# Quit second guessing me, Amazon, and send my damn books the way I tell you to!
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quit-second-guessing-me-amazon-and-send-my-damn-books-the-way-i-tell-you-to/318408
**Category:** The BBQ Pit
**Created:** [August 24, 2005, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quit-second-guessing-me-amazon-and-send-my-damn-books-the-way-i-tell-you-to/318408 "2005-08-24T12:53:56Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 2
### Author:  [@Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Scrappy_Hero_Pup)
#### Post date: [August 24, 2005, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quit-second-guessing-me-amazon-and-send-my-damn-books-the-way-i-tell-you-to/318408/21 "2005-08-24T18:32:08Z")
Yes, but the Star Wars joke can be explained away to mean distance, not time, as well.
Bit of a reach, but those Star Wars nuts, they think of everything.
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### Author:  [@mhendo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mhendo)
#### Post date: [August 24, 2005, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quit-second-guessing-me-amazon-and-send-my-damn-books-the-way-i-tell-you-to/318408/22 "2005-08-24T18:32:57Z")
> [@betenoir](#):
>
> Ah…I’m pretty sure Athena knows that and was making a Star Wars joke.
Is this something i’ve missed because i haven’t seen the three most recent Star Wars movies?
Or is it something i don’t recall, from the original trilogy?
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### Author:  [@Athena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Athena)
#### Post date: [August 24, 2005, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quit-second-guessing-me-amazon-and-send-my-damn-books-the-way-i-tell-you-to/318408/23 "2005-08-24T18:41:07Z")
Give me a fookin’ break. You have to be a real geek to know that Han was actually referring to distance, not time. Plus I wrote the damn OP without a significant amount of caffeine in my bloodstream, or books on my desk.
> [@JohnBckWLD](#):
>
> I’m curious, at what point does one go from being an occasional Amazon lecher to a full-blown slut? I just added up 4 pages of 2005 invoices from ‘my account’ - and was wondering if it’s time to seek out a local AmAnon meeting?
I’d say the lecher to slut designation happens about the same time as when you shell out $79/year to be an Amazon Prime member.
> [@Smeghead](#):
>
> So if Amazon isn’t providing the service you’re paying for, why pay? I’d call back, cancel your Prime membership, and demand your money back, since they’re not living up to their end of the bargain. What exactly are you paying for now, really? You can apparently still get two day shipping via ground without the $79.
Yeah, but I’d have to PAY for two day shipping via ground. I’ve convinced myself that my Amazon shipments are free, because the $79 was paid long ago, by Mr. Athena. So it’s like I didn’t pay at all.
Not only that, but it’s _not_ 2 day via ground. It’s 3 days! And only if it comes from that particular warehouse.
But you have a point, and I did contemplate making a larger fuss, and threatening to cancel my Amazon Prime membership… but if I did that, I wouldn’t have Amazon Prime! And I’m an Amazon slut, remember? I’ll complain all I want, but they’d have to get a lot worse before I actually did anything about it, other than start pit threads. 😃
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### Author:  [@Athena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Athena)
#### Post date: [August 24, 2005, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quit-second-guessing-me-amazon-and-send-my-damn-books-the-way-i-tell-you-to/318408/24 "2005-08-24T18:43:17Z")
> [@mhendo](#):
>
> Or is it something i don’t recall, from the original trilogy?
[Yup.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kessel_Run)
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### Author:  [@kushiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kushiel)
#### Post date: [August 24, 2005, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quit-second-guessing-me-amazon-and-send-my-damn-books-the-way-i-tell-you-to/318408/25 "2005-08-24T19:11:57Z")
You know, I just had to pay an $8 dollar shipping fee for 2 books that took a week to get here from a Canadian bookseller, and I was happy for that.
I remember when ordering anything took a month and you paid up the ass for it. Gods, if I could have Friday order and Wednesday arrive, I’d die for it. I think you are blowing this way fucking out of proportion - just be happy they bloody had the books in stock and got them to you by Wednesday. In buying those 5 books, you’ve probably paid for at least a third of your entire Amazon Prime cost, and you lose one fucking day. Oh my god, it is a travesty.
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### Author:  [@Athena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Athena)
#### Post date: [August 24, 2005, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quit-second-guessing-me-amazon-and-send-my-damn-books-the-way-i-tell-you-to/318408/26 "2005-08-24T19:21:36Z")
> [@kushiel](#):
>
> You know, I just had to pay an $8 dollar shipping fee for 2 books that took a week to get here from a Canadian bookseller, and I was happy for that.
>
> I remember when ordering anything took a month and you paid up the ass for it. Gods, if I could have Friday order and Wednesday arrive, I’d die for it. I think you are blowing this way fucking out of proportion - just be happy they bloody had the books in stock and got them to you by Wednesday. In buying those 5 books, you’ve probably paid for at least a third of your entire Amazon Prime cost, and you lose one fucking day. Oh my god, it is a travesty.
So you’re saying, when you pay for 2nd day shipping, and they ship it ground, it’s OK by you?
And I never said it was a travesty… but I do get pissed when I pay for something that I don’t get.
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### Author:  [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)
#### Post date: [August 24, 2005, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quit-second-guessing-me-amazon-and-send-my-damn-books-the-way-i-tell-you-to/318408/27 "2005-08-24T22:18:13Z")
> [@JohnBckWLD](#):
>
> I’m curious, at what point does one go from being an occasional Amazon lecher to a full-blown slut?
And where does **Amazon Floozy Goddess** fall on the scale?
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### Author:  [@fluiddruid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fluiddruid)
#### Post date: [August 25, 2005, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quit-second-guessing-me-amazon-and-send-my-damn-books-the-way-i-tell-you-to/318408/28 "2005-08-25T00:49:02Z")
> [@kushiel](#):
>
> I remember when ordering anything took a month and you paid up the ass for it. Gods, if I could have Friday order and Wednesday arrive, I’d die for it. I think you are blowing this way fucking out of proportion - just be happy they bloody had the books in stock and got them to you by Wednesday. In buying those 5 books, you’ve probably paid for at least a third of your entire Amazon Prime cost, and you lose one fucking day. Oh my god, it is a travesty.
And I suppose if you go to a restaurant, and order a nice pasta dish with asiago cheese sauce, and they deliver Kraft Easy Mac, you should be grateful to get it? What with people starving in the world, and puppies dying in the streets, and all that?
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### Author:  [@WilhelmGefallen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WilhelmGefallen)
#### Post date: [August 25, 2005, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quit-second-guessing-me-amazon-and-send-my-damn-books-the-way-i-tell-you-to/318408/29 "2005-08-25T02:22:57Z")
> [@JohnBckWLD](#):
>
> I’m curious, at what point does one go from being an occasional Amazon lecher to a full-blown slut? I just added up 4 pages of 2005 invoices from ‘my account’ - and was wondering if it’s time to seek out a local AmAnon meeting?
when you get to 10pges, though I dont know what that makes me at 15ish.
Its normally cheaper than wholesale for DVDs from them (and faster), and books are way cheaper (read: half) than buying them in Australia (including Shipping & currency conversion)
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### Author:  [@Interrobang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Interrobang)
#### Post date: [August 25, 2005, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quit-second-guessing-me-amazon-and-send-my-damn-books-the-way-i-tell-you-to/318408/30 "2005-08-25T05:50:44Z")
> [@Athena](#):
>
> So you’re saying, when you pay for 2nd day shipping, and they ship it ground, it’s OK by you?
>
> And I never said it was a travesty… but I do get pissed when I pay for something that I don’t get.
You have every right to be unhappy with Amazon’s customer service. It’s a fact of life that businesses screw up sometimes, but it’s also a fact of life that that doesn’t mean you need to feel sorry for them.
Since you’re not satisfied with the resolution Melanie made, I’d suggest calling them back and asking for whatever will satisfy you. Explain that you’re considering canceling your Prime membership. Ask that they make a note in your account or something that guarantees that you’ll never have your packages shipped Ground again – if that would satisfy you.
At any rate, decide what would satisfy you, call them, and ask for it. If you don’t get it, make good on your decision and cancel your Prime membership.
I have to add that Amazon has annoyed me with their helpful shipping switches in the past – specifically, they did me a “favor” and changed my chosen shipping method (FedEx) to my avoided shipping method (UPS). FedEx would leave packages at my previous address, while UPS never would, so their helpful switch to a faster delivery service – and it was, by name, a faster service – ended up delaying my shipment because I had to call UPS and switch the delivery address to my work after finding the sticky note on my door.
I got a gift certificate out of the deal and all was good.
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### Author:  [@Charlie\_Tan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Charlie_Tan)
#### Post date: [August 25, 2005, 6:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quit-second-guessing-me-amazon-and-send-my-damn-books-the-way-i-tell-you-to/318408/31 "2005-08-25T06:04:48Z")
> [@Alma](#):
>
> given by the shipper rather than the receiver.
:eek:
Sorry - I know you didn’t mean it that way, but… _damn_.
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### Author:  [@kushiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kushiel)
#### Post date: [August 25, 2005, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quit-second-guessing-me-amazon-and-send-my-damn-books-the-way-i-tell-you-to/318408/32 "2005-08-25T15:46:41Z")
> [@fluiddruid](#):
>
> And I suppose if you go to a restaurant, and order a nice pasta dish with asiago cheese sauce, and they deliver Kraft Easy Mac, you should be grateful to get it? What with people starving in the world, and puppies dying in the streets, and all that?
Imagine if you still had to use money orders with the 6-8 week shipping time. Now imagine the luxury of _3 days_. I’m just saying I’d be thankful to get that. And Amazon Prime is new - give them time to iron out the wrinkles. With enough comments like the OPs, they’ll fix their policy.
If the restaurant served me mac and cheese and then said ‘sorry, here’s a gift certificate’ I’d go back again, because it is free food, regardless of how it came about.
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### Author:  [@Who\_me\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Who_me_1)
#### Post date: [August 25, 2005, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quit-second-guessing-me-amazon-and-send-my-damn-books-the-way-i-tell-you-to/318408/33 "2005-08-25T18:17:11Z")
My [Amazon.com](http://Amazon.com) complaint also concerns books. My 15 year old niece is a bookaholic… a trait that gets her told that she’s just like her Uncle Who… 🙂
Her birthday is this month, she emailed me a list of books that she would like. I purchased 9 of them for her checked off shipping in the least number of shipments. Unfortunately, one of the books isn’t coming out until October… and that’s when all 9 books are being sent. I’m going into Amazon now to see if I can change that.
I’m not really pissed, but I did not expect them to hold up the whole shipment for one book not out yet.
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### Author:  [@Excalibre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Excalibre)
#### Post date: [August 25, 2005, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quit-second-guessing-me-amazon-and-send-my-damn-books-the-way-i-tell-you-to/318408/34 "2005-08-25T19:28:44Z")
> [@Who\_me?](#):
>
> My [Amazon.com](http://Amazon.com) complaint also concerns books. My 15 year old niece is a bookaholic… a trait that gets her told that she’s just like her Uncle Who… 🙂
>
> Her birthday is this month, she emailed me a list of books that she would like. I purchased 9 of them for her checked off shipping in the least number of shipments. Unfortunately, one of the books isn’t coming out until October… and that’s when all 9 books are being sent. I’m going into Amazon now to see if I can change that.
>
> I’m not really pissed, but I did not expect them to hold up the whole shipment for one book not out yet.
Uh, what? You checked the box that says group into the fewest possible shipments, and then want them to not group them into the fewest possible shipments? That choice exists precisely so you can choose between holding up a whole shipment for the items that take longest (those not yet published and those they get from other suppliers - the ones that have long estimated wait times listen on their pages.)
It’s really strange to me that you would decide to choose an option and then complain about it. I think you can fix it easily enough, though. Amazon’s web site is quite good for changing order options once something’s been ordered. A lot of ecommerce sites are much more trouble that way.
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### Author:  [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)
#### Post date: [August 25, 2005, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quit-second-guessing-me-amazon-and-send-my-damn-books-the-way-i-tell-you-to/318408/35 "2005-08-25T20:29:52Z")
> [@Mama Tiger](#):
>
> I totally understand why you’re upset at their decision – business models so seldom take into account the realities of those who don’t fit the model exactly. But at least you were able to reach a human being, who was actually sympathetic and offered you something to make up for your troubles, instead of just blowing you off.
I know; I _hate_ it when this happens to me when I’ve built up a good head of steam.
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### Author:  [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)
#### Post date: [August 26, 2005, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quit-second-guessing-me-amazon-and-send-my-damn-books-the-way-i-tell-you-to/318408/36 "2005-08-26T02:55:17Z")
> [@](#):
>
> If Amazon offered two day shipping and actually paid for it on every Amazon Prime shipment, it’d probably end up costing a lot more.
Then they’ve priced the service incorrectly. That is not Athena’s problem. They offered a service, she paid for it, now they are obligated to deliver the goods. Pardon the pun.
(Now, I personally believe the $15 gift certificate is a satisfactory remedy for her inconvenience. And I also am at a loss why someone would allow a $15 gift certificate to go unused. I’d order “The Best of Don Ho” before I’d let it go to waste. )
> [@](#):
>
> If ground shipping will get purchases to a particular customer 95% of the time, I’d say that’s a way better deal than charging twice as much to improve that to 99% of the time.
Ah, but if UPS ground deliveries will reach 95% of customers within two days, why is Amazon offering, and heavily promoting, the Amazon Prime service? :dubious:
As an Amazon Prime suck…er, customer, I believe Athena has every right to be pissed and every right to demand that future shipments arrive within 2 days or she will expect a refund of her $79. The fact that UPS ground service does not deliver to her area in 2 days is not her problem.
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### Author:  [@cckerberos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cckerberos)
#### Post date: [August 26, 2005, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quit-second-guessing-me-amazon-and-send-my-damn-books-the-way-i-tell-you-to/318408/37 "2005-08-26T03:20:21Z")
> [@Athena](#):
>
> According to the Amazon Prime page, I get " Free Two-Day Shipping on over a million in-stock items sold by [Amazon.com](http://Amazon.com)" That sounds like a guarantee to me.
Ah, but if you read the [Amazon Prime Terms and Conditions](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/browse/-/13819201/pop-up/ref=prm_su_tnca/002-6215582-9791263), I don’t think they actually guarantee all that much:
> [@](#):
>
> Please note:
>
> ```
> * One-Day and Two-Day shipping are options we use to determine your estimated delivery date (these options do not reflect product availability or our estimated shipping date);
> * we may ship the products by ground or air at our discretion (these options do not correspond to any carrier-branded shipping services);
> * our carriers usually do not pick-up or deliver packages on weekends or holidays;
> * **we do not guaranty delivery of products within the estimated transit time or by the estimated delivery date.**
>
> ```
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### Author:  [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)
#### Post date: [August 26, 2005, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quit-second-guessing-me-amazon-and-send-my-damn-books-the-way-i-tell-you-to/318408/38 "2005-08-26T03:45:10Z")
> [@cckerberos](#):
>
> Ah, but if you read the [Amazon Prime Terms and Conditions](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/browse/-/13819201/pop-up/ref=prm_su_tnca/002-6215582-9791263), I don’t think they actually guarantee all that much:
Once they are on notice that that their “discretionary” method of delivery (UPS ground) did not deliver within 2 days, then I think a case can be made that they should then either ship it 2-day guaranteed or refund her money.
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### Author:  [@Excalibre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Excalibre)
#### Post date: [August 26, 2005, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quit-second-guessing-me-amazon-and-send-my-damn-books-the-way-i-tell-you-to/318408/39 "2005-08-26T04:04:33Z")
> [@PunditLisa](#):
>
> Once they are on notice that that their “discretionary” method of delivery (UPS ground) did not deliver within 2 days, then I think a case can be made that they should then either ship it 2-day guaranteed or refund her money.
I agree with that - in the future, they better send things with two-day shipping.
What exactly do you get if UPS fails to deliver within two days? I’m sure their guarantee fails sometimes - it’s probably just worth a refund of the shipping fee or something. No business can operate perfectly. Even with two day shipping, there’s a miniscule but present chance that your books wouldn’t get there on time. To me it makes sense to understand that sometimes, shit will go wrong. Your steak will be undercooked or overcooked. Your dry cleaner will ruin your shirt. Shit happens. Last Friday, the pizza place failed to deliver my pizza within forty-five minutes; in fact, another forty-five minutes later I called back - turns out they had lost my order completely. The guy was dumbfounded. But they sent a free one out. (Three days later, I got a call about whether I had ordered a pizza, because they were having trouble with my credit card. Turns out it had accidentally been entered as some sort of timed delivery for a later date.)
It’s a pizza place I like; they generally give great service. This time, they fucked up. I got free pizza, which to me, is a fair compensation. I was pretty hungry by the time it arrived, but all I had to pay was the tip for the driver, so it all worked out okay.
To me, this is the same sort of situation. The company responded quite well. It was a minor inconvenience in the first place. And I could accept that the Amazon Prime offer appeared to explicitly promise two-day shipping, when it didn’t actually do so (that’s what I assumed, reading the ads.) But if it’s a service you appreciate, and you like well enough to want to keep it rather than demanding a refund, then you can appreciate the fact that if they didn’t cut this one corner - that I suspect does not ever inconvenience the great majority of users - the service would cost a whole lot more. Would you rather Amazon Prime worked perfectly and cost so much you couldn’t afford it?
Yeah, they fucked up. They made up for it. “The customer is always right” has been stretched way too far nowadays.
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### Author:  [@cckerberos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cckerberos)
#### Post date: [August 26, 2005, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/quit-second-guessing-me-amazon-and-send-my-damn-books-the-way-i-tell-you-to/318408/40 "2005-08-26T04:05:13Z")
> [@PunditLisa](#):
>
> Once they are on notice that that their “discretionary” method of delivery (UPS ground) did not deliver within 2 days, then I think a case can be made that they should then either ship it 2-day guaranteed or refund her money.
That would make good business sense (and hopefully, now that **Athena** has complained that UPS ground doesn’t arrive in 2 days something in her account will be changed to reflect that fact), but given that Amazon explicitly does not guarantee 2 day delivery (regardless of delivery method) I don’t think that they’d be under any kind of legal obligation.
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