# Random Big Bang Theory quotes **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [December 20, 2016, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-big-bang-theory-quotes/775196 "2016-12-20T00:24:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Brooky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/35a633/32.png) [@Brooky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brooky)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2017, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-big-bang-theory-quotes/775196/121 "2017-01-05T04:16:29Z")
Penny: Holy crap on a cracker ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2017, 9:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-big-bang-theory-quotes/775196/122 "2017-01-05T09:06:33Z")
**Sheldon:** _[gasps]_ I possess the DNA of Leonard Nimoy?! **Penny:** Well… _[looks toward Leonard then back to Sheldon]_ yeah, I guess. But look, he signed it! **Sheldon:** _[visibly shaking]_ Do you realize what this means?!?! All I need is a healthy ovum and I can grow my own Leonard Nimoy!! **Penny:** Okay, all I’m giving you is the napkin, Sheldon. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2017, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-big-bang-theory-quotes/775196/123 "2017-01-05T14:09:07Z")
> [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](#): > > I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again: Aquaman sucks! Oh, man, Scooter sucks. He’s like the Aquaman of the Muppet Babies. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2017, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-big-bang-theory-quotes/775196/124 "2017-01-05T14:17:18Z")
Amy is right. I do want to fling my poop at her. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2017, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-big-bang-theory-quotes/775196/125 "2017-01-05T14:28:15Z")
> [@janis\_and\_c0](#): > > Do you realize what this MEANS?!! All I need is a healthy ovum, and I can grow my own Leonard Nimoy! > [@panache45](#): > > It’s very simple. Look – Scissors cuts Paper, Paper covers Rock. Rock crushes Lizard, Lizard poisons Spock. Spock smashes Scissors, Scissors decapitates Lizard. Lizard eats Paper, Paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, Rock crushes Scissors. > [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > Okay, all I’m giving you is the napkin, Sheldon. > [@eschereal](#): > > **It’s not funny anymore, James** > Then why am I laughing? > [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > I came in to post this: > > Carrie Fisher: It’s not funny any more, James. > James Earl Jones: Then why am I laughing? > > One of the best episodes ever. In tribute.☹ > [@Brooky](#): > > Penny:" Holy crap on a cracker!" > [@panache45](#): > > **Sheldon:** Anecdotal evidence suggests that in the game of ‘Rock-Paper-Scissors’, players familiar with each other will tie 75-80% of the time due to the limited number of outcomes. I suggest ‘Rock-Paper-Scissors-Lizard-Spock’. > **Raj:** What? > **Sheldon:** It’s very simple. Look – Scissors cuts Paper, Paper covers Rock. Rock crushes Lizard, Lizard poisons Spock. Spock smashes Scissors, Scissors decapitates Lizard. Lizard eats Paper, Paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, Rock crushes Scissors. > **Raj:** Okay. I think I got it. > **Sheldon and Raj:** Rock-Paper-Scissors-Lizard-Spock! [_both play Spock and groan in frustration_] > [@ivylass](#): > > One more time? > > Certainly. Scissors cuts Paper, Paper covers Rock. Rock crushes Lizard, Lizard poisons Spock. Spock smashes Scissors, Scissors decapitates Lizard. Lizard eats Paper, Paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, Rock crushes Scissors. > [@Brooky](#): > > Penny: Holy crap on a cracker Man, that show has a lot of reruns. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2017, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-big-bang-theory-quotes/775196/126 "2017-01-05T15:19:45Z")
I love him, but if he’s broken, let’s not get a new one. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2017, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-big-bang-theory-quotes/775196/127 "2017-01-05T21:25:32Z")
**Barry:** We’we aww pathetic and cweepy and can’t get giwws. That’s why we fight wobots. If you’we not thewe, you’ww be exposed to widicule. **Raj:** I’m curious, what part of America is that accent from? ---
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2017, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-big-bang-theory-quotes/775196/128 "2017-01-06T00:06:42Z")
You do understand that it will distract you from obsessing over the rich variety of sweet loving that your ex-boyfriend is currently receiving from the fiery jewel of Mumbai. ---
**Author:** ![Brooky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/35a633/32.png) [@Brooky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brooky)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2017, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-big-bang-theory-quotes/775196/129 "2017-01-06T05:10:42Z")
Is having a real life girlfriend that want’s to have sex with you, getting in the way of your board games? ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2017, 7:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-big-bang-theory-quotes/775196/130 "2017-01-06T07:11:49Z")
**Amy:** Well, Howard and Bernadette had their baby. **Sheldons Mom:** Oh that’s wonderful. Now have they decided to raise it Jewish or regular. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2017, 8:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-big-bang-theory-quotes/775196/131 "2017-01-06T08:52:22Z")
**Penny:** Oh, Leonard. If we moved in together, I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands off of you. **Leonard:** Really? **Penny:** And you thought my acting classes were a waste of money. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2017, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-big-bang-theory-quotes/775196/132 "2017-01-06T20:41:51Z")
Penny : You better snatch up [bernadettemaryannrostenkowskiwolowitz.com](http://bernadettemaryannrostenkowskiwolowitz.com) before someone else beats you to it. Bernadette: Oh, Howard’s already taken care of that. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2017, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-big-bang-theory-quotes/775196/133 "2017-01-07T00:19:33Z")
You know, both selective mutism and an inability to separate from one’s mother can stem from a pathological fear of women. It might explain why the two of you have created an ersatz homosexual marriage to satisfy your need for intimacy. ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2017, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-big-bang-theory-quotes/775196/134 "2017-01-07T01:44:22Z")
Lol! That episode is on tonight in my area. Now if you live east of me and it already did air in your neck of the woods and that’s why you quoted it then just ignore me. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2017, 7:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-big-bang-theory-quotes/775196/135 "2017-01-07T07:21:23Z")
That is my spot. In an ever-changing world it is a simple point of consistency. If my life were expressed as a function in a four-dimensional Cartesian coordinate system, that spot, at the moment I first sat on it, would be [0,0,0,0]. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2017, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-big-bang-theory-quotes/775196/136 "2017-01-07T14:48:32Z")
If you’re short of cash, there’s always a couple of fifties in Green Lantern’s ass. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2017, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-big-bang-theory-quotes/775196/137 "2017-01-08T00:59:19Z")
**Howard:** [_about Summer Glau_] I have eleven hours with her in a confined space. Unless she’s willing to jump off a moving train and tuck and roll down the side of a hill, she will eventually succumb to the acquired taste that is Howard Wolowitz. **Leonard:** [_short pause_] My money’s on tuck and roll. ---
**Author:** ![Brooky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/35a633/32.png) [@Brooky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brooky)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2017, 12:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-big-bang-theory-quotes/775196/138 "2017-01-08T12:16:27Z")
I keep telling you if I wasn’t an Astrophysicist, I’d be a party planner! ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2017, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-big-bang-theory-quotes/775196/139 "2017-01-08T14:53:38Z")
**Sheldon:** You hear about this on TV, but you never think it will happen to you. **Leonard:** So they steamed your dumplings. Get over it! ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2017, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-big-bang-theory-quotes/775196/140 "2017-01-08T21:26:04Z")
**Sheldon:** Excuse me Officer Hernandez? Any leads on a person who stole my belongings? **Officer Hernandez:** Not yet. **Sheldon:** Perhaps I can help. Sherlock Holmes always says, “When you eliminate the impossible whatever remains however improbable must be the truth.” Now, now, have you tried doing that? **Officer Hernandez:** Nope. **Sheldon:** Well, maybe you should. There’s lots of books called Sherlock Holmes and there’s no books called Officer Hernandez. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-big-bang-theory-quotes/775196.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-big-bang-theory-quotes/775196.md?page=8)