# Quick. Sympathy Card. **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [March 28, 2003, 8:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-sympathy-card/164743 "2003-03-28T08:34:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 5\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Jammers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a183cd/32.png) [@Jammers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jammers)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2003, 8:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-sympathy-card/164743/1 "2003-03-28T08:34:07Z")
What should I write in a card for a colleague who’s husband has just died. Deepest sympathy and Condolences seem too formal for someone who I’ve laughed and joked with over the past four years. Any ideas? ---
**Author:** ![Violet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/ebca7d/32.png) [@Violet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Violet)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2003, 8:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-sympathy-card/164743/2 "2003-03-28T08:41:03Z")
Your friend is probably too numb to be concerned with what is in a card. Anything would do. I usually stress the “memories” part. You might throw in your availability for a call or get together. Hard topic always. ---
**Author:** ![SkeptiJess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea666f/32.png) [@SkeptiJess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkeptiJess)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2003, 12:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-sympathy-card/164743/3 "2003-03-28T12:39:31Z")
A printed card is okay, but it’s best to include a personal letter of sympathy. Nothing long, a paragraph will do. I’ll break down a simple formula you can personalize for such letters:: Dear Carrie, [_the letter should lead off with a statement of sorrow and sympathy_] I was so sorry to hear about Bob’s sudden death. [_follow with a couple of sentences about the deceased_] Your relationship with him was an inspiration to me – you seemed like such a happy and well-suited couple and you always spoke of him with such loving warmth. Although I didn’t know him well, he was always so friendly and funny when we chanced to meet. [_next comes an offer of assistance, trying to come up with a specific offer rather than a generalized offer of help_] Is there anything I can do to help you? Maybe there is a project at work I can take over or complete for you? Anything at all – just let me know what needs doing. [_end with a reiteration of the comment of sympathy that you opened with_] Please know that I’m thinking of you and your family in this difficult time. ---
**Author:** ![elfje](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e19b73/32.png) [@elfje](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfje)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2003, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-sympathy-card/164743/4 "2003-03-28T13:11:09Z")
just be honest and sincere. Write whatever comes into your head. Empty standard phrases won’t cut it in a situation like this. You said you’ve know her for the past 4 years, joked and laughed with her/ I think a well meant “i’m so sorry for your loss, please tell me if I can help” would do more for her than “condolences…” good luck ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2003, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quick-sympathy-card/164743/5 "2003-03-28T16:20:48Z")
Tell her a few good things that you remember about her husband, what you thought of him, a nice anecdote about him that she may not have heard. For instance, if he always seemed to cheer up a room, or took the time out to joke with your kids when he would see them, or whatever. **Jess** ’s outline is a good starter if you’re stuck on what to say.