# Questions for those who have experienced the death of a loved one by lung cancer **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [July 29, 2006, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-for-those-who-have-experienced-the-death-of-a-loved-one-by-lung-cancer/366575 "2006-07-29T20:21:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 5\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2006, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-for-those-who-have-experienced-the-death-of-a-loved-one-by-lung-cancer/366575/21 "2006-08-01T17:40:51Z")
[QUOTE=SnakesCatLady] This depends on the doctors and hospitals where you are. When my mother-in-law was dying, she was in the hospital when the doctors told us “there was nothing they could do for her”. I took my husband to a empty waiting room and raised hell - told him if the doctors idea of “doing anything” included controlling her pain, then they needed to get her out of there and get hospice. I’m sure it’s not all doctors and all hospitals, but this hospital is notorious for being very tight with the pain meds, even for people who are dying. There is **no** reason for a human being to have to die in extreme pain - it is not only unfair to them, but to their loved ones. That is the main reason I suggested contacting hospice - one of their missions is to make sure their patients pass without pain, as much as is possible. [/QUOTE] Yes - good point and I agree with you 100% My father had hospice care and my mother, IIRC, had not been pleased with the care he got. I do know that mom planned to go through another hospice organization, though it wound up being a moot point. Had her issues been pain-related, it’s quite possible she would not have fared as well in the hospital. ---
**Author:** ![ethelbert](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/958977/32.png) [@ethelbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ethelbert)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2006, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-for-those-who-have-experienced-the-death-of-a-loved-one-by-lung-cancer/366575/22 "2006-08-01T19:45:19Z")
My father died about 4 years ago with Bronchioalveolar Carcinoma (a rare form of lung cancer). He was diagnosed about 11 months before he died. He lived fairly well until about two weeks before he died. He did very little in the way of treatment. He got some sort of vitamin “infusion”, but that was pretty much it. He did no chemo. The doctors held out very little hope so that wasn’t an entirely unwise choice. As many other posters have pointed out, Hospice was a great help. My only regret concerning my father’s death was his inability to talk about it (even with my mother, for whom talking about it would have been a blessing). He seemed to feel that acknowledging it was “giving in” and he was not going to do that. BTW, my father did contract pneumonia a few months after being diagnosed, but recovered quickly and completely. Best of luck. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2006, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-for-those-who-have-experienced-the-death-of-a-loved-one-by-lung-cancer/366575/23 "2006-08-01T20:26:48Z")
My FIL went about 9 months with no treatment. He was 78 when he was diagnosed and his health was already pretty bad due to a stroke. The doctors didn’t think he could take it, and he had no interest in prolonging the inevitable. 1. egg crate mattress pad. The weight loss will make the probability of bedsores more likely. The egg crate mattress pad helps avoid this. Be sure to watch the backs of her heels, as well. They have booties that will help with that. 2. Let her eat whatever she wants. The weight loss can be rather shocking, as it comes on very quickly. Whatever she puts on now will be needed when she starts slowing down. 3. There may be some differing opinions on this point, but try not to ride her about \*not \* eating when her appetite starts to wane. The body’s natural instinct is to reduce food intake so as not to feed the cancer. I found myself getting angry at my mom when she didn’t eat, but that’s what is natural. I didn’t get angry at my FIL, but my MIL did. We both regret it. Best of luck to all of you. It’s a lot of information and emotion and frustration. In the end, only the love matters. ---
**Author:** ![mack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mack)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2006, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-for-those-who-have-experienced-the-death-of-a-loved-one-by-lung-cancer/366575/24 "2006-08-01T22:17:26Z")
My father died from lung cancer about a year and a half ago. I can’t remember which kind. He was initially diagnosed, had surgery, and was OK for a year or so. He had the 02 tanks going, and we constantly tried to keep my little girls from tripping over the hose whenever we’d visit. They liked following him around. He recurred, accepted some experimental treatment that didn’t work, then refused futher treatment. He was 83. He died quietly at home, with one of my sisters at his side. My mother gathered us together when the end looked imminent - within a week or so. When we first arrived my dad rallied and sat in the family room with us for a few hours. We worked with an excellent hospice. They arranged everything from day to day care to the funeral arrangements. Their doctors and nurses have been through this many times and know the signs of decline. As sad as it all was, it was good to know what was happening and what to expect. I recall things being a little rocky when we were in transition between his regular docs and the hospice, but that smoothed out. We had a hospital type bed brought in. A nurse would come maybe a couple times a week and a nurse’s aide would come every day to bathe him and dress his wounds. An aide stayed around the clock when his death was a day or so away. We’d have to change his depends from time to time and comfort him with whatever he wanted. He was pretty heavily medicated and would say some coherent things and some incoherent things. Somethings he said were hurtful, but he was always a sweet and gentle man, so we just brushed it off as much as we could. ---
**Author:** ![malkavia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malkavia/32/5621_2.png) [@malkavia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/malkavia)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2006, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-for-those-who-have-experienced-the-death-of-a-loved-one-by-lung-cancer/366575/25 "2006-08-01T23:11:14Z")
Although several family members and one good friend have died from different forms of cancer (only my uncle had lung cancer, iirc), I was never around to watch it first hand. That said, my heart began to break the moment I clicked on this thread. My thoughts are with you, Sampiro. I just wanted to take a moment to commend both you and everyone who has chimed in here with their experiences of taking care of loved ones in their final months. (weeks, years, etc) We have such an amazing group of individuals here. I am completely in awe of the grace and strength that you have all shown and continue to show. I only hope that I will be half the person that each of you are or have been when it comes time to see to my own loved ones needs. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-for-those-who-have-experienced-the-death-of-a-loved-one-by-lung-cancer/366575.md?page=1)