# Quick! Help me fight some ignorance! (Snopes question) **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [December 12, 2000, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-help-me-fight-some-ignorance-snopes-question/45186 "2000-12-12T16:57:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![SkeptiJess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea666f/32.png) [@SkeptiJess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkeptiJess)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2000, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-help-me-fight-some-ignorance-snopes-question/45186/21 "2000-12-14T20:19:32Z")
Kimstu? C’mere a minute. ::gives Kimstu a hug and a big smacker on the cheek:: That was GREAT! Can I _please_ bookmark it to append to all of my stupid Jenny stories? If so, I’ll actually send some of the stupid things on! ---
**Author:** ![Irishman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b487fb/32.png) [@Irishman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Irishman)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2000, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-help-me-fight-some-ignorance-snopes-question/45186/22 "2000-12-14T23:28:48Z")
Kimstu, that’s great! ---
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2000, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-help-me-fight-some-ignorance-snopes-question/45186/23 "2000-12-15T00:04:00Z")
Kimstu, I agree with Jess. Excellent work! Do I have your permission to append your addition and use it as a reply the next time I receive an e-mail containing Jess’ sad story? I sense a nomination for threadspotting! ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2000, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-help-me-fight-some-ignorance-snopes-question/45186/24 "2000-12-15T00:13:13Z")
Why bless all your hearts, yes, use it however you want! What I’d love to see is if it got inserted right into the Jenny poem and passed around by sincere glurge spammers who didn’t bother to read the whole thing carefully. Glurge sa-bo-tage! Glurge sa-bo-tage! Rule!! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2000, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-help-me-fight-some-ignorance-snopes-question/45186/25 "2000-12-15T05:01:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lolagranola \* > \*\*I’m sorry. I owe everyone an apology. I’m not sure what I was thinking when I copied the poem and posted it without even looking at how long it was. I have to admit, I just skimmed the thing. I have to watch my blood sugar level. On further consideration, perhaps I could have just posted the link? > > Anyway, sorry again. Nothing to see here. Move along. \*\* Man, and I thought Homer’s pick of a stretched open anus was bad. I need to go check my blood sugar now, I might need a booster shot of insulin. ---
**Author:** ![Homer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/df788c/32.png) [@Homer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homer)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2000, 7:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-help-me-fight-some-ignorance-snopes-question/45186/26 "2000-12-16T07:23:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lynn Bodoni \* > **Man, and I thought Homer’s pick of a stretched open anus was bad.** You know, I found the entire SERIES that one is from, if you want me to mail them to you. 😃 –Tim ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2000, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-help-me-fight-some-ignorance-snopes-question/45186/27 "2000-12-17T01:52:33Z")
Kimstu, you rule. ---
**Author:** ![BPBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/59ef9b/32.png) [@BPBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BPBob)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2001, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-help-me-fight-some-ignorance-snopes-question/45186/28 "2001-02-16T20:39:53Z")
Oy vey ist mir. :wally: You know, it’s a good thing that those dingoids that resend these sorts of tripe can’t be traced by Bill Gates or the Gap or Disney or me (send this to 10 friends and you’ll get a gift certificate for a free pass to HELL) because we’d all get our guns, go to their houses and put them out of our misery!!! 🆒 Kimstu rules the free world. Snopes is God. I am but a tool. The truth will set you free, but the microcephalic cretins will keep mailing bullshit no matter what you tell 'em. ---
**Author:** ![WolfpackJeep](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpackjeep/32/2921_2.png) [@WolfpackJeep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WolfpackJeep)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2001, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-help-me-fight-some-ignorance-snopes-question/45186/29 "2001-02-17T03:21:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Homer \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by Lynn Bodoni \* > > **Man, and I thought Homer’s pick of a stretched open anus was bad.** > > You know, I found the entire SERIES that one is from, if you want me to mail them to you. 😃 > > –Tim \*\* :eek: ---
**Author:** ![KJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b2d939/32.png) [@KJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KJ)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2001, 7:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-help-me-fight-some-ignorance-snopes-question/45186/30 "2001-02-17T07:50:33Z")
Did anyone actually go to the link reprise posted? I remember seeing that in Chicken Soup For The Soul. But take a look at the end message: > [@](#): > > \> WE ARE HOPING TO GET 5,000 SIGNATURES ON THIS THEN PASS IT TO THE > \> PRESIDENT. PLEASE SIGN. IF YOU GET THIS PLEDGE AND DELETE IT, > \> YOU’RE SELFISHNESS KNOWS NO BOUNDS… **Bwahahahahahahahahah!!!** The president! I actually laughed out loud at that one. I’m sure the president could be working out a new health plan, or solving economic crisis and negotiating with Iraq, but…hmmm, no, his time is better spent reading a sappy story about someone dying because they drank. But after all, it’s not like the president’s job is to change things in America (oh, right, that sappy story is going to change everything.) The only catch is, he won’t take it seriously if it has less than 5,000 signatures on it (I mean, come on, wouldn’t **you** want 5,000 signatures if you were president?) Bwahahahahahahahah _sniff_. And that “You’re selfishness knows no bounds” part really kills me. ---
**Author:** ![Bob\_Scene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19adc/32.png) [@Bob\_Scene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bob_Scene)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2001, 8:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-help-me-fight-some-ignorance-snopes-question/45186/31 "2001-02-17T08:22:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lolagranola \* > \*\* > Then the room filled with smoked > and Jeff took a puff. > Jenny couldn’t believe he was > smoking that stuff. > Now Jeff was ready to ride to the > point > But only after he’d smoked another > joint. > \*\* I don’t believe you! If this is a **real** chain e-mail how come my stupid niece or her mom hasn’t forwarded it to me yet? Huh? ---
**Author:** ![Alonist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e68b1a/32.png) [@Alonist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alonist)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2001, 11:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-help-me-fight-some-ignorance-snopes-question/45186/32 "2001-02-17T11:38:28Z")
If she had just stayed and made out with Jeff, her Mom and Dad would still be alive. Makes you think. ---
**Author:** ![AxeElf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e99b99/32.png) [@AxeElf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AxeElf)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2001, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-help-me-fight-some-ignorance-snopes-question/45186/33 "2001-02-17T15:49:51Z")
A bit off topic, but as long as we’re admiring prose masterful enough to be fired back at people who forward chain letters (at least people you don’t know very well); I submit this axual email message–which also had been forwarded several times, but at least it was worth it: > [@](#): > > Hello, I am suffering from rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on > final exams, extreme virginity, fear of being kidnapped and executed by > anal electrocution, and guilt for not forwarding out 50 billion fucking > chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you > send them on, then that poor 6 year old girl in Arkansas with a breast > on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed > before her redneckparents sell her off to the travelling freak show. > Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and > everyone you send “his” email to $1000? How stupid are you? Ooooh, > lookyhere! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I’ll get laid by > every Playboy model in the magazine! What a bunch of bullshit. So > basically, this message is a big FUCK YOU to all the people out there > who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail > forwards. > > ``` > Maybe the evil letter leprechauns will come into my house and > sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing the chain which was > startedby Jesus in 5 A.D. and was brought to this country by midget > pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year 2000, it'll be > in the Guinness Book of World Records for longest continuous streak of > blatant stupidity. Fuck them. If you're going to forward something, at > least send me something mildly amusing. > > I've seen all the "send this to 50 of your closest friends, and this > poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel > from some omniscient being" forwards about 90 times. I don't fucking > care. Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually > contributing to by sending out forwards. Chances are it's your own > unpopularity. > The point being? If you get some chain letter that's threatening to > leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life,delete it. If > it's funny, send it on. Don't piss people off by making them feel > guilty about a leper inBotswana with no teeth, who's been tied to a > dead elephant for 27 years, whoseonly saviour is the 5 cents per letter > he'll receive if you forward this mail, otherwise you'll end up without > a love life for your entire life. Right? > > Now forward this to everyone you know otherwise you'll find all your > clothes missing tomorrow morning. > > THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS: > Chain Letter Type 1: > (scroll down) > Make a wish!!! > * > * > * > * > * > * > * > * > * > * > * > No, really, go on and make one!!! > * > * > * > * > * > * > * > * > * > * > * > * > * > * > Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!! > * > * > * > * > * > * > * > Wish something else!!! > * > * > * > * > * > * > * > * > Not that, you pervert!! > * > * > * > * > * > * > * > * > > Is your finger getting tired yet? > * > * > * > * > * > * > * > STOP!!!! Wasn't that fun? :) > Hope you made a great wish :) > > Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all, if > youdon't send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you will be > raped by a mad goat and thrown off a high building into a pile of > manure. It's true! Because, THIS letter isn't like all of those fake > ones, THIS one is TRUE!! Really!!! Here's > how it goes: > *Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for > sending them a stupid chain letter. > *Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you for > sending them a stupid chain letter. > *Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at you for > sending them a stupid chain letter, and may form a plot on your life. > *Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at you for > sending them a stupid chain letter and will napalm your house. > Thanks!!!! > Good Luck!!! > ------------------------------------------------------- > Chain Letter Type 2 > Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a > starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no > legs, no parents, and no goats. This little boy's life could be saved, > because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to > the Little Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy from > Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Oh, and remember, we have absolutley no > way of counting the emails sent and this is all a complete load of > bullshit. So go on, reach out. Send this to 5 people in the next 47 > seconds. > > Oh, and a reminder - if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, > you will die instantly. Thanks again!! > > ------------------------------------------------------- > > Chain Letter Type 3 > Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is > absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not > as many sad pricks with nothing better to do. > > So this is how it works: Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 > minutes or something horrible will happen to youlike: > > *Bizarre Horror Story #1 Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school > onSaturday. She had recently recieved this letter and ignored it. She > then tripped in a crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was > gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of poopie, and went flying out over > a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died. This Could > HappenTo You!!! > > *Bizarre Horror Story #2 Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain > letter in his mail and ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car > and so was his boyfriend (hey, somepeople swing that way). They both > died and went to hell and were cursed to eat adorable kittens every day > for eternity. > > This Could Happen To You Too!!! Remember, you could end up just like > Pinsley and Bip. Just send this letter to all of your loser friends, > and everything will be okay. > ------------------------------------------------------- > > Chain Letter Type 4: > > As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one of > your friends. > Friends > A friend is someone who is always at your side, > A friend is someone who likes you even though you > stink of shit, and your breath smells like you've been eating catfood, > A friend is someone who likes you even though you're as ugly as a hat > fullof arseholes, > A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've soiled yourself, > A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about > your sad, sad life, > A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really think > you should be raped by mad goats, then thrown to vicious dogs, A friend > is someone who scrubs your toilet, vacuums and then gets the cheque and > leaves and doesn't speak much English... -no, sorry > that's the cleaning lady, > A friend is not someone who sends you chain letters > because he wants hiswish of being rich to come true. > > Now pass this on! If you don't, you'll never have sex ever again. > > ``` ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2001, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-help-me-fight-some-ignorance-snopes-question/45186/34 "2001-02-17T21:27:21Z")
No no no no no! Don’t you get it? Jenny meets Mom and Dad in the Afterlife, and they give her a beating for killing them! See, it’s all kiwi? ---
**Author:** ![Marvel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/779978/32.png) [@Marvel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marvel)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2001, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-help-me-fight-some-ignorance-snopes-question/45186/35 "2001-02-18T03:53:34Z")
This “Jenny” letter reminds me of the one that either Dear Abby or her twin sis Anne Landers used to reprint every year. It was called, “Please God, I’m only 17.” The gist of it was some kid drove wrecklessly and ended up dead, and the letter is his thoughts as he lays dying in the hospital and then in his coffin, watching friends and family go by. This was the basis of a “mental hygene” films I saw in high school, only that time it was about drinking and driving. Luckily, neither version attempted to rhyme and were not nearly as sappy as the “Jenny” letter. Does anyone know what I’m talking about? Does that thing still get reprinted? Shoot, how about a “don’t drive and talk on your f\*\*king cell phone” version? Patty ---
**Author:** ![KP235](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9de0a6/32.png) [@KP235](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KP235)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2001, 1:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-help-me-fight-some-ignorance-snopes-question/45186/36 "2001-02-19T13:16:57Z")
Dear Kind Stranger: I am a very sick little boy. My mother is typing this for me, because I can’t. She is crying. Don’t cry, Mommy! Mommy is always sad, but she says it’s notmy fault. I asked her if it was God’s fault, but she didn’t answer, and only started crying harder, so I don’t ask her that anymore. The reason she is so sad is that I’m so sick. I was born without a body. It doesn’t hurt, except when I go to sleep. The doctors gave me an artificial body. My body is a burlap bag filled with leaves. The doctors said that was the best they could do on account of us having no money or insurance. I would like to have a body transplant, but we need more money. Mommy doesn’t work because she said employers don’t hire crying people. I said, “Don’t cry, Mommy,” and she hugged my burlap body. Mommy always gives me hugs, even though she’s allergic to burlap, and it chafes her real bad. I hope you will help me. You can help me if you forward this e-mail. Dr.Johansen said if you forward this e-mail then Bill Gates will team up with AOL and do a survey with NASA. Then the astronauts will collect prayers from schoolchildren all over America and take them up to space so that the angels can hear them better. Maybe one day I will be able to play baseball. Or maybe just use my lungs and heart, when the doctors make them. The doctors said that every time you forward this letter, the astronauts can take another prayer to the angels. Please help me. Mommy is so sad, and I want a body. I don’t want my leaves to rot before I turn 10. If you don’t forward this e-mail, that’s OK. Mommy says you’re a mean heartless jerk who doesn’t care about a poor little boy with only a head. She says that if you don’t stew in the raw pit of your own guilt-ridden stomach, she hopes you die a long, slow horrible death so you can burn forever in hell. What kind of person are you that you can’t take five minutes to forward this to all your friends so that they can feel guilt and shame for the rest of their day, and then maybe help a poor, bodiless 9-year-old boy? Please help me. This really sucks. I try to be happy but it’s hard. I wish I had a puppy. I wish I could hold a puppy. Thank You. Billy ‘Smiles’ Evans, The boy with just a head. And a burlap sack for a body. ---
**Author:** ![TwoBuyFour](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/76d3ee/32.png) [@TwoBuyFour](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwoBuyFour)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2001, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-help-me-fight-some-ignorance-snopes-question/45186/37 "2001-02-19T14:12:20Z")
AxeElf: That was the funniest bit of sarcasm I’ve read in ages! I hope you don’t mind, but I sent it to a few “friends” whom I’ve been trying to get to stop sending me sappy chain letters. If that doesn’t convince them, nothing will. Were these AxeElf originals, or did you get them somewhere? I swear, if I’d’ve been drinking milk whilst reading this, it would’ve come out my nose. ---
**Author:** ![katiekilldare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/838e76/32.png) [@katiekilldare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/katiekilldare)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2001, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-help-me-fight-some-ignorance-snopes-question/45186/38 "2001-02-19T15:26:56Z")
KP235 just made me choke on tea. katie “Only drunks notice the laws of nature.” ---
**Author:** ![Skwerl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Skwerl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skwerl)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2001, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-help-me-fight-some-ignorance-snopes-question/45186/39 "2001-02-19T16:03:50Z")
Maybe it’s this poem? I went to a party, Mom, I remembered what you said. You told me not to drink, Mom, so I drank soda instead I really felt proud inside, Mom, the way you said I would. I didn’t drink and drive, Mom, even though the others said I should. I know I did the right thing, Mom, I know you are always right. Now the party is finally ending, Mom, as everyone is driving out of sight. As I got into my car, Mom, I knew I’d get home in one piece. Because of the way you raised me, so responsible and sweet. I started to drive away, Mom, but as I pulled out into the road, the other car didn’t see me, Mom, and hit me like a load. As I lay there on the pavement, Mom, I hear the policeman say, the other guy is drunk, Mom, and now I’m the one who will pay. I’m lying here dying, Mom… I wish you’d get here soon. How could this happen to me, Mom? My life just burst like a balloon. There is blood all around me, Mom, and most of it is mine. I hear the medic say, Mom, I’ll die in a short time. I just wanted to tell you, Mom, I swear I didn’t drink. It was the others, Mom. The others didn’t think. He was probably at the same party as I. The only difference is, he drank and I will die. Why do people drink, Mom? It can ruin your whole life. I’m feeling sharp pains now. Pains just like a knife. The guy who hit me is walking, Mom, and I don’t think it’s fair. I’m lying here dying and all he can do is stare. Tell my brother not to cry, Mom. Tell Daddy to be brave. And when I go to heaven, Mom, put “Daddy’s Girl” on my grave. Someone should have told him, Mom, not to drink and drive. If only they had told him, Mom, I would still be alive. My breath is getting shorter, Mom. I’m becoming very scared. Please don’t cry for me, Mom. When I needed you, you were always there. I have one last question, Mom, before I say good bye. I didn’t drink and drive, so why am I the one to die? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-help-me-fight-some-ignorance-snopes-question/45186.md?page=1)