# Quit it with the LOTR parody threads! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 19, 2003, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quit-it-with-the-lotr-parody-threads/156218 "2003-02-19T23:13:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Futile\_Gesture](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f05b48/32.png) [@Futile\_Gesture](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Futile_Gesture)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2003, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quit-it-with-the-lotr-parody-threads/156218/1 "2003-02-19T23:13:30Z")
All I know is every time someone starts one of these oh-so-amusing LOTR parody threads the SDMB sinks into a mire of slug that takes it the rest of the day to crawl out of. [This thread here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=104732&pagenumber=1) has clocked up over 14 thousand hits today. We’ve only just getting over [the thread that went mutant and ate a planet whole.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=138905&pagenumber=1) So just quit it, will ya. LOTR is boring enough without people writing more of it. All this is attracting armies of LOTR geeks and now we’re cross-breeding them with a plague of Python freaks. For pity sake, this is surely more than one message board can take! Enough! ---
**Author:** ![Eutychus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Eutychus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eutychus)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2003, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quit-it-with-the-lotr-parody-threads/156218/2 "2003-02-19T23:36:34Z")
I’m afraid the only way to stop them at this point is to take the SDMB and cast it _back into the fiery chasm from whence it came!_ ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2003, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quit-it-with-the-lotr-parody-threads/156218/3 "2003-02-20T00:00:51Z")
An apt board name to be railing against nearly a thousand posters, and 320k thread views! Next: Halting tides, and making the sun stand still! ---
**Author:** ![White\_Lightning](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@White\_Lightning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/White_Lightning)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2003, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quit-it-with-the-lotr-parody-threads/156218/4 "2003-02-20T00:27:37Z")
Oh, that explains it I guess. **Eutychus** , your post made me go “haw haw haw!” ---
**Author:** ![Lucretia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/13edae/32.png) [@Lucretia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucretia)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2003, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quit-it-with-the-lotr-parody-threads/156218/5 "2003-02-20T00:32:07Z")
I suppose I shouldn’t link to this column, then? ---
**Author:** ![Arden\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@Arden\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arden_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2003, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quit-it-with-the-lotr-parody-threads/156218/6 "2003-02-20T00:51:33Z")
How appropriate the username for this OP is! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![RTA](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b4bc9f/32.png) [@RTA](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTA)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2003, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quit-it-with-the-lotr-parody-threads/156218/7 "2003-02-20T01:33:59Z")
Hey! In any of those threads, did anyone ever ask what would have happened if Frodo tried to hide the Ring up his ass? Would he have gone invisible? Just wondering. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2003, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quit-it-with-the-lotr-parody-threads/156218/8 "2003-02-20T01:56:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by RTA \* > \*\*Hey! > > In any of those threads, did anyone ever ask what would have happened if Frodo tried to hide the Ring up his ass? Would he have gone invisible? > > Just wondering. \*\* If he’d done that, maybe his shit wouldn’t stink! ---
**Author:** ![Dijon\_Warlock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9a28c/32.png) [@Dijon\_Warlock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dijon_Warlock)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2003, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quit-it-with-the-lotr-parody-threads/156218/9 "2003-02-20T02:03:59Z")
His “Silent But Deadlies” would be “Invisible But Deadlies.” ---
**Author:** ![3trew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/13edae/32.png) [@3trew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/3trew)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2003, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quit-it-with-the-lotr-parody-threads/156218/10 "2003-02-20T02:13:19Z")
“Was it dark in the Mines of Moria?” “Yes. We couldn’t see shit.” ---
**Author:** ![Wabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ba9def/32.png) [@Wabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wabbit)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2003, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quit-it-with-the-lotr-parody-threads/156218/11 "2003-02-20T02:15:59Z")
I always wondered why the Dark Lord didn’t turn invisible when he put on the Ring (i.e. the mondo battle scene in the first movie). I don’t really care, I just thought it would be mondo kewl if suddenly all those wimpy elves started exploding all over the place and you couldn’t see what was doing it. ---
**Author:** ![FairyDust](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ccd318/32.png) [@FairyDust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyDust)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2003, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quit-it-with-the-lotr-parody-threads/156218/12 "2003-02-20T04:59:49Z")
I wasn’t planning to write my own LOTR parody and add it to that long thread. But gosh darn it, after reading the OP here, I’ve decided I WILL write one. I can recognize a cry for help. Futile Gesture is apparently using reverse psychology and wants to see more of these parodies. What makes me think so? Because my folks used reverse psychology on me during my childhood and my teen years. “FairyDust, DON’T stick coffee beans up your nose!” “FairyDust, DON’T copy your brother who thought just because he was wearing Superman pajamas that he could really fly out the bedroom window!” The emergency room doctors got to know me really well in my younger days. But, hey, I turned out just fine. Well, I’m off to write my LOTR parody. Might take a few days. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![FairyDust](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ccd318/32.png) [@FairyDust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyDust)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2003, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quit-it-with-the-lotr-parody-threads/156218/13 "2003-02-20T13:29:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Qadgop the Mercotan \* > \*\*Next: Halting tides, and making the sun stand still! \*\* I’d like to add: stopping the movement of Teutonic plates. 😃 [http://cosmos.ucdavis.edu/2002/FinalProjects/Cluster4/sotelo/earthquake%20basic%20info](http://cosmos.ucdavis.edu/2002/FinalProjects/Cluster4/sotelo/earthquake%20basic%20info) ---
**Author:** ![Juniper200](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@Juniper200](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Juniper200)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2003, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quit-it-with-the-lotr-parody-threads/156218/14 "2003-02-20T13:31:10Z")
You leave the Germans out of this, FairyDust!! ---
**Author:** ![Juniper200](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@Juniper200](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Juniper200)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2003, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quit-it-with-the-lotr-parody-threads/156218/15 "2003-02-20T13:32:18Z")
Oh, wait. I read the thing all the way through. My bad. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2003, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quit-it-with-the-lotr-parody-threads/156218/16 "2003-02-20T14:07:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by FairyDust \* > \*\*I’d like to add: stopping the movement of Teutonic plates. > \*\* Are those like those Hummel collectibles? Ours haven’t moved in years! They’re right there in the display cabinet! ---
**Author:** ![Squink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5e925/32.png) [@Squink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Squink)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2003, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quit-it-with-the-lotr-parody-threads/156218/17 "2003-02-20T14:51:34Z")
Hah ! I scored the 330,000th viewing of the LOTR parody thread. After an apocalyptic climax like that, it’s off to the [grey havens](http://tolkien.cro.net/) for me 😃 ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2003, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quit-it-with-the-lotr-parody-threads/156218/18 "2003-02-20T15:31:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Futile Gesture \* > \*\*All this is attracting armies of LOTR geeks and now we’re cross-breeding them with a plague of Python freaks. > Enough! \*\* He’s right, So let’s knock it off and get back to being rational, decent, down-to-earth people who talk about Star-Trek all day. ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2003, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quit-it-with-the-lotr-parody-threads/156218/19 "2003-02-20T16:06:06Z")
Incidentally, I don’t consider myself a brilliant parodist, but… a few weeks ago, Dave Barry got around to writing his own version of LOTR. And, frankly, MY version of “What if Dave Barry had written LOTR” was waaaaaaaay better than his! My Mickey Spillane wasn’t that great, though, I freely admit. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2003, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quit-it-with-the-lotr-parody-threads/156218/20 "2003-02-20T20:37:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Wabbit \* > \*\*I always wondered why the Dark Lord didn’t turn invisible when he put on the Ring (i.e. the mondo battle scene in the first movie). I don’t really care, I just thought it would be mondo kewl if suddenly all those wimpy elves started exploding all over the place and you couldn’t see what was doing it. \*\* “Wimpy elves”, pah! Anyway, I’m extrapolating a little from _The Shadow of the Past_ (FotR, chapter II) and _In the House of Tom Bombadil_ (FotR, chapter VII) that the Ring could not make Sauron invisible because he was powerful enough to fully control it. Gandalf doesn’t immediately deduce that the Ring is the One Ring simply because he knows it could turn Bilbo invisible, so I presume Lesser Rings could have done the same. Hence I guess the Greater Rings would so affect mortals; but the Greater Rings that the Elves wore didn’t make their wearers invisible; nor did the One Ring affect Bombadil. Hence my deduction. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quit-it-with-the-lotr-parody-threads/156218.md?page=2)