# Questions sure to get you in trouble **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 5, 2004, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-sure-to-get-you-in-trouble/273166 "2004-11-05T13:19:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Greywolf73](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d9b06d/32.png) [@Greywolf73](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greywolf73)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2004, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-sure-to-get-you-in-trouble/273166/41 "2004-11-06T17:17:24Z")
I got in trouble for being more curious than I supposed to be in Sunday school when I was a kid. “So, if Hitler was “saved” five minutes before he blew his brains out does that mean that Hitler is now in Heaven?” “Did Cain and Abel sleep with their own sisters? And if they didn’t, then how did they populate the world?” “Where do all the heathens in the world go after they die if a missionary didn’t have the chance to save their souls?” “Where are all the people that lived before Jesus? Are they in Heaven?” “How was there possibly room for two of every species of animal on the Ark and how did Noah keep the animals from killing each other?” “Isn’t it possible that the “world was created in 7 days” didn’t refer to 7 actual 24 hour days but rather thousands or even millions of years?” ---
**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2004, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-sure-to-get-you-in-trouble/273166/42 "2004-11-06T21:57:57Z")
> [@El\_Kabong](#): > > Not that there aren’t some things to question there. “So let me get this straight. He makes these crappy beings that can’t follow a simple order. So when they inevitably don’t, instead of scrapping them and starting over, he decides to go ahead and let them make billions of eqally crappy duplicates of themselves?” I read this, and my first reaction was, “That sounds just like software development!” > [@Cervaise](#): > > “Can I have carte blanche to kick anyone I deem an incompetent, unmotivated bastard off my project team?” The last person I saw act that way, got himself promoted to Project Manager. Of course, this was on _The Apprentice_, not in real life. ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2004, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-sure-to-get-you-in-trouble/273166/43 "2004-11-06T22:19:56Z")
> [@duffer](#): > > Depends on the religion. Here’s a rudimentary rundown for Catholics. > > 1. Not enough to earn eternal damnation as long as you ask forgiveness. > > 2. WE SERVE WINE AT MASS!! Half the priests I know smoke, > > 3. Nope, as long as you’re celibate. (see #1) > > 4. No way. It helps for the sacrament, but that doesn’t have to happen at the alter. Not worthy of Hades if you miss it. > Now, some other evangelical, fundamentalist sects, well they’re going to Hell no matter what they do. 😃 Regarding #3, how do the altar boys (forgive bad pun) fit in to the equation? ---
**Author:** ![davenportavenger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5f8ce5/32.png) [@davenportavenger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/davenportavenger)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2004, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-sure-to-get-you-in-trouble/273166/44 "2004-11-06T22:33:54Z")
Could Jesus microwave a burrito so hot that he himself could not eat it? As melon scratchers go, that’s a honey doodle. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2004, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-sure-to-get-you-in-trouble/273166/45 "2004-11-06T22:42:13Z")
> [@Alias](#): > > In religion class: > > “Are we supposed to hate the devil? I thought hate was a sin and we were supposed to love everyone. . . if we’re supposed to love everyone, does that mean we should love Satan too?” I actually asked almost the exact same question to my 8th grade religion teacher in my confirmation journal-does God love Satan? She answered in the affirmative. How about: If pre-marital sex is wrong, then why wasn’t Mary punished? I mean, God didn’t get married to her beforehand! I was told that Judas’s sin was not the betrayal itself, but that he assumed he couldn’t be forgiven, and hanged himself in despair. If he had expressed remorse to God directly, then he would have been okay. My friend and I got in trouble for giggling and saying that Jonathan and David were gay. My teacher heard us whispering and yelled out angrily, “NO THEY WERE NOT!!!” (The same teacher told me not to bring “dirty” magazines to school. Which dirty magazines? TEEN. :rolleyes: ) ---
**Author:** ![NinjaChick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/71c47a/32.png) [@NinjaChick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinjaChick)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2004, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-sure-to-get-you-in-trouble/273166/46 "2004-11-06T23:07:52Z")
To my rabbi, in hebrew school: “You say that you _don’t_ believe homosexuality is wrong, and that God loves everyone equally, etc. So why won’t you officiate gay commitment ceremonies or even (in terms of congregation memberships) recognize partners as spouses?” His response - kick me out of class. Also - -Mom, dad, you don’t _really_ need to see my report card, do you? -Theoretically, if I were to say that I got a tattoo, how would you react? -(to my RA) So, say - completely and totally hypothetically - that someone in the dorm managed to start a small fire in their room, and then sort of accidentally broke the smoke detector when they were trying to get it to not go off, is there any way to get that fixed without getting in trouble? Or having anyone notice the, uh, scorch marks on the wall? ---
**Author:** ![sinjin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ebca7d/32.png) [@sinjin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sinjin)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2004, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-sure-to-get-you-in-trouble/273166/47 "2004-11-07T00:00:57Z")
In the lunch line in college I asked the priest in line in front of me: Soooo Fr. Ed if Mary was a virgin what did poor Joseph do? Without skipping a beat he turned around and said: He used his two good hands just like the rest of us. ---
**Author:** ![Dragonblink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Dragonblink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragonblink)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2004, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-sure-to-get-you-in-trouble/273166/48 "2004-11-07T00:13:20Z")
My ponderment about Adam and Eve has always run thusly: Before they ate the apple, they had no knowledge of good and evil, right? So, er, how would they have known it was evil to disobey God? ---
**Author:** ![duffer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duffer/32/1026_2.png) [@duffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/duffer)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2004, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-sure-to-get-you-in-trouble/273166/49 "2004-11-07T02:30:27Z")
> [@danceswithcats](#): > > Regarding #3, how do the altar boys (forgive bad pun) fit in to the equation? Well obviously, that **would** be a sin. See how that works? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2004, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-sure-to-get-you-in-trouble/273166/50 "2004-11-07T02:40:42Z")
> [@Genghis Bob](#): > > Actual questions my kids asked in Sunday School: > > […] > > 1. If it was God’s will that Jesus should be crucified, and Judas made it happen by betraying him, wasn’t Judas doing God’s will? This one bothered me a lot too when I attended sunday school. I found Judas fate totally unfair. Someone _had_ to do it, right?? Judas became kind of a hero for me, unjustly reviled for doing his duty. ---
**Author:** ![mouthbreather](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a698b9/32.png) [@mouthbreather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mouthbreather)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2004, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-sure-to-get-you-in-trouble/273166/51 "2004-11-07T02:56:00Z")
Where did Noah get 2 penguins? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b4bc9f/32.png) [@ZombiesAteMyBrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZombiesAteMyBrain)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2004, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-sure-to-get-you-in-trouble/273166/52 "2004-11-07T03:22:31Z")
> [@mouthbreather](#): > > Where did Noah get 2 penguins? 😕 That’s a bit like my question - Since Noah didn’t have any form of modern transport, how did he manage to collect up 2 each of every animal, bird and insect from across the globe? It would have taken a whole lifetime just to do that, and he still had to build the ark … he had to collect the animals first so that he’d know what size of Ark to build, Right!? ---
**Author:** ![Horatio\_Hellpop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Horatio\_Hellpop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatio_Hellpop)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2004, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-sure-to-get-you-in-trouble/273166/53 "2004-11-07T03:31:51Z")
> [@Genghis Bob](#): > > 1. If it was God’s will that Jesus should be crucified, and Judas made it happen by betraying him, wasn’t Judas doing God’s will? That’s a legitimate question. Betraying Christ was not the sin that damned him to hell; hanging himself and rejecting Christ’s forgiveness was. What kind of wuss priest couldn’t handle that one? ---
**Author:** ![mike1dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@mike1dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mike1dog)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2004, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-sure-to-get-you-in-trouble/273166/54 "2004-11-07T03:34:49Z")
Was it Noah or one of his sons who carried all the diseases, parasites, and body lice? ---
**Author:** ![Zulema](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/db5fbb/32.png) [@Zulema](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zulema)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2004, 6:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-sure-to-get-you-in-trouble/273166/55 "2004-11-07T06:46:22Z")
If the communion host and wine in the Roman Catholic mass are the ACTUAL body and blood of Jesus Christ could we extract a DNA sample and clone Jesus? ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2004, 12:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-sure-to-get-you-in-trouble/273166/56 "2004-11-07T12:18:14Z")
> [@SP2263](#): > > If the communion host and wine in the Roman Catholic mass are the ACTUAL body and blood of Jesus Christ could we extract a DNA sample and clone Jesus? Nope. The http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/05573a.htm ]doctrine of transubstantiation covers that one. Basically, the bread and wine is literally transformed into Jesus’ flesh and blood but still looks and tastes like bread and wine - it still retains its molecular makeup. 'Cause it’s magic cannibalism. ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2004, 12:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-sure-to-get-you-in-trouble/273166/57 "2004-11-07T12:31:41Z")
> [@ZombiesAteMyBrain](#): > > That’s a bit like my question - Since Noah didn’t have any form of modern transport, how did he manage to collect up 2 each of every animal, bird and insect from across the globe? It would have taken a whole lifetime just to do that, and he still had to build the ark … he had to collect the animals first so that he’d know what size of Ark to build, Right!? For the collection, I offer one word: Outsourcing. 😃 As for the size of the ark, that was specified to Noah in God’s directive to build the ark: > [@Genesis 6:14-16](#): > > “Make yourself an ark of gopherwood, put various compartments in it, and cover it inside and out with pitch. This is how you shall build it: the length of the ark shall be three hundred cubits, its width fifty cubits, and its height thirty cubits. Make an opening for daylight in the ark, and finish the ark a cubit above it. Put an entrance in the side of the ark, which you shall make with bottom, second and third decks.” The quotation marks are there since it’s God speaking to Noah in those verses. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/questions-sure-to-get-you-in-trouble/273166.md?page=2)