# Quick! Find some new uses for men before it's too late! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 22, 2004, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-find-some-new-uses-for-men-before-its-too-late/241455 "2004-04-22T16:43:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Syntropy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@Syntropy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syntropy)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2004, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-find-some-new-uses-for-men-before-its-too-late/241455/41 "2004-04-23T05:36:16Z")
Nononono!! Professional sports! Large groups of women are not willing to risk serious bodily injury or death on a weekly basis for my entertainment!! I love basketball and football, I do. Baseball and auto racing I could do without, but still. You get the point. ---
**Author:** ![Tir\_Tinuviel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bc79bd/32.png) [@Tir\_Tinuviel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tir_Tinuviel)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2004, 10:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-find-some-new-uses-for-men-before-its-too-late/241455/42 "2004-04-23T10:50:26Z")
> [@Homebrew](#): > > This is a light-hearted thread, other than the whiney hyper-sensitivity exhibited by such manly-men as you and **Steelerphan**. Yeah, dammit, and we got enough women around here to take care of that already! šŸ˜ƒ > [@pervert](#): > > Iā€™m not sure at all why this thought occured to me. But would it amuse any of you ladies if we started an oil wrestling league? > > Oily males wrestling each otherā€¦ > > we could have mostly buff beafcake matches. But in order to cater to the tastes of real women, weā€™d have beer gutted sloths and death row inmates as well. šŸ˜‰ ooooooooh yes! And seeing as I have The Authoritah! [sup]TM[/sup], I think Iā€™ll keep you around. šŸ˜‰ > [@Steelerphan](#): > > Great. > > Now you basically call me an asshole, and implay that Iā€™m less than a man if I have a differing opinion. Oh, for fā€¦ Iā€™ve done nothing of the sort. Please try to realise that. You are of course free to interperate anything you read in whatever form you wish, but do you not think that there might be the slightest possibility that **I** knew what **I** was implying when **I** wrote it? If I tell you I didnā€™t mean something in the way you think, then it means I didnā€™t mean something in the way you think, and you have misinterperated it. > [@](#): > > I wasnā€™t going to take any of this seriously, Then why are you so upset? > [@](#): > > you could have ignored my first post like anyone else would have. And you could have ignored my thread. Ok, look, I got a use for you (d&r), if I buy the beer will you carry them home and weā€™ll have a tinnie with no hard feelings? šŸ™‚ ---
**Author:** ![Tabby\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Tabby\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tabby_Cat)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2004, 10:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-find-some-new-uses-for-men-before-its-too-late/241455/43 "2004-04-23T10:59:33Z")
> [@pervert](#): > > Animal killers in general (Iā€™m pretty sure any sexual inuendos from this one would be illegal) Well, we could always be official chicken chokersā€¦ šŸ˜ƒ I slay myself, really. ---
**Author:** ![Tansu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/67e7ee/32.png) [@Tansu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tansu)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2004, 11:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-find-some-new-uses-for-men-before-its-too-late/241455/44 "2004-04-23T11:16:34Z")
> [@AudreyK](#): > > Well, I for one think this thread is awful. I derive great personal fulfillment from cleaning our apartment, and the male half of this household ensures I am perpetually satisfied. Really, Iā€™d be lost without him. This thread is disrespectful to him and every other man who supports the women in his life in this fashion. Shame on you all. SNERK! ---
**Author:** ![Sample\_the\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8797f3/32.png) [@Sample\_the\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sample_the_Dog)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2004, 11:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-find-some-new-uses-for-men-before-its-too-late/241455/45 "2004-04-23T11:19:56Z")
Cā€™mon. You know you need us around. If there were no men, you wouldnā€™t have anyone around to feel superior to. Except kids, and thatā€™s no fun. ---
**Author:** ![ponderer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/2bfe46/32.png) [@ponderer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ponderer)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2004, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-find-some-new-uses-for-men-before-its-too-late/241455/46 "2004-04-23T13:15:08Z")
ā€œAnd Adam spoketh unto the Lordā€¦ Letā€™s have a barbecue, I love spare ribs!ā€ ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mad\_Hermit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b5ac83/32.png) [@The\_Mad\_Hermit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mad_Hermit)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2004, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-find-some-new-uses-for-men-before-its-too-late/241455/47 "2004-04-23T13:26:49Z")
> [@](#): > > Then why are you so upset? Yesterday was not a good day. I apologize for trying to ruin your good time. > [@](#): > > Ok, look, I got a use for you (d&r), if I buy the beer will you carry them home and weā€™ll have a tinnie with no hard feelings? You donā€™t need to come up with uses for me. My wife does that just fine. I canā€™t even just have a drink because of all the meds. Iā€™m sure I will never have that opportunity, as I realize that you are in the UK, and there would be no chance of us meeting IRL. > [@](#): > > And you could have ignored my thread. Great advice. I wonā€™t bother you agin. ---
**Author:** ![nocturnal\_tick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3d9bf3/32.png) [@nocturnal\_tick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nocturnal_tick)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2004, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-find-some-new-uses-for-men-before-its-too-late/241455/48 "2004-04-23T13:37:23Z")
> [@Tir Tinuviel](#): > > Also, want to point out where I insisted that all new babies would be engineered female, and all existing men would be desposed of? Actually two females could only produce a female. But getting back to the topic at handā€¦ > [@pervert](#): > > Iā€™m not sure at all why this thought occured to me. But would it amuse any of you ladies if we started an oil wrestling league? > > Oily males wrestling each otherā€¦ > > we could have mostly buff beafcake matches. But in order to cater to the tastes of real women, weā€™d have beer gutted sloths and death row inmates as well. MEN WANTED FOR ENTERTAINMENT POSITION. GOOD HOURS. COMPETITIVE ENVIRONMENT. B.Y.O. BABY OIL. šŸ˜›šŸ˜ƒšŸ˜› You can imagine the future. A world without men. Bar sales plummet, sport channels go bankrupt, all toilets will be clean and in correct seat-down position. The horrorā€¦the horrrrooooorrrrrrr. Remember ladies, if you get rid of us then who will be left to shout at. ---
**Author:** ![Tabby\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Tabby\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tabby_Cat)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2004, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-find-some-new-uses-for-men-before-its-too-late/241455/49 "2004-04-23T13:48:51Z")
> [@nocturnal\_tick](#): > > Remember ladies, if you get rid of us then who will be left to shout at. I have it on good authority that 2 females can shout at each other for quite some time. for a cite, please visit any college female dorm. Of course, I suppose the burst into tears and running upstairs tactic wonā€™t work so wellā€¦ šŸ˜› ---
**Author:** ![Tir\_Tinuviel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bc79bd/32.png) [@Tir\_Tinuviel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tir_Tinuviel)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2004, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-find-some-new-uses-for-men-before-its-too-late/241455/50 "2004-04-23T14:28:02Z")
> [@nocturnal\_tick](#): > > Actually two females could only produce a female. Ah yeah, good point, balls. šŸ˜ƒ ---
**Author:** ![ParentalAdvisory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/53a042/32.png) [@ParentalAdvisory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ParentalAdvisory)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2004, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-find-some-new-uses-for-men-before-its-too-late/241455/51 "2004-04-23T15:01:09Z")
No offense ladies, this experiment couldnā€™t have been possible without men. Iā€™m sure Dr. Kono had some women on his team, but letā€™s be real here, the men played a large part in this. Without the women, it still wouldā€™ve happened. If they can do it with women, whatā€™s to stop them from creating an animal without a mothers genes? ---
**Author:** ![garius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e19b73/32.png) [@garius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/garius)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2004, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-find-some-new-uses-for-men-before-its-too-late/241455/52 "2004-04-23T15:09:53Z")
> [@](#): > > So it has come down to this, mon ami. Where once were friends now stand enemies. How many times did we share a round of drinks together? How many times did we sit and watch the world go by, sharing tales of our tragedies and our triumphs until last orders was called? > > In the end it matters not, for this will happen no more. > > For many years now you have led the assault on my people and we have suffered your injustices without fight. When our sports-cars become nippy little city run-arounds we did nothing. When you turned our pubs into smoke-less Cappuccino Gossip Shops scarcely a complaint was heard. We even stood by whilst you ripped the porn from the top-shelves of our Newsagents and replaced it with magazines about Soap Operas. > > I am here today to tell you that it ends here. > > Last night i witnessed the destruction of Wembley as did many of my brothers. We watched as your henchwomen ripped down the stands and clawed up the hallowed turf that i once held so dear and, as tears rolled down our cheeks, we swore that we would make you pay for your crimes. > > We men are a dying breed - we know that now. Our numbers have been wittled down by death, disease and sports-related injuries. Your manditory femi-sperm Artificial Insemination programme has meant that no new members of our gender are born, ensuring that we have little time left upon this planet. Yet we will fight back. A line has been drawn in the sand and it has been drawn here. > > We know this is a fight we cannot win. We are few in number and you have many weapons - both physical and emotional - at your disposal. Yet we will not go quietly into the night. If our time on this earth is over, as it most surely is, then it will come on the battlefied, not in some dusty corner of your walk in wardrobes. > > We will die as we lived. We will die as men. _Speech by Garius, leader of the man-bag revolt, to Prime Ministeress Tir in the House of Commons, June 6th 2024_ ---
**Author:** ![SkipMagic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skipmagic/32/20706_2.png) [@SkipMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkipMagic)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2004, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-find-some-new-uses-for-men-before-its-too-late/241455/53 "2004-04-23T16:08:08Z")
> [@auntie em](#): > > Hmmm . . . I keep mine around to help me shop for skirts and stuff. I mean, sure, a girlfriend will do that for you, but they tend to be far too diplomatic. I need someone whoā€™ll give it to me straight, and **SkipMagic** is not afraid to tell me outright when I look like a sausage or a whore. šŸ˜ƒ Whore-_tights_ā€“thatā€™s all I said. I was merely commenting on the tights. And I didnā€™t say you looked bad in themā€¦ šŸ˜‰ ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2004, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-find-some-new-uses-for-men-before-its-too-late/241455/54 "2004-04-23T17:21:07Z")
If you ladies want to stick to mice, thats fine. Remember to say ā€œhiā€ to Richard Gere and maybe heā€™ll let you borrow his habitrail. * * * ā€œā€¦and on this one, it smells likeā€¦warm rabbit pellets.ā€ -SNL 1976 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-find-some-new-uses-for-men-before-its-too-late/241455.md?page=2)