# R. Kelly – Closet Video \_ Is It A Joke? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 27, 2005, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/r-kelly-closet-video-_-is-it-a-joke/314406 "2005-07-27T14:11:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![John\_Stewart\_Pie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d6d6ee/32.png) [@John\_Stewart\_Pie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Stewart_Pie)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2005, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/r-kelly-closet-video-_-is-it-a-joke/314406/21 "2005-07-28T02:36:43Z")
> [@](#): > > R. Kelly is truly insane because he thinks this is the deepest, most important, most stunning song and video ever, but it’s quite unintentionally hilarious. That’s why I think it has to be a joke. He acts like it is Shakespeare set to Mozart. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2005, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/r-kelly-closet-video-_-is-it-a-joke/314406/22 "2005-07-28T02:39:15Z")
I don’t understand why, in Chapter 3, R. Kelly gets so worked up. I mean he says he’s gonna shoot one of them. What the hell does he care if Rufus is banging some guy. He doesn’t even know Rufus. And Cathy/Mary is just some chick he picked up at the club last night. Why does he even agree to stick around for an “explanation?” And why does Rufus have to explain anything to R. Kelly? And why does R. Kelly think this is such “deep shit?\*\*\*\*\*” He just met Rufus 2 minutes earlier! Worst song and video ever. And I’m now off to watch Chapter 4… \*\*\*\*\* Best line of the song so far: “I close my mouth and swallow spit/ As I’m thinking to myself this is some deep shit.” Classic! ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2005, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/r-kelly-closet-video-_-is-it-a-joke/314406/23 "2005-07-28T02:46:29Z")
Chapter 4…what can I say? Smoov B must’ve co-written this song. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2005, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/r-kelly-closet-video-_-is-it-a-joke/314406/24 "2005-07-28T02:54:04Z")
Best line of Chapter 5: “She says ‘Okay, then wipes her nose and asks me about this girl named Tina.’” It’s R. Kelly’s attention to the really small, unimportant detail that I find so amusing. Shit, how does a song like this even get recorded? ---
**Author:** ![Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hey_It_s_That_Guy)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2005, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/r-kelly-closet-video-_-is-it-a-joke/314406/25 "2005-07-28T02:55:24Z")
Even better, have you stuck around to watch the closing credits? R. Kelly’s character’s name is _ **Sylvester** _! He’s so serious about his “urban operetta,” he’s playing a character with a unique name! ---
**Author:** ![Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hey_It_s_That_Guy)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2005, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/r-kelly-closet-video-_-is-it-a-joke/314406/26 "2005-07-28T02:58:54Z")
> [@mobo85](#): > > “Oh, my goodness, I’m about to climax!” “So I said, ‘Cool, climax, but just let go of my LEG!’” (That is supposed to rhyme with the above line, by the way.) She must have the Charlie Horse-Inducing Cooter O’Doom!\* \*(CHICOD) ---
**Author:** ![Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hey_It_s_That_Guy)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2005, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/r-kelly-closet-video-_-is-it-a-joke/314406/27 "2005-07-28T14:52:51Z")
My brother, the mad genius music student, on “Trapped In the Closet”: > [@](#): > > I had a thought about R. recently. His “Trapped in the Closet” may be an attempt to bring back the style of storytelling/singing known as Lied, which was popular in the 19th century thanks to composers like Franz Schubert. Typically, lieder consist of several-minute-long stories or poems, sung by a soloist (usually male) who handles all of the narrative and dialogue in the text. Perhaps the most famous lied, which every music student knows about, is “Der Erlenkönig” (The Elf-King), a poem by Johann Wolfgang van Goethe which Schubert set to music, in which the titular elf king lures a young boy into his realm of paradise (insert your own Michael Jackson joke here), then kills the boy. > > -Josh ---
**Author:** ![Indygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Indygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indygrrl)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2005, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/r-kelly-closet-video-_-is-it-a-joke/314406/28 "2005-07-28T15:59:39Z")
Wow, that is truly horrible. What’s the deal with him and the gun? Is that a macho thing? He’s the one screwing the guy’s wife and he’s holding a gun on him acting like he’s going to shoot him. And then all the righteous indignation with his wife after he’s been out screwing some other chick. It’s a soap opera set to music. R Kelly is a dumbass. ---
**Author:** ![vtynos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f07891/32.png) [@vtynos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vtynos)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2005, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/r-kelly-closet-video-_-is-it-a-joke/314406/29 "2005-07-28T18:05:00Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally Posted By Indygrrl_ > It’s a soap opera set to music. Exactly! R. Kelly is a genius! I refuse to believe he doesn’t know how turgid and ridiculous the whole thing is. It’s totally hilarious. I think the gun just adds to the comedy. Guy comes home, R is in the closet, guy is about to open the closet, R pulls out the Baretta. Guy and his wife have a long conversation, R demands to know what’s going on, otherwise he’ll start shooting. I’m sure it’s absolutely tongue in cheek, and it’s pulled off very well. ---
**Author:** ![RancidYakButterTeaParty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/53a042/32.png) [@RancidYakButterTeaParty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RancidYakButterTeaParty)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2005, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/r-kelly-closet-video-_-is-it-a-joke/314406/30 "2005-07-28T18:26:23Z")
When I first heard part of this while flipping through the radio stations–I stopped because I thought it must be some sort of parody as it sounded really hilarious. I couldn’t believe it when they announced it was the new “hit” song from R. Kelly. By the way, it is in heavy rotation on VH1. Pathetic. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/r-kelly-closet-video-_-is-it-a-joke/314406.md?page=1)