disobedience to God is a deadly sin.

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**Author:** ![Mithril](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mithril/32/3517_2.png) [@Mithril](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mithril)\
**Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-about-sex-and-judaism/274301/19 "2004-11-12T13:56:35Z")

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Recent Catholic teaching is that sex is for procreation, but also for bonding between a husband and wife. You still can’t do anything to prevent pregancy, excluding using the rhythm method (and possibly the more modern equivalents of it). Also, oral or anal sex is taboo.

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**Author:** ![zev\_steinhardt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/97f17d/32.png) [@zev\_steinhardt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zev_steinhardt)\
**Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-about-sex-and-judaism/274301/20 "2004-11-12T14:34:50Z")

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> [@NinjaChick](#):
>
> According to my rabbi from Hebrew school (which means he could’ve just pulled this out of his ass), a Jewish man and woman are not technically married until they excuse themselves after the ceremony and, as he tactfully put it, “Achieve a new level of intimacy.”

That is incorrect.

It is true that immediately after the wedding ceremony the bride and groom are secluded together. This is done to create the presumption of intimacy (whether or not it has actually occured). But the couple is fully married even before this (i.e., if she were to sleep with someone else before her groom, she is fully guilty of adultery; if one were to die [God forbid] the other would sit _shiva_, etc.).

Zev Steinhardt

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