# Quick! Mother Teresa Needs One More Miracle! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 1, 2002, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-mother-teresa-needs-one-more-miracle/130421 "2002-10-01T16:26:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2002, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-mother-teresa-needs-one-more-miracle/130421/21 "2002-10-01T20:05:13Z")
Does anyone recall - quite a few years ago - either Village Voice or Rolling Stone or Reader(?) had a cover story about Mother T…the author did a fine job of linking her with Gadaffi and several other dictators, also went off on her mis-use of donations and her secret luxory quarters far from the slums in India…I remember reading it and thinking the author did a fine job of documenting his story as well. If anyone else can remember reading this…let me know and I will try to Google my way to a copy! ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2002, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-mother-teresa-needs-one-more-miracle/130421/22 "2002-10-01T20:37:28Z")
> [@](#): > > MOTHER TERESA SENT TO HELL IN WACKY AFTERLIFE MIXUP > > CALCUTTA–In what is widely believed to be the result of clerical error on the part of Heaven’s massive soul-evaluation and punishment-allocation bureaucracy, The Calcutta Daily-Telegram reported Monday that beloved missionary caregiver Mother Teresa was condemned to agonizing, eternal torment in Hell following her death last Friday at the age of 87. > > Widely expected to ascend into Paradise and take her rightful place among the saints to the glorious fanfare of horns and choruses upon her passing, she was instead hurled from the firmament into the bowels of the Lake of Fire. > > “We can only assume that some sort of mix-up occurred in the processing phase,” said St. Peter, the heavenly official in charge . . . From _The Onion_. Unfortunately, they don’t have it on line themselves. The rest of the article can easily be found on line, but I won’t link due to copyright considerations. ---
**Author:** ![Jester](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jester/32/8223_2.png) [@Jester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jester)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2002, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-mother-teresa-needs-one-more-miracle/130421/23 "2002-10-01T20:41:02Z")
She turned me into a newt! ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2002, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-mother-teresa-needs-one-more-miracle/130421/24 "2002-10-01T20:44:52Z")
**DMark** , that article was probably about [The Missionary Position](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/185984054X/qid=1033504453/sr=2-2/ref=sr_2_2/104-7141499-1059918), Christopher Hitchens’ anti-Teresa book. **Swampbear** is on the right track . . . Can Ma T. take all my gorgeous J. Peterman skirts—bought three years ago—and increase them one dress size, so I can fit into them? Or, better yet, _de_crease _me_ by one dress size? _Pray_-us _Jay_-sus! ---
**Author:** ![Batsinma\_Belfry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ea5d25/32.png) [@Batsinma\_Belfry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Batsinma_Belfry)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2002, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-mother-teresa-needs-one-more-miracle/130421/25 "2002-10-01T21:43:08Z")
I’ve got some new boots that, it’s gonna take a miracle for me to walk in without injury to myself or others, (I’m fine, as long as I can get going pretty fast). So Mama T could set her tiny little ass on my shoulder, and be my part-time guardian angel. ---
**Author:** ![False\_God](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ee7513/32.png) [@False\_God](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/False_God)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2002, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-mother-teresa-needs-one-more-miracle/130421/26 "2002-10-02T00:02:53Z")
I heard she heeled a dog one time. And cured a ham. And I heard a rumor that some of her earlier miracles were actually card tricks. But like really really good ones. ---
**Author:** ![OxyMoron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e9a140/32.png) [@OxyMoron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OxyMoron)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2002, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-mother-teresa-needs-one-more-miracle/130421/27 "2002-10-02T00:09:42Z")
And I’ll just duck in with my _second_ favorite Eric Hoffer quote: > [@](#): > > The vanity of the selfless, even those who practice utmost humility, is boundless. ---
**Author:** ![OxyMoron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e9a140/32.png) [@OxyMoron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OxyMoron)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2002, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-mother-teresa-needs-one-more-miracle/130421/28 "2002-10-02T00:35:39Z")
That’s funny, my sig disappeared. ---
**Author:** ![Jpeg\_Jones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/4bbf92/32.png) [@Jpeg\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jpeg_Jones)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2002, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-mother-teresa-needs-one-more-miracle/130421/29 "2002-10-02T00:41:19Z")
VATICAN CITY (AP) - In a highly publicized event, Vatican officials revealed today the specifics of a miracle which is expected to vault Mother Teresa into the ranks of sainthood as early as Thursday. Cardinal Emile Francisco announced to the gathered crowd “Mother Teresa’s shit don’t stink.” The revelation fulfills the Catholic church’s last requirement for beatification, which is a miracle proven to have taken place after the subject’s death. Vatican researchers reportedly spent several weeks examining several “coproliths”, essentially petrified feces, reported to have belonged to Mother Teresa, who died in 1997. “It’s true”, said one member of the research team, “it really has no odor”. The pope was unable to be reached for comment on whether Mother Teresa’s shit may have stank while she was still alive. The holy poop will likely be displayed as a sacred relic in one of Calcutta’s many open sewers. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2002, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-mother-teresa-needs-one-more-miracle/130421/30 "2002-10-02T01:01:34Z")
If Ma T. could take us back in time to November 6, 2002, and turn Palm Beach County’s stock of butterfly ballots into nice, neat regular ballots, I’d be ready to canonize her on the spot. ---
**Author:** ![Biotop](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biotop/32/321_2.png) [@Biotop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biotop)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2002, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-mother-teresa-needs-one-more-miracle/130421/31 "2002-10-02T01:10:27Z")
If Mother Teresa is a Chargers fan, one more victory should do it. ---
**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2002, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-mother-teresa-needs-one-more-miracle/130421/32 "2002-10-02T03:14:12Z")
Well, I just bought some lipstick today, (CoverGirl Continous Wear Vintage Wine) because it was on sale. I cracked it open in the car, put it on, and it was WAY too pink. Eep. I was embarrassed to walk from the car to my apartment. But then I got home, ate dinner, and decided to give the lipstick a second go. And… it looked great. Now I may not know much about Catholics or Whipples or lepers, but I DO know lipstick. And when a stick of lipstick that is on sale CHANGES color, well, it’s enough to make me praise the baby Jesus. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ecccb3/32.png) [@Lord\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Jim)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2002, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-mother-teresa-needs-one-more-miracle/130421/33 "2002-10-02T03:34:24Z")
I went to a couple of bars this evening with the idea of getting laid. No miracles yet, but I’ll try again tomorrow and keep you posted. Jim ---
**Author:** ![detop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@detop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/detop)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2002, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-mother-teresa-needs-one-more-miracle/130421/34 "2002-10-02T03:34:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Eve \* > \*\*She withheld medical treatment from the poor, and created _more_ poor by campaigning against birth control and abortion. \*\* Please, call this “guaranteeing job security”. 😃 > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by SwimmingRiddles_ > **And when a stick of lipstick that is on sale CHANGES color, well, it’s enough to make me praise the baby Jesus.** Sorry, doesn’t count… unless you prayed to Ma Terry to change its colour. ---
**Author:** ![Icerigger](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/icerigger/32/432_2.png) [@Icerigger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Icerigger)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2002, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-mother-teresa-needs-one-more-miracle/130421/35 "2002-10-16T22:46:36Z")
Some new information has come to light. [http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1101021021-364389,00.html](http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1101021021-364389,00.html) ---
**Author:** ![ITR\_champion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c67d28/32.png) [@ITR\_champion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ITR_champion)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2002, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-mother-teresa-needs-one-more-miracle/130421/36 "2002-10-17T05:39:40Z")
I just turned in an algorithms test today. If I get an A, I’ll notify the Vatican immediately. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2002, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-mother-teresa-needs-one-more-miracle/130421/37 "2002-10-17T05:48:19Z")
I hear for the last 8 years she used a single Twinkie as a Bible bookmark. That’s got to count for something. ---
**Author:** ![heresiarch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/278dde/32.png) [@heresiarch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/heresiarch)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2002, 6:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-mother-teresa-needs-one-more-miracle/130421/38 "2002-10-17T06:35:26Z")
“Mama T!” \ I never realized until now that she was the mother of Mr. T. Hey, wouldn’t her son’s minor comeback as 1-800-COLLECT spokesman count as a miracle? ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2002, 11:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-mother-teresa-needs-one-more-miracle/130421/39 "2002-10-17T11:59:35Z")
A real miracle would be the return of Mr. T’s cartoon show… ---
**Author:** ![TwistofFate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@TwistofFate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwistofFate)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2002, 12:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-mother-teresa-needs-one-more-miracle/130421/40 "2002-10-17T12:05:08Z")
can she cure my hangover? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-mother-teresa-needs-one-more-miracle/130421.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-mother-teresa-needs-one-more-miracle/130421.md?page=3)