# Racist WHITE jokes... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 30, 2000, 9:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/racist-white-jokes/31317 "2000-08-30T09:45:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![darkcool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5f8ce5/32.png) [@darkcool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/darkcool)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2000, 9:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/racist-white-jokes/31317/1 "2000-08-30T09:45:32Z")
I posted a thread in GQ about ‘White specific’ jokes and got no takers, but you guys…WOW!!! So I pose it to you, how come there are no funny white-guy jokes? Minorities aren’t smart enough to think of them? And I’m talkin’ about “velcro-on-the-ceiling” type jokes. ---
**Author:** ![Dijon\_Warlock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9a28c/32.png) [@Dijon\_Warlock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dijon_Warlock)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2000, 9:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/racist-white-jokes/31317/2 "2000-08-30T09:52:58Z")
WAG–maybe white guys just aren’t funny…? ---
**Author:** ![cornflakes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9d8465/32.png) [@cornflakes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cornflakes)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2000, 10:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/racist-white-jokes/31317/3 "2000-08-30T10:22:07Z")
Who nose? ---
**Author:** ![silent\_rob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@silent\_rob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silent_rob)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2000, 10:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/racist-white-jokes/31317/4 "2000-08-30T10:59:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by darkcool \* > \*\*So I pose it to you, how come there are no funny white-guy jokes? Minorities aren’t smart enough to think of them? And I’m talkin’ about “velcro-on-the-ceiling” type jokes. \*\* 😕 But you _did_ get explanations and examples of where to find them in GQ. Do you want specific examples? I can think of a couple off the top of my head, but I don’t want to offend anyone, so unless you ask for them I won’t post them. I don’t generally find racist jokes funny. Comics making observational humour is funny, but the sort of jokes my Uncle tells aren’t. They seem more mean spirited. So to answer your question, there _are_ funny white guy jokes. If you are white, which I am assuming you are, then you’re probably not going to hear white jokes. The reason you haven’t heard any from other minority groups is because they don’t want offend you. It’s not that they “aren’t smart enough to think of them,” they have them, they just don’t tell them to white people so as to not hurt their feelings. Racial humour told by any race is done in the privacy of their own race, to make themselves feel superior. Sorry to sound somewhat heavy-handed, I like jokes, I’m one of the biggest joke-tellers around, but it’s true. When someone makes a joke about another race, like saying polish people are dumb, it’s to make themselves feel smart. Either that or they feel inferior already, and it’s to make themselves feel better. **darkcool** , please don’t take this as an attack. I mean no offence. This is just MHO as to why you haven’t heard any white-guy jokes. Sorry if it came off that way. ---
**Author:** ![CnoteChris](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/278dde/32.png) [@CnoteChris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CnoteChris)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2000, 12:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/racist-white-jokes/31317/5 "2000-08-30T12:14:44Z")
I, for one, wouldn’t be offended by a white guy joke. Nor would I get offended by a joke that pokes fun at something about my heritage or beliefs. I’d probably laugh at it myself. The shear stupidity and ‘out there’ factor of a racial or ethnic joke is what makes it funny. It’s so offensive and wrong, that a thinking person see’s the problem with it and laughs. Its people who take it seriously that worries me. People who say, ‘You’re damn straight!’ or ‘I don’t get it’ that you need to look out for, mostly because they look at the joke as a matter of statement or fact. Drop a good white joke. I’m curious as to how creative they are. ---
**Author:** ![JimmyNipples](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/eb9ed0/32.png) [@JimmyNipples](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JimmyNipples)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2000, 12:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/racist-white-jokes/31317/6 "2000-08-30T12:25:08Z")
Two white guys are sitting on the subway. The first guy pulls out a massive pistol, aims it at the head of the second guy and pulls the trigger. Brains fly everywhere. His head explodes in many pieces, spraying other passengers. Soon after the apparently motiveless act, a peanut walks by…it was assulted…peanut. Oh god I’m funny. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2000, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/racist-white-jokes/31317/7 "2000-08-30T13:17:42Z")
How can you tell the WASPS (white, anglo-saxon protestants) at a Chinese restaurant? They’re the ones _not_ sharing the food. Two Jewish bees were flying along. One puts on his yarmulke. The other bee asks why he put on his yarlmulke. The other says, “I didn’t want people to think I was a WASP!” What do WASPS make for dinner? Reservations. Those are the only ones I can think of at the moment. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2000, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/racist-white-jokes/31317/8 "2000-08-30T13:53:19Z")
(shamelessly stolen from an episode of _Sanford and Son_) You ever notice how, when you go into white people’s houses, it don’t smell like _nothin’_? ---
**Author:** ![silent\_rob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@silent\_rob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silent_rob)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2000, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/racist-white-jokes/31317/9 "2000-08-30T16:14:39Z")
Alright, I’ll give it a shot. A woman is working in a drug store. A short while after starting her shift a black man comes and asks for a condom. She asks him what size he needs, and he replies that he’s not sure. So she tells him to put his penis on the counter. He complies and she rolls with her hand and then says into the PA, “We need a box of large condoms at the front, please.” He purchases them and then goes away. A little while later a Mexican comes in and also asks for a box of condoms. She asks him what size he needs, and he doesn’t know. So she tells him to put his penis on the counter, and she rolls it with her hand. She then says into the PA, “We need a box of medium condoms at the front, please.” He buys the condoms and leave. Not to long later a white guy comes in. He says, in a nerdy voice, “Uhhh, yes…miss, I was wondering if I could purchase a box of condoms.” She asks what size and he replies, “Uhh, well the thing is…that I don’t really know.” So she tells him to put his penis on the counter. He does, and she rolls it with her hand. She then says into the PA, “Clean up at the front, please, clean up at the front.” Well, that’s all I have the energy to type for right now. I’ll drop off a few more later. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2000, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/racist-white-jokes/31317/10 "2000-08-30T16:35:40Z")
What’s eleven inches long and white? . . . . Nothing. (rim shot) ---
**Author:** ![TiffTZell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/77aa72/32.png) [@TiffTZell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TiffTZell)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2000, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/racist-white-jokes/31317/11 "2000-08-30T17:56:31Z")
My husband is white and he asked me " You know all of my life I have always heard black, mexican, chinese jokes, But never white jokes. Why is that" He wanted to know if my family (black/white mixed) ever made fun of white people (not really) So I guess after rambling the question is why are there so many minority jokes but not white jokes? Just curious. I figured it was because we live in a small town and maybe in a big city people are more open and stuff ---
**Author:** ![teela\_brown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d9b06d/32.png) [@teela\_brown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teela_brown)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2000, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/racist-white-jokes/31317/12 "2000-08-30T18:36:43Z")
Do redneck jokes count? Because Jeff Foxworthy’s got a million of 'em. A couple of my favorite classic " . . . you might be a redneck" boffs: If you’ve ever worn a tube top to a wedding . . . If you cut your grass and find a car . . . If your underwear doubles as your swimming suit . . . If your family tree doesn’t branch . . . If your wife’s hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan . . . If your jack o’lantern has more teeth than you do . . . etc., etc. ---
**Author:** ![Ozone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e95f7d/32.png) [@Ozone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ozone)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2000, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/racist-white-jokes/31317/13 "2000-08-30T18:42:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > What’s eleven inches long and white? > > ``` > . > > . > > . > > Nothing. > > ``` > > \*\* Oh my **GOD**!! Now THAT’S a funny joke. Oh, and yes… I am white. I used to work with a couple of Mexican guys. I’d tell them Mexican jokes. They usually laughed, but never had any white jokes to throw back at me. So, I made some white jokes up for them. What does a white guy do when his car breaks down? \*He fixes it[/i} How many white guys does it take to change a lightbulb? _One_ For some reason, they didn’t find my white jokes nearly as funny as the Mexican jokes… 😉 ---
**Author:** ![KJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b2d939/32.png) [@KJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KJ)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2000, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/racist-white-jokes/31317/14 "2000-08-30T18:43:42Z")
Dang, Cervaise, you took mine (that’s the only white joke I’ve heard, not including Jeff Foxworthy’s jokes.) ---
**Author:** ![Space\_Vampire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Space\_Vampire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Space_Vampire)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2000, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/racist-white-jokes/31317/15 "2000-08-30T19:38:00Z")
If you want white “jokes,” watch BET’s utterly white-mystifying “Comic View.” I can’t help but watch about five minutes of it every day… The jokes are along the lines of "when black guys are having sex, they’re like… (something cool, to them I guess) But when white guys are having sex, they’re like…(something dorky) And even better, “you know why I like white women? Because black women don’t like to give blowjobs, and white women do.” Whatever. Standup sucks badly, but that show is the absolute dregs. Maybe I would get it if I were black, but I somehow doubt that. Personally, I don’t feel offended or hurt by white jokes, and am willing to cut the jokers some slack, (what with all the historical reasons minorites have to be mad at white Americans)but I really any more “okay” than jokes about other ethnic groups. ---
**Author:** ![Gilligan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Gilligan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gilligan)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2000, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/racist-white-jokes/31317/16 "2000-08-30T20:08:08Z")
Only white joke I can recall: A WASP husband and wife were having sex. The husband suddenly stopped and asked, “Did I hurt you, honey?” “No, why?” “Well, you moved.” ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2000, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/racist-white-jokes/31317/17 "2000-08-30T20:13:21Z")
Turnabout is fair play, I guess. The first time I heard the “You moved” joke it was Mr. and Mrs. Rothstein. Best white joke I know: People sent money to Tammy Faye Bakker. It’s funny because it’s true. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![voguevixen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5ac83/32.png) [@voguevixen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voguevixen)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2000, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/racist-white-jokes/31317/18 "2000-08-30T21:32:52Z")
Does _The Beverly Hillbillies_ count? ---
**Author:** ![lucie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ed8c4c/32.png) [@lucie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lucie)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2000, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/racist-white-jokes/31317/19 "2000-08-30T21:54:12Z")
Do Irish jokes count? Okay. What is Irish foreplay? “Kathleen, I’m home!” ---
**Author:** ![A\_girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c68b51/32.png) [@A\_girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/A_girl)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2000, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/racist-white-jokes/31317/20 "2000-08-30T22:14:32Z")
I think it was the Martin show, every time I saw it he was making fun of white people. I don’t watch TV much, so that’s probably not what it was all about. I know Chris Rock does or used to do a lot of white people jokes. I wasn’t offended, but after a while, it is annoying. Yeah, haha, all white people are stupid and dorky. :rolleyes: A girl [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/racist-white-jokes/31317.md?page=2)