Ixnay on the ecretsay itewhay-ingway onspiracycay! Damn you.
I would have asked for the secret handshake. But, you know, it’s pretty complicated and I am white. I tell you, it gets pretty embarrassing when I have to keep asking black people to show me how to do it.
Silly man, cocks don’t have noses.
I would never choke my noble cock. Only stroke the magnificent creature.
From the “White people shore do tawk funny.” Files
I haue a gentil cook,
Crowyt me day.
He doth me rysyn erly,
My matyins for to say.
I haue a gentil cook,
Comyn he is of gret.
His comb is of reed corel,
His tayil is of get.
< snip >
His eynyn arn of cristal,
Lokyn al in aumbyr,
And euery nyght he perchit hym
In myn ladyis chaumbyr.
– or in Modern –
I have a noble cock
He crows at break of day
He rouses me up early
My prayers for to say.
I have a noble cock.
The largest rooster yet.
His comb is of red coral.
His tail is of jet.
< snip* >
His eyes are of crystal,
Set all in amber,
And every night he perches himself
In my lady’s chamber.
(note: this is from like 1100 AD. So it’s not dirty, it’s art and history. Dead white male history, possibly but still)
*He’s a circum…spect cock, hence the snippage.
Swigs beer, wipes away a tear.
Ah, they’re not writing poetry like that these days…
Well, we can’t rightly call it an “Alabama Black Snake”, now can we? Besides, us small-cocked whiteys are more like night crawlers anyway.
Think OP is coming back? Think OP ever planned to come back?
Eh, nightcrawlers can be over a foot. Of course you might want to rubber band them together before comparing to your cock (or just use another one to tie!) to not have a skinny cock. I don’t think worms have cocks. Cock!
Because we’re better, duh. And smarter. Otherwise how could we be more powerful and smart? Yeah, right. Better.
Because we’re not naive. We’re smarter and better. Hello? No, nevermind you won’t get it. We dominate the world. Nuff said.
We fix them but stupid people keep screwing them up and they don’t pay their taxes as we’re not God; we can’t keep up with all they crap they keep trashing.
Because brown people and poor white people have brown people blood in them, and it makes them stupid. Duh. Do you expect pets, children and women to take responsible care of their own affairs? Of course not.
The American people are barely majority white, so that explains that.
Sounds like someone’s jealous again.
We’re only the minority in shit places no one cares about. Otherwise we’d be the majority and make things better.
Shape up or ship out, brownie. White is, as white does.
Minorities take up a lot of time. Don’t blame us, lazy.
Honestly, some humans are just a bit more evolved and ready for democracy. Some aren’t. Blame evolution.
So you’ll understand us.
Welcome.
Remember the time that the color of the day was “brown”, and nobody would say it? Empty clubhouse, it was - what a hoot!
You mention roads. I’da thought you’d be more concerned about the bridges.
Hey brotha, were all da’ white women at?
Amirite?
I don’t know about the others, but the white roads around here are pretty good.
What warms my heart is the knowledge that all of this will eventually be solved if we just pay reparations. Then we’ll never have to worry about issues of race ever again, right Honesty? If we just pay to ship those uppity, umm… folks, somewhere else we can all go about our business like slavery and racial discrimination never happened.
Piggybacking on Honesty’s questions:
Why do white people dance all stiff and jerky, like they’re having an epileptic seizure?
Why do white people like swimming, skiing, and camping?
Why are white people so obsessed about their front lawns?
Why do white people smoke plain cigarettes?
Why do white people like sports like hockey, soccer, softball, and curling?
Why do white people smell like wet dogs when they get their hair wet?
Why do white people sit still in church, like they’re all sad and scared? Also, what’s with the sad organ music?
Why do white people give their kids the same names as everybody else?
Why do white people pronounce “ask” like “ask”?
Why are white people into old popular music? Led Zeppelin? Rolling Stones? The Beatles? That shit’s busted. They also use old slang, too. Black folks gave up “fresh” decades ago, but white folks still call things “awesome”.
Why are white people so obsessed about authenticity, but they’re not into keeping it real?
1. Why are you always other people’s business?
(ignoring the typo): Consider it from this angle, if you will: for better or worse, we “white” people were raised with more of a notion that our opinions of societal occurrences ought to matter. Frankly, I think everyone’s opinions ought to count for more when it comes to public policy and socially shared attitudes and whatnot, so I don’t think this is a bad thing. Now, our general thoughtlessness and willful ignorance, umm, admittedly that’s harder to excuse, but I did just mention that everyone’s opinions ought to count for more… even we “white” people denigrate our own importance as opinion-holders. We’re noisy loudmouths with oversized expectations of the extent to which social policy and etc ought to conform to our beliefs, but at the same time we don’t even listen to each other seriously very often, so even we do not expect others to take us very seriously, really… and people who don’t take themselves seriously do not bother to think things through.
In short, we shoot our mouths off without much serious thought.
**Why do stay awake all night worrying what paltry benefits Tamika Johnson is getting from the government, whether Amy O’Connor is getting an abortion clear across the country, or if Adam and Steve are getting married in some obscure town in California. What do any of those things (and other things that don’t directly concern you) have anything to do with your daily grind? Why do you concern yourself and desire to meddle in affairs of people and things that have nothing to do with you? **
a) Who?
b) See above for the general answer. It’s not entirely a bad thing for everyone to think everything pertinent to public policy is everyone’s business.
2. Why are you naive?
Already addressed above. We don’t genuinely expect to be taken seriously so we don’t take ourselves seriously, hence we don’t think things out very far.
This, unfortunately, includes Obama which suggest that the naivete trait is dominant. Nonetheless, I am still curious as to why this is. I sincerely believe that the majority white people would vote for a talking Teddy Ruxpin doll if it were programmed to promise low taxes and limited government. This is clearly a scam in light of the data over the last several decades. You’re being played and you must know this because everytime someone goes into office promising those things, they never deliver, and, in fact, deliver the opposite. Why do you continue to believe and buy into the Teddy Ruxpin fantasy?
Don’t look at me, I don’t believe in representative democracy. I’m a confirmed anarchist. (I admit that I do vote; I confess that those I vote for don’t have many redeeming qualities but I don’t vote for the low taxes / limited gov types as a general rule).
3. Why don’t you fix your roads? I am completely dumbfounded on this one.There must be a hidden reason that I am missing. My biggest fear is that you all will purposefully allow it to deteriorate over the next few decades to the point where it “needs” to be privatized, thus fucking everyone over (again).
** nods ** Hell if I know. We don’t fix our so-called democracy either. OK, I do know. Pardon me for sounding like a broken record but we don’t fix shit because we don’t take ourselves seriously and don’t expect politicians, other “white” people, or anyone else to actually listen to us, etc.
4. Why do you rush to give white people in other countries money but you won’t provide relief for poor brown and white people living in your own borders?
Well, I’m not altogether convinced it’s better to help folks within our own borders than needy folks elsewhere, but the real reason is that our politicians use money to lure politicians in other countries into doing what they want. Our politicians don’t consult us average “white” folks, aside from asking us every few years which of two dingbats we want to make our decisions for us until next election cycle. You do know that, right? Well, OK, yeah, we do, as individuals, donate to charities and shit. Mostly we pay attention to the issues that have been dangled in front of us most effectively. Did I mention that we don’t think things through due to not taking ourselves all that seriously? Most of us who donate prefer the charity-organizer folks to do our thinking for us. Get sufficient PR in front of it and a lot of us will donate to domestic causes.
**For example, Detroit needed less than a few million to stave off bankruptcy; at the same time, the government disperses free money in the form of a $1 billion package to Kiev - whose prosperity is several orders of magnitude greater than Detroit is. And, to my knowledge, Kiev is not a part of the United States but Detroit (much to your chagrin, I imagine) is. You did finally gave Detroit its aid package after you scared and bullied the black electorate into voting for a pro-business, white Mayor through forcing Detroit into bankruptcy. Congratulations. **
(etc)
**5. Why do you provide monetary tribute to other countries when the American people are overwhelmingly against it? **
Already addressed above
6. Why do you vote against your interests?
Already addressed above, broken record mode, not taking ourselves seriously & thinking things through.
7. Why do you lump minorities as a group but become indignant when it is done to you?
Good question. I’m not entirely sure we do. In general I think “white” people have notions about this and that and the other ethnic minority, just like we have notions about this and that faction that isn’t based on ethnicity… shorthand stereotyping, generalizations, the usual thought-shortcuts, you know?
What’s probably more relevant is how we think of ourselves. It may (or may not) come as a surprise to you to understand that we don’t go around thinking of ourselves as “white” until and unless some other defined ethnic category of people is juxtaposed. I don’t mean we’re above all that race and ethnic stuff, but rather that because we (at least many of us) were raised to think of our ethnicity as default (“American”, mainstream, “normal people”), a lot of us don’t think of ethnicity with regard to ourselves at all until something draws our attention to it.
On the one hand, there’s a whole lot of ignorance and obliviosity inherent in that; on the other hand, at its best it’s sort of a post-racist post-prejudiced hopeful-future kind of perspective; I mean, most of us (seriously!!) would really love it if all ethnic and racial issues just disappeared, POOF, never again to plague our species. Obviously that’s not the same as saying we tend to put more than a pinky-finger’s worth of effort into making those issues go away, and we can be selfish and self-centered and oppose your efforts in various situations, NOT because we really want to keep ethnic separatism and oppression around but, far more often, for small-minded selfish reasons.
8. Do you consider Jews, Italians, Greeks, Spaniards, Arabs, Iranians, and other white, brown-eyed people to be “white”?
Me personally? I don’t consider anyone to be “white”, it’s bullshit. I’m the kind of racist (etc) person whose racism (& etc) takes the form of staying blind to the ongoing problems of unfairness oppression and inequality. We vastly outnumber the ones who consciously believe themselves to be “white”. We prefer color-blindness and we wish the issue would just go away.
Yeah, I acknowledge that this feels more like we want to sweep your problems under the rug than it feels like we’re on your side or anything.
Look, we feel powerless. Really. We may have a lot more power than you oppressed minority folks but it’s still a trivial and pathetic amount of power compared to what human being ought to possess. We don’t get to make policy. Our leaders don’t consult us. We get better food and entertainment and other bribes to shut the fuck up and let them run stuff. Mostly we do, in large part because we don’t really know what actions would make any difference anyhow.
Can you tell difference between the aforementioned groups?
You mean can I tell the Italians from the Iranians and all that? Not reliably. I can’t tell the Italians from the Irish most of the time.
Is there some internal hierarchy of whiteness between these groups where they are treated differently? Or are they are equally considered to be “white” and are treated with the full rights and privileges thereof?
See above, I hope I explained most of this already.
**9. Why are you always meddling in the affairs of other nations when you can’t even fix your roads or run government without throwing an annual temper tantrum and shutting the government down? **
& That also.
10. Why have you been silent on the issue of Puerto Rico’s statehood?
In the [del]national sport[/del] umm electoral politics game, I’m pretty much treating the Democratic Party as the team I root for, for the limited bit that that’s worth, and adding PR as a state would add electoral votes to my home team’s roster so you got my support. The other team won’t let it happen unless some compellingly Republican-flavored state gets to join up at the same time. There doesn’t seem to be one in the wings so it isn’t happening.
If memory serves, the brown people voted to be apart of the United States almost two years ago and Congress has been silent on the issue. Why? God knows if Ontario voted to join the Union, it would be considered and voted upon at the first available opportunity.
Naaah… Alberta or Saskatchewan coming in to balance off Puerto Rico, you might get a deal.
What I don’t understand is this: if you claim to love and respect democracy why not first practice it within your own borders before exporting (democracy) to other countries?
You think we’ve exported democracy to other countries? You’ve got a far more positive take on our international meddlings than I do! Mostly we’ve installed or supported authoritarian despotisms in return for which we get (or expect to get) puppetlike behavior from those countries, automatic pro-American voices and behaviors. Chile, Iran, would have had that with VietNam if our gov had prevailed there, you know the deal. I’d love to see us actually exporting democracy, even the flimsy limited variety we’ve got here domestically. Set up a United Nations in which each country gets an equal vote in the Senate and each person gets an equal vote in the House of Representatives, kill off the Security Council, and lead by public relations and advertising of our desires and our agenda and quit doing the jackbooted thug approach to international politics. Even that would only get us to where we are internally here in America but we don’t even do that.
**11. Bonus: Why do you all refer to penis and dick as “cock”. **
Oops, missed the bonus question. Umm, I don’t. I hardly ever use that word. Hmm, come to think of it I don’t like any of the words for the male parts. They’re all either silly-pretentious or as clinically sterile as a bottle of rubbing alcohol. I’m open to suggestions but I don’t like dick or penis any more than cock.
Man, the OP hates our roads. Seriously? The only really bad roads I’ve encountered are in done of the States that receive heavy snowfall. But in case your question was serious, do you realizes how many miles of roads there are in the US? Road repair is constant happening, but it can only happen so fast.
Crossing the California-Nevada border, it is immediately obvious to me who cares more about their roads. April showers bring May road construction and people making a big deal over a light drizzle.
Wyoming/Colorado. This was a number of years back, but Wyoming roads were pretty good…while the instant you crossed the border, the Colorado roads were awful!
I can answer the bonus question
I don’t call it a cock or a dick
I call it the magic wand and when I tell him the cauldron needs a good stir he knows exactly what I mean.
Maybe play with the word “schlong”. It might grow on you.