# Raiders owner Mark Davis has failed to heed the admonition "Never go full retard". **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 20, 2017, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/raiders-owner-mark-davis-has-failed-to-heed-the-admonition-never-go-full-retard/799365 "2017-10-20T14:56:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![SlackerInc](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slackerinc/32/275_2.png) [@SlackerInc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SlackerInc)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2017, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/raiders-owner-mark-davis-has-failed-to-heed-the-admonition-never-go-full-retard/799365/1 "2017-10-20T14:56:11Z")
Watching the Chiefs game last night, I hadn’t realized Al Davis had died, or that his son owned the team now. So during the game, when they kept showing shots of him, I wondered what sort of charity case he was or what the deal was with him. So I Googled and found [this Deadspin article](https://deadspin.com/mark-davis-travels-500-fucking-miles-to-look-like-that-1734022886) that just had me laughing so hard I was gasping for breath: > [@](#): > > Probably no haircut in human history has communicated as devastating a summation of its owner’s entire life as the insane orange Moe Howard bowl cut sported by Oakland Raiders owner Mark Davis.[…] > > If a sadder block of text has been written in 2015, I will take your word for it. My God, the sound that came out of me when I got to the words “puts his white fanny pack on the counter.” It was like whale song. Somebody send Mark Davis some flowers. > > Here is the thing about the hair, though. Mark Davis is a frugal man, not just for a multimillionaire but also for a regular dude. He skimps on cab fare, he takes advantage of all-you-can-eat deals, he wears cornball team-store apparel, and that minivan of his (with a VHS player!) is 18 years old. For that haircut, though—the one defined by its cheapness, the one your 12-year-old sister gave you in five minutes before you ran out for baseball practice, the one brought into existence by the bare need of broke motherfuckers to get overgrown hair out of their eyes so they could see their miserable work—well[…] > > … he travels 500 fucking miles to have it inflicted upon him by a professional. > > Imagine what that barber says to the next customer who strolls in, as Mark Davis is on his way out. Imagine the look they exchange. Dude could get that hairdo in front of a bathroom mirror for the cost of a metal colander and a pair of kitchen shears, and he’s traveling damn near half the length of the West Coast to pay someone to do it for him. Christ. A dear friend invites me to her fucking wedding 500 miles away and it’s, “Congratulations! Where can I send a gift?” and this dude is doing it, again and again and again, so someone can make him look like a lunatic on purpose. > > Why? Does that particular barber do a particularly good job of this bowl cut? What does that even mean? The best you can do when a grown man asks for a bowl cut is to convince him to turn himself in to the fucking police. That barber is a goddamn sociopath! :smack::eek:😕 ---
**Author:** ![Greathouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/greathouse/32/2992_2.png) [@Greathouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greathouse)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2017, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/raiders-owner-mark-davis-has-failed-to-heed-the-admonition-never-go-full-retard/799365/2 "2017-10-20T15:06:17Z")
I’m not a football fan so I had to google the guy. Holy fuck, that is a seriously fucked up haircut. It’s like the Wendy’s girl and Pete Rose had a love child. ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2017, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/raiders-owner-mark-davis-has-failed-to-heed-the-admonition-never-go-full-retard/799365/3 "2017-10-20T15:08:02Z")
I didn’t think it was that bad. The worst thing is the color, unless he dyes it there really isn’t much he can do with it. ---
**Author:** ![Snowboarder\_Bo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowboarder_bo/32/229_2.png) [@Snowboarder\_Bo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snowboarder_Bo)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2017, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/raiders-owner-mark-davis-has-failed-to-heed-the-admonition-never-go-full-retard/799365/4 "2017-10-20T15:11:25Z")
:eek: when I saw the pic. ---
**Author:** ![howye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9adbd/32.png) [@howye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/howye)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2017, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/raiders-owner-mark-davis-has-failed-to-heed-the-admonition-never-go-full-retard/799365/5 "2017-10-20T15:15:11Z")
He looks vaguely like Uncle Fester from the Addams Family movie when he forgot who he was and was wearing a horrible wig. ---
**Author:** ![SlackerInc](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slackerinc/32/275_2.png) [@SlackerInc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SlackerInc)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2017, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/raiders-owner-mark-davis-has-failed-to-heed-the-admonition-never-go-full-retard/799365/6 "2017-10-20T15:16:21Z")
> [@BobLibDem](#): > > I didn’t think it was that bad. The worst thing is the color, unless he dyes it there really isn’t much he can do with it. Seriously? :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2017, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/raiders-owner-mark-davis-has-failed-to-heed-the-admonition-never-go-full-retard/799365/7 "2017-10-20T15:16:22Z")
This is why football related CTE’s are no laughing matter. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2017, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/raiders-owner-mark-davis-has-failed-to-heed-the-admonition-never-go-full-retard/799365/8 "2017-10-20T15:18:17Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > This is why football related CTE’s are no laughing matter. I didn’t know they were contagious. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2017, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/raiders-owner-mark-davis-has-failed-to-heed-the-admonition-never-go-full-retard/799365/9 "2017-10-20T15:35:04Z")
> [@running\_coach](#): > > I didn’t know they were contagious. I assumed he was a former player, coach. ---
**Author:** ![SlackerInc](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slackerinc/32/275_2.png) [@SlackerInc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SlackerInc)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2017, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/raiders-owner-mark-davis-has-failed-to-heed-the-admonition-never-go-full-retard/799365/10 "2017-10-20T15:56:59Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > I assumed he was a former player, coach. Nope, just a weird neglected child of an eccentric (but far more fashion-conscious) rich NFL owner. ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2017, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/raiders-owner-mark-davis-has-failed-to-heed-the-admonition-never-go-full-retard/799365/11 "2017-10-20T16:19:22Z")
must be something about growing up in a wealthy environment. Would explain Donald Trump and Boris Johnson as well. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2017, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/raiders-owner-mark-davis-has-failed-to-heed-the-admonition-never-go-full-retard/799365/12 "2017-10-20T16:52:34Z")
> [@jz78817](#): > > must be something about growing up in a wealthy environment. Would explain Donald Trump and Boris Johnson as well. As any normal person can tell you, social mockery hurts. Any normal person has had a time in their life where they were in the middle of a group of people who were all laughing at them. But it does serve a social purpose. It teaches you, in a manner you can’t ignore, what the standards of your society are. And then you either learn to comply with those standards and become part of the crowd or you learn to embrace your differences as an outsider to the crowd. Whether you follow them or defy them, you know what the rules are. This doesn’t happen when you live your life surrounded by people who can’t laugh at you no matter how ridiculous you look. No matter how strange you are, you go around thinking you’re normal because nobody tells you otherwise. As a result, you never learn what real normal behavior is. If at some point you enter normal society, you discover that you’re an outsider but you don’t understand why. I think this is why a lot of rich people end up retreating back into a social bubble. ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2017, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/raiders-owner-mark-davis-has-failed-to-heed-the-admonition-never-go-full-retard/799365/13 "2017-10-20T19:06:15Z")
The first sentence is truly a thing of beauty. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2017, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/raiders-owner-mark-davis-has-failed-to-heed-the-admonition-never-go-full-retard/799365/14 "2017-10-20T19:19:17Z")
Oh, poor thing. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2017, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/raiders-owner-mark-davis-has-failed-to-heed-the-admonition-never-go-full-retard/799365/15 "2017-10-20T19:26:06Z")
> [@BobLibDem](#): > > I didn’t think it was that bad. The worst thing is the color, unless he dyes it there really isn’t much he can do with it. No, no it isn’t, I’m not a stylish guy by any stretch of the imagination, but holy fuck that cut. ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2017, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/raiders-owner-mark-davis-has-failed-to-heed-the-admonition-never-go-full-retard/799365/16 "2017-10-20T20:24:37Z")
Clearly, somebody called him a dickhead and he decided ‘that’s a look that could work’. ---
**Author:** ![SlackerInc](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slackerinc/32/275_2.png) [@SlackerInc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SlackerInc)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2017, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/raiders-owner-mark-davis-has-failed-to-heed-the-admonition-never-go-full-retard/799365/17 "2017-10-20T21:50:41Z")
> [@Sternvogel](#): > > The first sentence is truly a thing of beauty. Yeah, that guy’s a great writer (that sounds like I’m a longtime fan, but this is the first thing of his I’ve read AFAIK). My favorite line is almost at the end: “The best you can do when a grown man asks for a bowl cut is to convince him to turn himself in to the fucking police.” The fact that someone that rich not only lets himself look like that, but goes 500 miles to get it cut that way…just, no. > [@Kamino\_Neko](#): > > Clearly, somebody called him a dickhead and he decided ‘that’s a look that could work’. 😃 ETA: > [@Dung\_Beetle](#): > > Oh, poor thing. You mean \*rich \*thing. 😉 Guy’s worth $500 million! BTW, let’s not forget, in our horrified fascination with his haircut, the _white fanny pack_ and 17-year-old minivan tricked out with a _VHS player!_ :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2017, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/raiders-owner-mark-davis-has-failed-to-heed-the-admonition-never-go-full-retard/799365/18 "2017-10-22T03:19:16Z")
> [@SlackerInc](#): > > You mean \*rich \*thing. 😉 Guy’s worth $500 million! With that kind of wad, it don’t matter what he looks like. He’s gettin’ the pussy! ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2017, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/raiders-owner-mark-davis-has-failed-to-heed-the-admonition-never-go-full-retard/799365/19 "2017-10-22T05:24:12Z")
But is it the right kind of pussy? FTR, Melania Trump ain’t worth the money. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2017, 6:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/raiders-owner-mark-davis-has-failed-to-heed-the-admonition-never-go-full-retard/799365/20 "2017-10-22T06:44:38Z")
Thank you. That article was the funniest thing that I have read in ages. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/raiders-owner-mark-davis-has-failed-to-heed-the-admonition-never-go-full-retard/799365.md?page=2)