# Quick! Find some new uses for men before it's too late! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 22, 2004, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-find-some-new-uses-for-men-before-its-too-late/241455 "2004-04-22T16:43:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Exgineer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a88e4f/32.png) [@Exgineer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exgineer)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2004, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-find-some-new-uses-for-men-before-its-too-late/241455/21 "2004-04-22T19:00:51Z")
It’s been over two hours and nobody has made the rather obvious Soylent Green joke? I’m next to useless already, and this is not helping. Damn. Can somebody drive me to the Euthenasia Center? ---
**Author:** ![Binarydrone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3da27b/32.png) [@Binarydrone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Binarydrone)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2004, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-find-some-new-uses-for-men-before-its-too-late/241455/22 "2004-04-22T19:03:31Z")
**Steelerphan** , I think that you are taking things a little too seriously here. This is not to say that you don’t have at least some point that is valid about man-bashing jokes, but this is just not the same as wishing death on someone. I hope that you can see the difference. I do know that if you opened a Great Debate about why it is that male-bashing humor is still acceptable that I would probably show up, as I am pretty sure that it would be an interesting conversation. ---
**Author:** ![js\_africanus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/87869e/32.png) [@js\_africanus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/js_africanus)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2004, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-find-some-new-uses-for-men-before-its-too-late/241455/23 "2004-04-22T19:22:32Z")
> [@Tabby\_Cat](#): > > Hey, you know it was bound to happen. I mean, you think they REALLY like sleeping next to your hairy ass and beer gut? They? The mice? Just exctly _what_ sort of experiment do you think was going on? ---
**Author:** ![Homebrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2004, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-find-some-new-uses-for-men-before-its-too-late/241455/24 "2004-04-22T20:06:36Z")
> [@jarbabyj](#): > > Seems to me that I need a man around to assure I stay alive. > > I always forget to lock the doors at night and that’s the last thing Mr. Jar does before going to sleep. > > I guess what I’m saying is, without men, I’m too stupid to live. Since most of the violence against women is perpetrated by men, you’d not need to lock your doors at night. ---
**Author:** ![js\_africanus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/87869e/32.png) [@js\_africanus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/js_africanus)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2004, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-find-some-new-uses-for-men-before-its-too-late/241455/25 "2004-04-22T20:30:50Z")
> [@Homebrew](#): > > Since most of the violence against women is perpetrated by men, you’d not need to lock your doors at night. You’re running afoul of a ceteris paribus assumption, not to mention committing the fundamental attribution error. I once recall Ice-T waxing poetic on the utter ruthlessness of female gangstas. I won’t down play testosterone if you don’t down play environment. ---
**Author:** ![auntie\_em](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2004, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-find-some-new-uses-for-men-before-its-too-late/241455/26 "2004-04-22T20:42:55Z")
Hmmm . . . I keep mine around to help me shop for skirts and stuff. I mean, sure, a girlfriend will do that for you, but they tend to be far too diplomatic. I need someone who’ll give it to me straight, and **SkipMagic** is not afraid to tell me outright when I look like a sausage or a whore. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![ioioio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ioioio/32/316_2.png) [@ioioio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ioioio)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2004, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-find-some-new-uses-for-men-before-its-too-late/241455/27 "2004-04-22T22:55:17Z")
I’ve given it a lot of thought, and I’m afraid it’s going to be medical experiment for the lot of them. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2004, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-find-some-new-uses-for-men-before-its-too-late/241455/28 "2004-04-22T23:14:16Z")
Meh. When they come for me, I’ll just point and say “look, was that a mouse?”, then escape before they get back down off the chair. ---
**Author:** ![pervert](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bbe5ce/32.png) [@pervert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pervert)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2004, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-find-some-new-uses-for-men-before-its-too-late/241455/29 "2004-04-23T00:11:23Z")
So far we have Medical experiments (Anyone care to increase funding for sexual response research?) Food (:D) Historical sexual preserve (:D) Sleeping aid (some people do in fact enjoy a hairy ass and beer gut) Hand bags (is it ok if I decide where I keep the pearls?) Purchasers of lesbian videos (:D) And late night door closer. (are you sure he is keeping others out, or is he keeping you in?) Fashion consultant (I’m sure you don’t mind if I envision which one you preffer?) If I may, I would like to suggest these uses for men. beef slaughterers. (I’m not sure how to turn this into a sexual inuendo) Animal killers in general (I’m pretty sure any sexual inuendos from this one would be illegal) * * * Besides, without men, who would fight the wars, commit most of the violence, rule the world unjustly, and make that special time of the month even worse. Oh. Yea. Those aren’t good things are they. Nevermind. ---
**Author:** ![pervert](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bbe5ce/32.png) [@pervert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pervert)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2004, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-find-some-new-uses-for-men-before-its-too-late/241455/30 "2004-04-23T00:14:49Z")
I can’t believe I forgot furniture mover. Or more precisely Beast of Burden. Thankfully, my wife just reminded me. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Tir\_Tinuviel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bc79bd/32.png) [@Tir\_Tinuviel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tir_Tinuviel)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2004, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-find-some-new-uses-for-men-before-its-too-late/241455/31 "2004-04-23T00:35:43Z")
> [@Steelerphan](#): > > It’s one sorry excuse of a joke. different strokes. > [@](#): > > Thank you very much for the insult and condescension. None intended, chill. > [@](#): > > To make a handbag, one must kill the animal in question. Your “joke” said “what should we do with them?”, as if you had the authority to make that decision. Well, you had better tell **Twisty** that then, because I’ve been getting him to carry crap for me for a long time. You don’t seriously think I meant I wanted to skin a man and drag an entire carcass around with me? Sorry, no amount of bells and ribbons would do that. Also, you obviously wouldn’t know this, but I’m the _last_ girlie you’ve ever see attempting to carry a handbag or do anything fashionable. Trust me. > [@](#): > > I can’t play the sexism card, because you said so, and you make the rules. No, I didn’t say you couldn’t play it, I said BEFORE you play it note that there have been jokes in this thread about both sexes - even by myself, a few posts above I’ve stereotyped women as the ones who do the cooking, cleaning and ironing. > [@](#): > > The truth is, even joking about replacing an entire class of people because that are “useless” is a form of hate mongering. You may be making a joke, but aren’t you at least a little bit serious about it? I’m not joking about replacing them, I’m joking about “quick quick we need to find something else they can do so they don’t die out”. I’m not suggesting that men are useless, infact I’ve offered a very important use for them: Handbags! Wheeee! Also, want to point out where I insisted that all new babies would be engineered female, and all existing men would be desposed of? No, I’m not serious at all, and I am honestly surprised that anyone would think for a second I was. > [@](#): > > Do you have a problem with certain men, that you have to paint all men with your broad brush? To my knowledge I’ve never had a problem with “certain” men, I think I might just have found a new type though… :rolleyes: What brush am I painting you with? How am I painting all men? > [@](#): > > Now you say for certain that I’m going to be killed because of this. I plan to fight to the bitter end. Yep, 'fraid so, any particular choice for colour of ribbon? Honestly **Steelerphan** , this entire thread was intended as an attempt at getting people to make some humerous suggestions. I might not be the funniest person on the boards, but I was hopeing maybe some of them would wonder in. You’ll notice that the five responses by men before you’re are all treating this thread in the manner in which it was intended. And since then (at the time of my typing), any other men that have been repliying directly to the OP have also taken this in the spirit in which it was intended. As **susan\_foster** has mentioned, and you would know if you took a minute to actually read about this. It is not an exact science, once of the mice in question was a natural genetic fluke that scientists don’t understand quite how it happened. This technology is NOT applicable to humans, it’s barely applicable to mice. I’m sorry you managed to completely misinterperate this, but don’t take me to task for your over-reaction. There is no hidden agenda in my intention in this thread. Take a step away, deep breath and re-read this with the knowledge that it’s not trying to impotent you or mock you. If you still don’t like it fine, ignore it, but don’t make it out to be something that it clearly isn’t because you got the wrong idea and are to ashamed to admit it. Also, **Steelerphan** , as far as I am concerned this conversation is over unless you have a vaild comment to make on what I’ve said here. I’ve no interest in getting into a debate on this topic, and I’ve no interest in defending myself against whatever other fantasies you want to try and read into this thread. If you do want to take this further, my email address is in my profile, or feel free to pit me. Meh, there’s always one isn’t there! 😃 Anyways, while I’m here I’ll offer this as another use: We could always hook 'em up to the SDMB and give the hamsters a rest? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Sample\_the\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8797f3/32.png) [@Sample\_the\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sample_the_Dog)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2004, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-find-some-new-uses-for-men-before-its-too-late/241455/32 "2004-04-23T00:35:44Z")
> [@Tir Tinuviel](#): > > What’ll we do with our men? Hmmm… seeing as how the planet is still patriarchal and male-dominated… it ain’t exactly yours to choose, now is it? 😛 ---
**Author:** ![MacTech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MacTech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacTech)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2004, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-find-some-new-uses-for-men-before-its-too-late/241455/33 "2004-04-23T00:36:26Z")
> [@js\_africanus](#): > > They? The mice? Just exctly _what_ sort of experiment do you think was going on? Pinky…are you pondering what i’m pondering? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Oat1957](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Oat1957](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oat1957)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2004, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-find-some-new-uses-for-men-before-its-too-late/241455/34 "2004-04-23T00:54:04Z")
Someone has to take out the trash so I’m not worried. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![pervert](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bbe5ce/32.png) [@pervert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pervert)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2004, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-find-some-new-uses-for-men-before-its-too-late/241455/35 "2004-04-23T02:33:05Z")
I remember reading a card once which went in effect, Think of the most agrevating, annoying, life changingly frustrating thing you can imagine. Its probably a man doing it. Who would you ladies use as scapegoats if we weren’t around. Oooh Oooh, what about baiting hooks? Any of you do that yourself? Also, there is the midnight 13 below 0 run for ice cream while you are pregnant. ---
**Author:** ![Homebrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2004, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-find-some-new-uses-for-men-before-its-too-late/241455/36 "2004-04-23T02:51:36Z")
> [@js\_africanus](#): > > You’re running afoul of a ceteris paribus assumption, not to mention committing the fundamental attribution error. I once recall Ice-T waxing poetic on the utter ruthlessness of female gangstas. I won’t down play testosterone if you don’t down play environment. If you want to turn it into an actual debate, start a GD thread. I’m pretty sure that I can find all the ammo I need at the [Justice Department’s Office on Violence Against Women](http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/vawo/) and related websites. This is a light-hearted thread, other than the whiney hyper-sensitivity exhibited by such manly-men as you and **Steelerphan**. ---
**Author:** ![pervert](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bbe5ce/32.png) [@pervert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pervert)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2004, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-find-some-new-uses-for-men-before-its-too-late/241455/37 "2004-04-23T03:29:24Z")
I’m not sure at all why this thought occured to me. But would it amuse any of you ladies if we started an oil wrestling league? Oily males wrestling each other… we could have mostly buff beafcake matches. But in order to cater to the tastes of real women, we’d have beer gutted sloths and death row inmates as well. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Call\_me\_Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Call\_me\_Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Call_me_Frank)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2004, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-find-some-new-uses-for-men-before-its-too-late/241455/38 "2004-04-23T03:31:22Z")
I have dreaded this day for 4 years. I remember quite clearly sitting in Biology and my teacher said that while two X chromosomes could create a human child, two Y chromosomes wouldn’t do it. And it just occurred to me “They don’t need us.” I figured it was only a matter of time before we were replaced. I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that woman-kind is ruthless enough to wipe us all out. I mean, aren’t there a boat-load of diseases that women _carry_ and can transmite to men that they, themselves, do not suffer from? You think this is an _accident_??? As for why I think women should keep me around…my stunning good looks and charm? …No…no, I suppose not that…hmm…I guess I’ll have to get back to you on that… you really took the wind out of my sails when you quashed the “openner of jars” occupation… ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mad\_Hermit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b5ac83/32.png) [@The\_Mad\_Hermit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mad_Hermit)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2004, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-find-some-new-uses-for-men-before-its-too-late/241455/39 "2004-04-23T03:44:52Z")
Great. Now you basically call me an asshole, and implay that I’m less than a man if I have a differing opinion. Ok, you win. I guess I’m not supposed to be sensitive about this, that it’s not “manly”- the very thing you want to eradicate. I wasn’t going to take any of this seriously, you could have ignored my first post like anyone else would have. And you continue to insult me, so that if I say anything more I risk looking like more of an asshole to the rest of the board. I salute you, you’ve taken me out with style. * * * Oddly enough, it’s on Leno right now- his joke was “If women learned how to kill spiders now, we’re screwed.” Kevin said “You mean we’re not screwed.” * * * Sorry for the inconvenience. ---
**Author:** ![Geek\_Mecha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecae2f/32.png) [@Geek\_Mecha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geek_Mecha)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2004, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-find-some-new-uses-for-men-before-its-too-late/241455/40 "2004-04-23T04:36:28Z")
Well, I for one think this thread is awful. I derive great personal fulfillment from cleaning our apartment, and the male half of this household ensures I am perpetually satisfied. Really, I’d be lost without him. This thread is disrespectful to him and every other man who supports the women in his life in this fashion. Shame on you all. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-find-some-new-uses-for-men-before-its-too-late/241455.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-find-some-new-uses-for-men-before-its-too-late/241455.md?page=3)