# Racist WHITE jokes... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 30, 2000, 9:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/racist-white-jokes/31317 "2000-08-30T09:45:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2000, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/racist-white-jokes/31317/21 "2000-08-30T22:29:58Z")
Weren’t there a bunch of “white guy” jokes told by the Chinese dodgeball commentators on the “Conjoined Fetus Lady / Dodgeball” episode of South Park? Maybe someone who’s more encyclopedic about South Park remembers the jokes themselves. I have to admit, though, they didn’t strike me as all that funny; as I recall, the main joke was that Chef was admonishing the kids to not do anything that might offend their Chinese hosts, and then it turns out the Chinese are happy to tell offensive American jokes. Sorry if that’s a bit lame. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2000, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/racist-white-jokes/31317/22 "2000-08-30T22:46:51Z")
Well, there was the old condom joke. You see, condom packages come in three sizes: 6, 8, and 12-packs. The six-pack is for Mexicans, who make love on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, but not on Sunday. The eight-pack is for black folks, who make love on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and TWICE on Sunday. The twelve-pack is for white folks, who make love in January, February, March… ---
**Author:** ![voguevixen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5ac83/32.png) [@voguevixen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voguevixen)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2000, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/racist-white-jokes/31317/23 "2000-08-31T00:43:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Max Torque \* > \*\*Well, there was the old condom joke. You see, condom packages come in three sizes: 6, 8, and 12-packs. > > The six-pack is for Mexicans, who make love on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, but not on Sunday. > > The eight-pack is for black folks, who make love on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and TWICE on Sunday. > > The twelve-pack is for white folks, who make love in January, February, March… \*\* How bizarre, I heard this as condoms coming in 2,6, and 12 packs and being for: (2packs) High School kids who could only get laid on Friday and Saturday night (6packs) College kids, who got laid every night, except Monday (because of football) (12 packs) Married people (January, February, etc) ---
**Author:** ![panamajack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/47e85d/32.png) [@panamajack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panamajack)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2000, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/racist-white-jokes/31317/24 "2000-08-31T01:17:04Z")
There’s also the jokes that are about white people’s stereotype jokes - Eddie Murphy had a ‘white voice’ that he’d use for some parts of his routine, like, “Black people have tremendous dicks”, or his white friend who talked back to his dad with “Shit, dad shit! Motherfuckin’ shit, dad!” (Can be seen in RAW and Delirious). He also had a bit with Chinese people making fun of white people by enlarging their eyes and talking stupid. I remember hearing a bit that the famous “it’s twoo” scene from “Blazing Saddles” was meant to have a bit more in it (i think it was Richard Pryor who worked on it?). The scene was when Madeline Kahn’s character (a German singer) is about to have sex with Cleavon Little (the new sheriff), and they are lying on the bed. She asks, “Is it twoo what they say about yoo people?” The lights go out (black screen), and she says, “Oh, it’s twoo, it’s twoo!” That’s where the scene is cut, but the response was supposed to be, “Hey, that’s my arm!” not to hijack, but can anyone verify that? panama jack * * * [http://www.coolsig.com](http://www.coolsig.com) - pick a sig, pretend it was here. ---
**Author:** ![Mr\_Mxyzptlk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/edb3f5/32.png) [@Mr\_Mxyzptlk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr_Mxyzptlk)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2000, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/racist-white-jokes/31317/25 "2000-08-31T01:18:50Z")
White guy comes home from work early one day and catches his wife in bed with another guy. He’s pissed. He goes into his den and gets his .38 special and runs back into the bedroom. He takes the gun and puts it up to his temple. The boyfriend the the wife start laughing. The white guy says “Go ahead and laugh bitch, you’re next!” Budda-boom budda-bang. ---
**Author:** ![darkcool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5f8ce5/32.png) [@darkcool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/darkcool)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2000, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/racist-white-jokes/31317/26 "2000-08-31T04:03:39Z")
See what I mean. Check out the “jokes you shouldn’t laugh at…” thread. Tons of them, they are very funny and would insult the minority in question. I’m not a racist at all but I’m starting to agree with Djon - maybe we just aint that funny. Now observational humor is funny (blacks do this,whites do this) but it’s usually true. Not offensive, not racist. And, silent\_rob, no offense taken. But if you read my other OP, you will notice I specifically asked minorities for input. I’m originally from Dallas and I’m CERTAIN they would not hold back to be polite. And granted there were some funny jokes in this thread, but a LOT of them could be from any group. Example: Mr. Mxyzptlk’s last entry. Funny, but wouldn’t it as funny if was a black. I’m talking minority-specific-or-it -wouldn’t-be-funny jokes. Substitute white guy (or girl) in some of the jokes in the other thread and see if they are still funny. Ethopian blowjobs,black babies in the sandbox, Mexican cue ball,exited jewish/ broke nose. Again I stress I AM NOT PREJUDICE I’m just curious about this. If I have insulted anyone in any way , I honestly and deeply apologize. As for Jeff Foxworthy, he is in a class of his own. BTW a lot of his humor could apply to blacks as well. His funniest, to me, relating directly to whites I have known: If you’re too drunk to fish…YJMBAR ---
**Author:** ![bdgr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a87d85/32.png) [@bdgr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bdgr)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2000, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/racist-white-jokes/31317/27 "2000-09-01T04:05:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by panamajack \* > \*\* > > There’s also the jokes that are about white people’s stereotype jokes - > > Eddie Murphy had a ‘white voice’ that he’d use for some parts of his routine, like, “Black people have tremendous dicks”, or his white friend who talked back to his dad with “Shit, dad shit! Motherfuckin’ shit, dad!” (Can be seen in RAW and Delirious). He also had a bit with Chinese people making fun of white people by enlarging their eyes and talking stupid. > > I remember hearing a bit that the famous “it’s twoo” scene from “Blazing Saddles” was meant to have a bit more in it (i think it was Richard Pryor who worked on it?). > The scene was when Madeline Kahn’s character (a German singer) is about to have sex with Cleavon Little (the new sheriff), and they are lying on the bed. She asks, “Is it twoo what they say about yoo people?” > The lights go out (black screen), and she says, “Oh, it’s twoo, it’s twoo!” > That’s where the scene is cut, but the response was supposed to be, “Hey, that’s my arm!” > not to hijack, but can anyone verify that? > > panama jack > > * * * > > [http://www.coolsig.com](http://www.coolsig.com) - pick a sig, pretend it was here. \*\* I once saw a interview with Mel Brooks where he said that that was in the original of the movie, and was the only thing that was cut because the ratings people werent really sure what to do with it…course he could of been full of it too… ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2000, 8:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/racist-white-jokes/31317/28 "2000-09-01T08:47:58Z")
> [@](#): > > when black guys are having sex, they’re like… (something cool, to them I guess) But when white guys are having sex, they’re like…(something dorky) [Homer Simpson] “Yesss!! O-o-o-oh, ye-e-esss! We’re _so_ lame!” [/Homer Simpson] ---
**Author:** ![Amira](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Amira](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amira)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2000, 12:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/racist-white-jokes/31317/29 "2000-09-01T12:17:41Z")
I’ve found that black jokes are funnier when told by black people and white jokes are funnier when told by white people. Self-depreciation can be funny, but racism is not.:wally [Edited by slythe on 09-01-2000 at 07:49 AM] ---
**Author:** ![Mofo\_Rising](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Mofo\_Rising](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mofo_Rising)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2000, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/racist-white-jokes/31317/30 "2000-09-02T04:36:30Z")
There are tons of white people jokes, but not white people as a whole jokes. Polish people are white. Irish people are white. I used to read a lot of joke books and there are tons of WASP jokes. Here’s one: Q: What’s green, two miles long, has a thousand legs and an IQ of 50? A: A St. Patrick’s Day parade. Is it an Irish joke or a white person’s joke? I don’t know, maybe it’s like making jokes about vanilla ice cream. They’re too bland to work well. The only white people joke I’ve ever found to work reliably is when I ask people about their heritage. “Oh, I’m mostly Swedish, but I have bits of German, Irish and Norweigan in me.” “Oh, so you’re all the different shades of white then?” I don’t know. Make some up. ---
**Author:** ![CnoteChris](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/278dde/32.png) [@CnoteChris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CnoteChris)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2000, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/racist-white-jokes/31317/31 "2000-09-02T04:48:49Z")
Sorry people, I’m in agreement with DarkCool. None of these jokes, so far, have seemed that offensive or funny. Personally, I think there kind of boderline dumb. I mean, where’s the creativity? We need some stereotypes going here. Let’s go, hit me and the other white guys with something nasty, Dammit! ---
**Author:** ![CnoteChris](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/278dde/32.png) [@CnoteChris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CnoteChris)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2000, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/racist-white-jokes/31317/32 "2000-09-02T04:57:58Z")
Ooops. I remain somewhat corrected. Mofo rising had a couple good ones. I didn’t see those before my post. I actually laughed at those. I should mention I’m Irish and English and a mix of others. I should be Goddammed offended! But I’m not. _Those_ were good. Bring on some more like 'em ---
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2000, 7:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/racist-white-jokes/31317/33 "2000-09-02T07:08:15Z")
A black guy is standing at a bar, minding his own business and sipping a beer. A drunken white man staggers up to him and gushes, “You know sumpin? You’re Black! Your face, your arms, your face…you’re black! I bet you’re black all over!” The black guy asks, “Would you like to see a white spot on my body?” “I sshure would!” The black guy keeps a straight face and quips, “Stick a radish in my but and bite it.” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![CnoteChris](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/278dde/32.png) [@CnoteChris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CnoteChris)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2000, 8:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/racist-white-jokes/31317/34 "2000-09-02T08:20:16Z")
Did I mention your straight-line presentation, Damn good. ---
**Author:** ![Skelji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b38774/32.png) [@Skelji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skelji)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2000, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/racist-white-jokes/31317/35 "2000-09-02T22:43:06Z")
A white guy sees a black guy’s dick at the urinal next to him, and he says, “I sure wish I had one like yours.” The black guy says, “You can…just tie a string around it, put the string down your pants leg, and hang a weight on the end of the string. You’ll have one like mine in no time.” A few weeks later, they meet again. The black guy says, “So how’s it working?” The white guy says, “Great…I’m half way there.” The black guy says, “What do you mean?” The white guy says, “It’s black.” I agree with Mofo, that there aren’t that many jokes which are targeted specifically to _white_ people, but rather, to different nationalities, religion, location, or hair-color: McGinty works at the local brewery, and one day he falls in a huge vat of beer and drowns. At the funeral, his wife is crying, “Oh, Sean, you never had a chance.” His foreman says, “What do you mean, never had a chance? He got out twice to piss!” How do you make Polish sausage? You use retarded pigs. What do you call it when an Italian has one arm? A speech impediment. A minister, a priest, and a rabbi go into the jungle to do missionary work, and they’re given a jeep to get around in. Before they get in, the minister says, “Bless this jeep…” The priest sprinkles on some Holy Water… And the rabbi cuts six inches off the tailpipe. ;j How was the Grand Canyon formed? A Jew dropped a nickel down a gopher hole. What does a redneck girl say after sex? “Get off me, Daddy. You’re crushing my Marlboros.” What do you get when you have 17 rednecks in one room? A full set of teeth. What do you call a blonde with pig-tails? A blowjob with handlebars. Why don’t blondes water ski? Because when their pussies get wet they fall on their backs. And appropriately for this thread… Q: How does every ethnic joke start? A: By looking over your shoulder. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Stentor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d2c977/32.png) [@Stentor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stentor)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2000, 10:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/racist-white-jokes/31317/36 "2000-09-03T10:58:11Z")
Q: How is a WASP woman like a boxer? A: Neither goes into action until they see a ring. ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2000, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/racist-white-jokes/31317/37 "2000-09-03T16:57:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lucie \* > \*\*Do Irish jokes count? Okay. > > What is Irish foreplay? > “Kathleen, I’m home!” > > \*\* I heard this one, but the punchline was: “Brace yourself, Bridget!” ---
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2000, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/racist-white-jokes/31317/38 "2000-09-03T22:48:21Z")
Credit Benny Hill: An Irishman owned a paper shop. Then it blew away. One time there were two Chinese. _Now_ look how many there are. ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2000, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/racist-white-jokes/31317/39 "2000-09-08T21:11:39Z")
Garrison Keillor’s _A Prairie Home Companion_ often contains a good deal of white-folks humor, usually about Lutherans and Minnesotans. Not among those was this: What do you call a Lutheran bagel? A donut. ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2000, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/racist-white-jokes/31317/40 "2000-09-08T21:35:37Z")
Why did God invent white people? Somebody has to pay retail… I think there _is_ a difference telling a white joke in what has traditionally been a white-controlled society (I hope and think this is changing). A white joke wouldn’t seem nearly as funny if I were the only white guy in another culture. Similarly, I find jokes about minorities offensive here (but not white jokes). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/racist-white-jokes/31317.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/racist-white-jokes/31317.md?page=3)