# Raising sons shouldn't be and isn't just the mother's job **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 16, 2024, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/raising-sons-shouldnt-be-and-isnt-just-the-mothers-job/1001652 "2024-05-16T21:00:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Common\_Tater](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/common_tater/32/13846_2.png) [@Common\_Tater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Common_Tater)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2024, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/raising-sons-shouldnt-be-and-isnt-just-the-mothers-job/1001652/21 "2024-05-17T01:17:04Z")
It’s almost like children need both a mom and dad. Weird, ain’t it? Who knew? ---
**Author:** ![JackieLikesVariety](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackielikesvariety/32/296_2.png) [@JackieLikesVariety](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JackieLikesVariety)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2024, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/raising-sons-shouldnt-be-and-isnt-just-the-mothers-job/1001652/22 "2024-05-17T01:31:16Z")
no reason to stop with two responsible adults, let’s hold out for extended family. in fact, someone wise once said “it takes a village” ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2024, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/raising-sons-shouldnt-be-and-isnt-just-the-mothers-job/1001652/23 "2024-05-17T01:32:09Z")
God I’d kill for a village right about now. ---
**Author:** ![JackieLikesVariety](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackielikesvariety/32/296_2.png) [@JackieLikesVariety](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JackieLikesVariety)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2024, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/raising-sons-shouldnt-be-and-isnt-just-the-mothers-job/1001652/24 "2024-05-17T01:44:59Z")
many, many of the series I love to read are because of that need for community. Often the books I read take place in an actual village, as in [D.E. Stevenson](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/D._E._Stevenson). ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2024, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/raising-sons-shouldnt-be-and-isnt-just-the-mothers-job/1001652/25 "2024-05-17T01:58:23Z")
These days, those villages are scarce. My Son and DiL have a play group they take the boys to. In this weird place it’s twin and triplet specific. I was very surprised there was one. Only one set of triplets. But the idea is to allow independent play and maybe one set of multiples will play with another set and eventually they’ll branch out. Hasn’t happened to ours yet. But it’s just been 2 mos. They strictly hang together. Parents have networked. So that’s a plus ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2024, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/raising-sons-shouldnt-be-and-isnt-just-the-mothers-job/1001652/26 "2024-05-17T02:02:18Z")
I think the point is more that the old model of “Father goes to work, Mother raises the kids” just doesn’t cut the mustard. Both parents( be they Mom and Dad, Mom and Mom, Dad and Dad, Dad and Dad and Mom etc.) need to be able to handle the whole job if need be. This isn’t to say that a single Mom or Dad can’t be sufficient, because I’ve seen single parents do a magnificent job parenting. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2024, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/raising-sons-shouldnt-be-and-isnt-just-the-mothers-job/1001652/27 "2024-05-17T02:24:15Z")
It’s tough logistically even with two parents. I’m fortunate that I get to work remotely and my wife works remotely 3 days a week. It’s also nice being able to spend extra time with the kids while they are small. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2024, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/raising-sons-shouldnt-be-and-isnt-just-the-mothers-job/1001652/28 "2024-05-17T02:29:39Z")
When I hear things like “Where’s Bob?” “Oh, he’s babysitting the kids” it just makes me cringe. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2024, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/raising-sons-shouldnt-be-and-isnt-just-the-mothers-job/1001652/29 "2024-05-17T02:32:20Z")
ISWYDT. Dang discourse. ---
**Author:** ![Common\_Tater](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/common_tater/32/13846_2.png) [@Common\_Tater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Common_Tater)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2024, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/raising-sons-shouldnt-be-and-isnt-just-the-mothers-job/1001652/30 "2024-05-17T03:59:21Z")
Problem with that, it only takes a “child” to raze a village. Plenty of that going around in recent years. In any case the point still stands. ---
**Author:** ![Common\_Tater](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/common_tater/32/13846_2.png) [@Common\_Tater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Common_Tater)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2024, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/raising-sons-shouldnt-be-and-isnt-just-the-mothers-job/1001652/31 "2024-05-17T04:01:09Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > I’ve seen single parents do a magnificent job parenting. Generally speaking, that’s not the way to bet ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2024, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/raising-sons-shouldnt-be-and-isnt-just-the-mothers-job/1001652/32 "2024-05-17T04:12:22Z")
> [@Common\_Tater](#): > > Problem with that, it only takes a “child” to raze a village. Would you mind elaborating just a bit? ---
**Author:** ![Common\_Tater](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/common_tater/32/13846_2.png) [@Common\_Tater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Common_Tater)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2024, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/raising-sons-shouldnt-be-and-isnt-just-the-mothers-job/1001652/33 "2024-05-17T04:17:44Z")
If “it takes a village to raise a child” you’re doing it wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2024, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/raising-sons-shouldnt-be-and-isnt-just-the-mothers-job/1001652/34 "2024-05-17T04:27:48Z")
More vagueness doesn’t answer what you mean by “it only takes a “child” to raze a village”. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2024, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/raising-sons-shouldnt-be-and-isnt-just-the-mothers-job/1001652/35 "2024-05-17T04:32:00Z")
Actually, having one parent might be better than having two if the other parent is abusive emotionally and/or physically and/or sexually. “Staying together for the sake of the children” is not always the right answer. ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2024, 12:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/raising-sons-shouldnt-be-and-isnt-just-the-mothers-job/1001652/36 "2024-05-17T12:43:31Z")
> [@Common\_Tater](#): > > If “it takes a village to raise a child” you’re doing it wrong. Most of the world through most of history has been doing it wrong, then. Even our society, heavy on the idea that the nuclear family should be able to manage alone, provides schools, libraries, parks, playgrounds, scouting and 4H, etc. And, in very many cases, grandparents, aunts, uncles, friendly neighbors, etc. ---
**Author:** ![JackieLikesVariety](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackielikesvariety/32/296_2.png) [@JackieLikesVariety](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JackieLikesVariety)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2024, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/raising-sons-shouldnt-be-and-isnt-just-the-mothers-job/1001652/37 "2024-05-17T13:23:45Z")
this makes no sense, why would wanting community be “doing it wrong”? Unless you are imagining that means parents are then going to slack off and let the village raise their kids, but no good parent I ever met wanted less support. ---
**Author:** ![JackieLikesVariety](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackielikesvariety/32/296_2.png) [@JackieLikesVariety](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JackieLikesVariety)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2024, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/raising-sons-shouldnt-be-and-isnt-just-the-mothers-job/1001652/38 "2024-05-17T13:25:11Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > When I hear things like “Where’s Bob?” “Oh, he’s babysitting the kids” it just makes me cringe. I’m hoping more people know better by now! ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2024, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/raising-sons-shouldnt-be-and-isnt-just-the-mothers-job/1001652/39 "2024-05-17T14:56:21Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > It’s tough logistically even with two parents. I’m fortunate that I get to work remotely and my wife works remotely 3 days a week. It’s also nice being able to spend extra time with the kids while they are small. Pretty much this. I’m remote most of the time and my husband splits his time between virtual and office, but we both have a lot of flexibility in our schedules. And the kind of support I get at work is almost unheard of. Case in point, when I had to take my son to get his final autism evaluation (which is a series of three appointments), I requested PTO for this, and I was told not to spend my PTO on that and just do what’s needed for my family. I was getting my work completed in a timely way that entire year, but no way I could have committed to a 9-5 schedule. My schedule was all over the place that year. Things like that can just break parents if they have no backup support, no work accommodations, etc. That’s not getting into the ridiculous school schedule. ---
**Author:** ![vbob](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/vbob/32/4439_2.png) [@vbob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vbob)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2024, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/raising-sons-shouldnt-be-and-isnt-just-the-mothers-job/1001652/40 "2024-05-17T15:22:28Z")
I have no kids, and no kid-rearing skills; but my partner & I have ‘built a village’ - a rental enterprise that grew like topsy, branched out and turned into ‘be the community you want to see in the world’. The more adults involved in child-rearing or even just setting an example the better for the kids. Better for the big folk, too! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/raising-sons-shouldnt-be-and-isnt-just-the-mothers-job/1001652.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/raising-sons-shouldnt-be-and-isnt-just-the-mothers-job/1001652.md?page=3)